'Struggling to be me with chronic pain'

your body unless it goes wrong, I mean a normal person with their legs because they just say walk well, you know, and their brain tells them to walk and they walk, whereas when you're in

pain

you're aware of them all the time. . as if my body had an existence of its own, if it doesn't want to react the way I wanted, then there is nothing I can do about it, it is as if my body is in two parts: the good part and the

pain

ful part. one part works and the other doesn't and when it's bad and I can't move properly it's like my body isn't part of me at all it doesn't obey cunning you're not the same person anymore people think you've changed People feel different about you, They treat you differently when they are around you.

Before my back hurt, I was much more cheerful and outgoing, but it's like living with this person who follows you around all the time and you're cursed with them. she gets in my way she embarrasses me she's unsociable sometimes downright rude I know it's me I know it's not a person but it's not me That's not me my pain turns me into pain it's that feeling of knowing there must be pain for others i'm not trustworthy i'm totally untrustworthy that's how i feel like everyone is missing out because of me i don't think they know what it's about they don't understand me they don't feel my pain they feel like they're unimportant and insignificant like you're taking up their time like If their time was more valuable than yours listen to me listen to what I say I don't listen I can treat livers and brains so why can't they do something for me?

I could do something so sophisticated. Why can't they just treat a simple back problem? I feel like they are pressuring me. They sent me to a rheumatologist. That wasn't good and now they ended up sending me to a pain clinic. I really have no faith, I just want to find out what is causing this pain throughout my body and I am met with a blank wall, I feel like a flyer, there was a new doctor that I have never met before so there I am. talking to another doctor it's the same old story I've already been tested twice only to find myself in the same place I'm oh sorry, we don't really know what the problem is, it's clearly not our domain Let's hope it's someone else's .

Hey, let's say this person has a psychological problem. In other words, let's take it to the realm of psychiatry. Every time you come they tell you something different. I mean, who's to say who's right and who's wrong. I will have friends. that will occur to me hey, you look good and I feel absolutely devastated. I mean, just look at me, can you see any of my aches and pains? OMG I look great tonight so how can you believe me when I say? This whole body hurts all the time no one can point out anything so people can say oh it's all in her head and would she really feel that much pain if I had crippling arthritis or a disfiguring condition and things would be different but like me pain is something people can't see I don't feel like it's legitimate I feel like I'm always making excuses society in general will think I'm making excuses because there's nothing they can In fact, when I broke my arm, it was wonderful, everyone ran to me me in the supermarket to help me and I didn't feel the least bit guilty because I was in a cast.

Someone told me: Oh, you look so good it's impossible to see. you're suffering I feel like I should look numb my face should be gray I shouldn't wear makeup but maybe I look too strong when you burst into tears and get angry people say oh boy it's depression so you walk in with a smiling face and I don't think you'll They would believe then because you look very happy, it is not possible for you to feel pain. I try to keep it to myself. There have been many things that I have had to give up. I do not do it.

Go swimming, don't go dancing. I had to give up many things. I am old before my time. I worked in health insurance for a long time and, like me, there were many compensation claims for people with back pain. Back then, people with back pain were more bludgers and whiners. Sometimes I think, Oh my God, people don't think I'm complaining and I try when people ask me how are you going to say well, but no one really wants to know if there was a colleague of mine who had

chronic

back pain and you were afraid to ask how. you're because you always got that boring, drawn-out thing, oh my god, I never want to be like that, but your body talks to you all the time.

You have to learn to interpret the signs, become aware of your limits now. Normally I control myself with what I have to do daily. I know what I can and can't do, unlike before when I used to clean the house in a whole day now I only do a little bit of work each day and if I have decided to do the cleaning the next day and I don't feel well then I'll skip it I think I pushed myself a lot harder before, when I finally accepted that okay, I was going to have to do things differently.

I shifted my energies to things that give me pleasure. This has pushed me to take more control of my life. It's hard sometimes, but I try to find ways to do it. what you want to do focus your mind on the possibilities that's what I do it's easy to talk though isn't that you?