YTread Logo
YTread Logo

How depression and bipolar disorder can impact on relationship challenges | Aware Webinar

Mar 19, 2024
Hello everyone, welcome to this month's Mindful Webinar. We're just going to wait a minute so everyone can check who's here. Grace, that's great. There are still a few people joining us, but we'll get started. My name is Claire Hayes. and I am clinical director

aware

that I am delighted to welcome each of you and also very particularly our guest speakers trish murphy and paul mulcahy and we are going to discuss how

depression

and

bipolar

disorder

can affect

relationship

challenges

and We have chosen this topic particularly for the week that includes, some of you may know that the hype around Valentine's Day has already started and that can be wonderful for some people and it can be very challenging and even distressing for others, so just before starting. for those of you who are new to this

webinar

and also know that it is a national charity in Ireland that supports people with

depression

or

bipolar

disorder

.
how depression and bipolar disorder can impact on relationship challenges aware webinar
Offers free mental health and wellness services. There is a support group. email, there are free CBT cognitive behavioral therapy programs and we recommend that you take a look at the website and you can find all the information you need. Today's

webinar

is part of a series we started in January 2021. This is actually our 14th webinar and the others are recorded and available for you to watch. We will also have the opportunity for you to ask questions, so it will be interactive and I will be the host, so if you see me putting on and taking off my glasses, I might even leave them on.
how depression and bipolar disorder can impact on relationship challenges aware webinar

More Interesting Facts About,

how depression and bipolar disorder can impact on relationship challenges aware webinar...

I'll be feeling out the questions for our guests, we won't be able to answer questions individually, obviously, and I'll come back to remind you of the questions later, but first of all. I'm really delighted to introduce you to Trish and welcome Trish and Paul, so Trish, if I can start with you first, if you want to give us a brief overview of your point of view in relation to today's topic, thank you very much. With much advance notice too and thank you Claire, so I guess since this is very short, I will concentrate on the areas of my particular training and experience, so I am a couples therapist and I am trained as a couples therapist and I would have been very interested, so I would like to bring that aspect to this, but I also teach and train therapists in psychosexual therapy and all about intimacy and sex in

relationship

s and I would like to focus on that as well in this particular area. because of course it's very relevant so I guess those are really my two areas that I would like to offer and of course I work with young people, mostly between 18 and 24 25 years old, and that experience and what It's been happening.
how depression and bipolar disorder can impact on relationship challenges aware webinar
Now that we're coming out of the pandemic and dating in real life instead of virtually, it's another part of it where I see a ton of things coming up, so that kind of area is brilliant and I'm really looking forward to it. do it. to Trish and as you said when we were planning this, it's an area that very few people talk about and certainly publicly in a forum like this and it's really cool that you're doing that. Thanks and Paul, if I can come. you and first of all simply recognize that your colleague Marta is fine, you have to try again.
how depression and bipolar disorder can impact on relationship challenges aware webinar
Her Veraska cannot join us today and Marta very kindly participated in all the planning sessions. I know there is information that you Let's take that that Martha wants to highlight, but that's later, first of all, you're welcome. So could you give us the context please, in terms of where you're coming from today? I certainly hope you can still see me. because actually the picture has uh, the picture is frozen in my house, I can't hear you but you're frozen, so yeah, yeah, I mean, that's going to happen soon, but it tends to happen, as long as we can hear you for the moment, it is really nice.
Professor, you look good with your mouth open so you can relax. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I guess just to give you a little information about me. I am a psychotherapist. I work with Theater House. I work with my mind I work with another organization called Headway that works on acquired brain injuries and I guess I'm going to do that today, maybe just thinking about some of the things I have. um I've heard from people um what can I say asking for uh or getting value from learning about some kind of psychoeducation pieces. um that people have gained value in therapy uh, myself, around you, you know, understanding their role in a relationship or understanding what it is. maybe I'm leading them to certain parts of a relationship.
I'm also approaching it from a you know, I'm very interested in hearing what Trish has to say because you know, like you said, um, it's not something. There's a lot of talk about it and I think it's great, I think it's great to have this opportunity to hear Trish talk about it. Great, thanks Paul, and you know we're focusing because conscious is a charity that supports people. with depression and bipolar disorder, but when you get down to it, you know I think every person who is lucky enough to hear this, whether now or on the recording later, will relate to it because depression is so common that any of us You can experience it at any time. and we can certainly have family friends who may experience it and equally with bipolar disorder, although the diagnosis is not as common as depression, there are a significant number of people in the country who experience it and a greater number who are affected by it in terms of supporting them, so trish, if I can ask you then, instead of me starting with the question, what would you like to actually start with, please, well, that's a question, actually, isn't it?
There's a question, well, that's my question, yeah. So I guess the first thing is that most relationships experience a time where one person is suffering from something and feeling depressed, maybe taking some depression medication, so this is a very common experience, it's not a unusual experience and difficulties arise from that. and we are all

aware

of some of these when we are very attuned, for example, if one person feels like they are going through a terrible time, the other party wants to help, wants to be protective, attentive and caring, and that is a wonderful thing to do, but there are two difficulties, although one is that a wonderful study was done in a children's hospital in London with 700 couples, where one person, one part of the couple, suffered from severe depression, chronic depression so continuous and the observers of that , when they looked at couples, they couldn't tell which one was chronically depressed and of course we know this to be true because the other person starts to feel the same way, they are so empathetic that they take it all on and gradually two people start to sink, if you know what I mean, then the couple really needs to take care of themselves really needs you to know that a good social life must have many areas where there is frivolity and fun and liveliness so that they are not, you know, if you like, unable to function because you need someone who can pull if you like fun and liveliness, if an opportunity arises, who can take advantage of those opportunities, so I always think that's really interesting and I will give you the details of that survey because It's very interesting, but I also think that one of the things that I would like to talk about is that what happens to us in our intimate sexual eyes is obviously a reflection of what is happening, you know, for example, if couples fight all the time, a lot of couples who fight intensely don't have sex and the reason is that the intensity of the arguments is a replacement or it's so intense and so consuming um and you know our bodies reflect what's happening very often, whatever that is happening will reflect on the intimate relationship and we are very sad when that happens when we do not feel attractive or we feel that someone is attracted to us or Feeling that we can have this feeling of being desirable and yet you know that when you are suffering , when everything is dark and black, it is very difficult to feel that sense of attraction and desire, it is very difficult and yet the sadness of losing that can even contribute. more and we also have couples in which one person does not want to pressure the other person, does not want to pressure their partner to have sexual relations or whatever, so that later they do not do it. asks and then the other person feels, "Oh my God, maybe he doesn't even see me like that anymore and it's all done out of a sense of protection, but then the habits continue and they lose that really important part where you know there's something." a completely different way of having fun, enjoying and communicating, and it can easily disappear out of habit and no one wants to talk about it because they don't want to cause heart or pain and yet yes and without looking at the question. and the answer box I can immediately anticipate that other people will ask the same question I have in my head.
What do you suggest then that people can do - both the person who is experiencing rejection or sadness and the person who is really walking on eggshells may not want to? Annoying or pressuring the person, yes, so I think communication will always be the first step, however, it's not that good, so I think you need to take the risk of being able to tell your partner that you know how you feel. a little unloved or you know you really miss that part of your life without telling them, you know it's okay to talk about it because then they might talk about their sense of loss around it, but we do it because certainly in Ireland and not I know in other countries we associate expressing love with protection and concern, so the way we love someone is that we try to protect them or care about them.
I'd love to get rid of it. that and I would love for us to have faith that the other person is capable of handling it, so that if I say look, I'm really missing out on this intimate part of my life, so that the other person doesn't fall apart and feel guilty that they really can to say I understand it and maybe we can do something about it and actually there are many things you can do and so what we try to do is reintroduce bodily pleasure, you know, and you introduce it in a very slow and careful way, but it can be so good, I don't know if anyone who lists it or sees this remembers the old days when you couldn't have sex, but you could have lots and lots of intense cuddling and that lasted for years, sometimes there's a lot to say In this regard, there is a lot to be said for allowing yourself a little sensual pleasure in whatever form your body is able to handle it and then as your body gets used to it, you will be able to allow a little more and as partners begin to share it.
It's incredibly intimate and not pressurized and can become really enjoyable and unforced. However, of course, I'm going to say that if you want to work on something like this, there's homework, you have to set aside time for it. To attend, you can't say that I prefer to watch television, you know? And the more you put into it, the more you'll get out of it and there's so many great things out there on guided topics on how this is done, um, but pleasure and body pleasure and feeling attractive, allowing desire to work even at whatever level it's at. , it is something that makes it worth living and can give you and your partner both people and that sense of connection that may be lost and like most couples, they lose it at some point, but the first step, of course, it's being brave enough to say, you know, I'd like to have some of this in my life and what you just said, Trish, most couples lose. at some point, I think it is very important because many of us would think that if we are experiencing any difficulty, no one else is everyone else's life.
It's a challenge for all of us to really put energy and effort into that part of our intimate part of our lives, our sexual part of our lives, so yes, Paul, yes, first of all, apologies for dropping out. I'm back on my phone, but I just wanted to echo that point about you know most people, most couples, experience something like this, you know how many times I've encountered this in the practice and you know there's that element of shame around it, the number of times I've come across this, you know it with friends personally and you know it's something that's almost awkward and embarrassing to bring up, yeah, it's there for so many people. , I mean, and let's stay. with you paul then for a few moments and we'll get back to you trish if that's okay and paul was thinking while trish was talking that certainly not everyone is in um it's a couple it's part of a couple so it's challenging and all How can this be for someone who It's, I think for someone who isn't, it may actually be even maybe not harder, but again, because of the lack of communication, we can assume that everything would be brilliant if we were part of a couple and everything is. terrible because we're not and you know both of those things are wrong, so what would you like to say anyway instead of me preparing what you'd like to say on the topic and then we'll come back?
Well, unfortunately because I backed out and missed part of what Trish said, although heHe gave the winning lottery numbers, but I said I wouldn't give them to anyone else. You know, I heard Trish mention self-care from the beginning and you know, that's for me. I just wanted to echo that point because I think it's very important that you know that aspect of uh, you know, like they say on the plane, you know when, when they're giving the safety demonstration on the plane, they talk about putting on your own mask first. , but you can't help anyone. um without if you're incapacitated yourself you know you have to help yourself in order to help someone else um so I think that's tremendously important and Paul if I can give you a connector there one of the conscious services is family members. and friends. program and this is a fundamental support for people who are the other person in the relationship, whether it is a partner, a friend or a sibling who is worried about someone and it helps them a lot to do exactly what you just said, take care of themselves themselves first and also One of the webinars last year was working on support, I was looking at the area of ​​supporter support and we had Tom Parliament and his wife Mary talking about Mary's experience supporting Tom and Tom is very open about your experiences of depression, so just to mention.
Those are resources too and Karen is listening very carefully here in the background. She will be going back to Trish to get the resource you mentioned and me too and she should let people know about these resources as we move forward. Paul, I'm sorry I interrupted you, okay, one more thing and you know, I'm like again I just want to take advantage of something that Trish said is out there, uh, communication, I mean, you know, I think communication is very important. but the point that maybe I wanted to address and I hope I haven't missed something that you've already told us is about what is the difference between what is said and what is heard sometimes, you know, there's a story in one of the books. by malcolm gladwell, i think they are outliers about different types of languages, like literally the types of languages ​​that we speak, but there are some languages ​​that depend on what depends on the listener to make sense of what is said and some languages ​​depend on the speaker to make sense of what's being said there's a really lovely example of this uh on um I can't remember if it's uh if it's a twitter or a tick tock but there's a guy called Killian Sunderman I think that's his name, maybe it's German and Irish and he gives this example of the Germans offering German cake and the Irish offering cake to the Irish and it's just about how communication styles can rub off on each other and maybe what's said.
It's not always what you hear and it can be important to be aware of that difference between you know that what you're trying to say may not be what the other person is hearing, what the other person is, uh what you hear them say. the other person may not be what you're trying to communicate and maybe dig deeper into that, um, two types of relationships that I've often shared in therapy would be present first or is kind. to broaden the picture maybe from the individual is to talk about attachment uh first of all um I don't know how familiar people will be with the concept of attachment there is a book that a client recommended to me recently they called me attached um I found it Pretty cool, you know, just to give kind of context on the topic that you may have, we're talking about three different styles of attachments, it all goes back to your kind of early relationships, like relationships that go back to before we learned to talk, early caregivers and the kind of those kind of blueprints, relationship blueprints that we take as, as I say, a blueprint for the rest of our lives and that affects us all.
Some aspects of our lives afterwards can give us a sort of uh, I guess what I've heard a lot of people say is that they are magnetically attracted to certain types of people and maybe there's something to do with what attachment styles are. are at play and how do you know if your attachment style and your partner's attachment style are differentiating or complementing each other, what kind of what what that information might add to your understanding of the relationship so that Paul can review them, so Another way to think about what you're saying is for people who aren't familiar with attachment, is that it's important for each of us to look at our own part in what's happening rather than doing it last.
Assuming that the other person needs to be fixed or that the other person needs to do this, we think about what is it about this behavior that bothers me or worries me or pushes my buttons, is that and I also think about where we are. we come from where you know it's not just right now but it's not just this relationship but it's where we come from what we've been what we were raised to see as a normal relationship the kind of what our first relationship was and how do we deal with it? to really recreate that first relationship?
That's what I mean as a model. You know, we take that and try to recreate being familiar and liking things that are familiar to us, maybe sometimes we feel more comfortable with something. that's more familiar than something that's useful and how we try to recreate that model relationship throughout our lives, yes, absolutely, and I'm just thinking that some people can do the opposite, they can't grow up with maybe violence, you know , witnessing violence when they are around and then simply not wanting to have any type of conflict or even a healthy and assertive conversation. um there's a specific question for you, sorry, thanks Paul and I, the questions are coming in which is great so I'll ask you the question if that's okay and then if there's anything else you want to ask again, Please, but there is a question here.
Can I ask Trish where depression and separation has

impact

ed sexual performance and this is the man's and this then

impact

ed how he feels in the relationship and a loss of connection with his partner as a result, yes of course it seems that a I often think that we, in some ways, think that our bodies are separate and you know, we get into a sexual situation and then we say, we tell our bodies, okay, act, you know? and of course that's not going to happen because your body is going to express that it's going to protect you, so if you're feeling a little bit closed in on yourself, you've had some hard hearts and you've been, you know, a little bit attacked. and then you expect your body to just act and it's not going to do it and then what we do is we push it even harder, we say you're terrible and then we have all kinds of fear, anticipated fear of future failure so you work with your body and if your body can trust you not to put him in terrible situations or trust you to give him pleasure and not give him a test to reach a certain orgasmic peak or something, then your body will really start to trust you and allow itself to express itself more and extend the hand, so it's almost like the opposite of anxiety.
You know that if you allow the desire to work, you are not putting it in a dangerous situation. Someone who criticizes you will gradually become more trusting and allow more to happen, so I guess if I could put a banner on it, the goal would be pleasure, not performance, and most of us don't treat our bodies well. we just beat ourselves up with years and years and years and years of it, and then when you expect it to work and your body doesn't even trust you to be kind, it's internally, it's hardly going to happen, so it's a job. to do, but it's a lovely job if you can afford it, you know?
I was going to say something else that might give a little comfort to people who listen to the work of John Gottman, who is, you know, he's written millions of books. but anyway there is one part that I think is worth highlighting, very well researched, and that is that in the life of a couple, 69 of their arguments will never be resolved in the course of their life together, so you know this from your parents. We are still arguing about the same thing and it doesn't matter, it doesn't affect whether the relationship is successful or not. Imagine that you don't have it, you will still be having the same discussion in 20 years.
I think that's a bit. Anyway, um, but what matters is how you argue and I think it's really worth knowing that it's how you argue, not that you argue, that's the point and it's not that you come to a resolution or anything, but we could do with learning. these things. and if you want to argue well, the research says that a lot of affection, right, if you can have, you know, a lot of affection, joy, because by liking yourself, you know you get joy in your own life, and humor and lightness are very important and simply.
One last little vignette. I worked with a couple who, my goodness, had broken up twice in their life together and regressed again. They were trying to undo some of the patterns they had had anyway. It was really difficult, but what they did. and they gave me permission to say this is that they both got a small tattoo of a heart on the other's hip and then when they argued you would have to put your finger on the other person's heart tattoo which could be a little dangerous because they were very fiery but it made them laugh so much that they discovered that many of them couldn't continue with the seriousness of whatever they liked and so there is something about learning these things and knowing some of these things that are really useful because you don't have to solve problems of couple on your own.
That's really helpful. I'm just thinking on Twitter as you say about joy and fun and taking care of ourselves for anyone experiencing depression. or bipolar disorder which can be really difficult because the depression can be low and then if someone is not well from bipolar disorder, it could be abnormally high and their partner could see that, as you know, as a warning sign, whereas the person himself could think this through. it's great and then you know and we know that people can be promiscuous at some point and they can also be vulnerable if they don't take advantage, if they don't take care of themselves and protect themselves, and equally if they are in a low phase of bipolar disorder that also it can be very difficult and also medications can affect so um Paul you're nodding so I'm going to come to you and there's a question there's a concept a question here that I think is.
In relation to what you said, I will make the comment and as a link for this lady to say that she likes the concept of a different language and that she considers it important to understand how to interact with another person and she agrees with social sexual expression of interest and it is like sharing and then your question is: how do you not let depression interfere? Is it possible and how do you manage it? Maybe I would pick up the word interfere. um, you know, it is. it's possible not to let it interfere um it's okay because I think I think you know I think it's very hard not to have it like not to have a gift, you know, it's part of a person's experience in the relationship. right now you know, so I think trying not to keep it in mind is trying to, you know, fly with one eye closed, the kind that you know, we're almost cutting something off or not recognizing something, um.
I'm going to go back to the idea of ​​communication, you know, it's about, you know, in that piece about support. I think what can be what certainly happens to me in therapy with clients is that we develop over time. We developed almost a shorthand, you know, codes of maybe images, uh, that, that, that represents how someone feels today to go and take Stephen Fry's example of the black dog, you know how close the black dog is to you. Today, it is a could be. a common type of code to use here, but just so you know that maybe in the relationship there is a code a way to talk about it a way to communicate what's going on for both parties around you know you're in your your question that you were talking about, you know the extremes of bipolar disorder and how we communicate my experience of what's happening to you right now and vice versa, so I would definitely go back to the idea of ​​communication, how do we build?
How do we build good, clear ways to communicate with each other? I would return to the work of John Gottman. You know, John Gottman talks about figuring out what I'm thinking about, a specific example from a training I was in. figuring out what Christmas means to both people in the relationship and knowing what you're knowing what your expectations are of what's happening here, compared to your partner's expectations of what's happening here and being able to communicate. around that, I think that would be where I would go with that, yeah, and since Valentine's Day is coming up, I think it's some people's nightmare that they go out and celebrate absolutely, yeah, I want you to, I mean , that you come back explicitly to that, you know.
If we're talking about someone, two people in the relationship, you know what your partner's expectation is or you know, learning from Valentine's Day. How does that compare to yours? How do you negotiate what happens between you that day? You know, yeah, thank you and there are two more questions here, um related to what you were saying Trish about looking. after you and this person say that the caregiver may experience burnout and, although you want to empathize with your partner, whose depression you may feel so detached and resentful the more the years go by, and then, reflecting at first, this person is saying that he or she didn't take care of herself and thenspent time supporting and fixing another and I think this is where a conversation like this is so important to highlight this, but what would you think Trish?
I think that, of course, happens and I believe. It's great that every time you realize it it's really important to do something about it. I guess what's really important is the roles that we play, you know, and being aware of the roles, so when you become a caregiver, there are certain expectations. You know the difficulty is that then you also want to be, you know the romantic partner and the lover instead of always being in that role, so you know again, like Paul says, if you can talk about these things, that would be great. "I don't know if you can always talk about them, I think sometimes it might be too pressured, so it would be really important for you to try to not just be in the caring role in that relationship, because if you are, that's exactly what it is." It will develop, um, so even you know try to play something like one of the ideas that I have that seems to gel a little bit, I mean, can you as a copper create some, I would say, make six cards right?
I mean you can call them whatever you want, but you know make your card. This is what I would like in terms of what I find kind of romantic or nice and this is what I would like and it could be anything from dancing with bob Dylan, I don't know how to share, I don't shower or something like that and then, Every once in a while, when you step out of the caring role, if an opportunity presents itself, you just pick a card because you've already pre-decided and you say, yeah, let's give this a half hour, you know, so you're not making those decisions. all the time, but you've sort of accepted them and you're just putting it out there and you're going to look, it feels like there's a chance, there's a moment here, you know, you're planning for them the breaks and the opportunities that come up, and then You really take advantage of them because you know that very often we see opportunities and convince ourselves not to take advantage of them.
Yeah, which is weird that we do that, but we do it all the time. There's a question here specifically for you, Trish, and there's another one I'm bringing to you, Paul, so I'll stick with you, Trish, for the moment. We're talking and someone agrees with you two and me too. Communication is essential, but asking what can be done if a couple isn't communicating and then if you bring it up they get defensive and throw it back at you, okay, that's hard, but when someone is defensive and gets It feels like it's being thrown back at you, you're probably dealing with the fear and you know it, rather than reacting to what's being put there. is to step away, it's really helpful if you can and I know it's demanding to be able to see that they are reacting from a fearful place and once you see your response, you can confront them instead of just reacting because most of the time, if we get a rejection , all we do is us, then we do the rejection or go into our shells.
So can I give a correct example of a child if the child and most of you know this comes home? tired school and they didn't get picked for the football team they kick you in the shins and say I hate you but we don't take them seriously, actually we know what they have to do is, I don't know, get a big hug or hot chocolate and then You talk about it and I have to say that as adults we are pretty much the same, you know, when we feel really bad, we often lash out, I mean, I probably did a little bit last night and I know better, you know, and what we want is for people to come to our corner and go there.
I know things are difficult for you. Can I get you something right? But instead we lashed out and said no one cooked anything for me or you. I know that if you have the means to be the saint and be able to see that what is actually happening is something other than what is being expressed, you can figure it out very quickly and I know it is a trip to think about, but it is worth a try. Let's go back to worrying about ourselves, right? Because if we're tired, or hungry, or in a bad mood, or you know I'm stretched thin, then, but I'm certainly less likely to be in a position to do that, and otherwise, okay, I'm back.
I'm really enjoying this and Paul comes to you, but I can also ask you the question. Go first and then I'll ask you the other question. Well, I just wanted to, I just wanted to pick you up at the end of that. to say that I think I think it's an example maybe of speaking different languages ​​you know someone comes home and to go to Trisha exactly kicks you in the shins and complains that you didn't do them something good what they are trying to express is that they feel sad and disappointed and that they are, you know, angry at the world, they are not saying that they are expressing it in a very, very different way, that maybe needs some interpretation, but it is one way. in their language at that moment is how they say what they feel yes, yes, thank you Paul and this I wonder if Jeremy Clarkson would like to give up and give me who wants to be a millionaire.
I'm enjoying this. your question for um 20,000 euros so how do you feel a sense of intimacy again when you find it difficult to go beyond the sense of distance you feel now? Wait a minute, let me read this carefully so you know how to feel a sense of intimacy again when you find it difficult to go beyond the sense of distance you feel you needed to create to think about yourself, okay, now I have it during its depression and dealing with practical things, so that makes sense, so I think all kinds of withdrawal and attention, if someone else is in good shape, we could take a step back, so how can that come together to have a feeling of intimacy?
What I understood was something slightly different. I'm sorry, but that was more or less what I understood. The language again is false, your understanding is excellent, so, well, it was a kind of relationship repair after a prolonged period of distance, yes, I think so, absolutely, and the first thing that comes to mind is, little by little, you know, take something small. steps because I think it's really connected to what Trish was talking about earlier, you know, getting back to that physical intimacy that you know, we, uh, in the work that I've done, certainly with people that you know we have, we have anxiety about something and then there's an anxiety about that anxiety and then you know that very quickly it turns into a pile of plates and you know that you can't remove all those plates at once and just throw them out the window like you're at a Greek wedding, you know, it's um, it's, it's, it's, slowly and carefully, you know, I think I think it kind of got us back into communication, you know, it's, what we are, what we're working towards and how we're working towards it and how we do it. we make.
We hope you know what the first step is for us. Know? Is it going for a walk together? Anyone you know, one night on the weekend and doing something together, you know, like I said, going for a walk, something as simple as having dinner together alone, you know that, and I'm aware that I wanted to explain to him, say publicly that when I'm looking On the other hand, it's not that I'm not listening, it's that I'm actually just attentive to the questions as well and the communication is really interesting because that's the core of this, but we're talking about communication between a couple, but there's a question.
This is where couple burnout is so real. I find it hard for society that society isn't really open to having these conversations, but here's a question about someone who is married to a person with severe depression and this person is wondering how you explain it. the children are very small so it is a lady why does dad spend so much time in bed or alone or is very quiet so he communicates with the children and it could also be with the brothers or with other people's friends trish why would you take them oh I'm sorry , Paul, you want to take that, that's the next one that was, I was going to jump in very quickly with, you know, explain it in a very simple, age-appropriate way, you know, they're um kids, right?
I really think so. I was going to say children. I don't understand what depression is, I don't think that's true, uh, I think they do understand what depression is, but in the words that we would use to tell them as adults, I don't think they understand it. it's, it's back to you know, mom or dad, do you know they're sad today or you know they need a break, they need their um yeah, what are they? I'm trying to think of a kid-appropriate word for overwhelmed, but I can't think of one, um, but you know he'll come back, he'll come back, he'll come down to his level, yeah, and also that's a question that that person would like. maybe contact a GP or a school and get help, maybe you could do that. be an educational psychologist who could be if the child presents difficulties or, um, you know other agencies as well and trish if there's anything you want to add on this and then there's also a question about sexuality and it's asking specifically if you've heard of that the disorder Bipolar affects the brain so the person doesn't feel anything during sex and she says this is what happened to her and the doctor insists that it's not the medication that's causing this and I know when we were getting ready.
For this, you were talking about the impact of medication that can affect people's overall sexual desire, I guess, as well as their sense of being attractive, yeah, so I mean, I think of course there's an effect of medication. and but but I wonder if I would really stop feeling all that and then, you know, there's the effect of medication that may well deaden all kinds of bodily expression because you know it can be helpful in some areas and I guess you would have to do it. to work with your doctor on this and you would have to work to know what you would need to do the history.
Can you identify it? He started the medication. Can you identify it? Did it get worse with the increase in medication? Look at all that, but as with most things they are connected psychologically, emotionally and physically, and all of these things are often mixtures and complements of something else, so you really want to see what gives you pleasure, how food does it. your pleasure does, can you start to retrain your body for pleasure and you can do that on your own obviously, but you would have to do it deliberately because you have to check it or have you decided that there is a limit? that nothing is happening, I mean, it's really worth watching this because you know that pleasure in life is as important to us as the pleasure of a tight hug, the pleasure of knowing good food, reading or feeling the rain on your skin, so sometimes you know.
We've been through so much and it's like we've been traumatized and our bodies retreat so much that it's really worth it to start taking it step by step and see, you know? and just mix this with Another thing we were talking about, Claire, is that if you know a big distance between you and someone else for a long time and you want to cross that distance and, as Paul says, there are different languages, but one of the things that what you could do is try, you know, we all like pauses or little bits of meditation where you stop and breathe and all that, but can you do that with someone else?
Could you allow a hug to happen where you connect with yourself? You know the breath and you connect with the sounds and you connect with the textures and there are no expectations in it, but just 30 seconds of that, the courage it takes to do that and the vulnerability it takes to do that can be huge, but A lot of things can happen in the emotional release or whatever happens in that 30 seconds or a minute, you would be surprised and now, and I mean, without expectations, it can't be anything other than that, but there is an incredible power in it. and that step you take.
What we're talking about is that the first step is to be vulnerable enough to recognize what's happening and then tell it to someone you trust, you know it's magical, but it's scary. I absolutely understand and had a slight smile. there trish because i think people who are familiar with these webinars will think oh claire is about to go on with her abc coping line so this is my way of putting together the key elements of counterbehavioral therapy so shout out . so I feel left out I feel upset I feel rejected I feel sad because we are having difficulties in the relationship or because I think this person doesn't understand me or because I think I'm not attractive enough and then c is choose so what are we going to choose to do ?what I choose to take care of myself but I choose to learn to communicate as best I can but I choose to let you know what I choose to take care of my own well-being so I recognize why and I choose so I did I don't think I was going to say that, but it's like brushing my teeth every day and thank you so much for that, Trish, I'll come back to you in a few moments for your key point that you'd like to tell.
Take away the point and Paul, there's a lovely opportunity for you here because I know you wanted to say something that Marta had asked and the question is is there any low cost advice in Limerick please, so there's your smile. Well, yes, then Marta was there. She was hoping to reference my mind's free counseling project, it's running throughout 2022, and who knows, it maycontinue after the criteria, it's 18+, first of all, you know, covet. 19 covert related 19 affected, so we're talking about, you know, it's quite broad, it could be talking about grief, isolation, it could be talking about depression, anxiety, loneliness, you know, people who have worked on the front line, gps, nurses, care workers, people who have worked. in the creative arts who had their livelihood turned off like a tap, similarly, to people who work in hospitality who had the same thing happen to them, a chronic illness, you know all this if you think you have been affected by the greed. 19 contact the office if you are not sure if you have been affected by kovat19 contact the office and know that it is them, they are really lovely and will help you. we help point you in the right direction um my mind is the name of the organization with my mind.org or the phone number is oh eight one eight five hundred eight hundred um but you know, as long as you remember my mind, just put it in Google. and it's heading in the right direction um there's a lot of low cost options there limerick uh absolutely there's a face to face center uh in limerick like I say, I'm eighty percent sure of that, you know, yeah, I am, but I also What I think is wonderful off the top of my head is that there is the webcam option, you know, everything is set up there so you can see people, um, through the webcam, um, I was there before, uh, before that the pandemic started and it was fantastic, I mean, it was great for the people I was seeing at the time, we were able to change instantly, okay and Paul, you have an immediate thank you. from the person who asked that question, that's obviously been very helpful and also to add that people also check with their GPS because GPS's have a very good idea of ​​who's nearby but also who's a good match so we're moving towards the end and there's a question here and you know we could open it because it's not to not close it, so to really acknowledge the question and Trish, I'll ask you if you want or Paul and whoever I want.
I would like to answer what if your family has completely excluded you and I think that is the question itself? It's really sad, you know, because you would be so um, anyway, what would you do? How would you respond to that trait? Please, oh God. it's incredibly sad, some research was done on us, there is a multiplication when we ostracize when someone is excluded, the pain is so strong that it becomes physical, I mean, panadol actually helps, so everything about us as human beings is a push for every part of us to get back into the group because it's such a bad feeling so what I would say and I look I would say this well I think there are always opportunities I do I think you know we live in a world where there are so many There are a lot of recommendations to cut out, but there are also a lot of possibilities to get back in if it comes up, be open to it, but I think you can't live a life where you are the isolated person, so then you have to say where you have to do it. make your community your family if you want and can, but it is painful and hurtful, but don't be the person who is okay with the boundary, you don't have to do it just because they have done it.
It doesn't have to be yours if, honestly, opportunities come up, they really do, they might hit hard places like, say, a funeral or something, if it's there, don't be the person who's isolated, take the opportunity and be open and I know it's hard, but it means that you're not convinced that you're not that person and I think that will speak for itself in your own life. Do you know what's so powerful, Trish? Thank you, we have and comments for you two, thank you very much and the ladies specifically said thank you to Trish because now she knows it's medication and she's going to talk to her GP so and Paul if I can come to you for a takeaway point. what would you like to do and then I'll come back to you, Trish, and the questions keep coming, so I'm really sorry we won't be able to answer any more questions.
There is one that has to do with bipolar disorder. mess in which I will answer myself by linking it to the next webinar so whoever it is just to let you know what we won't ignore so Paul your takeaway point please I think the main point for me is that I have an idea of ​​how many people are affected by this, you know it's that kind of shame or embarrassment to talk about what's not happening in my relationship and yet, you know, in practice, I see it very often and there is a lot of work around.
It's kind of relationship repair, getting the relationship back to where both people in the relationship wanted to be and yeah, just how many people are affected by this, I think that's an important takeaway. Thank you so much and Trish your take away point please um. So mine is about being vulnerable, so I think we should be brave enough to say what we need, not expect the other person to accept it, but be able to put it out there without you knowing and I think if we do it without the expectation of the other person having to do something about it, we're already starting something that increases my confidence and makes intimacy or closeness possible, so it takes a lot of courage to do this, it really does um and I.
I don't think we're protecting anyone by keeping it to ourselves. I think we actually have faith in them that they can handle it no matter what we say or they can say no and it would just be that we would change the world if we did that. In fact, that's what I think, oh my goodness, that's good advice, thank you and again more thanks from the participants, thank you very much and then the question, what can you do if your partner has a family member with bipolar disorder who Do you insist on not doing it? I don't have it, but I show signs of possibility of having it well.
Firstly, I would have that conversation with your GP and then you could get advice from them, but next month's webinar is called living well with bipolar disorder and it coincides. with international bipolar day and some of you may know that we just finished piloting a new program that is free, a free service for people who have bipolar disorder, it is an eight-week program followed by a group of six week support, so 14 weeks. in total and the feedback from the pilot evaluation is absolutely fantastic, it just stopped us in terms of people's feedback and how encouraging it has been, so right now there are five programs that are just going to roll out this week next week .
I encourage people to check out the deware website if you're interested and then in March, Brie Jomara, Jen Treziak and I will be talking about the entire show along with someone who was actually involved in it, so I'm really excited about that again, I would really like to thank very, very sincerely our guests today, Trish Murphy and Paul Mulcahy, and I know that you have shared the wisdom. The wonderful part about this is that it is being recorded, so it will be there in the future. and um just to wish each of you to be really lovely on some valentine's day and if you are not in a real relationship with someone else, please enjoy the relationship that you have with yourselves and if you need a little more TLC for yourself, this is the time to do it, so hug german with galer and hope to see you next month.

If you have any copyright issue, please Contact