What If Taco Bell Made A McRib?

now we're making some good meat pasta meat pasta was my nickname in high school because in the locker room just yeah, it smelled like meat pasta and I got it, it doesn't matter, hey, welcome to the mythical kitchen where dreams become Food, it's the most wonderful thing. time of year

mcrib

season a time when carolers go from door to door singing fa la la la loving it a time when we decorate the trees with strangely shaped little threads and meat a time when we all sit around the fire with steaming cups of barbecue sauce reflecting on those we love, but this season of

mcrib

has me a little more inspired, has me thinking outside the box because there's a question I have to ask and I have to answer and you have to sit there and say,

what

the hell are you talking about? and that question is

what

if

taco

bell

made

a mcgrib?

No, that's not rhetoric. I'm asking you. I need you to answer. You'd probably like, well, it would probably be like a little conversation where we've broken down the recipe. three easy steps, you can find the time codes right there, we also have a full recipe written in the description, let's run to the border, that was a racist slogan that

taco

bell

had for a couple of years, I realized I shouldn't Just because they had a racist slogan doesn't mean I have to repeat it, let's live moss, that now also seems racist, although you know because it was actually a white guy who stole like a Mexican recipe, let's invent the non-racist slogan for taco bell, come on, let's cook well, So what would happen if Taco Bell

made

a McBridge?

We should probably revisit the inspiration for this question because there are a couple of factors at play here, a McDonald's basically answered the question: what if the big mac was a taco? They made the maximum sandwich and then the taco bell. They went a little out of pocket when they made the chicken sandwich taco, so they took the chicken sandwich formula from several different fast food places, including McDonald's. They put a strip of chicken with mayonnaise and pickles inside. a weird little taco bun, so what's to stop taco bell from taking the success of the mcrib and putting it into their off-the-bun formula, where they put it back inside the bun?

That's what I and I are going to answer today. I'm going to answer that with a giant piece of mystery pork, so let's add it to a blender right now oh oh oh raw pork uh no one touched me, I'm going to tell you what it's called trigonosis. I'm the trigonosis man, so what's really in a mcgrape? If you look at the ingredient list on taco bell, there are only five ingredients in the pork burger, it's literally pork water, salt, dextrose, and rosemary extract. However, what exactly is pork? So pork is pork. some, uh, but what part of the pig actually goes into a mcrib according to npr, it's a byproduct of restructured meat technology where they actually blanch the stomach and the heart and other parts of the pig and extract the proteins, however, in a video published. at mcdonald's they show whole pork butts thrown into a giant grinder, maybe they just missed the scalded stomachs and all that said I've got some mystery pork here, let's mix this with some spices to try and make it a little. taco bell, first we're going to take some signature taco bell flavors, I'm just going to add sugar because sugar makes the pork taste good and then we're going to add a message because that's just going to make the pork better. flavor in that we're going to add a little bit of salt in there, it's essentially like a sausage, if you bite into a mcrib it tastes like a sausage patty and that's what we're going for, we're adding a little bit of onion powder. of chipotle chili powder to get a little bit of that smoke we're adding a little bit of cumin because taco bell really tastes like cumin we've got garlic powder and then oh yeah bourbon no it's liquid smoke and we're gonna add a little bit of liquid smoke there because I'm going to try it and I'm going to try it, I'm going to try to do this kind of chipotle barbecue theme because I feel like that's the direction that taco bell would go, now we're going to spin the pork that We're going to try to mix all the seasonings in there and turn it into a nice smooth pork paste to then stab into huge rib burgers.

Also, Taco Bell never had pork on the menu, which is strange because it's a very cheap animal to produce, I mean. They have bacon and sausage on the breakfast menu, but like carnitas made from Taco Bell and stuff like that, Taco Bell has never done that and I feel like if they did, they would do it as a big PR stunt to just mess with McDonald's and , sincerely. If you are trying to make a mcrib at home this would be a very good direction to go in, just mix a bunch of similar spices together. I have to put this on it.

We will add a little flour. to solidify it and absorb some of those juices so we don't like to lose too much in the cooking process, here we go, now we're making a nice meat paste. Meatloaf was my nickname in high school because I was in locker. room, just, yeah, it smelled like meat paste and I would get it, nevermind, here we go now, we have some good meat paste, here, oh wait, what are you supposed to do? Unclip this and then take it out. We are learning. Alright, now we have to start forming, we have a new stand mixer, man, good for us, a little early Hanukkah gift for us.

Okay, now let's form our little meat witches right here, I'm trying to go with the chicken sandwich. taco formula and a lot of people would ask, hey, you have a food discussion podcast, is it the chicken sandwich, the taco, the chicken sandwich or the taco, and I say neither of those are extinct from taco bell, It's over, they had a two-week race and now it's over. uh it was okay so let's go ahead with that so I'm going to try to make a slightly elongated rib shape here and then we'll put the little bars on it there's not a single rib that goes on a real McDonald's mcrib but I don't think that be a knock against it, man, a lot of people don't make a boneless rib sandwich and it's like Arby's, they came out with this boneless rib right now. sandwich and they say you don't want preston formed pork burgers.

I was like you don't know me. Arby's, yeah, fuck, I don't want your disgusting cartilage ribs on your damn sandwich, just give me a bucket of that cheese sauce and let me wash it down with your warm mayonnaise, Arby's has the best warm mayonnaise in the game, you get the sauce packets that They've used them all on their hands, it's a little bit of horseradish mayonnaise, yeah, and then they got sauce from Arby's because I don't think they can legally call it barbecue sauce because there's too much corn syrup by weight, that's as good as it gets.

I messed with Arby's, so let's form this into a perfect little rectangle, there we go, that's good, we need this long enough to fit on a taco or it's something foldable and I'd like to see this on taco bell menus. I think I can be the official spokesperson for this new taco bell item. I call it the crib, come down and talk about getting. You should get yourself a rib, you're like, when's the crib coming back? We should do a commercial, we should have him take a rib commercial starting me and that way we can pitch this to Taco Bell starring, yeah, oh, sorry, hi. anyone else want to volunteer to be the spokesperson for tahrir no trevor you're too skinny no one trusts you through nicole you can be backup dancers you've been from the bottom ethan took riv okay so we're forming little rib bars why because this is what ribs look like to talk to mcdonald's and now taco bell man why we mold so much meat in this kitchen this is how my kids will grow up other kids will have connections and barricades and play in the metaverse with Zuckerberg will be like uh my Pussy play is rolled in raw meat.

I'm going to be a good father, okay, one more little meat loaf, okay, yeah, well, I don't know what they wanted it to look like, but this. That's what it looks like, let's cook this until it's like a nice grayish pink, do you like it? look how I look, I made you a meat spread, well I'll probably make a couple more of these, I'm going to throw them in the oven at 375 until it's nice and moist, so we figure out our pork burger. Now we have to figure out what kind of bread, tortilla, or taco bell container this would put in if we know anything about the chicken sandwich taco.

I'm going to be a gordita, right, that's basically what they did, they basically made a gordita dough which is essentially a flatbread, similar to Arabic bread for tacos, which is a base, which is a fascinating story for fans. I'm going to take a typical flatbread dough, basically a bread dough without a little yeast added. I mean, there's still yeast in there. I'm just going to take it out and then my plan here, I want to chalupify this because I feel like it's better to make a delicious soft pork burger and spicy barbecue sauce than a delicious crispy fried dough, so we're going to make a very pale flatbread and then we're going to go ahead and fry it because, welcome to taco bell baby, we're frying things, so I'm going to put this here.

I'm going to roll it out very, very thin and then I'm going to punch it in circles and then I can pull this by hand like it's pizza dough. I feel like I want to, yes. my kids are going to be splashing around in raw meat and dough, my kids are going to make a little dumpling factory, here we go, that didn't do anything now, I'll spread it out nice, if you're trying to roll this up for real. very skinny, we shouldn't get too high, buddy, rolling next to a hot iron, okay, here we go, come on, come on, come on, I shot myself in the foot here playing with so many hot things with my bare hand on the show because now people think I'm immune to pain, so in a recent video I really burned myself out and people like that aren't Josh, he's an imposter, he doesn't feel pain.

I'm a human being now let's do nice little rounds here I don't know why I did it normally I don't know now you have a lot of dough now throw the rest in the trash we will say that Hi family food Nicole can you make challah with this? We will make a space. We will make a helmet. We will make it work. Now we have them perfectly round. What the hell happened? How did that happen? We are going to deploy them. a little bit more to make them nice and circular omg no it will work just give me a fuck listen taco bell has a whole factory they got the machines from the matrix right they are making it at the taco bell okay im just me, you know, just a single dad here doing everything I can to get his kids to eat raw meat, you know, to make them happy thinking outside the box, you know, I'm trying to take a mcrib singing carols every time What do you know we can string the ribs on the tinsel?

You know it's nice, it's okay, we're like a family. Trevor stop laughing at me, this is a good man, he's fine, wait, no, this one will do better, I'll just do it. better the ten is because the dough comes in whatever we shoot it the dough comes out of the refrigerator that's hard that's good that's good ah damn everything good here just press it here we go that's here that's nice that looks good that looks good it's well there we go, so what we're doing now we just need two, can we throw this one in, can we, oh God, it's burning here, it's cooked enough, so we're going to take that and we're just going to stick them in this thing here. . and then we're going to fry it into a chalupa sounds good sounds good here we go, I mean, actually surprisingly, that's what I wanted, we had a lot of dough left over, um, I'll eat it.

I'll eat it raw I'll eat it raw to apologize I thought someone was going to stop me Can I get on a stand for a second? I don't just want to talk about how to get America back to fucking Baja Chalupa. Can we all agree? They should bring it, no one really knows what made it different, but it had a pink sauce that they called salsa baja and it probably tastes like all their other pink sauces. They probably just renamed it Creamy Jalapeño Sauce, but I want it back, why? all the things from my childhood were better than i actually remember they were like ghostbusters okay so what we're going to do is take these platforms right now taco bell will call them gordita but then when taco bell fries and chubby turns into a boat so ready monkey we are wetting the oil until it is a boat uh he took my place you see this my grandmother I went to pick up my grandmother and I told her like grandmother, do you want to go to that nice fish place, get a bit of barramundi because, oh no, no, give me a supreme crunch like it's called crunchwrap.

Grandma Supreme as taco bell might have the best commercials in the game, but I think we can give them a run for their money because we make good videos. You know, put in a good word for those videos, I think we can show them what we're made of with our own taco bell commercial, right, yeah, but we don't have the budget that they have, so we have to go old school. Those old school Carl's Jr commercials where, like a dumb guy in a t-shirt eating a burger,You know, he was a little bit ashamed of himself and was like, "Don't touch me, I've got a burger or whatever the slogan is, I'll do it." Be that dumb guy, except there will be like a cross between the sexy Paris Hilton commercial and the Shelby Guy commercial, but all I know is that I'll be doing some kind of hand job covering the barbecue sauce, okay, we got our delicious fried bread, chalupa talk, rib shell coming out, let's go, God, it's hot, it's nice and moist, oil, you know, it's, it's an egg, a waffle.

It's going to be good, it's crispy, it's nice and crispy, it's going to be good and it's something ribs will work, all you naysayers here never believed in ribs, you also never believed in my tuxedo salad shaker where they just put a taco salad in a half cup of Baja blast and shake it up and drink it with a straw, you don't believe in that, let me throw up my mouth a little, but once the mayonnaise mixes with the Baja, we're done anyway, what kind barbecue? taco bell sauce is put on the rib, well it would probably attack the masculinity of mcdonald's that's my theory, that's why we're putting some smoked ghost chili because taco bell has been doing that lately, like rattlesnake fries with sauce of scorpion that has like a skoshe of trinity scorpion in there and they say you don't want any of those fries, they don't say that, but that's the implication, that's what the commercial has, it must have too toxic masculinity, that's what What are we going to sell? the ribs, so we're going to try to make a barbecue sauce that's pretty true to form.

If you look at the first ingredients of any fast food Barbie sauce, it's going to be water, it's going to be corn syrup. a whole, yeah, we're just going to empty the bottle in there, we're just going to let it go, we're going to shake it up, we're going to get all that corn syrup in there, which will honestly give it a nice thick body, you know, like me, a thick sauce for the butt and then you'll always find tomato paste in there, not a lot of similar fresh ingredients around safe, it'll be delicious and then a bunch of chipotles in batter, although taco bell would definitely go with the chipotle barbecue sauce that they had. oh, sorry, I was eating some of that chalupa dough on the side and now I have the chalupa burps, you know, chalupa burps are some of the most delicious fast food burps, at least the top five, oh Gosh, let's add a little bit of that.

It's chipotles and adobo, which is a really fantastic product that you should be cooking with, and then natural spices that build up inside these little bowls. The onion sometimes has to figure it out and then our smoke turns into chili, you don't breathe and then a little bit of paprika and now we're going to oh vinegar, I always miss it because it's clear vinegar, we'll put it in there and we'll mix it up, we'll strain it right in. in the pan and just heat it up good, don't stop, stop, okay, now we're going to take this nice and thick and we're just going to press it through our little strainer right here in the pot, we're going to heat it up and we're going to reduce it until all those sugars are nice and firm, this is a nice color, this is a color reminiscent of McDonald's sauce, it has that bright red tone where you're like, um, this is not what most barbecue sauces look like, but I.

I'm going to stick with it because it's not regular barbie sauce, it's in sandy barbie sauce, so this is Tucker barbecue sauce, yeah, nice and smooth and very syrupy, ah, that's pretty good, it'll hit you in the face, well , it's okay, I just have to look. Okay, we just need to let this reduce and then we're going to sauce those ribs, you're going to put them right in the sauce and we're going to put them in our fry bread and then we're going to shoot the best in the world. commercial right, we have to do it now, we said it, we have to do it, why do I feel like we've been working so hard cooking, but all we have in front of us is like a little strip of meat in the microwave that looks like you have it ? from a package at 7-eleven next to the cashier, well, anyway, we have our delicious rib and witch burger here, we have our ghost chipotle chili barbie sauce that is assaulting the nostrils right now, but imagine this is a drawer in taco bell that is kind of friendly. from under the sour cream gun and they're just putting it in the sauce and eventually I'll take it out of a drawer and put it in there, wait, I have to turn it over so it's nice and wet. because that's the key to this, there we go, yeah, that's nice and nice and moist and now we have our chalupa inspired flatbread bun right here, wait, let's make this a little bit more wet, don't you want it to be pretty and wet, that's what happens with a mcrib, is it soaked?

I want to ask you to dip my mcrib French dip style, where you take the whole sandwich and dip it in the barbecue sauce before adding it to the box, that's all I'm going to order. Seriously, if you go to McDonald's and ask for a double dip, they'll do it, I think that's fine, so now we're going to take that and we're going to gently put it in and oh, that's not done yet, you have to get it. a little bit of sauce, yeah, there we go, that didn't make it look fundamentally different, okay and now we're going to drink, so what else would we get from there?

What would we decorate this with? Well, I think we're going to stick to the traditional mcrip toppings, which is something pickled and then fresh white onion. What we've done is pickled some red jalapenos here, not green because it looks a little red, I don't know, we're trying. We're trying to put ourselves in the taco bell mind here you know they have to do something different everyone's trying something different you know they made that taco bell hotel where people got married and that was all crazy I'm gonna put in some little bits of onion right there, not shards, not onion sharks, but you might get the onion shards after eating this fantastic.

Onion sharks are a real disease that affects millions of Americans every day. Now I'm going to add a couple of pickled red jalapenos. there and uh, that's it, that's it, this is the rib, we have that chipotle ghost chili barbecue sauce, we have our sliced ​​pork burger, we have a delicious chalupa bun and honestly, this looks really good, I do not know if. This looks really cool to you, but from my point of view this looks really fantastic. I want to take a bite. I want to psych myself up like I'm sitting in my car. It's about 116 degrees there.

I only have Slipknot at full volume. Like don't touch me like okay let's dig in order double dip double yes I took some really big bites and it's very spicy it hits you right in the mouth and gives you a scorpion kick to the temple like george st pierre , it's still Around you you still make things, it's so funny how much this tastes like making ribs, but it's actually better if you never take a fried dough product and wrap it up to make ribs that you're completely missing out on or just do this. at home this is an improvement over the mcgrath this is an improvement over the chicken sandwich taco that came out with taco bell now that i eat this this is actually turning me into a believer that this should be a real thing because it's tasty, It doesn't look like anything taco bell ever you know how we can show them ben they need the best commercial in the world right now I'm totally stoked on ghost chili and processed pork man we gotta do this if we don't I'm quitting if It's not like that Don't be mad at the hair on your chest you don't deserve to be there stop looking at me I'm sucking the rib thank you very much for stopping by mythical cuisine we have new episodes for you every week we have an episode of our podcast a hot dog is a sandwich everyone on Wednesdays wherever you get your podcast contact us on Instagram at the mythical kitchen with photos of your mythical dishes under the hashtag dreams become food, see you next time, cook your own feast while wearing the mythical kitchen apron now available at mythical.com