A Paedophile In My Family: Surviving Dad | Channel 4 Documentaries

I felt like this was going to sound really silly, but I felt like you know my little daughter was suddenly becoming a father as she grew up, there was nothing in you that thought that's more than a father. I never thought it was anything more than a very strong bond. I just felt a little more and more pushed out. I tried so hard to have a relationship with you, so why didn't you come and talk to me about what I did? Yeah, I did it quite often, but it was like, um, um, I tried. I probably didn't talk to you as much as you know.

I don't know if I said I missed you and I don't remember, but I remember always trying to do things with you and having us do things together and going shopping and going to do this and doing oh no mom, I'm doing this or no mom, I'm doing that or whatever and I didn't recognize any of it, any of your efforts and looking back now and looking at myself as a person back then. I was not someone who talked about my feelings. The last thing you want to do is burden your child with how you feel about God.

I barely mention this because it really makes me feel that feeling of shame again, but when I was getting older instead of going to my prom, he took me to New York and then to my 18th birthday instead of leaving me. have a party or anything spend time with the

family

he took me I was just wondering how you could let that happen don't you read it oh come give you a hug uh I wanted to take you to celebrate but I had to work to bring you in money and I couldn't come but I wanted to come.

I'm so sorry, well I could feel these feelings you had where you wanted to spend time with me and not be rejected by me all the time, but it came. it went through like anger and bitterness or resentment and I could completely understand why and I used to feel very guilty like I was taking gu away from your husband um and I think like that, that shame, you have nothing to be ashamed of yourself. You should never feel guilty for something he did to us, I've never, ever, I've never done it, I just can't, ever, but like, um, I ruined your life, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, you should never think that every day I count my blessings.

You're still here because you know the things you said could have been very different, couldn't they? The most beautiful person I have passed at night many times here on the open hike and I think I was on this trip, but what was it. What I didn't expect was to get things personally from it. I feel so free from him and the crap about him now that I feel almost like I've been reborn and that's a pretty strong thing to say, but it's freed me from any shame I've ever had. With him I always knew my worth, but I feel like I've stepped into my power and I literally feel like I'm never going to take anything from anyone again.

I am an animal? Yes, oh, am I an owl? Am I an owl? goat yes yes I really hope that if anyone can take anything away from my experience it is to find the confidence to have those difficult conversations by not speaking the only thing you are protecting people from is the truth and if we want to stop the pain of abuse continues, first we need to see what's really going on and then we need to talk about it for a while.