Gilbert's Future Wife on the Phone

to that nursing home and work with elderly people. Hey, they want to talk to a guy who says. He assaulted Gilbert at a comedy club because Gilbert was making fun of his mother-in-law. Were you attacked at a comedy club? Gilbert, I think I remember Gilbert, the bad mother, Tommy, yeah, what happened about two and a half years ago, I was in it. club called Chuckles, yeah, and it's not as far away as I know anymore, and anyway, I'll summarize the story. My mother-in-law at that time was my

future

mother-in-law, she had just finished chemotherapy and her hair was bad.

It didn't go well because she hadn't died, yeah, and Gilbert made fun of her, yeah, he was saying you look like Bozo the Clown, you know, anyone who's six shouldn't go see Gilbert, well, Gilbert , do you want to apologize to this gentleman? Do you remember anything about this? This comes under the guise of "Yes, Men Are Horny," supervisor of the Indiana Child Support Program, his name. It's David Scott, he only made about 26,000 a year, yeah, but I guess he was craving some women, so he came up with a plan so he could get 685,000 over an eight year period by creating fake child support cases to fund. his sexual relationships with four women, he is married, the father of two children and has been accused of taking this money to buy gifts for his girlfriends, an anxiety, an exotic dancer used part of the money to buy breast implants and a couple of other people they got some furniture and some jewelry I guess but the guy was creating fake support payments so he could get ideas for his girlfriends Devin Gilbert yeah the family is really proud of him now and I still have ideas about how to dress up as a cop and be officer eight, yes.

Officer Gómez What else is in the news? Of course, the president is being impeached. The trial continues yesterday. Vernon Jordan was deposed. Presidential friend. Please say that he was a little hostile at times, but they got him to change his testimony in a couple of areas. That's why he once said that he didn't remember a breakfast meeting with Monica Lewinsky where she told him about some gifts or that Linda had seen some letters she might have been writing for the president and he now admits to remembering that. meeting, but he doesn't remember any notes or gave her any advice and he also admits that it's a little strange that he's looking for so much work for this young woman, that's true, but he still says that you know there was However, it has nothing to do with his testimony, so he was there for three hours and, right now, they say they have begun questioning the third witness, Sydney Blumenthal, right, Monica Lewinsky, meanwhile they are debating whether to show the videotape. sex with Monica Lewinsky testimony I would say a difficult one Brian I don't think so who will be right yes, very fat yes, although she comes with a good recommendation, yes, don't let anyone do that, thanks guys, okay, close your eyes, Here's Rep.

Henry. The lead prosecutor in the Senate trial was asked if he still wants to call the three Witnesses who are being deposed to present exhibit number one in the Senate just because, love my wait, that's not the right thing to do. Well, here we go from now on. I, uh, I think it depends on tomorrow too, but from now on I'd like to have the uh, would you let Henry High give you oral sex? Yes, he says it was never the goal of this week's Witness statements to produce new statements or surprising developments in the foreign case.

Now polls show that most people would prefer this trial come to an end and they don't want to see a Monica Lewinsky tape but Senator Aaron plots a Utah Republican says he knows what the polls are saying but believes the public is not well informed who says that or in hand what number is the number 25. oh Jesus now the vast majority of them have not seen these issues and none of them have seen Monica Lewinsky testify not sure That, that, you can trust the political polls. I wonder where Gilbert stands on all this. You will never know.

I bet she doesn't even care. I know Hatch watched Monica Lewinsky's video testimony and says she appeared to be a vulnerable young woman. and credible here is Senator Olympia Snow, who is also a Republican, says that Monica seemed well rehearsed, she was very credible and came off as, you know, a young woman who was mature and had obviously given this type of testimony before. true, I'd rather see a video of Gilbert's apartment true, of course, anything else Rob, yes, the Democrats are saying they don't need Witnesses and the House Managers are doing everything they can to prolong the impeachment trial with their demands of video depositions that will be played before the Senate here Senator Barbara Boxer what number seven seven I don't think it's the end of the world to show these video tapes, but I'm just saying why do we need to do this to drag out this trial.

I think it's time to vote for or against. Do you think Gilbert is so big on the genitals and dark and dark about him? Yeah, it could be that his girlfriend didn't tell us, you never know, right? Hmm, I think about going home and yelling at his girlfriend. Now we'll be like yeah, no, this is my livelihood. I thought this person was a loser, I think he's not a screamer, I think he would just go home and never change his

phone

number again, even though the invitation has something like that. a novelty in him, are you going to talk to your girlfriend again and again?

Guys, okay brother, well the president keeps talking about his name over Mary, yes, derogatory when I'm in Washington, yes, he's still a big money maker, Democrat. party, so here in New York last night at a fundraising dinner at Le Cirque and won a million dollars. Wow, he still has the Box. They believe he has become so popular with people who donate because of his problems with Capital Health, meanwhile they say. that, uh, Al Gore probably has no competition for the Democratic nomination for president next time. He had a private conversation with Richard Gebhart the other day in which Gebhardt told him that he would not run against him.

What about Bill Bradley? Well, no one believes Bill Bradley ever had any competition. a chance, obviously, okay, I'll find you, tell someone else in the news that they're saying this looks really good for Al Gore. I don't believe it. A judge has refused to transfer lawsuits against Bridgeport priests accused of sexually abusing more than two dozen. children to another jurisdiction lawyers for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Bridgeport had argued that fair trials are impossible in Bridgeport because 40 percent of potential jurors would be practicing Catholics the lawsuits allege sexual assault The state dates back to the late 1960s, when all 27 plaintiffs were altar boys or members of youth organizations 16 cases involve the Reverend Raymond polka four cases involve the Reverend Charles five involve the late Reverend Joseph gorecki and two and two mothers the Reverend Martin all the lawsuits claim that he dies and officials knew priests sexually abused children and covered up the abuse by transferring priests to different parishes isn't that funny, go ahead Robin, maybe Jackie can hold back if a guy is on parental leave at his job. was denied parental leave because he is a man because if he is pregnant the panel found that Kevin Nussman was unlawfully denied 12 weeks of leave guaranteed by the Family Leave Act of 1993 who is a baby boy said he was the primary primary caregiver from his daughter his newborn daughter because his his

wife

was near death from birth complications, but he says he was told that only mothers were considered the primary caregivers, probably, so it's going to cost someone a lot of money , okay, enjoy those guys parents leave the cruel world, yeah, you know, ever since Gilbert got a girlfriend, he's Get real serious I know he feels serious I really care about your cases Remember when you were funny Yes No I remember so far back I like you better when you were no good Who will receive a Grammy like Gilbert and you will be left empty? -The Grammys are coming up, everyone is getting ready to go out again and say something offensive.

Did you want yourself at the Grammys? You got vomited on at the Emmys. That's where I did the Pee-wee Herman thing. He was disgusting, yes, although he is funny. and now it's like, uh, I remember, oh, they like to apologize, the Emmy board publicly apologized to the American public and then said, you know they would never get me right again, and they never did, yeah, they were good, they were TRUE. On his word, what else is on The Newsroom? Some sort of lawsuit was just settled against all those people who have been attacking abortion clinics, and a jury verdict against the website created to target abortion doctors was a clear victory.

I'm supposed to pay one hundred and seven million dollars in damages to the people affected, but who will see that money right? But the jury awarded $107 million and the damages were due to an anti-abortion website. Here's Gloria, the president of Planned. Fatherhood and this was a moral victory. I think it will be an emotional turning point. An affirmation for those doctors who are on the front lines every day ensuring that a woman has access to a safe legal abortion. Website founder Neil Horsley wasn't surprised. According to the jury's verdict, this is what he said. It doesn't surprise me at this point.

It would be surprising if the government of the United States of America actually allowed people to tell the truth about legalized abortion. Oh come on, so he feels like that's all he's doing telling the truth you guys don't learn anything I don't know where you're going to get 107 million dollars from but that was yesterday's prize some bad news about Walter Payton a football legend American Dr. Joseph Lagatuda announces that NFL Hall of Famer has a rare liver disorder. Walter has a rare liver disease called primary sclerosing cholangitis or known as PSC. The cause of the disease is unknown, but what we do know and this is very, very important for everyone, this disease does not. related to alcohol ingestion has nothing to do with viral hepatitis such as hepatitis A B or C has nothing to do with immunodeficiency disease has nothing to do with the use of anabolic steroids and also has nothing to do with use of vitamins, but how do you get it?

Walter Payton says he called the press conference to clear up rumors about his drastic weight, a couple of guys in the media who wanted to make fun of it and since they had the airwaves, there's no way you can combat that unless you just come out. and tell what's going on, who knew when it comes to things. I have a liver problem, I even know something about it, mockingly, I don't know. Gilbert problems, he has the media, yes, paralyzed gymnast, Sam Lang, no. you make love to her, yes, let's move so much, you can get out of here, she has been deemed fit to return to China and we will make the trip in June, almost a year after breaking her neck in the Goodwill game luggage, enough is enough, she . of course she will return in a wheelchair Gilbert when she recovers eating rice so that the doctors will approve the trip she has been under pressure from the Chinese Gymnastics Association to return to China where she is a national hero she will speak she will return to the United States periodically however to receive treatment okay, let's take a break, okay, let's take a break, we'll come back.

Gilbert, I'll still be here, he'll be performing at Caroline's in New York on February 4th, next week he'll be at Zanies in Chicago on the 11th, 12th and 13th huh, they tell me it's a lot of fun, are you bringing your new girlfriend? Oh yeah, you're welcome, she's fine, so you can see her too. They have a sun and chair routine. They do it right. We'll be back on the Howard Stern Show Winner of the Nobel Prize in Molecular Biology you're listening to the Howard Stern Show one more time oh, enough about Howard Stern, okay the Gilbert coffee here will be at Caroline's in New York on February 4th but it's moving to Chicago on the 11th, 12th and 13th at Zanies, all of Chicago waiting for him.

I can't wait for Robin. There is something left in the news that we haven't covered. Well, back to the president, his first brother, Roger Clinton, says that President and Mrs. Clinton are back to normal, oh. Really, although they still have a lot of work in their marriage because of Wednesday, that's what he says, a lot of work, that's what work should be, but I mean, if you ruin that bed, don't you think it's work to come back? I think it's time to separate some of them. I really believe it. I mean, at what point does all infidelity require a breakup?

No, no, as long as no one else knows, young Clinton tells ABC that the president is concerned as always about the nation's business, Monkey Business, Michael Mesmith, do you remember that name, the monkeys? That's right, a former member of the monkeys, monkey, who left because his mother left him a fortune because, as was what, uh, Liquid Paper, Liquid Paper, aired the Liquid. Paper that is correct and he is getting more money yes they will have to pay him almost 47 million dollars so I hope because he won an award for the Missouri award a federal jury in Los Angeles ruled that PBS went behind Nesmith's back to steal the rights ofThere you have that struggle and there you see that Neurosis Dharma enters everything you know.

She is three years old, she will miss her goal this year, yes, you know, maintaining Dharma and Greg is the great goal of maintaining their stellar quality and I just want to expand it, and you know, continue working with great directors and great actors and challenge myself to myself with the role, okay, get out of my life, who needs you to beat him, leave me alone and here's Matt Campbell, who do you know? One of the new stars of Hollywood. He's on a show called The Party of Five. They asked him to act. Uh, do you think people who watch the show like the sad moments as much as the happy ones?

I think that's why people watch it. I think that's why people enjoy it, because it has a real quality to it and is extremely based on reality. I'm watching it because nothing else and there's a new movie called Rushmore, yeah, good reviews, starring a bunch of unknown Joneses and Bill Murray. Here's a scene from that movie with Jason Schwartzman and Olivia Williams, just because oh, that's Jason, what is it? What's the matter? What's the matter? You hurt my feelings. Tonight was important for me. I was in a Johnson Schwartzman. Let him continue. Do you like it?

Stinky little Jew about a fucking meal in his mouth. Little Jew, should you take your mole to the ovens? for killing screams I hurt your feelings, oh my God, I wrote a successful play that sounds pretty good, too incredible and, finally, it would be at least they won't kill the trash. It was a difficult week for Marilyn Manson in Australia. The Rocker walked. off stage after playing only half of a set on Sunday. Wow, he was upset with the crowd that had been pelting him with bottles and other objects. One of the fans attacking with the guitar was injured when he was hit in the head with a thrown object over 400 people were treated for injuries at the Perth show mainly due to sun exposure crowd surfing well Dallas Texas you're in the air some days before Manson could not complete his big day in Melbourne when the concert was interrupted due to excessive projectiles, do you like Marilyn?

I remember when she was married and he was a big baller and if you were a big baller it meant you would win a ball game but he could do it. only when it was in a board game because back then it would have been the right two teams and years ago if one team won then they were the winning team now you see your brothers would be the ones blowing the horns hi Harpo how are you? Yeah, the reason I called him Harper is an interesting song because she touched the heart. I think she thanks him and she goes back to sleep.

You know, she was in a very bad mood. Yeah, that's also an interesting story that was years ago. I remember the big bathroom. Yes, if a plane was in the sky, then it broke down, okay, thanks, what else is in the news? Gilbert Gottfried will be perfect when you perform at Caroline's in New York on February 4th, next week you will be at Zanies in Chicago on the 11th, 12th and 13th Gilbert, thanks for coming years ago, you were on a radio show and couldn't see what it was like having the early years of radio, well, you were talking into a micro

phone

and people had radios and they listened. to your radios Jackie Penthouse Jokes Page Martley has an exciting career, doesn't he Groucho?

Well, he says he doesn't make dirty jokes or 79-minute CDs of dirty jokes, hot dogs and donuts, which is what the hot dog is the vagina, Alexa the donut. it's the vagina the hot dog is the penis correct years ago correct make donuts okay it's only twelve dollars plus four dollars shipping they just made the whole home call 1-800-323 King Fighting Saturday Jackie uh February 12 and 13 on Viva rubble in Syracuse, New York, for information and online jokes, visit jokeland.com showclin.com, okay, just a joke and don't miss it, starring John's man who appears at the Club in South Amboy, New Jersey, this Friday night, John, it's going to be, uh, you.

You're going to be there for my albums.