Ralphie May Too Big to Ignore $97 Salad 1

I was making this joke in Orange County, California about a month and a half ago and when I did it a white lady stood up and said we have to get rid of all those Mexicans, they are ruining our country and I was amazed. Racism, you know, and it's strange coming from someone from the South, you know, it's expected, I would have heard outbursts like that before in my life, but in the South, you know, I was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, I grew up in a small town. Arkansas called Clarksville and I moved to Texas when I was 18 years old.

I mean, I'm from the south because everything is fine and I've never heard a racial prejudice pill like this, at least in the south we have the courtesy and decorum to whisper our racial slurs. and you don't know this about me, but I grew up spending my summers in a small town even smaller than my hometown in southern Arkansas called Delight, okay that's where my 80 year old grandfather had his farm and it's a cattle farm beef and at his elder age he didn't have that big of a herd, but he thought the neighbors were taking cattle and replacing the tags, so he went back to Brandon's old school.

Brandon and my brother, who were almost six years older than me, had no problem turning these cattle. and my grandfather in general, you know, he held it and put that mark on it. I was a chubby 11 year old and I held on, that's all I did, okay I held on and hopefully the towel would trip on my chubby butt, okay and it would fall off. That sucked, but that day was a hard day for me. The cattle beat me up. Well, I mean defeating the drug from hell through cow failure. Hot. Hot. Cow shit. I mean.

Hot. It's a lot worse PE and I got kicked in the fucking head I don't know how many times, but after a day like that, when your grandpa has to hose you down in the garden before you can come in the house, it's okay, it's okay. good. nothing tastes better than a cheeseburger because you're mad as hell, but my grandpa taught me how to drag them down, but what you have to do is let them run past you for a little bit and then grab their ear straps or the little ones. protuberance horn and push down and when that turns their head, you lift their head up like this and they have the option of breaking their neck.

I'm going with you and then all the men, if you just fall back, they'll hang you. on them and they will land on the ground ah Murr and that's what I had to do to that lady. I had to let that run pass me by a little bit and then grab your ass, so I said, lady, I'm with you, let's get rid of the Mexicans, I'll buy gas for the bus as soon as I can, tell me who's going to pick up our fruits and vegetables , she goes, excuse me, well, ma'am, see that 99% of our products come to the Latin market. hands without them we don't have fruits and vegetables in our grocery stores, not mine, I buy mine at Whole Foods, you're adorable, okay, listen, dumbass, they might have hippies in front at Whole Foods, but everyone who They do the real work, could the Mexicans in the back, okay but you're right ma'am, all the Mexicans at Whole Foods are 100% organic and that's what matters, so this racist said, "We'll get a machine to do it" and I I told her, well, ma'am, you know, not in vain. despite all our technology, our satellite phones and televisions and everything we have never been able to have in a machine, except which tomato to pick and which to leave hanging, which grape to cut, which to leave on the vine, the machine we invented.

They were Mexicans and they are perfect, they are generally shorter, they have men of shorter height, that means they have less. Okay, okay, because I'm sorry, it's a dick move. Ralphie, okay, okay, okay, look, okay, I'm 5 foot nine. and a half ok, the average height of an american man is 5 feet 8 inches. ok, he watches while I try to pick low fruits and vegetables. ok, look, I had to take my back to another 90 degree angle over the course of the day, which makes it extreme. Lots of lower back pain and fatigue make me a very poor employee.

Well, now look at how the average Mexican citizen tries the same thing. Perfect sense. That's all. They are incredible. Then she says, "We'll get the white people to do it." As a man, why do you think Mexicans are here now? Because we can't get white people to do it. Okay, but let's stick with your premise. Okay, first of all, are you guys native to California? He says: Yes, I'm fine and his son has You, yes, he is, and I say, well, that boy is allergic to work. He's fine, he's never had to work hard. He's fine, with his cool little Justin Bieber haircut, his flip-flops, and a skate park pass.

He's adorable, but he's never really worked. okay, he doesn't know how to work hard, okay, hard physical work, he lasts an hour working like a Mexican, okay, if you could take him to do it and he's too busy doing this, okay, I think that boy is allergic to work, okay, that that's all. You can say that it is the truth, and you have also never known a time without Mexican labor, this is California, a lot of people. California was full of Mexicans when it was called Mexico, okay, that's something we all forget is that there are a lot of Mexicans that never cross the border, the border crossed them, okay, they say, I guess we thought, okay, so I say , ma'am, it just doesn't make any sense, you know, you're stupid, okay, okay, let's say we could get.

White people would do it, how much would it cost you $30 an hour for white people to use the automatic? That's probably more and then there are other costs, like free sunscreen. How much money are you going to spend on sunscreen with white people? get someone as pale as me or this fat guy or that white guy it's okay out there in the field with so much direct light he'll explode okay, boom, what happened to Bob? He wasn't wearing his damn SPF, that's what happened to Bob, change the sign. Zero days since the last accident look, your children, do you ever use sunscreen or can you come here and put on a beekeeper's suit.

Okay, I'm not going to have OSHA up my ass for this shit because you sons of a bitch won't wear your damn sunscreen. yes, me too, people are lazy, white people invented the three-day weekend, that's how lazy we are, it's the truth, no one wants to admit it, how are white people, no, we're not lazy, come on, stop, really okay, President's Day, will anyone sit down? walk around and wonder about the Taft administration on President's Day no no Memorial Day Mexicans don't know about Memorial Day that's Monday for a Mexican that's a work day we have to work on Monday make money okay El Día Labor is the biggest nonsense out of all time, ok, in honor of everyone who is working, we are not going to do it, you see what I am saying, it just doesn't make any sense and for July that is only between the 3rd and the July 5 for Mexicans, ok.

Okay, one day for Mexican Cinco de Maya, you better drink cold beer on May 5th, but that's one day, unlike the 23rd for white people, that's the only full month of extra productivity you'll get from a Mexican citizen. Never leave a white American, you understand? Okay, let's put it in basic terms, if white people choose your fruits and vegetables, your

salad

s will cost you $97, you want a cheeseburger, 350, you want pickles for 12 dollars, damn those magic pixels and then like this. The lady says I guess we'll get someone else and I say huh ma'am ho ho I don't know I guess they're black and I think I see some black guys about to stand up to the playboys.

I have this. Okay, don't worry about it, I was like lady, if you think you're making black people go back to the same camps they came out of 150 years ago, you're smoking crack. Okay, I hate to break it to you, but I can't get a black man to go into a big backyard and pick out a movie let alone a fruit or vegetable and my life start my diet. You taught me. You're stupid, just stupid, that plastic surgeon. I'm going to the head.