Joey Diaz being a savage for 10 minutes straight

ERS foreigners want to date Tarzan it really is crazy

being

a parent, especially because they don't know that I kidnap someone like her, she has no idea, she has no idea that I'm a

savage

, so she thinks I'm on top. and up like when we go to church and she's like daddy, look at Jesus, yeah, if they put you in a position to defend yourself, what would come out would be Jiu Jitsu training or would it be the t-shirt inside you, it's a weapon. m 53 I have time to fight with men I have a 22 on me right now pointing directly at you if you're in prison right now you're dead you might as well sign your obituary there are riots if you're in prison listening carefully now you're dead I'm sorry to tell you that you shouldn't have stolen the hose you should have killed the witness you're dying it's all over you don't even need the electric chair right now they're going to shoot you somewhere it's this mall look for little security kids and kids acting weird I'm Adderall and thank you it's a job people pull out the stick It's Friday night here I know we're Christians but you know what I'm saying, let's pretend we're normal for tonight, I'm sure you're irreverent and I love listening to some of your rants that you go on, is there anything sacred to you?

No, no, no, no, have you ever had anything like that? a bad Heckler where they waited for you after the club. Has it ever happened? I feel like there is no one with you. I have a little story for you in 1998. I was doing a triple major. I arrived at this bar. I'm eating a bag of dicks, you know, it's a triple run that happened to me and I tell the boy to go away yourself. A week passes. I'm going back to Idaho Springs. I'm going to the mall. I'm broke, I mean those Chinese people you know from the mall. eating, guess who comes up to me, the two idiots who would have told me the week before and said, hey man, you don't look so tough sitting there now and I say, well, you guys really want a problem and you forget like me .

I'm Jersey, they forget, yeah, you really want to improve your credentials, bro, they actually turn my head, they actually turn their back on me, so I took the tray with the Chinese food and I shot him in the head, the egg roll exploded. hitting them with the tray, I kicked them a few times and then left the mall as if nothing had happened there was only one nun, Sister Anna, there was Sister Marie, there was Sister Hyacinth and there were only a few of them, Sister Patricia, the sister Hyacinth was the most evil person to ever walk the face of the Earth she's New Jersey she totally looks like Governor Christie but she doesn't know what it smells like when you eat it she doesn't really know what it tastes like what it tastes like The food you ate , yes, it's just brown with the taste of intestines.

I mean, we were both little kids and watching some adults smash our cousin in the face, we thought you just need to realize that hey, you can't. I know you have to be polite. There are some people who will punch you in the face and she didn't even do anything wrong. There is an evil out there that will affect little children. He is a dark man. There are a lot of crazy parenting trends going on. In 2017 I'm sizing you up, you don't seem like the type to spoil your kid, but you know what, you're a famous comedian, you make a couple bucks, what do you think about requiring babysitters to have a master's degree?

That's something important. that's happening I live in Valley Village up there with them stray dogs, okay, I take my son to the Y for a swimming class and I would go there with my wife, both of us, you know how many times I saw a babysitter at the pool, mother. two parents were sitting there talking on the phone, okay, raising kids when your kids suck dick or jump up and down in Santa Monica, it's up to you, it's up to you like forty thousand dollars for that line and that was cool, no waste, that's great. I think you don't deserve waste.

I fired the manager who told me not to make that movie, which is for one day. He wouldn't do it right. Harvey Feierstein was your manager. No, no, she was a girl who thought she was a tough mom. These nuns do not associate with boys, this is true old school Catholicism and no, no, I was not sexually abused. He was an ugly boy who didn't talk to me. You know what I'm saying. I would like to thank Bobby Lee and my father. man Lisa, yes you are happy. I get emotional when someone dies. Sometimes I call people.

I go, I'm sorry for your death and then, right before the conversation ends, I say what's in the will. Well, I'm going to do the carnivore diet, okay? It means you're going to eat a steak for the rest of your life three times a day and a piece of salmon, right, that's a good saying, well I'm going to do this again, everyone has something, humans or animals. Jews in the Caribbean. I have a problem with Jews, you know what I mean, so if you act like a Jew, don't come to me with sandals. Those Republicans and I love Lee.

Lee returns home, my home leading with my family. Lee could come to my house. when he wants, he knows he does, I know from doing the podcast that year at Lee's apartment and how he acted, that I have never been back to one of Lee's apartments, I have a meeting at one, they call you today, they have to push you to that you come back until 1 45. Yes, there it goes all day, but thank God for the raffle, thank God, thank God for the podcast. I guess I don't know, that's enough. He was high. crazy, I think they relate to each other, I think I'm telling you that you can't mention my name, I just grabbed it and kept hitting my head, I don't give it to you and I know I know a lot of you like Joe, you can do it.

I didn't hit a woman, she's a nun, big difference, okay, big difference, a couple of nights ago I went to communism's important number one with my wife, Starbucks and I went to Starbucks, I went to dinner, it was a date night , I took out dinner, I went. I'm going to start with I gotta call him, we're getting a call, we went out for coffee and we were at Starbucks and we were dealing with possibly the dumbest person, the kids are getting dumb, dude, the dumbest person I've ever met. in my life, so go yourself, wait, wait a second, Joey Diaz Facebook Twitter check it out before you write big dicks in your ass, stay black because that's the most important thing, okay, okay, and by doing that, I'll do that and a no-carb diet, wait, you get it? crazy stuff and it's one in the morning, it's true, what are you going to eat when I'm on my third show of the night?

I mean, do you have almond milk in Chicago? Yeah, wow, Italians, crazy bunch of humans that came out. I always wanted to do. the impersonation of you when the Italians in Jersey found out that Marlon Brando was gay, let's call you, next thing is dog, I saw you last night, you ate 16 hot dogs and three sodas and you breathe harder the moment you're going to lose something. weight if you do that in today's society people get mad at you 20 years ago that's what your friends wanted to tell you listen that tattoo is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life yeah go cut off your arm do something but Now people lie to you just so they don't hurt you because you know, these fat people with blue hair you'll see these 500 pound people with blue hair, yeah, go tell people to watch, put away the blue hair and just go to the gym. and he and his boys will try to catch me, but it was too late.

I had already been transferred to Bill Crowd Subaru as a salesman, so suck my dick and call me a midget. I was born in 1940. You know what I'm saying. Listen, it's been difficult so far with the earthquake in Mexico, you know the White House, whoever it is, but it doesn't matter, they want to shoot, it's time we shoot the fools who want to get dirty and dirty, don't forget. who we are, you get me, we're the baddest out there, you text that North Korean, he'll be sniffing my cock and sucking me, that's the focus, we're going to North Korea in like a year, it'll be an island.

It's going to glow in the dark, you know why, because we're Americans, we have something who you think you're dealing with, stop gun control, they're selling more guns than ever in the last three days, stop complaining, stop complaining . Russians on Facebook I don't care about yourselves, keep your eyes open and get off Snapchat and Twitter, stay black please foreigners.