Tucker Carlson Thinks There's Too Much Diversity & Kim K's Micro Bikini Gets Mocked | The Daily Show

If you watched the

show

last night you will know that I was on ecstasy and I had to find a way to get out of the building, so I come back here tonight and I take ayahuasca and let me tell you that now I can see that we are all part of one infinite Consciousness together in one soul, we are all part of the same sacred universe, except Tucker Carlson, everyone, which brings us to tonight's headlines, this is what Dipsy Doodle said about Joe Biden's Court appointments, so the point of

diversity

, inclusion of equity as What you often hear is ending the ruling class that, in words, resembles the United States.

Now we think you should hire based on merit, but that's a pretty attractive idea: people across the country should look like the country it's not about. all because no administration has looked less like America by numbers alone than the Biden administration. It is not about making the administration look like Americans, but about discriminating against certain classes of people who do not vote for them, period and it is now demonstrable, confirmed by 97 federal judges. under Joe Biden, the total number of white men five out of 22 are black women, so this hiring is based on race, it's illegal, but it's also not about looking like America.

The foreigner would talk again about which M M he likes, what are you complaining about? Diversity in power is a dream come true for guys like you. Now you can blame all your problems on women and black people. If your inbred fingers could handle a calculator, you'd see that the reason Biden is nominating so many black women is to compensate. for men to have a 200 year Head Start, even after Joe Biden's appointments there are only 44 black women serving as federal judges out of 784. I mean what is this wakanda? 44 out of 784, that's not

much

, it takes 20 black women just to do it.

I agree with Clarence Thomas and this raises a bigger question, Tucker, why are you always so whiny? A little guy complains, complains, complains and now I have to spend my time here complaining that you could have been here talking about real topics, like what celebrities are like. They were stuffing their butts and faces with fat but now all of a sudden everyone is getting the fat out of their butts and faces and where does all that fat go and how can I participate in it? 47 and I need to start figuring out what direction I'm going in, it's time to get audience feedback on it, but no, now I have to spend my time talking about how angry you are that white men alone control almost the entire country, idea of ​​how difficult it is to be a woman.

How

much

longer can I keep up this charade and pretend my face isn't melting in everyone's eyes let's move on because speaking of dissatisfied men a man in Singapore is suing a woman for putting him in the friend zone a million dollars because he says his Rejection caused sustained trauma. I don't date anyone from Singapore. She said the friend zone caused her sustained trauma. How hard is this guy to masturbate? This would never happen the other way around. Women would never file a lawsuit just because a man cheated on us. No. We'd just spread a rumor, you know, that he has a small penis riddled with STDs because we're adults.

I just hope this guy doesn't win because if turning away losers becomes a crime, I'm looking at a class action lawsuit against me. Let's move on to some fashion news, you know, we're only in February, a lot of people are already starting to wonder if they're ready for

bikini

season and if this is the

bikini

everyone's wearing, I'm starting to wonder the same thing. The woman is going viral for her reaction to a

micro

bikini she brought from Kim Kardashian's fur line. The 28 bikini says it fits everyone, but it barely covers a Trader Joe's tortilla chip, so if you've been eyeing the skim

micro

bikini and wondering about sizing these are tortilla chips for scale I really bring this cable normally a bikini of probably we're up to here this is the most comfortable at this level because if you look at this it's all thread it won't work for anyone okay first All of that is not a useful comparison okay no one who can fit into such a small bikini will Have you ever had a tortilla chip, and other than that, who is this bikini for?

It doesn't even cover all your genitals if someone is someone sitting going extroverted in my Volvo. but my clit glows in order to wear that bikini you have to borrow a baby's vagina this thing will also go up to your Pikachu is the only bikini that comes with a box of Monistat because you're going to need it Speaking from personal experience, when I say that this It feels like a bottom that you'll have to throw away immediately after wearing it. I feel like you're kidding us, Kim K. I mean, one day you'll wear a tortilla chip bikini.

The next one you appear with a Batman jumpsuit, which one is Kim? You have to tell us that you are our leader anyway. I bought one. Actually, let's talk about a group that definitely won't buy any tortilla akinis. uh the Taliban fought for 20 years to regain control of the Afghan government, but now that they have it it's not as satisfactory as they thought, meanwhile for the Taliban it's been almost a year and a half since the United States left Afghanistan and apparently The ruling Taliban are now bored, interviews with former mujahideen revealed that they are not happy holding government jobs in the city, we had a great degree of freedom during the war, one fighter said, however, today you have to go to the office before 8 a.m. m. and stay. there until 4 p.m., others complained about traffic and crime rates in the city and worried that easy access to the Internet has made everyone addicted to social media.

Well, before you laugh, I follow a group of jihadists in tic tac and they really have some good life hacks, I mean. A lot of this involves actual hacking, but it's still something to think about. I can not believe it. The Taliban are addicted to social media, hate traffic and are afraid of the crime rate in the city, are they a terrorist group or a white girl? from the valley oh the taliban are so whiny, you sound like you guys actually have a lot in common. I'm not a matchmaker but it sounds like a swipe towards the right, the far right, apparently the Taliban really hate living in the city, well guess what?

None of the Afghans in the city wanted you there in the first place, all the women who liked to go to school, drive and work won't miss you if you hate the city so much, go back to your cave and work on Zoom like the El rest of us are fine in the studio right now Zoom background because I'm actually at Burning Man and that's why I'm taking ayahuasca to learn more about the Taliban. We go to Afghanistan, where Desi Lydick is reporting live abroad. That's right, Chelsea. I'm here on the front line with the Taliban and for the record, these guys are not like all of them Santa, their beards are 100 percent real, the hard way, the front line of what I mean, I thought the war was over Yes, the war with the United States is over.

It's over, but an office job is its own kind of war and the Taliban not being prepared to be hit by American missiles is bad, but compared to everyone finding out you're the office killjoy, I think we'd all rather take the Taliban drones. I wanted, why would you spend 20 years taking over a country if you didn't want to rule the country? Oh, they want to run the country, but they didn't know what it's like to work these days. I saw a veteran wrestler accidentally log out slack then he tried to log in but it said he had to check with his phone but his phone said he had to check phone with slack so you tried calling him but they only use Slack to summarize at the end of the day he decapitated itself not to mention this is a completely new power structure for them, they have to answer to an HR person, now the Taliban have HR, oh yeah someone has to handle all the complaints about women in the office, mainly that there are women in the office.

That makes sense, that's bad, Chelsea, they can't do anything right, they're trying to throw an office party, but they don't allow alcohol here, there's no alcohol, so what beer and wine can you imagine with non-drinking coworkers? No, that sounds awfully miserable. Oh well, now that the Taliban are demoralized, maybe this is America's chance to come back and defeat them. The good thing about this is that we don't need to do that Chelsea thing, we can just sit back and let the nine to five monotony go away. Office culture takes its toll when the walls of their cubicles close in on them and the fluorescent lights take away their will to live, so what we Americans basically did to ourselves, no, that's totally different because in the United States United we let women do it too.

Thank you very much Desi.