EVERY INSTAGRAM STORY EVER

Danny and I broke up. Danny and I broke up. Ew... Danny and I broke up. Danny and I broke up. Nice. Every Instagram

story

ever

. Social media is stupid, I don't care about the haters, I'll just do it with me. I don't need anyone's approval or validation. Peace! Seen by only 34 people?! Oh man...I wonder if any of my exes saw it. - Move up! Swipe up! Move up! Move up! - Move up! You should swipe it! Slide it up! Move up! -- I have a link, help me. *upbeat music* This is so dumb... Oh God, another concert.

Jump jump jump jump jump jump. *phone rings* 9-1-1, what's your emergency? I need you to perform a well-being check on my friend Nikki. And what is the reason for the welfare check? Well, she hasn't posted an Instagram

story

in like three days. I'm really worried. - A story? - Yes, an Instagram story. And before you ask, yes, she posted a photo yesterday, but it was like a Latergram. I didn't understand anything you said. Oh Lord. This is literally police brutality! She said she's sick, but when I saw her story, she was totally in the club.

Aaaachooo Uh oh, my allergies are so bad! Wooo--oowoaaah, *laughs* Ugh, this is so dumb! OMG, that dress looks so good...ah! Damn! That's an advertisement, not a story! Are you serious?! Wow! Brock, I'm so jealous I really am! Oh, I'm having a great time too! No! Do you think you're having a good night? See this. Wow! Okay, do you want to play hardball? Oh... oh I see, you're trying to trick me, aren't you? No no no no no no! DAMN IT! *claps* Well played, Brock. Looks like it's time to bring in the big guns! NOOOOOOO! DAMN, FOMO! *screaming* *imitates Boomerang sound* *rap music* Sick! *rap music* Hell yeah. *rap music* 23 hours later. *rap music* Okay... *melancholic music* Hey, would you mind tagging me in that and then tagging me in the post and then tagging me in it?

So I could share it on my story and then tag me again. ? *applause* *crowd chattering* This is so dumb! MAN: So, Cooper, what's going on here? Copper? Copper? He won't answer you. Since he started watching Instagram stories, he has become lazy and bored. We used to have fun together. Instagram Stories. Not even once. Paid for by Snapchat. Do you remember Snapchat? Hmm, we're still here. My Discover is just cats. Hey, I'm your guy Bryce and I'm here with some daily inspiration. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger -- *chokes* *chokes* *grunts* *gasps* Oh my god. We should go help him.

I don't know. That was posted an hour ago. Oh. Damn... Yeah. Do you think that made him stronger? No! - Oh Lord! This is literally police purhality! - Police purity. *laughs* This isn't even alcohol! Oh honey! Oh oh oh oh, it's tight! Woah, wait, I'm confused here. I'm sorry, what's your name? My friend... ugh. What is your name, young lady? What is your name? Help me to help you. Well, you laugh, this is a joke, let me know right now. You're laughing? Hell yeah! Fuck me!