Six behaviors to increase your confidence | Emily Jaenson | TEDxReno

When I was in high school, my mom asked me to order pizza for the family on a Friday night. I looked up the phone number in the phone book and quickly handed the phone to my older brother to make the call. He was too shy to speak. a weird fast forward to university of illinois my first time out of my small town i spent the first few weeks crying in my dorm too homesick to go to the freshmen party the only frat party i ever attended was so disappointing that I wanted to change my books, abandon my major and return home to my small town, the confident

behaviors

I needed to follow this stream were not yet available and when I looked around, I saw the confident students walking next to me. around campus with our heads held high chasing a dream. that they had set out to achieve I also wanted that type of

confidence

, but my

behaviors

did not align with these attitudes of

confidence

crying in my dorm avoiding social engagement not showing up to class because I was worried that others were smarter than me these were not me was going to lead to achieving my goal, so what I knew was that I needed to change.

Research tells us that getting people to change requires starting not with attitudes but with the behaviors associated with those attitudes when people can see themselves. behaving differently, then they start acting differently, so the questions for me were who am I, who do I want to be and how does this person that I want to become behave? The answers were that I wanted a successful career, one that meant something would allow me to contribute and for me that was defined as a career as a sports executive to achieve this goal I needed to start acting with more confidence and I did because 13 years later I became the first female general manager of a triple a baseball team in almost 20 years, thank you.

I also hosted the Leadership is Female podcast, where I interviewed over 90 female executives in sports, an industry that is over 80 percent men at management and senior levels, and time and time again these women have told me that the number One skill they have improved to earn their place at the top of the sports industry is confidence. They, like me, did not possess the confidence to level up their career from the start. They had to work on the associated behaviors. with this attitude to propel

your

career forward, so I'm here today to share with you six behaviors you can start today to boost

your

confidence.

Why is it important to

increase

our confidence? Think about this, how would you behave or what could you do? Achieve if you were 10 times more confident, number one, tell yourself in I spoke to a woman about her first time reporting on a nationally televised basketball game, she was shaking in her heels standing courtside, nerves got the better of her until he heard something familiar in his headphones. we will be at five and three two one you are live and she performed with excellence the nerves melt she is an athlete a former basketball player used to performing on the court by clock and the tactics are still true counting will help you get started and the momentum will keep you going.

I have used this technique. I've had more uncomfortable conversations than I care to remember, but today I'll share one with you. I vividly remember being on the baseball field warning track 45 minutes before game time watching. Seeing the opposing manager and his team wearing the wrong color uniform, I wanted to turn around and run back to my office and hide, but instead I faced him head on and said three two one in my mind and started walking. towards him and when I arrived, we had a very awkward conversation about his team wearing the wrong color uniform. Yes, I had asked these grown men to change their clothes, it was very awkward, but when I asked myself who I am and how I behave, the answer was me.

I am a person who is not too shy to stand up for what I believe in, what is right and deal with conflicts. Counting got me started and the momentum kept me at number two. What if you only had to be brave for a total of 20 seconds? 20 seconds of courage, this behavior helped me enormously when I published my podcast leadership is a bold feminine title and everything for everyone to see, hear criticism and have their opinions. I vividly remember sitting on the carpet on the floor of my closet holding my computer staring at the loading button thinking to myself if this needs more edits I should listen to it one more time and I said to myself Emily, give yourself 20 seconds of courage and I hit publish and it was done and guess what I kept breathing and the world kept turning and the podcast became what it was meant to be all thanks to 20 seconds of courage number three, sit at the table, not metaphorically speaking, actually, sit at the table, I spoke with a woman who represents some of the biggest names in baseball and she told me a story about taking a seat at the table.

She realized that there were women waiting at the edges of the room waiting for the seats to fill and, even worse, she was also doing it to become the most confident woman she imagined herself to be. If you needed to walk in, sit down, speak your mind and close the deal that started with a simple action, take a seat at table number four, cheer on other people's success, they say women will climb the ladder behind them, what if would you do it? What would happen if you reached back with one hand to guide it forward? What if you celebrated a colleague's success instead of feeling sorry for yourself for not being you?

Accepting praise. Confident people celebrate the success of others instead of feeling threatened. Think about this. great Amy Poehler quote, good for her, not for me, it turns that pit in your stomach of oh, she did that and I'm still here, yeah, good for her, not for me, this is her celebration, no mine, and when my time comes, it won't be like that. It's going to be fantastic to have the support of so many people around me. Victories are much better celebrated together. Join together to encourage someone else. Here is number four in action. A woman was recently promoted to marketing director for a major sports league.

The offer. The interview and finally getting the job came after she publicly celebrated a heartfelt congratulations to the league's newly appointed president. Confident people support those around them. They encourage someone else's success. Number five. They build their confidence for a new activity through their already excellent performance in another. What are you really good at? What is easier today than a year ago? What is your proudest achievement? Answer those questions Think about those answers Those answers are where your confidence is born Confidence is born in everything we have already done and achieved Recently, a woman I interviewed on the Female Leadership podcast was looking for a big promotion on a senior team before going To introduce you to your boss, you reviewed your current job description, took notes of your praise in all the areas mentioned, and then prepared yourself with examples and confidence from the success you had in the past.

You got the promotion. Use your past success to propel yourself. forward and the number six constantly celebrates how often we achieve our goals and then immediately move on when we do this the memory of that success diminishes, how can we move forward with confidence if we cannot remember what we achieved or, worse yet, link that achievement with stress? Find ways to celebrate that are meaningful to you, such as creating a highlight video on your cell phone of your proudest accomplishments. Take your team out for some celebratory drinks when you close the big deal. Buy yourself a massage or maybe order a pizza when you reach your personal goals.

It doesn't matter how you celebrate. It is important that you do it. This will create a marker in your brain to rewire and reinforce the behaviors that led to success in the first place. I've come a long way from the girl who couldn't order a pizza to the woman who became the general manager of a minor league baseball team, started a podcast, and delivered a tedx. It speaks volumes because I made the decision to become a more confident person and I hope you do too because how many runs could you score if you were 10 times more confident?

Thank you.