Kids Versus Old Folks

I was reading this the other day and I was talking about people who are part of the Oreo generation and what I was saying was that people waited until they were 30 to have

kids

like my wife and I, because my parents got married when they were like 20. .I was born nine months after the day my parents got married. Nine months to the day, that must have been a ceremony I do. Could you turn over just for a minute or every night? But he said people waited until half. 30 who said you're kind of an Oreo because you're raising your

kids

and you're also raising your parents who, in their old age, are reverting to childhood and I told my wife, I said, you know what this means.

It means we have two who are out of diapers and two who are using them and as bad as it was with the little ones, I can't imagine it's going to be any more fun with the big ones, I just want to be sitting there. watching football while my father in law gets nervous, don't lie to me but there are similarities between children and elders, I mean they both have their own special menu in restaurants, you have to worry about both. with drugs because it's not just teenagers who are older that get some good things. The last time we were with my in-laws I made the comment that my sinuses were kind of clogged and my mother-in-law said: do you want to? stop sobbing or you can't feel your head, she opens her bag and takes out this little bag that seems to be full of skittles and grabs this little green pill and says hello to my little friend, I took that pill, I woke up two days later, lying in the yard butt talking to Elvis, she's at the door, she's going to get up, baby, I take four of those and go to the grocery store, you know, and the kids can't hear you and the grown-ups can't hear you, my mother.

Her sister-in-law has a hearing aid that she only wears half the time and she can always tell when she's not wearing it because she speaks louder than any human being on the planet. Four or five months ago we were in line at the movies. one night and they are with us and she tells me don't look now but the man behind us is cross-eyed like a bat and one you die of embarrassment and two when someone says something like that you have to look I turn around and this guy is at me looking, well, he may not have been looking at me, but he was looking at someone.

This guy was angry, you know? And the children wear pants that fall off their butts and the older ones wear them up to their armpits. My father-in-law got his chest hair tangled in his zipper and I look at all this and what scares me is that I know I'm next in line and let me tell you, I can tell I'm getting older in so many ways. I can say that about a year ago someone broke into my truck and I have a box in there with like 24 CDs, three of them were stolen. Well, thank goodness Anne Murray is still here.

Where is the best bread? Where is the best soldier? Two that I have. I finally broke down and got a recliner. I always made fun of my dad and his recliner. I now have a recliner and I love it. He used to travel the world at any time. I bought that recliner. I'm not going to get out of it. I just wait for people to walk around the house. Hey, do me a favor and make me a sandwich. What I smell like smoke is the house on fire and if you see flames there is a fire extinguisher under the sink in the kitchen, but the worst.

A couple of weeks ago my wife and some of her friends were making jokes and laughing about this product called astroglide. Apparently it's this lube they sell at the pharmacy right next to the condos and it's supposed to be something really good. I mean, apparently you can put it in a cadillac and stick it in a dog house, but while they're talking about it, I swear the first thing I thought was, I bet I can put that on the posts that the bird feeders are on. and keep the squirrels away from them the squirrels are driving me crazy if you come to my house at five in the morning you will see me on the back porch in my underwear with night vision goggles holding a BB gun waiting for the squirrel just It embarrasses my kids to death, which is the way I think life is supposed to work, parents are supposed to embarrass kids, and kids are supposed to embarrass parents.