Sketch | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #497

anchor too um dude, I can't believe you're going out for your second date. man, there, front row, front row at the show, great tickets for Shane Gillis, have you seen him before? Have you ever been on a comedy show before? him or something like that, hey, put the shade on him, put the glasses on him and then, oh, let something fly, put the glasses on him, you know, I'll probably do it, uh, they'll probably take a couple of points off, yeah, I'm sure yes, I have seen Shane. close Shane is a handsome guy he's a uh very he's just a unique kind of handsome you know yeah um what else any other news there was one more news that was good I'm trying to think it's something that happened Red Lobster is under no Oh yeah, They should have released a Carnival Cruise Lines book.

Loss of $22 million for the year. Because of endless shrimp, you can't do endless shrimp, man, that's a trap, especially for a lot of brothers. and sisters, if you're on a date, you love endless shrimp, oh I would, I'd dine and run, dine and run, a couple of them get free pounds, yeah, oh, if the shrimp are endless, I'm standing on the business, that's what a lot of people I love it, I love it, get nice and lubed up too with a couple of drinks. in a Crockpot you only have desires and washes there, um friend, now that you're in the dating world, do you feel that you're going to start dating different ethnicities?

Do you feel like there's something or are you just open to everyone? open up everybody look at me yeah I'm like I'm like the UN I'm just here to make love I'm a peacemaker peace peacekeeper here buddy thank you thank you so much for um yeah it just makes me laugh man I appreciate you coming and putting in the time so yeah you got merch coming out, some of that will go to charity, that's really amazing, you're taking it day by day, day at a time, right, yes sir, you have your second date coming up, yes sir, back to back, check these out 94 95 Rockets here we go yeah hit the fan after that so tomorrow is going to be scary it could be 20 years of nothing hey you could hit a drought man yeah that's why you gotta charge water Pray For Rain keep a jug with you and Pray For Rain hey it's crazy to see a guy dehydrated yeah praying for rain man I tell ya what tryna get it some way hey that's the world in the that we are today, all I want is uh, it's right in front of you, hey, I think you're so right, um, what thoughts do you have about someone, someone out there like um, oh dude, I saw, uh, um, I was thinking because you don't have autism, what do you do? you have, you have something, no, I don't have anything, um, you're just a normal guy, normal guy, you just have a quirk or whatever, but it's more like I, when I'm doing my thing, I like to get nervous or whatever.

I'd like to say yes, but that's crazier, yes, for me, yes, it's a lot harder, so I like to do

this

and do whatever it is that you know makes me you feel better or like you know like I don't know, yeah, I like it, yeah, well, yeah, it's perfect, yeah, just running, keeping things there, you move your hands like you know, it's like an orchestra, you're just trying. think, think through and you keep the energy moving through you, yeah, that's exactly what I like, like I'll pinch my winner if I get scared or, oh, if I'm trying to think, here you go, I'll squeeze my butt. when I get scared, then opposites attract, here you go, that's why you see, it's like closing the vault, that's why we're here today, yeah buddy, the other day they were looking for people with autism at the mall, have you ever seen something like that? something like that no yeah they had a pop up booth or something and I guess you can check it out at the mall or whatever it's like a photo booth go in there or something yeah just develop something you say oh

this

. boy, yeah, who's your green brother, no, and yeah, one lady was even doing one of those penetration tests on someone or whatever.

I was like, oh yeah, I thought, I don't think that person has autism or whatever he might be drunk, yeah, check it out, he has some weird shoes, a guy says a guy has to walk home because he can't take a guy. his wife like it's bad and he says: "I have autism", yes, like an angry drunk too, he doesn't drink at all. but Fireball and pissing your pants angry at the world Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday um, scatch man, have fun, I'll see you on Shane Gillis tonight um and yeah, I just hope I get to see you in the future, man, thanks for being someone, yes, that makes it seem like, hey, no matter who I am, I can be, you know, yes, sir, and I can have some confidence in myself and, um, yes, and I can have a good time, you know, yes, sir. , thanks for coming and spending time. and it just makes me laugh man, it's exactly no, thanks for having me.

The hospitality has been incredible. You know you're someone I've admired for a while and it's amazing to be here and thank you for having me. yeah you bet bro um yeah sir brother yeah and uh alright great man thank you yeah thanks for coming man and I'll see you at the show tonight yeah sir sounds fun alright sounds good bro alright bro thank you bro bye bye bro now I'm just floating in them and floating like these leaves. I must be the cornerstone, oh, but when I reach that ground, I will share this piece of my life.

I can feel it in my b, but it's going to continue.