Rodney Dangerfield on Craig Kilborn (2004)

This is a comedy legend, his best selling autobiography, it's not easy being me like in the stores now, this is Rodney Dangerfield, bullet, did you see the omage at the top? Do you see those guys doing the impersonations or not, yeah, so only one of them They were legit, only one of them is good, the book is great, I couldn't put it down, it's just easy to read, okay, I never wrote a book before , you know, and they told me to start writing it, so I started writing and then it took me three. years to write it, you know how open they are, oh yeah, and now it's a national bestseller and I'm in shock and it's going to be a movie, yeah, it's going to be a 20th Century Fox movie, you know, make a thug out of my life, that's great, brilliant. stories, one of them is that you met Bill Clinton, yes, yes, I was living for years at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, I had a suite there on the eighth floor and Clinton walks in, one who is giving a speech the next morning somewhere place where they had even replaced him asleep so they gave him a suite on the 8th floor that's where I say he hit and stepped on my floor so okay he told me I could stay there so everyone else would think about it but He left me to stay in my place, were you nice to everyone else? to lead you could see on the ground you couldn't say no, right, he's fine here.

I think that's great. I stayed on his neck and talked to him for a while. He was a very nice guy. It was actually nice to know when he was in his. place where they are talking so I looked through their door I saw my door and I saw two Secret Service men coming into my suite there with two dogs oh now I have a half ounce of marijuana my house today murderer I apologized and went I went back to my house and the dogs They are sniffing everywhere, they are doing numbers, who could have kept it, but they were nice, friendly dogs, very friendly and very beaten on the way out?

I wanted him to wink at me, huh, so you did. I didn't get my wish. I had enough time. It would have brought Clinton. How to inhale. Now you can. The doctor says you should actually smoke marijuana. In many areas, what is the pain in my neck? I have all the bones that refuse together, man, you know, and the right shoulder helps with the pain there, plus it also lowers my blood pressure, yeah, and that's why it works for me and gave it to the doctor. The doctor just wrote something and said you can, you can just wrote a letter to everything else, much longer than I was down here and it all came out of this and yeah, that's like illegally smoked marijuana.

We should not? Okay, we all know alcohol is the culprit. Yes, we should invite you to parties. If Ronnie is legal, we should invite you to some party you talked about. You obviously had a fun childhood, but a difficult childhood. You had a job when you were a kid It was a strange job I was five years old and I walked alone at the Jamaica rally that's the main dragon I lived on Long Island I just walked alone all the time and I walked on the Trekker area which is a very busy street, You know, and one day I had an experience, a guy asked me to go up the stairs to his office.

He was five years old, you know, five years old, so I'm up in his office before you know it, I'm sitting on his lap. knees kissing me kissing me man, you know it's all over, he gave me a nickel and told me I want another nickel, come back tomorrow, but don't tell anyone, it's okay, boy, I found happiness here, nickel, you know, like this I returned the next day. I got a nickel the next day a nickel, tell it to me this way when I was five I was a whore, yeah, tough, that's tough, baby, and he says, do you remember how old you were when you laughed for first time, when you really made people laugh?

I was 58 years old I was four years old Four years old I laughed for the first time I finished eating I told my mother I'm still hungry She said you had enough I told him I didn't even have fish He said that as a four year old, that's funny and the family gone, yeah that's encouraging and didn't you talk about fish? Didn't you have a job years later delivering sessions? He drove a laundry truck on Monday and Saturday. Monday is to pick up your Saturday delivery. Which day I drove a fish truck on Thursday and Friday, yeah, to go to the little Kew Gardens fish market and one day I'll take some fish oil to Jamaica Estates, that's a posh section to go out in, you know?

And I'm driving. a wall and stops at a red light and the woman pulls over and stops right next to me, very attractive, looks at me and smiles over the LC, she tells me this, I said, wow, I was lucky, I hope, yeah well I should have taken a shower so I follow her you know I felt hurt I finally get to a very expensive house and she pulls into the driveway now get out of the truck my fishmonger truck I walked towards when I said well where to Let's go from here she? I didn't say anywhere I want to show you a shortcut to my house you have my fish in your truck uh I shot honey she when I got my pants you know uh you did it there is I think there's a story here that you were trying it's a romantic thing to have sex outside and you were trying to do it on the beach once I made love with some we did it on the beach we did it on the beach once well, what happened was that I was 21 years old, you know, yes, I started, I was working as Berry Park. a nightclub in the hotel there and the show ended and I saw this girl backstage you know and she was very nice and seemed to like me, we all had the same thought now that I was very young so anyway we were going to go like I don't.

I don't know if she was going to the beach, okay, so I'll beat her, we do a number on the beach, I mean, yeah, right, and as soon as I finished, the cop was really nice. I told her that she actually waited for me to finish and then showed a big flashlight. right, not my face, I don't know what to do, so I sang Manny, good boy. I went back to the hotel with the girl and we wanted to go again, but I didn't have a private room, she didn't have a private room. then I said well gold my pleasure is rules any agent has one and we will be in the other bed entities what we are going to were in her bed so she tells me who had to put a rubber band on it you know and I only had one I said I was on the beach anyway, the haters are not rubber and we take it under the cohesion where he came with his son, whatever it was, what took him, I remember and finally the agent was sleeping a few meters away, he gets up , he approaches the closet and puts his hand in. in his pocket he comes back he gives me a rubber and he goes back to sleep so I took it I thought to myself he's a booking agent you know he's good, very funny more with Rodney Dangerfield we're back with Rodney Dangerfield in the book here lots of photos of some of the celebrities like Adam Sandler that you've dated and all these different Bill Clintons and also the legend Dean Martin, you were on his old show, right?

Yes, and Jim Carrey, by the way, wrote the foreword to the giant book, yes. He's a big fan of yours, you know, Jim, over 20 years ago, yeah, he's not working in Toronto and someone said, get this guy, you know, like coke. I liked him and his first job with me at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, which was a big deal at the time, you know, and that dad opened for me for two years, you know him, so we've known each other for quite a while, so he's done quite well, oh yes, he has, yes, yes, there, yes, so Dean Martin is great, isn't he, he's very Dean.

Martin for those who don't remember a smooth singer and a very smooth actor, just a smooth guy and he was from the variety show or what show you were, it was great for you, Martin's show, yeah and my agent me hired in the program there to do 28 places, there will always be a chair table, 15 in a match and I would write the material, how to write 28 places that we did together. Wow, first time we did it. he was able to sit down, that was the last thing I saw because after that they took a photo from here and put it up, in other words it's all fake, yeah I'm talking to a table and if the chair is all fake then I thought to myself .

It's ridiculous I fly here yeah I go there I make four announcements I talk to a chair all over the place Yeah I guess you can't go back to the airport I'm back in New York When is this show business what the hell? Was he on the golf course? It's too cool or not, why didn't it appear? He's too cool, well he did it, I think he came once a week, yeah, to do the show, that's enough, that's enough for him, yeah, he was cool, it was cool though, you too, how's the diet? Because you talk a lot about food here.

You had an experience eating a chocolate cake. This is what I did right when I got home when I got home and I was. Starving, you know, and I saw a kitchen table, a big chocolate cake, a German chocolate cake, you know, and more, so the plan worked for me, hey, I'll smoke a joint, I'll eat the cake chocolate and I'll wash it down with a little skim milk, so I started, he started. eating and suddenly I ate half the cake so there's a lesson everyone sit back and relax 9:00 throwback with a little cigarette now so relax right now I look and noticed that a chocolate is moving now I know what it didn't stop there same the ants were under what I also ate and I ate around an army of red ants ah I called the hospital by hashtag what to do he said forgive us nothing you said everything will go out of his waist I would say when my mother was pregnant with They told me the same thing oh the joy of smoking weed you just do this anyway it's great to see you again it's called the book it's not easy being me Rodney Dangerfield it's a pleasure to see you again