1st black cookout

Okay, I'm going to start by saying that I have a lot of

black

friends. It's okay, I beat most of them playing soccer. They were my teammates. We have been in war together on the football field. Now I love them to death. That said, ever since I've had friends, they've told me that I have a bad habit of putting them in white people's positions. I don't fully understand what they mean, but they gave me the reference on how to pass a cop on a two-lane because they're going below the speed limit, that makes them nervous anyway, why can't we go look for them? a coffin, my friend, play football together, hey, friend, do I want you to come to a

cookout

? face with a wet mop I like

cookout

s, so I get to the cookout well when I get out of my truck.

I realize the only three white things at this cookout are the salt shaker, the napkins inside me, all right as I walk. Upstairs, I am greeted by her grandmother and grandfather, her great-grandmother, her grandfather, and her 47 cousins. Okay, there's no way I remember all these people's names. Anyway, there is a long table where the food is where everyone eats. Well, they bring me. and they sit me at the head of the table. I'm already very uncomfortable at this point because I don't know what's going to happen. Well, they say a blessing to me and I get up to go prepare my food well.

I didn't know that at a

black

outdoor meal You don't prepare your own plate, they prepare your plate now they bring me a huge Dixie plate, there are some rounded ones like this one with barbecue, okay, and I'm going to eat it, don't get me wrong. I don't waste food, I'm a weed, so while I'm sitting there chewing and you know, just getting my bearings on where I am, these two ladies come up and send me to two of their aunts with two different potatoes. salads, okay, they say we want to know your opinion on which of these is better now apparently just because I'm white.

I'm supposed to know two different calibers of mayonnaise. Well, it's not suitable to upset anyone at this cookout. Well, then we both love him. I told him they were both so good. I can't, people right now. I'm almost in a food coma because I hate so much because I didn't want to disrespect anyone. cooking at the time her great grandmother mom T is what they call her she walks up to me with what looks like a five pound piece of cherry pie now let me paint you a picture I have the meat sweating well in the barbecue sauce on my shirt I'm coming in and coming out of consciousness and she wants me to bring me a five pound piece of marijuana now I saw it in front of you after the following I know what happens when you disrespect someone's grandmother I saw what happened to Craig and him day when someone's grandmother was disrespected, you had nothing to chase me at these times when we're in the woods, we're just cooking outside.

I'm white, not stupid, so I eat this cake, I'm eating this cake because I'm not It's nothing to piss anyone off, especially the boss Erica, she took first place, that's great grandma, you'll be hurt by your mess. I finished this cake and fell asleep in Caucasian ketosis of a food coma. I like this, here, like this. As soon as I raised my head to the table I was sitting at, there was no more food on this table. I don't know how long I was away, but somehow, I'm still in the same chair they built me ​​in. in a high stakes fade game at an all black cookout besides me what's going on how did I get here at what point in my life did I take this turn to get me to where I am and now they're beautiful in front of me and I had no idea how to play space, okay I don't have ID, okay I'm white, we played fishing and cornhole, all we did we got bored one day we literally did the widest possible and went out into the field. we got some corn look at our pocket knives we cut it off the butt okay we put it in a bag I went there I found some plywood in the shed I made a hole in it I put it at an angle and we threw it at each other that's it what we do I have no idea what Spades is, so give me an idea what the heck is going on with this spades game.

I actually look at my hand and realize I probably have a pretty decent hand, well they asked me and said thank you. How many books do you have? They just explained to me what I was talking about a moment ago. I said it looks like I have eight books. Apparently that's the wrong damn answer for your first hand of Spades, because as soon as I said, I got eight books, three nines on the top of the table, I have all the damn spades you can ever have in three other aces, just as I survived to that round, I'm going to get up and one of his cousins ​​came up and touched me on the shoulder.

Hey buddy, let's both Oh, bones, I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea what they're talking about, but I'm not going to upset anyone. You have to understand it. At this point, I'm in. Survival mode I'm not pissing off any people at this cookout. I do whatever they tell me to do if they want me to stand on my head and blow bubbles out of my ass. I'll do it, don't hurt me, okay? I already did it. I didn't know bones meant dice. I was leaning more toward dominoes, which I knew how to play since the Elks luncheon, but apparently bones mean dice.

I lost $36 so fast my head was spinning. Well, apparently when they yell Gator, that's the keyword, free target. The man loses because they simply took my money. I just put in a little more until I ran out of money, which is fine. I'm over it now too as I'm slowly trying to get back to my truck. I went to thank mom. You know, I think I thank my friend. I thanked everyone on the way to my truck and I have my truck in my sights. I'm focused on my truck trying to get out of this place.

Now I get to my truck. I put my hand. I get in my truck to open it and feel a sense of relief wash over me like I haven't bothered anyone, nothing has gone wrong. I went, I made it now as I open the door I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around. The whole damn cookout is behind me, they're all around my truck with Mom T right there in the front and my friend, he looked at me, he said, hey, dude, next week, mom's birthday, what? you will come back? And I looked at him without knowing what to say. and the only thing I could think of was that you're absolutely right, I'm coming baby, because that's the best damn barbecue I've ever had in my life.

I don't know if you've ever been to a bad cookout. I'll tell you. You figured if you get the invitation, you better accept it because it's the best food you'll ever find among the nicest damn people. I was very scared. I am not going to lie. I'm a big guy. I was acting like it was a bit. I don't know what was going on, but at the same time they are the funniest and one of the best people I've ever been around in my entire life. I'll be back next week, but I told them what they say: everyone needs me to bring them. something like a little bit of ice because I'm not trying to cook with you guys, you know, a little bit of ice or like a little bit of love, you'll be cooking my little cousin Kyle, where are the monster hands? and he will put his heel down, he feels at home he has handcuffs that hit and stuff, you know what you need, they told me that he couldn't bring anything but me and I, that I will hit her.

I'm white, it's not stupid, I don't bother anyone.