Ich, getrennt | Psycho | ARTE

She knew she would hurt him badly now, but there was simply no other way. He was the first person who understood me in a way that almost no one had understood me before. It was definitely a very strong group for me. I was able to withdraw again and again and so somehow we continued dreaming together, making plans, planning vacations, planning the future. I am actually a person who is quite afraid of being abandoned, so when we talk about separation, it is important to talk. about commitment Attachment behavior is built from the first moments of our lives and is crucial to how we form relationships and how we are with others.

The ability to cope with separation and be able to remain alone is built in childhood. for a short time until then I moved to another city for my studies when we visited each other in the times that always happened, so all the energy we once had in our daily lives was just gone, there was more and more of a gap. That was growing slowly. It was as if this gap had grown larger and larger and it became increasingly clear that we had grown apart. The idea of ​​separation came up quite easily in different forms. Leaving someone can be as difficult as being.

Abandonment generates a lot of fear in us. Maybe you are afraid of being alone and afraid of having to face this process. Making the decision to separate is sometimes a difficult decision that has far-reaching consequences. I still remember that he surpassed the. door and immediately st

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d crying without being able to articulate a word, I st

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d talking about how important it was to her and I just couldn't go on like this for us. In the moment immediately after the breakup, everything felt numb. Myself a lot. I met a lot of people. I experienced a lot of new things during that time and yes, at first I completely repressed it.

It was like I was pushing this pain behind a door. and then as if he had slammed the door very hard I think that when there is a separation it is important to first close yourself off allow your emotions to live repress your grief and sadness there are two options either you explode after a while or you explode. implosion I remember a scene where I saw him playing with a little boy and I thought yes I really want to have children with him. During the first part of the pregnancy he was very hard on me, very very hard, he made derogatory comments and devalued me a lot.

I told him but wait a minute if you had the chance to leave now while I was pregnant you would and he said something like yes he was definitely ready to end the relationship immediately which was extremely shocking from the moment he left . I felt like it was nothing, my life in the end depended on her life or the relationship she had. Even when she was married, she changed, she was much less sociable, I almost didn't see her anymore and above all, she went out from within, her light went out little by little. little and then when he left, it was like a black hole.

In the first three months of pregnancy I lost six kilos, so I lost a lot, I lost my appetite and in the first six months my belly was not visible. When we separate, the body as a whole reacts with different intestinal problems, so feelings and thoughts always affect the body. I would say that the pain and suffering in my body was actually located in the stomach area. I felt like every time I thought about him there was a knot in my stomach, the fear that maybe I hadn't done the right thing, that I hadn't said the right thing, the fear that I hadn't noticed something, that he wasn't the right person.

It was like a kind of knot of fear in my stomach. We recognize through scientific studies in recent years that our physical pain. So, the ones we get when we sprain our ankle or when we catch our finger in the door overlap a lot with it. The pain we feel when a loved one is no longer by our side and when the pain of separation cannot be saved in the air but it is very similar to the physical pain when something really hurts us. Many times when I thought about him my palms would sweat like when.

You take an oral exam or have an audition when you have to meet someone important. Of course, during a separation, very different hormonal releases can be detected very clearly. Certain hormonal profiles can be easily detected shortly after separation, that is, when we have. maximum heartache. The reward system screams for the other, but they are gone. Dopamine, for example, is very, very high and at the same time ours, the bonding hormone, oxytocin, and our serotonin, our satisfaction hormone, are also very high. low This explains why in this phase of sadness and longing we think so obsessively about the other person.

It sounds harsh towards my family, but I haven't gotten to know this super cheeky classic family image either. A child of divorce and that's why. My friends are my family, I once had a time where my life was almost ruined and I also went to

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therapy and he was one of the people who accompanied me on this path and supported me when I needed it. He is there for me actually is There is very little difference between a romantic partnership and a real friendship because the connections between one person and another have little to do with sexuality, but rather a connection;

These are similar activation patterns in the brain and therefore there are similar experiences of loss. The same pain can occur. when this person is no longer by our side. We met in 2007. We saw each other often. We exchanged music together and he is a person and then at some point the contact no longer asked me if he wanted to. come or if he wanted to do something and when I asked when I had been cheated on and it was an ongoing thing, it led me to the fact that at some point I realized, okay, something is wrong here and then it got to the point. where I said hello, I think we need to talk and they still made me wait with a lot of question marks, maybe I did something in my mind.

The perception was completely okay and it wasn't okay for him, but I can. I don't remember a situation like that and I can't remember it exactly, but the small talk is missing, he just does his thing and I don't know why I'm not part of it anymore, I'm allowed and yes. , it hurt, it was painful, it was like a separation in installments, it was basically like a lump in my throat and also that sometimes I just wanted to cry, I drove through a tunnel for 3 years that had no end until then. I have decided that it is the end now, I am still processing it and I think the biggest step towards the goal is to eliminate him from my life and just keep the good memories because of course he hurt me but He was one of the most beautiful people. important in my life for more than ten and eleven years and they helped me a lot and he is still in my hand and will remain there.

What was missing in this situation with my boyfriend was communication and I am leaving communication behind. In most cases. Friendships just happen. Ideally, you should break up with your friends in the same way you break up a relationship. You make it clear that it just ended. Experience shows that people improve at a certain point in the separation process when they move away from this pain. By this you write a story, I mean you take meaning from the separation process when you are clear about why this happened to me, what the principle behind it could have been, what I learn from it, what I do differently next time.

From there emerges a meaningful story and that feeling, what we also call coherence, that helps people overcome the blows of fate. The separation process took so long because at first I still had hope that he would come back. letters in which I told him that he The door is always open in the year after the separation there were only tears tears tears tears tears tears from Marie Schuh and there were so many the only thing that can be done in these cases when someone is suffering is to really be by your side and listen to them.

Separations go a long individual way and the reasons for this often lie in our past, i.e. what experiences we have had in relationships with other people, how much trust we have in relationships with parents. and friends since childhood my mother was very tough, which means that she has to do everything, endure, she can endure anything because the most important thing is to keep the family together and for that she was ready for anything, I think that with this relationship that I continued. her steps For me, the total closure of this relationship also meant that I had to cry for the family.

I had to admit that I did not manage to keep my husband, save the family, the ability to separate from the other is also related to the image you have of yourself, if you think that you cannot do it without the other, then separation becomes very difficult because we only exist when we are with each other. For me, this relationship was also symbolized by objects. Especially the wedding ring. I remember not wanting to take it away, I couldn't, despite his absence, he still had power over me. I lived for nine years between 2009 and 2018. It was totally crazy.

Physically feeling the fear of running into him. I told myself it was a dysfunctional relationship, functionally, because why else would I be so afraid of meeting someone at an event that is too heavy and too big for our brains to digest? the emotional brain, the so-called limbic system, for example the moment I received a breakup text message and I felt all these emotions, all this internal turmoil, EMDR therapy is a therapy in which bilateral stimulation of the right and left of the brain is carried out alternately. This can be done by moving your eyes. The patient is asked to follow the therapist's finger, that is, right, left, right, left, inhale, exhale and what is now would be the result of these stimulations.

In this situation, the memory gradually withdraws from the person's emotional experience. You don't need to do anything. The brain works on its own. Through neural plasticity, we can use

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therapy to create new synaptic connections that allow us to see things differently. Take a new look at what happened to us and relieve our emotional world. At some point he asked me if he could write me something and then we started to have more regular contact again. I think we both worked on this relationship in these letters. We both had a lot of them. It's hard to even understand what exactly happened.

We were no longer interested in each other. We listen to each other and we really listen to each other. We also tried to find out what new level it would be at. that now we were able to meet again. At first it was difficult, this rest of the romantic. First of all, get rid of the relationship and somehow eliminate it and our interaction and yes, probably as slowly as this separation came. This level of friendship arrived, we found a new space again with each interaction, I think that is possible, it is still possible to remain friends after the separation, but we have to say goodbye to the relationship they had.

In the end, the separation is. a very individual process that doesn't happen the same way for everyone, so to speak. Nobody wants to lose the relationship and yet, they are part of life and you should give these things your time. This generally allows for much more stable relationships. In this relationship I isolated myself more and more and that's why my world was limited to him. My world was us and my circle of friends. Connecting with other people was very important to me. It can help you get over a breakup by writing a lot and taking advantage of this moment to immerse yourself and take an inner journey.

Social support is also very important. Talk to friends to exchange ideas and not be alone with your pain and difficulties, so in the At first there were very difficult moments that were very painful but then for me it was like a rebirth of Marie Schuh. I think Marilynn gave me the strength and courage to go out and face things again and do what I want. We spent many years when my son was little, the three of us as a nuclear family. What I learned is that it's okay to doubt, but there are things you shouldn't doubt and for me it's like, you shouldn't doubt anything. that affect your own integrity I no longer want my integrity to be violated I think that in some cases separation can also be an opportunity In general, we learn from every difficult event in life and a separation can also allow us to know ourselves.

By knowing better what we want for our future life and what we no longer want, I have learned that although it is very painful, that separation can sometimes be the right thing to do to get what you want in life and change in the right way.