Ellen DeGeneres Really Needed a New Outfit for Stand-up

James: Hello! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING HERE! THANK YOU FOR COMING TO SEE US! NOW THEY BOTH HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. YOU TWO ARE FROM THE SOUTH. YOU ARE FROM THE SOUTH. WE ARE. James: WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS? FROM THAT PART OF THE WORLD? I HAVE NEVER BEEN. CAN I HAVE A LITTLE MORE ALCOHOL? James: REALLY. WOW. YES. James: SOUNDS LIKE LONDON. YES. WHAT DO YOU MEAN EXPRESSIONS? MY GRANDFATHER ONCE DESCRIBED MY HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND AS AS CUTE AS A SPOTTED PUPPY UNDER A STUDEBAKER. James: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I MET SOMEONE FROM THE SOUTH.

SHE TALKED TO ME AND SAID, I WAS TRYING TO PARK IN A SPACE AND I COULDN'T GET IN AND SHE SAID, OH DEAR, BLESS YOUR HEART. AND I THOUGHT, THAT'S THE PRETTIEST EXPRESSION YOU CAN HAVE FOR WALKING - IT'S NOT. AN INSULT. James: REALLY? WHAT DID HE SAY? LIKE YOU, POOR STUPID. James: Oh. LIKE "BLESS YOUR HEART" IT'S LIKE, OH, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT. IT TAKES YOU OUT OF ANYTHING. SHE COULD SAY SHE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON, BLESS YOUR HEART about her. James: I TOOK IT LIKE, OH MY GOD, SHE WANTS TO BLESS MY HEART. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

NO, NOT SHE. James: I WAS DOING SOMETHING VERY STUPID AT THE TIME, SO IT MAKES SENSE. YES. James: WE HAVE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR BRILLIANT "RELATABLE" COMEDY SPECIAL, IT'S SO FANTASTIC. He is SO WONDERFUL. (Applause and applause) NOW IT'S JUST EXCELLENT. NOW, LET'S PREPARE FOR YOUR FIRST OFFER. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT UP? 15 YEARS AGO. James: 15 YEARS AGO. YEAH. James: YOU DID SOMETHING - OH, OH, IT'S GOING TO BE - OH, NOW WE DON'T KNOW HOW WE FEEL ABOUT IT. (LAUGHTER) James: YOU DID SECRET SHOWS IN LOS ANGELES. WE DID IT, YOU CAME TO A SECRET SHOW.

James: IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. HOW NERVOUS WERE YOU TO GET BACK TO THAT? THAT'S A LOT. I HAD THESE NERVES, WHAT YOU JUST DID. I WAS NERVOUS BECAUSE IT'S BEEN 15 YEARS AND I HAVEN'T WRITTEN FOR A LONG TIME AND I THOUGHT, WELL, FIRST WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY AND FIRST WHERE AM I GOING TO TRY IT. I CHOOSE LONG. IT WAS A SMART AUDIENCE AND I WANTED A SNOBBY KIND OF SMART AUDIENCE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO JUST SAY, OH, IT'S ELLEN. I WANTED TO BE JUDGED PROPERLY. James: YOU WANT TO EARN THE LAUGHTER.

EXACTLY. AND PLUS, LONG, THEY REALLY LOOK AT CELL PHONES, SO I KNEW NOBODY WAS GOING TO RECEIVE PHI, BECAUSE I HAD TO WORRY ABOUT MY THINGS GOING OUT. I WENT TO LARGO'S ALL THE TIME. I LOVE IT. James: IN MY DEFENSE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO FILM THINGS. LIKE, I DIDN'T KNOW, SO I DELETED IT IMMEDIATELY. (LAUGHTER) BUT I WAS GETTING INTO IT, SO... YOU WERE ON STAGE AND I WAS DOING IT LIKE THIS. (LAUGHTER) YOU KNOW. YES, I SAW YOU DOING THAT. I didn't know what you were doing, but now I realize.

James: THAT'S ALL. TALKING ABOUT REALIZING LIFE. PATRICK, WE HAVE A VIDEO OF YOU DOING SOMETHING THAT BIRDS ME. I WANT TO BE IMPRESSED. James: LOOK AT THIS. (BAND PLAYING) (Applause and applause) (BAND PLAYING) (Applause and applause) WHAT WE DO IS A FUNDRAISER. James: HOW LONG HAS FREDDY MERCURY BEEN IN YOUR REPERTOIRE? I AM A CLOSET FREDDY MERCURY IMITATOR. James: HOW MUCH DID IT ANNOY YOU WHEN BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY CAME OUT? YOU MUST HAVE BEEN FURIOUS! (LAUGHTER) HOW GREAT WAS HE IN THAT MOVIE? HE WAS AWESOME. IT WAS AMAZING. (APPLAUSE) I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT APPLAUSE FOR ME.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I WILL ONLY ACCEPT ANY APPLAUSE. I LOVE SINGING THOSE THINGS. YEAH. I GET TO PERFORM WITH MY BROTHER A COUPLE OF TIMES HERE. MY TWO BROTHERS ARE IN A BAND. ACTUALLY, ONE IS HERE TODAY. WHERE ARE YOU, MARCOS? THERE IT IS, REALLY. James: WERE YOU IN A BAND TOGETHER? YES, WE SING TOGETHER IN A BAND. WE MAKE CHARITY BENEFITS. I LOVE MUSICALS, BUT I DON'T DO THEM MUCH, SO I HAVE TO FIND OTHER PLACES TO SING, AND THAT WAS THE PONT CLAIRE FILM FESTIVAL WHERE I JUST WANTED TO DO FREDDY MERCURY.

WOW, VERY AWESOME. James: THANK GOD YOU DID IT. AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU. (APPLAUSE) James: ELLEN, IF YOU HAD TO BE A SUPERSTAR ON A STAGE, WHO WOULD YOU BE? WELL, OBVIOUSLY, WILLIE NELSON. James: OF COURSE. (LAUGHTER) THAT'S OBVIOUSLY THE BEST PART. OBVIOUSLY. James: NOW, WHEN YOU'RE PREPARING TO MAKE A SPECIAL THAT WILL LIVE ONLINE FOREVER, AND IT'S REALLY YOU AND A MICROPHONE, HOW DO YOU CHOOSE WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO USE ON STAGE? WELL, YOU WEAR SOMETHING THAT'S GOING TO BE TIMELESS THAT WILL LAST AND THAT WILL ALWAYS, ALWAYS LOOK GOOD. James: CORRECT. BECAUSE I HAVE A PHOTO OF THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE IN JOHNNY CARSON.

THAT'S CORRECT. YEAH. (Applause and applause) James: HOW DID YOU DECIDE ON THIS LOOK? WELL, YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS SAY IT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING BECAUSE EVERYTHING WE DO IS, YOU KNOW, ON FILM OR PHOTOGRAPHED AND IT'S THERE FOREVER. BUT, AT THAT TIME, THAT WAS THE FASHION, BUT I CAN'T EVEN SAY THAT IT WAS NEVER THE FASHION. (LAUGHTER) I DON'T KNOW. SIN EVIL HELPED ME CHOOSE CLOTHES. (LAUGHTER) AND THAT... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS. James: I MEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE FLEEING A COUNTRY AND YOU'VE GRAB THE CLOSEST SHIRT, AND IT'S THE SHIRT YOU WEAR FOR ART.

YES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW, I MEAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS. BECAUSE I WOULD DO? AND IT'S NOT ME AT ALL. THE PANTS, IT'S CUT, BUT THE PANTS WERE ALSO PRETTY SOMETHING. IT WAS REALLY THE FAULT OF BAD SIN.