My Muslim Heart: Dating Outside My Faith (Dating Documentary) | Real Stories

We used to have many kinds of arguments about it and I used to say that I would go through a lot for you just trying to get out and you don't appreciate the fact that what I just went through is literally climbing all over my dad and walking all over him while he's lying, but you know if fat, please don't go and I would say no, I go and I got to that stage where I would literally disobey my parents one day, I had enough, they were like, "You think you're married, you liar." so I bought a wedding photo, you went there, I made this up and that was it, there was silence, the biggest silence of my life, he told me the same thing that your dad is with you, that's exactly what I'm going to be.

Below is that kind of attack and I said well you have to tell him and he did, he said we've been married for three years, oh the horror on their faces, I got the biggest lecture from his mother, you know, now you're in an almost girly situation and you're going to do things my way and you're married to a member of our family which means you're going to become one of us and you married my oh my god and I was like I can't be serious. , I said I've been doing this for the last four years.

They are as strong as us in terms of language, culture and traditions. I think they are even tougher. I mean Morocco versus Nigeria. To me, it's all his strength, so he had it the same. It was difficult, it was two big battles, we had big fights and this was even before the baby showed up, you know, and then when the baby showed up, that's where the torture was, which was even worse, it became the fight. biggest of all because it was like her name was Duff and then the other side would be no, she would be called this and that who's deciding my son I mean, you decided my marriage, you've decided my life, you're not going to decide too much. my baby's life, so she has like four names just to please everyone.

I was

dating

Anthony for four years before I got to a point where I said I couldn't see him anymore if we didn't have a future, we kind of ended it, which seemed

real

ly strange. After all that stress of four years and constant fighting, so I went home. I just said, "Find me." I think I was done with love or whatever and I just said, "My parents just find me someone" and they did, so I got engaged. to a good boy I knew I was making my parents happy but I wasn't happy and I did it because I thought I couldn't be with Anthony it was just a few days after I got engaged and Snee told her parents and At that time she told me that he had stopped eating and he just looked a little sick and his parents asked him what was wrong and that's when he broke down and told his father you know.

He wants to be with me but he will have to change his religion to be with me and at that moment I think his parents simply knew that you know he was, Anthony was missing a point, his father told him well, if you mother was another Faith, I would change to be with her and if that's what you need to do, then we accepted it and then, um, Anthony found me and said that he had told his parents and that he wanted to marry me, so everything changed, but no Like, oh. Oh my gosh, now you know that the day after I got engaged, you know it was hard, I just couldn't believe the moment, it was only a month after that conversation, a month or two that we got married, I think we just decided that we were going to get married and that's it, now we wanted to get married, so everything happened very quickly.

I was very aware of the fact that I wanted my dad to like me and get to know him, they were going to Moss together and I think that kind of helped build their relationship after we got married, people in the community were very welcoming to Anthony and I think that this was simply due to the fact that he was becoming part of the community and attending mosque at night with my brothers. and they accepted him abroad. I have a very big problem right now, which is that I am going to get married in Nigeria and I am going to have to go to a church to get married and he tells me: I did it for you, you have to do it for me because your parents still haven't They look at me like we're legally married because they got married on our side, from their point of view, it was more of a secret wedding, and now I'm going to have to go to Nigeria and have another wedding, which scares people quite a bit. .

I don't know, but you know what he's right about, he did it for me. I have to do it for him and it's just so people see that we're married and it's about people converting someone. No one could ask me to convert to Judaism. I wouldn't convert, so a church boy like this to be a Muslim, he was asking for heaven and earth, it's not impossible, but. He did it and he did it out of love, but

real

ly his

heart

wasn't there, he just did it anyway, he didn't want to lose me and he had done it, whether it's fake that he went to the mosque. at that time he went abroad with great intentions is that more and more men and women say that this is not acceptable, we do not want half-conversions or forced conversions and no man should be forced to change his religion against his will. less than your

heart

rate unless it is a sincere conversion Faith is meaningless if it is forced if you are forced to have a

faith

or to believe something that you cannot in reality it is nonsense and it is false, it is the fast that we are left with only two options, one is that the Muslim woman marries outside the

faith

where her husband does not convert to Islam and the second is that they do not marry at all and this rule prevents them from marrying at all, we have talked about. about conversion, actually Greg is incredibly open to it, he's already offered to convert, but that's something that's still in flux and I think you know that's Greg's journey, it's not mine if he feels that there is something that interests him and something that he has felt, you know. an affinity with him while he is with me, so that's great, I'll be honest with you, it would make my life a hell of a lot easier, but I also don't want the hypocrisy of him converting just because when someone accepts Islam. as a way of life like a religion for themselves, it has to be done for the right reason, that is, to please God, not so that one can marry a Muslim woman or a Muslim man, etc., it is a space in which I am.

Following very closely I believe that the time has come when this requires a national debate among academics. The small minority of people who allow interfaith marriages are simply adapting to changing societies because it is a fundamental principle of sharia. I know Islam. It has always been that these rules are for human benefit. I am supposed to promote the well-being of people and if rules like stopping people from getting married do not promote their well-being but are actually called harmful, it actually becomes very un-Islamic. So, if you will, the reformers are recovering the original spirit of foreign Islam because I wanted it to happen.

I could have just gone back and done exactly what my parents wanted me to do, but I kind of made it happen and you know, it would count. Certain situations that happened I may carry with me but you know, I have no regrets. I have no regrets or regrets. I do not regret anything. I would pass it again if I had to. be a point of reference for parents because it is heartbreaking. I can understand now as a parent that it's not easy, but there needs to be an action point like what are they doing instead of just hibernating in a closet because they're embarrassed to go to the mosque and they confront people, it's so unfair that it becomes their religion.

I couldn't go to the mosque for a long time because I was so embarrassed oh, you are the one who got married ah, you are the God, I was the first and now a lot is happening. I guess that's why I opened a lot of doors, but I'm still going strong. It's all worked out now, but I was 17 at the time. man, I just thought, you know, I've really embarrassed them, so those words, everything my parents told me, stayed with me, you know, and now I'm constantly, even as an adult, trying to find kind of approval, if you will, You always know, which is what makes me sad, my heart, my husband is always like, you know, you're your own worst critic, but hey, I just want to make everyone happy, you know, no, no, no. like hurting anyone and I never wished any harm on my parents.

I didn't intentionally set out to do this to you. I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone. It's not in my nature and I wouldn't do that, but you know, things just happened and then, and then I felt like I was completely out of my league and I didn't know what to do, my mom tells me now that I'm, you know I couldn't wish a better daughter, but at that moment I did it to you. I know when I needed to hear that I didn't hear that I am getting to know more and more a generation of parents who were perhaps born in this country or at least have lived in this country for three four decades, their attitude is very different from the attitudes of the first generation that came to this country where they now say very openly and confidently: look, you know what we told our son, we told our daughter every time you find someone who you feel is the best person for you if you get married, let us know and we'll fix it for you, so I'm very encouraged by that development.

The new challenge now is what if her son goes and finds someone of a different religion that she wants to be with. married and especially if your daughter wants to get married say a Christian man what that and that is where the real challenge lies the definition of a husband a definition of a man that is still valid you know in my relationship I am the breadwinner of the family I am I I am the one who provides , let's say that if you follow the Muslim definition of a man, I would probably meet it, so if you are going to be genuinely equal, then let me marry someone from the book and then let me get married. someone who is not Muslim I think the world is a very different place than it was and I think we need to evolve as a religion.

I feel like Islam and the Quran are very pro-equality and I feel like I can make him feel that way. It's accepted, but I'm not a scholar and I'm not here to give those kinds of definitive opinions, but I don't feel like I'm doing the worst thing in the world that I've ever fallen into. love with someone who was not Muslim I guess this is a question that I have asked myself how would I react if my daughter left the faith and I have to be consistent here with one main position on the matter and that is that I would support my daughter, fully if Allah wants, inshallah in whoever she chooses to marry, a man she falls in love with and he loves her and is good for her, then that will be good for her in this world and in the Hereafter, whatever her origin is for me if You're looking at these aspects of religion, who is more religious, is it the one who has the label or the one who doesn't?

I think that's the struggle I'm having with my parents right now to see him as a person. and not as a religious entity you know I'm a Muslim let me do it practicing Islam in my own way because I don't think I'm going to go to hell I haven't murdered I haven't killed I haven't raped I haven't done these horrible things I don't steal so if I go to go tell the fire for marrying a black man, I guess that's a bit backwards if you ask me, a marriage works, a couple stays together because of the two people involved.

For me, the bottom line is how human beings make their way and good people, committed people who want a relationship to work, will work hard to make it work and we will find ways to make it work, even if there are differences in race, age, religion , culture. background and of course there are many mixed race couples, mixed culture couples, a difference in religion should be seen as another complicating factor if you will, which is also a challenge and an opportunity to learn from each other to be Very creative, if you will. fruitful in that relationship I would say that our culture is a beautiful mix of cultures, it is not Indian or English, we have a complete balance and I think that is what is important in life now that I have my own family, I think my children.

They are very lucky in the fact that they have the best of both worlds, they themselves say how lucky they are to receive Christmas gifts and Eid gifts and how lucky I think they feel because they are blessed in that. I respect that they have two completely different families and different beliefs, but it works. I think it works at this point in my life. At this point, I have no regrets or guilt. I feel that I have conquered and have reached the strength that I have today because of all the suffering that I suffered in the past I do not blame anyone I just made my husband and my family work harder to be more together we are not going to be beaten we are happy we are all intelligent every day we laugh all day because we win thanks foreigner