Theatre Donor - SNL

GOOD AFTERNOON, I'M TARA HENRY, ARTISTIC DIRECTOR HERE AT THE NEW ALBIE DURBERRY THEATER. ALL OF THIS IS POSSIBLE THANKS TO AN INCREDIBLY GENEROUS DONOR JOINING US TONIGHT, MR. ALBIE DURBERRY, WHO TURNED 106 THIS MONTH. I KNOW LEAVING HIS HOUSE IS A SUFFERING, SIR. AND WE ARE VERY GRATEFUL FOR THE EFFORT THAT BOTH YOU AND YOUR NURSE KEELY MADE TO JOIN US. DID YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING? FOR THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU SPEND, THIS GAME BETTER BE GOOD. HA, HA, HA. AND NOW THE WORLD PREMIERE OF "THE STORM". THE TRAIN WAS A ZOO. I ALMOST DIDN'T GET A SEAT.

Uh huh. AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY? QUIET. KEELY! What is this work about? SHH. WE WILL FIND OUT. WONDERFUL. ANOTHER GENEVIEVE AFTERNOON IN A MELANCHOLIC HAZE. WHAT IS NOW DEAR? LEAVE ME ALONE JACK. KEELY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. ALL YOU DO NOW IS CRY. WHAT? WHY CAN'T YOU BE A HAPPY DRUNK? WHO? SHH. WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I - I'M SORRY. IT'S TIME FOR YOUR YOGURT. NOW? I HATE THAT HORRIBLE PASTA. ALBI. YOU'RE ANGRY. I'M JEALOUS. NO. YOU FEEL SOMETHING. NO. AND LATELY I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING. NO. MY LIFE HAS BECOME AS GRAY AS -- NO.

I HATE IT! I'M NOT A BABY! KELY! I CAN FEED ME! NO, YOU MAKE A MESS. I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I'M VERY SORRY, SIR. SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. YES. A LOT. THERE, THERE, COURAGE UP. DANCE WITH ME, GENEVIEVE, LIKE YOU USED TO. GOD, SHE FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. I NEED TO DISINFECT YOUR CHAIR. MAKE IT QUICK, KEELY, I WANT TO ENJOY THE GAME. DISINFECTION. COME TO BED WITH ME. COME TO BED WITH -- AH, AH! COME TO BED WITH ME. I HAVEN'T TOUCHED YOU IN SO LONG. I CAN'T. CHRIST, GENEVIEVE, YOU ARE MY WIFE. WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

CHANGE MEDICAL SOCKS. KEELY, YOU WILL MAKE A SCENE. NO, DON'T CHANGE MY SOCKS. MR. DURBERRY I NEED TO CHANGE YOUR THERAPEUTIC SOCKS. NOT NOW, YOU WILL MAKE A SCENE. OH! NO. Shut up. OR YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE YOUR CANDY AFTER DINNER. NO, IT'S NOT MY CANDY, KEELY! KELY! JACK IS NOT A BAD MAN. HE PROVIDES. HE'S FRIENDLY, MOST NIGHTS. NO, NO! FAITHFUL. BELIEVE. NO, NO! AND I WOULD BE A WONDERFUL FATHER BUT I WON'T -- NO NO! I DON'T LOVE HIM. I'VE NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR TOES STILL? I PREFER NOT. BUT IT'S OKAY.

WHO ARE YOU? KEELY, WHO IS THIS MAN ATTACKING ME? YOU ARE ATTACKING ME. I NEED TO GET OUT. BYE BYE. BYE CRAZY. NO! COME WITH ME, KEELY! OH SORRY. I'M SORRY. COME ON MAN, WE'RE TRYING TO DO A PLAY HERE. WHAT THE HELL? ♪♪♪