Teaching Our Counselees to Live a Holy Life

Well, good morning, my name is Susan Heck and I am with Master Ministries, a ministry geared toward helping women become women of the word and more equipped in their

holy

live

s. This year I have been asked to speak about how to help. I have advised you to

live

a

holy

life

and so I look forward to our time together and trust that it will help you not only in your personal

life

as you walk with the Lord but also as you help others strive to live a holy life. let us pray before we begin our time together and then we will begin our father in heaven we are so grateful that you have called us by your name and that you have called us to be saints we must be holy women we must be set apart and we must help others who we are treating to help you strive to live a holy life and yet we know that this is impossible without the power and help of your dear holy spirit.

I am very grateful to God who resides within us. He is the one who convinces, the one who allows, the one who helps us to be victorious in those areas of our lives that are difficult and I ask my father to be the one who allows me now to help these women in their effort to be better counselors, so father I pray that you will give us the grace that we need and that, father, this workshop will be useful to those who are sitting here, those who will listen and to those to whom we pour our lives, and I pray this for the glory of Christ and the honor of him .

Amen, well, when I was a little girl growing up in a Baptist minister's house, there was a song that I learned in Sunday school that many of you may know and the title of the song is oh be careful and it goes like this, oh , be careful. little eyes what you see oh be careful little eyes what you see there is a father above looking down with tender love oh be careful little eyes what you see and don't worry I won't bore you with the rest of the song in me singing but keep talking about be careful Little ears, what you hear, be careful, little mouth, what you say, be careful, little hands, what you do and be careful, little feet, where you are going and this style has stayed with me throughout my pilgrimage as a woman and as do most children's songs, but now You know, the fact that we have a father above should make us behave godly, in fact, ladies, we know from Psalm 139 that we have a father that we can never get away from, in fact, Psalm 139 says where.

Can I go run away from your presence? and the psalmist asks that question and he basically answers there is no place I can go to the highest heaven you are there I can go to the lowest shield you are there and the fact of the matter is that we can never walk away from it because it is omnipresent and that is why I am sure that many of us in this room and many of the women we counsel have saddened our heavenly father on numerous occasions with the things we find to do with our hands. the places where we put our feet what we allow our eyes to see what we allow our ears to hear and what we say with our mouths now I don't know who wrote that song I learned as a child but I have often wondered if they had in mind the Psalm 101, as my Bible says, since the title is a vow to live a holy life, and therefore, as we strive to help those we counsel promise to live a holy life, I believe you will find Psalm 101 very valuable. not only for your personal holiness but to help others, so I'm going to read Psalm 101 and see if you can grasp the various parts of the body that David wishes to consecrate to the lord, as well as those that involve his inner man, so let's read. together I will sing mercy and justice for you, oh lord, I will sing praises, I will behave wisely in a perfect way, oh when will you come to me?

I will walk inside my house with a perfect heart, I will not put anything evil before my eyes, I hate the work of those who depart, a perverse heart will not cling to me, it will depart from me, I will not know the evil of him who secretly slanders his neighbor. I will destroy him who has a haughty look and a proud heart I will not endure My eyes will be fixed on the faithful of the earth so that they may dwell with me He who walks in a perfect path will serve me He who deceives will not dwell within my house He who tells lies will not will continue in my early presence I will destroy all the wicked from the earth I will eliminate all the evildoers of the little ones from the city of the lord now just a little background on psalm 101 I don't like to jump into scriptures without giving a little background, It was written by King David.

We can't be dogmatic about when he wrote this, but most people believe that David wrote Psalm 101 as he was entering domestic life because, in fact, these are rules that David wants to establish for his home. . This psalm is called the householder psalm, which means that every head of every household would do well to govern his home by these rules ladies these are good principles for our personal lives for our church for our family for those we counsel I know Many women who I Advice: struggle with sins that dominate their lives. They struggle with the good use of their time, so this would be a good psalm to review them and help them in the various areas of their life.

We need to teach them how to make good use of it. your time and perhaps some of the women you counsel are single and ready for marriage. This would be a good psalm for me to go over with them when my husband and I go through premarital counseling or when I counsel a woman getting ready to get married, I usually read Martha's excellent wife peace with her, but you know, look at Psalm 101, this would be a great song for her to accompany you and help her as she prepares for marriage because it provides godly goals for marriage and homes psalm 101 another interesting thing as we are getting ready to have elections this fall but psalm 101 too It's called the prince's psalm in other words, every time a ruler did something wrong, they would give him this psalm to read, so I mean it would be pretty cool, just give it to the senators, governors, president and vice president, so it would be interesting Let all the members of our government read this psalm, right?

This is also a prayer from David and I can say that I hope you are

teaching

the women you counsel to pray, so this would be a wonderful opportunity for you, perhaps at the end or beginning of your counseling session to pray. . This prayer and I encourage you, the women you pour your life into, to encourage them to use the psalms as a springboard to pray. Now I have an outline of where we are going, first of all, David promises a holy heart in verses. one to four, then he vows for a holy home in verses five to seven and he vows for a holy city in verse eight, so a holy heart, a holy home and a holy city, so let's look first of all his holy heart and let's notice if he will in these first four verses I will do everything I will I will do it and I say it because many of the women we advise say I can't I can't I can't I can't you know what that means I won't I won't I won't I will do, then you need to teach them, the Bible says what I will do.

I will do this and he is determined to live a holy life, so notice his first song of mercy and justice, so David is the first. phrase in your prayer the first rule of your life is that you are going to sing about mercy and justice now what is mercy mercy is kindness or favor and justice is a verdict of doing what is right now why would the king david the first rule of his life? house to sing about mercy and justice well, I'm thinking about this, I thought of two reasons, first of all, this is very important, especially in counseling, David is balanced in his theology, he is balanced, he wants to sing about both aspects of the character of God. love and its justice ladies today we live in a time where people do not want to hear about the justice of god the women they advise want to be told about the love of god they do not want to be talked about the wrath of god or the fact of that god is just we have an unbalanced view of god and many of the women who come for counseling have a very unbalanced view of god.

A man said it well, man was made in the image of God, but today man has made God in his image, isn't that where we are today, ladies? Paul is very clear as he speaks to his little son in the faith Timothy, he says to preach the word, be diligent from time to time, rebuke, rebuke, exhort with all patience and doctrine, why that? Because the time is coming they will not stand sound doctrine, they want their ears tickled and they will stray from the truth and turn into fables and if that doesn't describe the times we live in, I don't know what does because That's certainly where we are and the women who come for counseling want you to tickle their ears.

In fact, my husband often says that sometimes they just want to go in and air out the dirty laundry for an hour, but I don't really want to hear what God has to say about their sin, so while we strive to help women live holy lives, it would be prudent that if they are struggling with the dominion of life dominating sins, we investigate these types of questions and about this in this right. here you are theologically correct is the music you listen to is theologically correct gives you a correct view of who God is because ladies what we believe dictates how we behave and if the lady who comes for counseling if you don't have a correct view of God and Who he is will certainly show in how she lives her life and David says I will sing about justice and mercy.

Secondly, the second reason I think David is establishing this as his first rule is that he is going to sing and praise God no matter what is going on in his life if God is showing him love I am going to sing if god is showing me discipline I am going to sing I am going to be happy and joyful no matter my Circumstances ladies, here is another truth that we must not only accept in our own lives, but also help those we counsel. We need to praise the Lord through the valleys of life, but also through the mountain tops of life, if the lady you are counseling does not understand sovereignty. of god and what are the words that he is the blessed controller of every good and bad event in our lives then you need to help them and one of the books that I have found very helpful in counseling is trust in god by jerry bridges trust in god when life is hard.

I have read that book many times with women I counsel and disciple. It is very useful to help her understand that God is a good God even when things are very difficult for her and you need to teach her to be joyful if things are good or bad now look at who David sings to he says the Lord this is very important because the word for lord is jehovah the eternal the self-existent um david wants to sing to him and we know that david was a sweet psalmist from israel and again he wanted to use his talent for the lord and for me that is a very big problem with the women who come to counseling, we need to teach them what their spiritual gifts are and they need to take care to use them. for the Lord because the Bible does not say this but the hands of idols are the devil's workshop and that is why we need you to use your talents for this for the Lord so that we can see that David wants to be balanced in his music and the The first rule of your home is to sing in all circumstances of life, so ladies, when we consider helping others live a holy life, we can ask them questions like this: Are you balanced in your music?

Can you sing in all circumstances of life? Can you sing when life is? difficult when you are suffering persecution when your problems in your marriage your family your church can you sing then and ladies, I would also go so far as to say that we could also challenge you to consider the types of music that you listen to, you could ask some questions like this, Would you say that the music you listen to honors God? The lyrics are uplifting. Would you be embarrassed if Christ was in your car or in his house listening to his music?

Ladies, we must remind you that God is omnipresent. He's in it. In the car with them, he is listening to his Pandora station while they listen to music. Today I heard some musical lyrics that are sensual and secular in nature and can pollute your mind with worldly thoughts, so you may need to help it. choose even better types of music to listen to holy life begins with a holy heart and a holy mind remember the bible says as a man thinks in his heart what is that he well not only david promises to be balanced in his music he promises to be behave look at verse two I will behave wisely with a perfect heart now when David says I will behave wisely he is saying I will behave practicing common sense in a prudent manner I will behave perfectly or without fault in fact perfect is a word that was described about animals Regarding animals in the old testament, if you remember when they made a sacrifice to the lord, the animal had to be spotless and spotless, and that's exactly the word here, the Hebrew word that David is using. he says thatI want to behave in a perfect and blameless way and it's interesting because older women are commanded in Titus 2.

That's one of the qualities they must have is that they must have behavior that turns into holiness. they must be set apart and, uh, just because some of you here are young and not old like me, you are not free because Jesus says we must be perfect, since he is perfect, right? and Peter says we must be perfect. be holy, he is holy, so no one will be spared, whether young or old, we must challenge the women we counsel to consider whether others would look at the places they go, the things they hear or see and say hmm, now there is a woman who walks with the Lord and strives to live without guilt, we must ask them if they are the closest to them.

I would say that she is behaving in a perfect way and without guilt, we will notice the sandwich between the wills, a very Interesting and this is very important when we consider biblical counseling, let's look at what David says, oh, when will you come to me? Oh when will you come to me now? What is David saying? god I can't do this I can't walk with a perfect heart I can't walk with a perfect heart I can't walk blamelessly unless you come to me Unless you help me with your holy spirit I can't do anything without you ladies David realizes what you and I must realize and what we must convey very often to those we counsel: they cannot live a holy life without the help of the holy spirit. they can not. he is their conqueror.

He is the one who guides you to all the truth. he is the one who helps them to be transformed from glory to glory by his by the spirit of god ladies we depend on his spirit and we depend on his power the women you counsel no matter what the problem is if they have come for sexual us marriage problems whatever the problem you must instruct them often they cannot fight sin or live holy lives on their own what jesus says in john 15 without me you can do what nothing there is absolutely nothing they can do without help of the holy spirit, for example, many women come in and want to be a better wife, maybe they want to be a better mother, kinder to their children, maybe they stop coveting, stop looking at pornography, gossip, whatever the problems are, but without the help of the holy spirit they will not do it.

They have the strength to comply with any valve they can make to the Lord, so David says, oh, when will you come to me? I need your help. Well, David Nolly wants to be balanced in his music and behavior, but he promises to walk inside his house with a perfect heart I will walk inside my house with a perfect heart ladies David's private life in contrast to his public life he wanted it to be the same that is what it means inside the house in his private life in fact this would be a reference to moral innocence and they say that during the time that David lived the palace was given over to all kinds of lust, uh, anything a king wanted do, he could do it because he was king and therefore whatever his flesh wanted, he could say, you know, bring it to me give it to me and yet David wanted to be different if you read the old testament um especially first and second kings first and second chronicles how many times do you read and so and so became king and they made Israel sin and then his son became king and made Israel sin worse and worse true, David did not want that for his palace he wanted to walk inside his house in the palace with a perfect heart he did not want to be like the other kings ladies david did not know something that you and I must know and we must convey it to those we advise and that is this: the eye of god is upon us even in privacy of our home the eye of God is upon us even in the privacy of our home, be sure you reiterate to those you advise that God is present at all times and in all places, we are never alone, we could think we are alone and many Of the women you counsel feel alone, but you need to encourage them, they are not alone, that is. an encouragement but also a warning because he is with us charles hadden spurgeon says this piety must begin at home reader how is your family doing?

Do you sing in the choir and sin on camera? are you a saint? at home out of shame, he says, I often tell women in Tulsa where I live and where I teach Bible studies to women. They're probably sick of me saying this, but I always tell them that you're right about that quote. wine by charles spurgeon what you are at home is what you are, so if you strive to help others who are struggling with holy living, you would do well to ask them questions like this, what do you usually do when no one else is around?

It is an activity that Christ would be pleased with when you are away from your husband or if you are single when you are away from your parents or if you are working when you are away from your employer, where do you go? How you answer those questions, ladies, is a great revealer of who you really are. What you are when you are alone is who you are. Lovingly remind women that you counsel them to pretend to be something in church or even counseling. room with you and yet something different at home is hypocrisy and Jesus is very clear about all hypocrites have their place in the lake of fire there were no hidden secrets with David and there should be no hidden secrets with us or with those we we advise.

Well, not only does David promise to keep his actions and his steps, but now in verse 3 he promises to keep his eyes. Notice what he says. I will not put any evil thing before my eyes. Now, when David says wickedness or wickedness, the translation of him could say that he is describing something. that has no value or is of no use, in fact it is really a reference to something of malala which would indicate idolatry. David is promising that his kingdom would be separated from idolatrous practices and again we know that most of the kings who followed David or preceded him.

I didn't share this desire because many of them were given over to idolatry and you could say, well, Susan, this has nothing to do with me, this has nothing to do with the women I counsel, oh yes, yes, because ladies we don't live in. a time in which we make idols of wood, stone and bronze, but we live in a time in which there is a lot of idolatry; In fact, an idol is simply something you can want so much that you would sin to get it. something that has its allegiance to the lord ladies we worship something or someone every day I like what stewart scott says this we worship what we serve what we talk about what we sacrifice for what we seek and what we spend time and money on And So what we think about spending time and money on may be an idol, have you ever thought about that now?

Common idols for women, many of whom come for counseling, struggle with idolatry. The common idols I have seen, first of all, are physical. appearance I know that many women I have counseled are so obsessed with weight and diet that they starve themselves, engage in anorexia or bulimia and I constantly remind them first of all I said to a young woman I said do you want to die and she said no and I said: you are going to die if you continue with this anorexia you will die and we have to remind them that God doesn't care what size dress they wear, right, he cares about their heart, he doesn't care what size their dress is. but many women these days are obsessed with heavy hair makeup.

They are idolatrous women who spend hours on their bodies losing weight. I used to know a woman. She's dead now, but I think that might be one of the reasons why she died. I would take huge amounts of laxatives every day just to be able to maintain a certain size, ladies, an obsession with our bodies is idolatry and if you are counseling a woman who struggles with this, you need to train her, this is wrong thinking about other common idols that women women have no worries. life is painless to the point that they find solace and solace in sex, drugs, worldly pleasures, you know, I'm learning, I am and it's getting worse and worse that we live in a generation that can't deal with the pain that we we can't face. suffering and so we take pills or engage in excessive alcohol to avoid dealing with life and often when I counsel women who come for counseling I specifically remember a lady years ago and I said to her you know I really I want to help you, but if you don't stop some of these psychotrophic drugs.

I can't even talk to you because she was like a zombie and some women are so boring that her minds are so dulled by drugs, maybe they're inactive, something else, maybe a material. possession maybe a marriage they want a perfect marriage there is no perfect marriage true because they are not perfect so there is no perfect marriage maybe they want to be successful in a career maybe they wanted to be treated fairly by their husband they want the approval of others maybe their idol be food sleep sex buy alcohol drugs exercise entertainment ladies as we help women in the area of ​​holy living we need to explore this area of ​​idolatry many times it can be very subtle when entering a woman's life ask them Questions like this, do you have idols in your life?

Is there something that is taking away your loyalty and affection from the Lord? That you love? What do you think about another good question I've found to ask not only in my own life personally but in those as well? What I am trying to help is what do you fear the most or what is the one person or thing that you believe you cannot do without many times that is a revealer of an idolatrous life. Paul puts it well in Second Corinthians. When he says what part a believer has with an unbeliever, what agreement does the temple of God have with idols and then he says come out from among them and separate yourselves says the Lord and do not touch the unclean and I will be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters and that is why we must teach them that God is a jealous god, he will have no other idols before him and that it could even be themselves, so we must teach them this and that, by the way, it would be a great part of the Scriptures, If you yourself are struggling with idolatry or are counseling or discipling someone who is struggling with idolatry, I would ask them to memorize Second Corinthians 6:15-18 and that is one of the things that I use as many of my assignments that I give them. to women and what I advise is memorization of the Scriptures, which we will talk about in just a minute, but it would be a good portion of the Scriptures for them to memorize well, not only would the kingdom of David be separated. of idolatry but notice that he would turn away from those who practice idolatry evidence by his words he says I hate the work of those who turn away he will not cling to me the word turn away or stray has to do with apostasy you know what David? is saying that anyone who worships another god who practices idolatry will not cling to me with their idols, in fact the word cling there has the idea of ​​throwing it away like you would if a snake clung to your arm, I don't know about you, but yeah If a snake attached itself to my arm, I would stay away from it, right, that's the Hebrew word David uses, even those who practice idolatry won't be near me now, you might say, well, David, what does he think he is? holier than thou? you know david is following the old testament law exodus 23 2 says don't follow a crowd to do evil don't do it you know even deuteronomy 13 6-11 i won't read it all but it basically says this your dear family member, your best friend, your bbf, bsf or whatever, you know, bbf, your best friend of all time, if they incite you to go and serve other gods, what do you do, do you stay away from them?

You don't follow them to do evil, in fact. That day you would stone them to death, I mean that's what you know, say hey, you better go. I'm going to stone you, but you wouldn't want to do that. Proverbs 4 14 are also clear. Do not associate with idolaters. do not enter the path of the wicked do not walk in the path of evil and even in the new testament Paul is very clear in first Corinthians 15 33 do not be deceived do not be deceived by this bad company it corrupts good morals ladies we need To help the ladies we counsel consider whether part of their struggle with holy living is the people they hang out with.

I've known many women who were once strong spiritually, but they had some friends who weren't exactly walking with the Lord and that was a drag. Put them down now, I know it is possible, it is a struggle, especially if a woman is married to an unbelieving husband who is in darkness and that is very difficult, but that is another topic for another time, but ladies, we must encourage you to get away from all idolatry. and those who practice it will influence their way of living and influence their way of thinking, so it can be a very destructive relationship.

Well, David continues in his prayer asking for a vow from a holy heart in verse. four note what it says a wicked heart will depart from me I will not know evil david now swears that he will not know a wicked person meaning someone who is crooked or evil in fact the word does not mean treat or approve of him as a friend I will not have fellowship with no one who is evil and the wordHebrew is morally depraved morally depraved the Greek equivalent is put we get our English word pornography David is saying I'm not going to hang out with sensual people people who are involved in sensuality, in fact, Paul was very clear in 1 Corinthians 5, the man who was committing incest, he said, take that man out of your communion, don't let him come, because a little yeast ferments the whole dough and so he doesn't do it.

I don't have anyone in your congregation who is involved in sensuality, ladies, we are affected by those who are morally evil and many times women date other women or people who are involved in sensuality or things that shouldn't be right now, I know that this is Hard, we are a generation that is dealing with sexual sins like no other and the main reason is because most of you have and it is a phone, an Android and an iPhone and with one button you can watch porn, like it used to be when I. I first started getting counseling when I was a nank, my husband and I got a lot of counseling, usually it was men who had this problem but now I'm finding out it's women, women are almost on par with men and statistics. they're amazing, do you know that sex is the number one searched topic on the Internet, number one, um, and I'll tell you, I wish I could go through my files at home, how many marriages have been destroyed because of this sexual sin, in fact.

When I meet a woman who struggles with sexual lust, I ask her what kind of things she watches, what she searches for on the Internet and what she reads. What does he allow her eyes to see now? She may not watch porn, although even now I am counseling women who are involved in porn, but what does she watch on TV? What does she see in the movies? I know that sensuality can appear before your eyes even before you realize it and you didn't ask for it, it can just appear there, in fact, the following poem fixes it well called channel 23, television is my shepherd, I won't want it, I makes you lie down on the couch it takes me away from the scriptures it destroys my soul it takes me down the paths of sex and violence for the sake of the sponsor yes, although I walk in the shadow of my Christian responsibilities there will be no interruption because the television is with me it is cable and remote control console me prepare a commercial before me in the presence of my worldliness anoint my head with humanism my greed runs surely laziness and ignorance will follow me all the days of my life and I will live in the house watching television forever sounds like it which happens a lot in homes in fact, I knew someone who once had this motto written on his television screen and I thought it was very wise that he put it on his television screen.

I won't put anything evil. before my eyes, so it may not just be your TV, you should do that too, but your computer, your iPhone or whatever, ladies, we need to instruct the women we counsel how to handle inappropriate videos, TV movies, searches on Google, I was talking to a woman the other day who is struggling with this area of ​​pornography and I told her that I will be your responsible party. I told him which app to download. I told her that I will be your responsible partner. I told him you had to take out your eye.

Cut off your arm. Whatever it takes, I said this sin of pornography will destroy your life, it will destroy your marriage and you know that many times women just don't take it seriously, not even the catalogs that they receive in their homes, I mean sometimes those catalogs that come to your house they are nothing more than soft porn, I would take them and throw them straight in the trash and stop subscribing, it will affect his mental life, well David now goes from a vote for a holy heart to a vote for a holy home. in verses five through seven and I want to highlight something before we get into this, something very interesting if you've read it carefully with me, it's worth noting that here David makes vows to himself personally about what he's going to do. sooner than he expects others to do and ladies, I bring this principle up because many times women come for counseling and I remember one woman came for counseling.

I would have thought her husband was the antichrist from the things she told me about him and uh. very soon you found out that he came and my husband I stayed with them and I said, well, you know, after her side of the story, she's Mrs. Antichrist, so I wouldn't have known that other side of the story and you all know the proverb that says is a fool who doesn't listen to both sides of the issue and as a biblical counselor you know that just because a woman says this doesn't mean it's always true, but to help these women, you have to help them get two for four out of their own eye before trying to help someone else, especially if they are in a difficult marriage, and so Jesus makes this very clear in Matthew 7 5 and I think it's interesting that David leans toward himself first before others, so let us consider his first vow in his home in verse five whoever secretly slanders his neighbor I will destroy David mentions those who secretly slander will be destroyed in fact the word slander means to move the tongue and notice that slander is secretly it is rare to see to someone To slander in the presence of the person who is being slandered, that's why we call it biting because we do it behind their back.

I think a good practice for all of us is to make sure you say this to the person's face correctly and if you can, Don't say it to their face, you shouldn't say it behind their back and David says I will destroy people like that, which It means that I will erase them to the point of extinction again. God was very clear in the Old Testament. You will not do it. rise and fall like a tail bearer among your people you shouldn't engage in gossip or slander now maybe slander isn't a problem for the person you are counseling and that's great but ladies I want to encourage you as a biblical counselor.

You cannot accept slander nor hearing slander is the same as saying it, so we must be very careful not to accept slander from women who come for counseling. David was not afraid to eliminate slander and we should not be afraid of it. or now I know we need enough information to be able to help them, but there are times and I think you know that when it borders on slander, well, next we see David promising zero tolerance and pride towards others, says those who have a haughty attitude. look and a proud heart I won't stand it uh this just means someone who has a heart like the sea or a country uh we have to teach women that this is one of the seven things that God hates the most according to proverbs 6 16 at 19 says that these six things that the lord hates j7 are an abomination to him and one of those things is a proud heart now maybe you are saying well susan how do I know if the woman I am counseling has a proud heart ?

What are the signs I look for? Well, the common characteristics of a proud person are argumentative and controversial. Oh boy, I've had women like that in the counseling room. They want to argue with everything I said. I remember once I had a woman. Measure me on the phone and, you know, I was even holding the phone like that and my husband could hear it from across the studio, but they're argumentative, they're confrontational, they have an attitude that says I'm superior to you. I am the standard of excellence, a person is self-centered, self-sufficient, ignores his need for God, always has to express his opinion and wants to have the last word in everything, those are just some common ways, they usually brag about all their achievements and do it memory. as a pastor life, I met a woman for the first time and she said I can't wait for you to meet me and I thought that's a strange and strange thing to say to someone the first time you meet them.

I can not wait. so you know me and sure enough, I knew her for a long time, many years and it was a little difficult to be around the ladies of her, as we help women live holy lives, we must teach them, but pride will get in the way. their walk must kill him and that is why we have to help them in this area well in contrast to the proud person that David would not tolerate he would tolerate the faithful those would be the ones that David would surround himself look at verse six my eyes will be on the faithful of the land that will dwell with me he who walks in a perfect path will serve me david says my eyes will be on the faithful those who are trustworthy those who are trustworthy this is in opposition to those who are argumentative, you want people who are trustworthy, dependable, who can teach and that they cooperate, in fact, generally, when I advise someone, I usually do it for six weeks, do you know if in six weeks I can't help them?

I probably can't help them. that's what they first told us when they first certified me when I was uh nanc and they said if you can't help someone in six weeks, you probably can't help them and I usually find that if they're not like that person who's faithful teachable no. I'm going to be able to help them if they are this other person who is proud arrogant I know everything and you don't know anything first of all I don't know why they come for counseling but I just can't help him, I can't help him and I found out that the same thing happens with the women that I disciple in my church and outside of my church, if they are not faithful, I really can't help them, in fact, a wise woman told me that years ago.

Does Susan, you want fat women, I said, well, I fit into that category, but what she meant was faithful, available, teachable, fat, faithful, available, teachable and that's really true and that's the type of women to those who want to be able to help with advice. space, they need to be faithful, they need to be available to meet with you when you need to meet and be teachable and if not you're going to have a very difficult counseling relationship, I'll just tell you that, well, not only did he want faithful around him, but he wanted those who were perfect would serve him.

He now he's not talking about sinless people, no one is sinless, but these are those who are blameless and we know that because of David that didn't happen, right? He had a hetafel that he was. Your was against him, even his own son Absalom, but David wanted faithful people around him and again, ladies, I want to emphasize the principle again here for those we counsel: they would be very wise in choosing their companions more nearby. who are faithful who really strive to live a holy life well in verse 7 david again returns to the importance of being close to those whose word is right he says that he who deceives will not dwell in my house he who tells lies will not continue in my presence david says those who practice deception those who hide the full story or hide the true motive behind their action are deceiving you cannot be trusted david said they will not be in my house in In fact, in David's world , deception was considered a virtue, it was considered a virtue in our world, wasn't it?

I mean, how many do you know? The news lies. Everyone lies. You no longer know who is telling the truth. Even in church people lie. There is nothing new practiced under the sun in the 21st century, but a liar could find his way into David's house, but he would soon find his way out because David said that he will not even dwell in my house and not just because he will. Whoever tells lies will not continue in my presence ladies, since we help women live holy lives, we may need to do research in this area, maybe you don't think it is a problem and listen, I will tell you from now on how many years I have been doing. certificate 15 17 I don't know but I've had women come in I really think they're telling me the truth and then I find out they're lying to me uh and the way I find out is when the husband comes in and he has a different side of the story and I'll look at it with my husband present because I don't advise men without him, we do it together if there's a man involved, but I'll look at it and say.

Well now you told me this, but now he is telling me this, so she hides her head in shame that she lied to me to make me believe a certain thing, so we have to help them and ask them questions. Are they pretending? to be something they are not, are they telling you the truth? Sometimes I stop and say: is this really how this happened? and I try to get her to tell me the truth because many times they want to color. If they want to exaggerate, they want to make her spouse look worse than she is and that is a very common thing that happens in the counseling room, so we have to teach them to be honest.

Well, David, you have a holy heart. holy home and now wraps it up for a holy city look at verse 8. he says early I will destroy all the wicked from the earth so that they can cut off all the evildoers from the city of the lord david vows for the city he lives in that, he will destroy to all the evil ones. Interesting, the word destroy means capital punishment. You know, in the Bible they really believed in capital punishment. I have often thought that if we followed those practices maybe we wouldn't see as much. evil in our land today and David says I will do this in the morning and the Hebrew word is morning after morning after morning and in other words, that's the first thing David did every morning, he got rid of all the evil people in the land now.

Why would David do this? I mean, you could say man, he's a strong king. What's wrong with him? Notice what he says. He says. I do this because I want to eliminate all the evildoers from the city of theMister. to eliminate all violators of the law ladies Jerusalem was a holy city and David wanted to keep it that way he wanted to remember that it was the city of the great king the city of our god and David was jealous for the love of the lord who wanted the city of Jerusalem the place the lord loved to be holy in fact one day we know that this verse I can't wait will have its complete fulfillment when Jesus comes to judge the living and the dead and all the wicked will be thrown into the lake of fire and I don't know about you I'm ready uh Just take me because I'm ready to go well David ends this psalm with a concern for the honor of God and the purity of the people in the city of Jerusalem and I would ask him as a biblical counselor are you concerned about the honor of God?

Is he concerned about the purity of the women he counsels? Are you concerned about the purity of his church? Are you worried about the purity of his city? you are willing to admonish those you counsel when you need to, ladies, we must be desperate to help the ladies we counsel live holy lives, ask them about their personal lives, ask them if they are willing to fight for purity in their lives, it could be It cost them something. I often deal with women who have unsaved husbands or husbands who profess to be saved but are not and often live lives of purity and generate persecution.

Ask them if they are willing to stand up for what is right and what we should do. fight for purity many godly people many godly institutions many churches began with the vow to live a holy life like king david but unfortunately somewhere along the way individual churches institutions begin to compromise and what will keep us what will keep to the women we counselSo that you don't become a victim as we close, I want to give you some very practical principles that you can pass on to those you counsel as you think about helping them live a holy life because the title of this workshop is

teaching

their women to live. a holy life I want to leave you with seven steps that are in the acronym promise because the word promise means what vow is correct and maybe this will help you help you with your counseling, first of all, you must teach your counselor, the first is to pray, that is the prayer, I believe with all my heart as a biblical counselor as a pastor's wife, the failure of people to live in holiness is because they do not pray, they do not pray, I wish I had my files pda pdi pdi here because often when those women They come for counseling, they fill out all these forms, and then I ask them, have you prayed about this problem?

You know, most of the time they say no, I say and you want me to fix it in an hour and you haven't even prayed remember what Jesus says look and pray well at least you enter into temptation the spirit is really willing the flesh is weak show your council how to have a vital prayer life encourage them to make prayer a priority every day and to pray without ceasing david was a man of prayer he says this in his in fact all psalms are prayers true teach them to pray the The next thing we should do as we counsel them is to remember that the promise is to resist temptation resist the first temptation of Corinthians 10 13 It is very clear that no temptation is accepted, but it is common to man, but God is faithful and he will create a way to escape so that they can endure it and, as I said, it makes me very sad when I establish certain unestablished ones. but they give certain guidelines to women when they come to do the counseling task, they will not do the difficult thing, they will not run away like Joseph did when Potiphar's wife came after him day after day to have sex with him and finally made enough sense to go out and it hurts even now I'm working with a couple of women who don't want to do the hard thing they need to resist temptation ladies we need to teach them to resist temptation and the way I do it this is, I journal them, ya You know, what they do during the day.

I also journal for them when they struggle with temptation, what they are thinking and what they are doing and what they should be thinking and what they are doing. In fact, a girl recently sent me several pages of her list of things to think about and do that will help me see where she is thinking when she is struggling with certain areas and then teach her how to change her mind and change the way she thinks. It will change the way you behave, but ladies, we must teach you how to resist temptation. David did it. David says he won't even hit me.

I'm going to pull it like a snake and we have to teach these women how to pull. be like a snake do what is necessary do not give in to sinful lust or sinful temptation the third thing we must encourage them to do is the older woman is essential the older woman is essential titus 2 it is very clear that women elders teach Young women and I encourage them and I have done this after I finished counseling a woman and sometimes it is six weeks sometimes it is much more than that. I encourage you to find someone to disciple you, someone to disciple you in your church or in your sphere of influence, many of the women that I started counseling, made one, I'm sitting here right now in this audience, but I used to counsel now as a disciple and many of the women, after the counseling is over, I will begin to disciple them. but encourage them to find an older woman with whom they can share their true struggles and pray for them and help teach them that the Christian life is not to be left alone or walked alone, even David had godly people around him. those with whom he spent time as evidence of what he wrote in verse six the m in your acrostic when teaching your advice for living in holiness is to memorize and meditate on the word of God memorize and meditate on the word of God I don't know any other way from changing the way you think, which will change the way you behave than from memorizing the word of God, now ladies, I'm not talking about random verses, those are fine, they have their place, but I'm talking about large portions of the Scriptures, I can honestly tell you this morning.

The women I have dedicated my life to counseling and discipling. Those who have accepted this challenge of memorizing large portions of God's word are those who have had the greatest victory over sin and those who have developed the most spiritual psalm. 119 Your word is very clear, I have hidden it in my heart so as not to sin against God and we are trying to help these women overcome sin, so teach them to memorize the Scriptures. Psalm 1 is also very clear, it is the godly moment, godly man. who meditates day and night directly on the Scriptures and then says: "You know that everything he does prospers", so we must help them in this area to memorize so that they can renew their minds with the truth of the word of God.

The intention is for Christ to teach. Be attentive to Christ, if you want to help those whom you counsel to live a holy life, teach them to fix their hearts on Christ, put their affection in him, Jesus said it very well in the Sermon on the Mount, where is your treasure, there is your heart. In fact, this morning I was texting a girl who lives in another state that I mentor and she says I'm really going through a hard time, it's really hard and it's hard, she's in a really hard situation and I told her I understand, I said. but let's focus on christ let's be focused on christ he is the one who will sustain you and help you through this trial ladies you will become like the object you worship teach them to worship christ worship him alone david was focused on christ evidenced by what he says oh lord you I will sing and I will sing to you when it is good and I will sing to you when it is bad the next thing we must teach them is to be sensitive to the holy spirit be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, teach your council to give in to the impulses of the spirit, not to sadden it, not to quench it, um, I'm in our meeting with the lady right now and she's not doing this very well, she keeps coming back to the same thing and I.

I warned her about this, the more she engages in this activity, the more callous and callous she will become to sin. If you repeatedly ignore the promptings of the spirit, you will seared your conscience and become desensitized to sin to the point that you will no longer do it. They think that it is already a sin and they will simply surrender to it. Teach them to be sensitive to the holy spirit. David realized this. He says I can't live a holy life. When will you come to me? Oh, come to me Holy Spirit and help me.

I and of course we have the wonderful privileged ladies today the holy spirit lives within us in the biblical world with David we wrote Psalm 101 the holy spirit just came and went so it says oh when will you come to me? because the holy spirit did not live within him and that is why he depended on God to send him the holy spirit to come and go according to his will, and this is something that is very important. Sometimes we need to encourage them to examine themselves. There are many. women who have come for counseling and even many women that I have discipled over the years who, honestly, do not have a regenerated heart, do not have one and you can see that after a period of working with them, it is so I think when they first got certified and they said if there is no change within six weeks they probably won't do it because if they take the principles that you give them to take home and start working on them, they should start to see changes in the life and therefore women often when I have women.

Come get counseling. I think the biggest advantage of biblical counseling is that it is a conduit for the gospel, because most women who come for counseling don't know Christ. They have been given a diluted gospel. They don't understand the lordship of Jesus Christ, they don't understand the true and genuine gospel, so after you've worked with them for a while, make sure they have a living relationship with the living god. Even Paul tells the church in Corinth to examine themselves and test themselves. shows that you are truly in the faith and you know I am very sensitive to this because as a pastor's wife, a pastor's daughter, a pastor's wife, I was lost for 30 years and yet I thought I was on my way to glory and I didn't.

I was and I won. I won't go into my testimony but I am so thankful that Christ showed me my deception and saved me at the age of 30 and my life has definitely been transformed since then, in fact my husband would tell you that and the things I would never I had victory as a young wife, now I have it because of a regenerated heart and that is why I am very sensitive to those I work with when I see that it is just a lot of words but not really a genuine relationship with God, so dear friends.

If you want to help those you counsel live holy lives, help them learn to pray and resist temptation. the older woman must memorize the word intend christ and be sensitive to the holy spirit and lastly, they may need to examine themselves as they grow from From a child to now an adult, I have come to love a song that is not " oh, be careful", as I mentioned in my opening, but one with a similar message, just with more adult words, it was written by Francis Havergail, she is a long time mentor of mine. I have enjoyed reading her and studying her, but she had the entire New Testament memorized, the psalms of Isaiah and the minor prophets memorized when she died, which she was only 43 years old, so there is a goal for us, but what I want to do is I want to use this as our closing prayer and by the way, you may want to use this in your counseling sessions as a prayer that you pray with those you counsel or even in your own personal devotional time, so let's bow together and I'll use this song as our closing prayer together Father take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to you take my moments and my days let them flow in infinite praise take my hands and let them move to the impulse of your love take my feet and let them be fast and beautiful for you, take my voice and let me always sing only for my king, take my lips and let them be filled with messages from you, take my silver and my gold, not a single power would I withhold, take my intellect and use all the powers as you can. you will choose take my will and make it yours it will no longer be mine take my heart is yours it will be your royal throne take my love my lord I pour out his treasure at your feet take me and I will always be alone All for you and Lord, that is our desire, not only For us as biblical counselors but also for those in whom we put our lives, may they be women who live holy lives for your glory in the name of Christ, I pray, amen.