Key & Peele - Retired Military Specialist

- I WAS WONDERING WHEN I WOULD COME HERE TO FIND YOU SITTING IN THAT CHAIR. - It wasn't easy to track you down, DECKER. -She WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. - I KNOW HE HAS RETIRED, BUT... - All that is behind us, GENERAL. I AM NOT THE MAN YOU KNEW DURING THE COLD WAR. - I UNDERSTAND. She WE ARE NOW FACING A THREAT DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE WE HAVE FACED BEFORE. A MAN WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE... - I made a vow. NEVER KILL ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. SORRY, GENERAL, I'LL HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE. - OH... NO, WE DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD.

WE WERE... JUST HOPEING THAT YOU COULD RECOMMEND SOMEONE FOR THE JOB. - I THINK I COULD COME OUT OF RETIREMENT. - NO. THERE IS NO NEED. ONLY A RECOMMENDATION WILL BE ENOUGH. - ALRIGHT. I WILL DO THAT. - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST NOT WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR. - CLUNY SON OF A BITCH. YOU ALWAYS KNEW HOW TO PRESS MY BUTTONS. I'M IN. - NOT YOU, DECKER. - I AM SHARP AS I ALWAYS WAS. - - EVEN FASTER TOO. TAKE MY HAND. NO. WAIT FOR ME TO COUNT TO THREE FIRST. - ACTUALLY? - ONE. TWO. THREE. WELL.

I want you to try to slap me. UNH! I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT. TRY AGAIN. UNH! WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? - NOW WHAT? - I DIDN'T HAVE AN ADRENALINE HIGH. Because this is not a real high-risk situation. ALRIGHT. DRAW YOUR WEAPON. AND...UNARMED. YOU'RE FALLING APART VERY FAST, OKAY. I DON'T NEED TO TAKE YOUR GUN. DID YOU KNOW? SHOOT ME. - I'M NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU. - WING ON THE SHOULDER. - THIS IS RIDICULOUS! - TRY, GENERAL. LOOK WHAT HAPPENS. - - DIVERTED--OOOWW! - WELL. I MADE A MISTAKE BY COMING HERE. - WING ON THE OTHER SHOULDER. - I WOULD PREFER NOT. - I INSIST.

DIVERTED--AAAHH! THAT WAS BECAUSE MY OTHER ARM WAS ALREADY INJURED. - WELL. LEAVE. - ALRIGHT. ALL OR NOTHING. SHOT IN THE INTESTINES. - NO! - SHOOTING! COME ON! IF YOU CAN SHOOT ME INTO THE WIND, I'LL GIVE IT. - DECKER, YOU HAVE TWO ARMS INJURED. - SHOOTING! GO! - I UNDERSTAND. - DID YOU CATCH THE BULLET? - OH YEAH. - THEN YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT RIGHT NOW THE BULLET IS BETWEEN YOUR HANDS. - THAT'S WHAT I TELL YOU. - - IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE? COME ON. HEAD SHOT. HEAD SHOT. I'M READY. BUT ONE SECOND.