TEDxTerryTalks - Laura Bain - Living with Bipolar Type II

No, I guess I should start by telling you a little about who Laura is. Well she is a very passionate person and loves science very much and loves to talk about it all the time much to the dismay of her friend and she is also a sailor and used to be the registrar of the UBC yacht club, although other things, she is a daughter, She is the sister of three older brothers, she is also the aunt of the cutest niece of all time, and she is

bipolar

. Bipolar is a brain disorder that causes unusual changes in a person's mood energy. or ability to function is different from the normal ups and downs that people with

bipolar

or more severe symptoms go through in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders describes it this way bipolar is the presence or history of one or more major depressive episodes present during the same two-week period and represents a change from previous functioning at least one of the symptoms is a depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure these symptoms may be a depressed mood most of the day almost everyone days noticeably decreased interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities significant weight loss or gain or decreased or increased appetite insomnia or hypersomnia almost every day agitation or psychomotor retardation almost every day fatigue or loss of energy almost every day feelings of worthlessness or excessive or appropriate guilt almost every day Decreased ability to think or concentrate or indecisiveness.

Recurring thoughts of death. Not just fear of dying or attempted suicide or a specific plan to commit suicide. There is also the presence or history of at least one manic episode. Mania is a distinct period of abnormal and persistently elevated expansion. o irritable mood and an abnormal, persistent increase in activity or energy that lasts at least four consecutive days and occurs most of the day almost every day, which we describe as inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need sleeping, being more talkative than usual, or pressure to keep talking. may be flights of ideas or subjective experiences, racing thoughts, increased distraction in goal-directed activities or psychomotor agitation, excessive participation in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences, the DSN provides a common language among professionals treating patients with mental illnesses.

By clearly defining the criteria for a mental disorder, the DSM ensures that the diagnosis is accurate and consistent. Alligator up to this. I'm going to be honest with you, it's pretty obvious that I'm the crazy one. My name is Laura and I. Living with bipolar disorder, so today I want to offer you a little bit of my story. I want to go beyond traditional definitions and give you more of the lived experience now. I must admit that it can sometimes be frustrating to explain bipolar disorder to those who don't have experience. I have the same mental abilities that I have, but I'm trying, so I also want to talk about language and it's interesting because before I was diagnosed, I had never read the DSM.

I had no idea what criteria I fell into. All I knew was that there were times when I was sad, there were times when I was happy and the times when I was sad or depressed it was like this winter state, it was like things were darker, colder and there were moments of mania or More like it's summer, there are high energy things, okay, so I was around 16 when I started experiencing the inexplicable periods of sadness. There were no external reasons for me to feel this way. My mind just put me there in this winter depressed state.

It wasn't until later that I started to realize the ematic summers were interesting and so what I decided to do is start tracking my moons on a calendar each day depending on five, feeling if I had more or less energy I would place an arrow that day I began to notice that there would be persistent upward arrows indicating increased energy for about two weeks and then there would be a shift towards downward arrows that would last another two weeks. This was confusing to me and disturbing to My mind, especially on transition days, went from high to low.

I felt out of control. These cycles I was thrown into are scary and I needed some relief. That's when I sought out a counselor at Langara College for weekly cognitive therapy sessions. I was able to get through some of these ups and downs and ups and downs and everything that was going on and I learned some really useful tools about how to find balance as a scientist. I find it very difficult to look at myself and not apply a formula if I do. this this and this then I will be happy if I do this this and this then I won't have to be sad anymore but you know I learned that wellness is more like an art and you have to be able to see the gray and what is there is not always a right answer.

I'm going to read you a little bit from my journal because after seeing a counselor for a while I also realized that medication could be a useful tool for me, so I went to see a psychiatrist and it was a little scary, you know. , sitting there wondering, okay? I'm going to date a bipolar Laura Lash. Laura/crazy person, I don't know, but it wasn't totally like that, so I called Strozzi, a dadadada psychiatrist, and then I went for my second psychiatric evaluation at UBC a second opinion an hour of bike ride an hour of waiting and over an hour talking about my mood and family history it turns out that I am indeed a fast cycling bipolar

type

but whatever it is I am much more comfortable with my mental state taking medication seems less scary and more like something extra for you in my morning routine.

However, I am still quite private and don't feel comfortable sharing about my psychiatric appointments, my illness or my medications, they are still new and can be overwhelming at times. I'm working on things and I think everything will be fine. I'll have some time to think about it while I ride my bike home. So what's it like to be back? Well, it's like wearing really beautiful heels, what a cuff and just walking? and you feel higher, there is our confidence, there is a direction, things are simply clear and easy, there are thoughts and ideas that arise so naturally, ideas, ambitions, hopes, everything is possible, the world is limitless, the Problem arises when these thoughts do not. stop when everything gets out of control when you can't sleep because you can't stop thinking about the creative project you want to do tomorrow or the next trip you want to take or your new life plan, so I have another journalist way to share with you all my secrets, this one I titled zopiclone aka little blue pills, my mental state, hypomanic, bipolar, summer season, I didn't fall asleep until 4 a.m. m., too many thoughts, too many ideas, too many things going on in my head after three.

After hours and a half of wanting to sleep, I made a healthy move and took one of these little blue pills. A metallic taste lingers in my mouth. It feels discouraging every time I have to take one, but I guess it's okay, even though I could have. the tools sometimes I lack connection in the end I was happy for my humility this boy sleeps I find that the struggle is to harness this energy for school purposes and delay my social and creative ambitions then there is the other side of things, the side of depression Well, the pressure is more like slippers, not the kind of comfortable and cozy feeling of slippers, it is more the need to feel safe and secure, which outside of these slippers is just not right and it is a little uncomfortable to walk in slippers giving a talk in front of 400 people. people are depressed among classmates, family, friends and roommates, and with depression also comes this

type

of winter glasses where things seem darker, are out of focus, the lenses are distorted and it is difficult to see ahead, So bipolarity is like wearing a depressed sneaker on one foot and a dramatic high heel on the other.

This is such a contrast that you know that on one foot you are walking on an adventure ready to go see the world and then you fall and can barely get up. get out of bed and just crawl, but you know, I kind of live like that every day, I live like that and it's funny because when I first applied for Terry's talk I was definitely wearing the hoe heel and then, then, then they accepted me and so. Then a week later I got depressed and the thought is here today in front of all of you in my slippers, it's impossible, so how does this fit into relationships?

Like I said before, sometimes it can be frustrating trying to explain. my moods for those who don't, who haven't experienced this, who don't have mental abilities and yet really want to try. I really want to start talking about this stuff because even with just the title of this talk you wouldn't do it. I think how many conversations have been started that would never have happened and that's a beautiful thing because when we start talking about these things everything becomes good, so as I walk around campus, I'm a biology student in my fifth year, I'm just savoring the Lo last one I have and I have classes at Buchanan and in forestry and others all over campus and I see the slogan that is everywhere that says UBC is a place of the mind which makes me wonder what kind of mind is this is a mind open is a healthy mind is this a place where my mentally ill mind can be I wonder after this are you going to call me Laura or are you going to call me bipolar tell me if this is okay or I don't have to hide thank you