Trump's People - SNL

DO WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU TONIGHT? He was on his way to Washington, but he decided to be with the

people

who brought him there. PLEASE WELCOME THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, DONALD TRUMP. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. WE ALL LOVE TRUMP, DON'T WE? WE MAKE. I HAVE AN AMAZING WEEK, FRIENDS. CHINA, E JUPT AND JORDAN. GORSUCH WAS CONFIRMED AND THE MEDIA SAYS NICE THINGS AND NO ONE TALKS ABOUT RUSSIA. WHAT A DIFFERENCE 59 TOMAHAWK MISSILES CAN MAKE. I WANT TO SPEND 20 MINUTES TODAY WITH MY PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE IN THERE ARE NOT WHISPERING OH GOD WHAT HAPPENS AFTER I LEAVE THE ROOM.

I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR YOU. THINGS HAVE CHANGED A LOT SINCE I WAS GROWING UP. A LOT OF PVERITY IS WHITE NOW. ISN'T THAT CRAZY? DO YOU LIKE THAT I BOMBED SYRIA? SURE, SIR, BUT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT MY WORK. I WAS RECENTLY FIRED FROM A COAL MINING PLANT. GOD, I LOVE CHARCOAL. YOU HAVE SUFFERED TERRIBLY. WORSE THAN ANYBODY. I'M GOING TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE WORKING IN COAL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES. AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL WORK IN THE COAL AND YOUR GRANDCHILDREN. IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.

MR. PRESIDENT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT WHAT WE WANT ARE GOOD JOBS. THEY DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN CARBON. SORRY, IT'S ALL CHARCOAL. IN TRUMP'S UNITED STATES, MEN WORK IN TWO PLACES. COAL MINES AND GOLDMAN SACHS. BEWARE, I AM CUTTING ALL REGULATIONS TO ELIMINATE JOBS. I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT FROM TODAY THEIR COAL MINES WILL HAVE NO REGULATIONS. NONE. IT'S A FREE FOR ALL. AND YOU. ARE YOU GLAD I BOMBED SYRIA? I guess so. I FOUND OUT MY COUSINS HAVE GOT UP AND I HAVE TO DRIVE 90 MINUTES TO SEE A DOCTOR. I KNOW YOU DID YOUR BEST TO FIX IT BUT YOU COULD NOT.

PAUL RYAN DID IT, BUT I DID IT. I POSED FOR PHOTOS AND HONKED, KNOCK! I WILL NOT GIVE UP. AM I TALKING TO THE FREEDOM CAUCUS AND WE ARE GOING TO GET RID OF HIM? MY MEDICAL CARE? ALL OF IT? EVERYTHING. MISSING. ONCE WE FINISH. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE TO SEE A DOCTOR AGAIN. HOW DOES THAT SOUND? I TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT, SIR. THERE MUST BE SOME REASON WHY YOU ARE A MILLIONAIRE. WE THINK EXACTLY THE SAME. I TELL MYSELF LOW, ALL THE TIME TRULY. THERE MUST BE SOME REASON WHY I'M A MILLIONAIRE. WHO IS THE NEXT ONE?

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE WHO IS ADDICTED TO PAINKICKS. SUSAN RICE. PUT HER IN JAIL, RIGHT? . I WORK IN UNIONS, BUT MY WIFE IS NOT MOVING BECAUSE SHE IS IN A REHABILITATION PROGRAM ONE HOUR AWAY. MY WIFE ALSO DOESN'T WANT TO MOVE. 200 MILES AWAY AND COSTING THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, BUT SHE LOVES HER OWN BED. CRAZY. AS I SAID, MY WIFE IS STAYING BECAUSE OF THE FEDERAL REHABILITATION PROGRAM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. We'll GET RID of it. ARE YOU GOING TO GET RID OF HIM? DISCARDING IT. DISCARDED. NOW YOU CAN LIVE WHERE YOU WANT.

DID I MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? I'M NOT SURE, BUT I VOTED FOR YOU AND YOU'RE MY PRESIDENT. THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE. NOW YOU ARE BY MY SIDE, NO MATTER WHAT. YOU FOUND A FINGER IN YOUR CHILI AND YOU'RE STILL EATING THE CHILI AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE CHILI. IT'S TREMENDOUS. THANK YOU FOR COMING. I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT MY OWN SON WHO IS IN AN AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM. DISCARDED. GOOD. EXCELLENT. I WORK TWO JOBS FOR MINIMUM WAGE. MINIMUM WAGE, MISSING. MISSING. GOOD. PERFECT. It's just that we can't afford a new house because my Morgan is underwater.

ARE WE GETTING RIGHT ABOUT THAT? MY MORTGAGE? YOUR HOUSE. WE CAN'T DRINK THE WATER BECAUSE IT CONTAINS LEAD. WE'LL KEEP THAT. DO WE STILL LOVE TRUMP? YOU ARE MY PRESIDENT. YOU ARE BLOWING MY MIND. KEEP EATING THAT FINGER CHILI. REMEMBER I'M ONE OF YOU AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!