Half in the Bag: Unfriended and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

half

in the bag hey, don't you have anything better to do? oh no we're about to reach the Chicago Bears tower oh it looks like we didn't hey J let's talk about two new movies hello and welcome to

half

in the bag I'm Jay and I'm Paul Blunt and we just watched two horror movies. Unfriended is a new Skype and Facebook-themed horror film that should not be confused with the recent Twitter-themed horror film that follows Unfriended. Five or six teenagers meet on Skype. being horrible people on the anniversary of her friend's suicide, a suicide they caused by cyberstalking her after they posted a video of her while she was drunk, come on people, we've all been there, eventually through computer shenanigans, everyone characters die, no spoilers, Mike, what did you do?

Think about Unfriended, how good. I can honestly say that Unfriended was the best horror movie set on Facebook and Skype I've ever seen. I would have to agree with that, yes it was better than I thought, it was complete and it was Better I wouldn't say complete, what I would say is that I really wanted to see this movie because the trailer was a comedy masterpiece. I laughed a lot the first time I saw the trailer, it was perfect, like fat people holding hands in a blender. It's the kind of silly, gimmicky horror movie where it feels like this will be dated in six months, you know, and everything about it will still be one of the classics, yeah, sure, yeah, but yeah, actually, I have to give enough to the movie. credit, I mean, it's obviously very gimmicky, the whole premise is a gimmick, it's kind of a twist on found footage in a way, but it all seemed like, usually when they do this kind of thing in movies, It always feels really fake like this.

It felt like the way I was bouncing back and forth between Facebook and Skype and all that stuff because it's all if someone doesn't know that the whole movie is on a laptop screen and the whole movie and it felt very natural and real so far. as that element goes and the way the exposure was presented, you know, the YouTube videos and the news websites and things like that, a different way of telling a story that I thought really works, let's call it okay the history. That's the problem is that it's a horror movie and it's not scary in the slightest, well okay, I'm definitely going to give credit where credit is due.

I didn't, I didn't hate this movie at all and anything goes, but you. You're right, the technical aspect is really spot on and it should be, because all the movies on a computer really needed to get that and the impressive thing was that I guess they spent 75 percent of their budget on getting the licenses for Google YouTube and Facebook and many movies don't worry about having imitations like fake sites. My favorite example is from the classic movie. Old Walter Boden, 65, hangs south after a massacre that included his wife and me. I guess it was a big push on the part of their producers that, how cleverly these movies are marketed to teenagers, we want them to feel real, we want them to look exactly like how they look on Facebook, we want them to look exactly like their Mac laptops and all. that if it's not, it won't play, you know, and that's true, and that all felt good, you know, you could tell that the parts are speeding up the writing during the compression time and I, but then they added the glitches during scary effects here and there, but overall I like a really good representation of what a laptop looks like and that's what we've come to in movies nowadays, yeah, and it's also like a storytelling device. the way a character writes a message to the main character is his laptop starting to write a message and then deleting it and then writing something different or is it like you can set it, it's the way the movie expresses his apprehension to divulge information like I thought it was interesting yeah unfortunately it's in service of this really generic it was basically a slasher movie I mean all the tropes there and the virginal teenager and you know he squirms at the end and you know there's a character fat guy who was Playing on cliches a bit but it's very obvious who it was marketed to even though the movie was inexplicably rated R and there are teenagers in front of us in line who couldn't get in there like you gotta have a dad Yes, there is nothing to this. to justify in our rating this language and violence, which I don't know if you wanted to not list a single f-word or a single oh, there were bad words, yes, that's right, I remember any swear words, they call each other like Oh, suck good.

That's right, yes, she said, and a couple of, but nothing that couldn't be trimmed or trimmed, yes, and would look better on a young girl of seventeen and sixteen. There is no place for the older demographic. One of the problems for me was logic. and it was like okay here the story is there's the main girl her friend her name is what's the name she said it Amalur abarnes floorpan should remember this it doesn't matter she's on screen a million times laura barnes and she's like a normal looking Girl, she looks like one of her friends, she doesn't look like she's the typical victim of cyberbullying and it's not really that it's more like she faints and poops herself, yeah, and then they post a video about. and it's like why did her friends do this to her, yeah, there's no real reason why and then you allude to it very briefly, they show a YouTube video of her where she's holding up pictures with words on them, it's like y'all. and yeah, there's almost no backstory as to why this Laura Barnes girl is targeted by her friends for being something so malicious, other than the fact that our six, five, or six main characters are really horrible people, yeah, I think that's all, but Laura Barnes is also horrible because she seems kind of nasty, well she's going to get her revenge by having them put their hands in blenders, so here comes Laura Barnes, it's been a year after she shot herself in the playground with a gun and will chase her. them on skype and apparently she has unlimited powers unlimited powers to do anything with computers the scariest thing she can do is she can make the reply button in gmail or the forward button just disappeared guys where is my forward button ?

Oh, I'm going to make your forward button disappear. I'm going to make it so you can't close this tab. Where's Lon Chaney when you need them? Where is Bela Lugosi? You won't be able to force quit your programs and that's okay, the really scary part is that their dead friend is chasing them, Skype and Facebook are just a vehicle yes, but for me it wasn't scary that their dead friend was chasing them because it's As if I were your dead friend. I could do whatever I wanted, yes, now. if it was a demonic entity posing as his friend who realized we don't know, maybe it was, but then at the end Laura's ghost comes out and leaves, it's just someone posing as me.

I'm really encrypted, guys. I'm really good, but it was just miserable, there was no kindness, yeah, there's no heart in the movie, just six miserable, horrible kids did something horrible, miserable to one miserable, horrible girl and she turned into a Skype Ghost and killed them, yeah, they could have taken the easy way out, right, they could have taken like the weird, shy, ugly, fat girl, whatever, sorry, cyberbullying, you know, victims, whatever and she, you know, very homely. I will say that I used the word homebody and I got into completely alone she goes psycho from abuse like a carrier like a carrier they could have set it up and then she kills herself and then the kids go to the computer and then she shows up in his place it's like this, this there's almost zero backstory and everything kind of despicable is doing this, this is more like an account that would hack a dead girl's account, although it's interesting because this is a stark comparison to what is deduced, which was less tech, yeah , and except for the weird cover thing, except for the time shell reader, but much more effective, well, yeah, it's a prime example of why most of these found footage movies just aren't very good, They just feel like garbage, like they're still really, really well crafted, like there's craftsmanship and he ramps up the tension and makes these scenes scary with the making of the movie and kind of like no friends, it's just that you know, it's essentially a found footage movie, just people screaming.

It just scared me how slow the clock moved when I was watching this movie, that's the only thing. That scared me, yes. 80 What are these 82 minutes? It feels like double what can be said for our two movies today, but they ran it for 82 minutes with just a computer screen. I mean, I don't know, I guess that should give something. kind of gold star, right, they get an A for effort, they get an A for effort, so Jay, would you recommend corn, kids of the corn six, the Internet age? I don't know what this movie is, are you even awake now? it's like falling asleep I'm talking okay what's the name of the movie despicable me despicable characters was this a movie by Adam Sandler and I'm Sandler produces this I want to see the beginning of happy madison to make horror movies with the same thing they already make hey, what?

What was the name of this movie without friends? Because they stopped being friends with Laura Palmer and then she said: I'm going to get you, I'm going to get you. I send you a message that speaks backwards after I'm sorry, little person, embarrassing hashtag, not a very good movie for Facebook. It's true, that scares me on Facebook because there could be a ghost in it. They had very early credits. I saw them out of line saying that this is a work of fiction and does not represent any reality or something like that. at the end of the credits but it had its own title screen because a girl named Laura Barnes is going to be cyber stalked to death well you're the one in the movie do you think they did any research to make sure there was I'm not Laura Barnes on Facebook and that's why they chose that name, probably not.

So you are saying that these filmmakers are irresponsible filmmakers. So Mike, would you recommend Unfriended? Oh no, they should have made a horror movie on Myspace. It will be called Ghost Town. scene that's pretty good that's pretty good that's pretty good Kevin James continues to wow audiences in his new movie

paul

blart

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blarp - and no, it's not his comedic skills or his writing, it's his ability to continue to be a best-seller shameless and shameful that ever existed. At Paul Blart Mall Park, we learned that Sony has its own Apple iWatch. We also learned that the Wynn resort in Las Vegas has a great pool area, good restaurants, very helpful staff, and a fantastic show called La Reve.

They also have a world-class art collection that no one seems to care much about and that criminals can easily steal with cheap plastic sharper-image devices, oh yeah, and Paul Blart falls a lot and his 45-year-old hairdresser daughter is kidnapped by the guy from Star Trek first. contact the film continues the Adam Sandler tradition of social class by making fun of homophobia, racism and stupidity, but in a much more PG way Jay, what did you think of Paul Baro? Mara blarp blarp blarp what's the opposite of art

paul

blart

okay yeah art is But it's not in the name which is unfortunate Paul bull arts bull arts if those three letters of the alphabet could commit suicide paul blart

mall

blah boob es terrible, needless to say it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen, it has a zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes and I think that's more due to indifference than anything else.

Oh, okay, someone wrote a script to take care of the plot, you know, and then they were going to go back and add jokes, but no, we went back and added. jokes, then you have the idiot character of the fat, clumsy guy, which is a comedy staple, but when you have him in a movie where there are no jokes, he's like the most depressing human being in the world and it's just miserable to watch, yeah , there was only one. He jokes that I left him and in the end all the cops at the Paul Blart mall show up as the bad guy and there's a stereotypical Indian who is stupid and falls asleep and his Indians, so haha, yeah, and he runs and shows up and looks like he did it made. a cape like I was going to be a superhero now it just came from my haircuts, yeah I went.

Did you really live once in the movie? I came straight out of a haircut. I wonder what the process is for creating these films, Happy Madison productions. in the office, like in Jack and Jill, there's that whole sequence, it was like a Carnival cruise or what it was and it's just an ad like that whole section of the movie is just a commercial, this is a whole movie that's a commercial for the Wynn resort and It makes me wonder if people approach Happy Madison like they're advertising our products, you know, we'll pay to promote our products and then they decide to make a movie based on it.

Well, this is the product placement, first.I will say that Steve Wynn is not hurting for money, for sure, I think the production company approached him and I want to say that because I looked up, I read about this and it was the first movie where he allowed someone to come and film. So obviously it's like making the Wynn resort look good, there's a lot of beauty shots, there's a lot, they even give them a gratuitous cameo, yeah, so I don't think that's not the case, but he pulled it off. It was like looking at the wind complex, isn't it cool?

Except for one negative scene everything was positive except when the dealer starts taking paul blart shmoney oh the memorable scene where he plays dice and loses and that's the scene. I couldn't have predicted that it was shocking and had a comical twist, no, but the craps dealer says, give me this, give me. I'll put this here I'll put it here like mmm they don't do that yeah start taking them I'm telling you where to place your bets the way the wind stinks I've been there before it stinks I lost five dollars on one of your disgusting slot machines, but Paul Blart gets invited to the mall cops association, whatever some people got, he got a convention, yeah, in Las Vegas and then he goes there and there he finds a new subgenre of Adam Sandler, a new.

The hallmark of Adam Sandler, which is now what I'm going to call occupational shaming, occupational shaming, a hashtag, occupational shaming, um, because Paul Blart is a singular character, a crazy, bumbling mall cop, that's fine, It's pretty basic, yes, it's acceptable, of course, but say that all the people who work. in some kind of security that is not a police officer, everyone is like fat, clumsy idiots, that's true, the bombing is quite insulting, they maintained, they showed pictures of legends like mall security or bank security or whatever I mean, as a humble occupation, yes, and they are Well, can we talk about Kevin James?

Because this is the first movie I've seen with him. What's the appeal for people who, like Kevin James, have me because you can look like the awkward fat guy you have, like Chris Farley? You know he made some really bad movies, but you can still see in those movies what people find funny about him. I have no idea what anyone would find funny about Kevin James, yeah he's like the light version of fat man, no pun intended. mmm guy like Chris Farley, there's genuine skill, comedic skill, that's for sure, like a funny fat guy, yeah, Kevin James is like the soft, milky version of that, yeah, it's like you put someone's dad on the line. chance in a movie like he's just some guy like there's nothing, I mean it's not like he's not horrible, but he said he's not a terrible actor, but he's not funny at all, ever, he doesn't even seem like he's trying If it's funny, please tell me.

Blart is taken. watch out yes you mean take out your crew one by one hmm that just got real is there a scene where he is trying to fit too much luggage into the overhead bin of a plane and it's just falling over? No, that's strange, it's really very strange that they did that. It doesn't include a scene like that and then she sits in the middle seat in the middle like a stuffy old lady and some like to say and she says, sorry, I'm fat, no, she just says oh, she has to carry luggage awkwardly. a little bit and they don't do anything comedic with it and it just has a lot of baggage.

Oh, remember, the black lady on the fence, isn't she funny? Someone kicked her big fat court and they bounced off her because she's fat and fat people are fat. immune to damage yes that's true, I was hoping that at some point Paul Blart would put his hand in a blender but it never happened, maybe Kevin James put both hands in a blender before writing the script because it all depends you get it. a joke, fatso, so here's the question: Kevin James, he's part of the happy Madison crowd, he seems worse and less interesting, you call him a conspirator, conspirators, okay, embezzler, yes, conman?

Conchords, yeah, all those people are basically, did you know they're making a sequel? to jail with David Spade I'm not surprised this is happening everyone go to hell Bigalow male gigolo three well that's my question is Kevin James the most boring of these bad Adams my friends he's worse than Rob Schneider oh yes, Rob Schneider at least. I can do other characters Kevin James is just Kevin James, although Adam Sandler's guys at least like to start in comedy or SNL, yeah, before this, I don't know where Kevin James came from, other than a woman's vagina fat, like I really don't know.

I don't know how he knew that he appeared in King of Queens and that he was in a movie called Hitch with Will Smith, but that was after he had success in King of Queens. He could have just been a guy who was on a TV show. I associate David Spade and Chris Kattan and all those guys with Adam Sandler Money Train, okay, I can't say I blame them, oh, we're sure they're all doing voices in Hotel Transylvania, they're all doing voices in this, everyone. show up on a scene and get a paycheck for ten million dollars.

We all know it's an embezzlement scam, but I can't blame them, but Kevin James is like starring in these vehicles and I don't know, I hope this one tanks that much. I don't think it is, oh no it is and well here's the thing too, it's like the first paul blart, blah blah, was six years ago, that's a long time, especially for a comedy sequel to come out. As if so much time had passed and It was the world that was crying out for the adventures of mall cop Paul Blart. I don't think anyone has made a fan reaction video for mall cop Paul Blart; no they did, there were a lot of people waiting for this but no the fans weren't clamoring for paul blart mall cop 2 but mid april no, have you ever seen a movie that looked like it was so casually shot and executed as Paul Martin will come to know I don't think he has it, yeah, like writing, directing and Acting it all feels like no one cares or is even trying to make a comedy movie when you get a scene right and you kind of have of exposition that has to happen there, as if something funny should happen because in the scene, Paul Blart was hiding. behind the stage and him there are boxes that the super evil genius who is stealing a heart has down there as I go.

Can I open these boxes? You know and we find out that the contraband artwork is there, whatever and there's a guy there and he says okay but I'm going to eat my lunch, oh yeah, so he takes it out like a completely black rotten banana and starts to eat the rotten banana and Paul Blart Slyke, oh that doesn't look good, oh don't eat that and I always say this a lot. the joke, yeah, and there was no proper setup or reward, no, it's just a guy eating a rotten banana, yeah, and then stable, it's like it's filler, like, that happens, but at least the part where that Paul Blart had to slide. the floor to lick the drops off a child's ice cream cone.

Sorry, this was actually moderate to mild prepared where Paul Blart said he has hypoglycemia, yeah, we need some sugar and he fell. At first he was confused because he was running to do something and then he just passed out and I was like, what happened? I thought he is narcoleptic. Did they set it up in the first movie? that he is narcoleptic and didn't know why he fell, but then they said that. you see the ice cream, he starts the lab there and he said it was already mentioned before, they weren't referring to the sugar, but his execution was confusing to the point where he didn't know what was happening, but again you're talking about the The issue here is the carelessness, nobody cares, that's the right setup and he gets in there and of course some of the drops on his face, you know, and then once it's Higgins' tongue, he looks like a dog and then okay so he just gets up, I'm like exit the scene, yeah I was expecting almost some kind of Popeye joke when Popeye Popeye was a very old cartoon from the 1920s anyway so I was expecting kind of a pop, I think something like how he gets. up and you're some kind of amazing animation or something happens and the lighting changes like ah, I'm Paul Blart, I've got my sugar, I'm ready to go and like that, something comes out of the shot, yeah, the guy was eating the disgusting banana and then he was no longer eating the disgusting banana and then it went to another scene.

Paul Blart is being chased by a security guard and then runs off into the wind's signature stage show, oh yeah, which sounds fantastic, she really does it. just know a soul beyond that you know where you can get tickets to see I'm sure you can go win the calm of the resort yes on the website it looks fantastic it looks amazing wait till you see it. I want, I want to go to their restaurant, it seems new, it seems like they have very good food and good service, you don't even have to pay, you just run out of the scene, but again nothing funny happened except Paul Blart grabbed onto a thing that He lifted him up in the air and then he knocked people down, yeah, it seemed like the joke was that he was on stage and that's as far as they got, they put on those angels, he put on angel wings and went up on stage. and it's funny that he's there it's funny that he's there that's the joke and I'm sure the cast and crew were laughing hysterically when he walked out on set with the angel wings under control.

Come in, so Mike, would you recommend PAH, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, r5? No, J, would you recommend it? I think if you're interested in visiting the Wynn resort, this is a lovely commercial because it's a very, very good commercial, they have a casino, they have a pool, a wonderful restaurant and apparently you can have a big gang fight in the main hallway and there is no one around. Oh, there sure are a lot of people at the Wynn Resort. You know your casino looks dumpy and shitty. Its conventional space is quite small. Your trash thieves are aggressive and nasty and little kids are dripping. the ice cream cone drips everywhere and no one cleans it up, yeah, if Paul Blart wasn't there to lick that ice cream, you'd just stay on the floor, like what did he do, what didn't he, what a dump, yeah, and apparently you could just walk from one hotel suite to the other two because that didn't happen with the kids, oh that's what happened to that kid who was having a party at the hotel in a room that wasn't occupied, let that happen to minors drinking in your hotel. by your employees yeah, this movie paints a pretty unpleasant picture of the wind, you know, think about it, it's a bit rubbish, yeah, and I would never stay there, so Grill, good job, Steve Wayne.

Hope it was worth it. I hope you're happy, Madison. The verification was worth it. I mean your hotel is also associated with mall cop Paul Blart. I'm just saying you might as well film at Circus Circus because it's a joke. Your hotel is a joke and that program you have seems like shit.