Chef Pee Pee Quits! *Full Series*
it's morning time
chef
baby get in the kitchen now look what are thesechef
pee pee what are these whoa the dirty dishes bowser correct and why are they in the sink i don't know you must have put them in here they must have came out of your room i watched dishes last night that's a lie did i even give you permission to talk shut up chef pee pee i was talking you make sure that you watch these dishes okay why are you being extra rude today bowser please tell me why i owe you an explanation get the washing now in what the hell is this chubby b get you in here what bowser what is this um it's a trash can and what is in the trash can you smart well it looks like a little bit of trash why are you making a big deal out of this it's got a little bit of trash it's a lot of bitter trash it's overflowing wait no it's not it's just a little trash at the bottom i'll show you you think you know everything i'll show you that's a lot of trash in the trash can what the hell bowser now you just wasted perfectly good food why don't you throw that away how do you know it's perfectly good food it could have expired now you're just making excuses well all i know is that the trash can isfull
now and i need you to take it out so do that oh boy hawaiian punch chef pee pee what do you want julia uh can you help me pour my hawaiian punch hold on just give me a second i gotta take out this trash first um i don't have a second i'll pour it do you want to get some jackets in the towel you're making a mess it's pouring everywhere just get the towel in the necklace i'm crying chef pee pee oh wow and we're at the paper towels that's my luck chef pee pee what is this trash doing on the floor it was supposed to be the trash can well i was trying to take it off but your son made a mess no i didn't dad i don't believe him he didn't help me pour my hawaiian pot so it's filled everywhere don't believe a bouncer please please believe me please no don't believe them that baby you're the bad gonna clean up get the freak out of my face why is he yelling dad i don't know he has an attitude today ugh stupid mess and stupid junior acts like he doesn't know how to clean it up hey chef pee pee i'm gonna eat all my debbie cake oh why did you make a mess out of the debbie cakes they're gonna eat it well i was trying to get out of the plastic wrap um anyway oh no my stomach hurts i have to go number two chef pee pee i'll call you when i need you to wipe me what i'm not gonna wipe you chef pee pee the tv's messed up again i need you to come fix that oh okay bowser as soon as i clean up this stupid message i made watch the dishes i think i was a freaking dress that's not sufficient for me come now oh so what's wrong with the tv now bowser i need you to turn it on what turn it on yeah turn it on just turn it off for me but the remote is right over there oh it is huh well just turn on tv for me damn it bowser you just asked for this stupid stuff i wasn't doing stuff all right bowser here's the remote and the tv is on okay oh um you can turn it off i don't really need it anymore what you don't need it anymore what do you mean i just came all the way in here to turn on the tv now you're gonna say you don't need it anymore oh i found something better so get out now you know what i'm done with this i can't deal anymore okay chef pee pee what i need you to come wipe me i'm not gonna wipe you julian that's disgusting i'm not gonna do it i'll place the biggest poop ever i need someone to help me wipe no i'm not wiping you just just shut the door it's gross i hate my life chef pee pee i don't feel good why are you telling me this guy i think i'm gonna throw up what i'm sorry chef pee pee oh pasta he threw up on me he threw off on me i can't believe it he's so gross oh this is my favorite shirt oh i can't stand him i'm sorry chef pee alone i'm trying to get dressed you little i blasted oh i hate my life ah this makes me look gay i look like one of those queer french that ride on motor scooters all day chef pee pee check baby what junior i don't want to talk to you right now get out of my face wait what happened to your shirt why are you wearing that one don't worry about that you threw up on it remember all that i didn't throw up on your shirt you're about to make me slap you i swear to god i'm a oh anyway i cleaned up all my throat that was on the table what what yeah i cleaned up my mess my throat you know i threw up on the table you cleaned up your own mess yeah you come look come look this is surprising okay chef pee pee look at the mess i cleaned up see i did exactly what you usually do i sprayed the table and then i rubbed it in with a napkin this is not clean what the hell did you do you just covered it up are you playing hide and seek with the throw up um no i did exactly what you do i mean it looks pretty clean to me this is not what i do you you clean up after your mess you just spray clothes on the table on a clean spot you're supposed to clean up this oh well i don't know how to do it get the hell out of here junior i'll clean it up okay well oh no i feel like i can poop again freaking weirdo i don't want to touch it jump baby come on bowser man i'm so tired you had me cleaning up ever since i woke up this morning well i'm hungry and i need you wait what is this what is this right here this is not dress code okay you need to be wearing a white shelf outfit you you can't be wearing this are you going to the justin bieber concert no no no bowser i'm not going to adjust to because if you are where is my ticket no i was not going to a chestnut bieber concert the only reason i'm even wearing this stupid black shirt is because your son threw up on me wait wait my son threw up on you wait wait is he sick did you take care of him did you give him a thermometer no bowser is not my responsibility to take care of your son he's yours you know i said bb stop yelling at me i'm the boss you're my slave you cook and you clean when i tell you to you wash the clothes when i tell you to you have no free will you do it when i say to do it so you know since you think you have free will i'ma go and get the belt and show you some discipline bowser i'm sick and tired of this you're not gonna beat me like i'm your five-year-old son anymore i'm not gonna sit here and let you do this you know what i quit i hate you bowser what quit you can't quit chef pee pee yes i can bowser i do what i want and i want to quit oh you want to quit then fine quit quiet we don't need you you didn't do anything special for us since we treat you so bad and you don't enjoy your life here quit find another home find another job we don't need you here anymore chef pee pee oh oh you want to walk away then walk away because you're a quitter and don't even use me as a job reference because you're horrible you're a quitter i'm free i'm finally free bye bowser will screw you and don't come back ever again that means even when things get rough don't come back the door will be locked forget your peepee i don't need them i can cook and clean all by myself and i can make a sandwich all it takes is maybe a little bit of bread and um meat or something like that i don't know oh dad what was that noise where did chef pee pee go oh don't worry about chef pee pee he's good on us what he's quitting yeah what's that mean well that means he's gone vomit knows he's never coming back what well i'll never see him again never again oh dad i miss you why are you crying over him he's nothing but a quitter but i miss him is that his hat over there yeah do me a favor and throw it away he's no good for us oh chef pee pee dad ah dad i miss him stop crying over here he's a quitter and come over here and help your dad make a sandwich oh oh okay oh what do i need to put on it dad i put on chef's hat so maybe i'll make the sandwich taste better because i look like a chef oh that's one oh yeah yeah that'll work okay so what can we put on this sandwich um let's start with some flintstone gummies for the you know vitamins for nutrition okay yeah for vitamins we're gonna eat a bunch of those vitamins and forever yeah i would grow big and strong all right so a peanut butter oh peanut butter yeah that would be awesome oh yeah put a lot of peanut butter oh smeared everywhere yeah okay um and um i want i want the blueberry muffins oh blueberry muffins yeah put some muffins on we need some sweet stuff on there um yeah you put some heavens on the sandwich yeah okay this muffin oh oh gotta have some spicy sauce this had any sauce oh yeah i guess i don't yeah yeah i don't really like hot dogs you gotta have it hot um hmm what else do we put our friend going put out the pringles i'm not really a pringles person i'm watching that wait okay well i guess i guess that's good enough dad oh okay so um i'm gonna flip this part because this is this is already heavy oh well i mean it looks good oh my god whoa now that looks like a super decker sandwich right there so are you gonna take the first bite um no you can take the first bite dad no i i think you should take it cause i made it you know i need you to test it out for me um no dad you take the first bite this is horrible you can't cook i know we can't make food with the crap i need to find a shelf you know what hold on right here okay i'm gonna light some candles candles oh dad i'm hungry and you're too busy lighting stupid candles ah junior i'm hungry too but i have to light these candles so i can pray to god so he can send me a shelf cause chef pee pee left on us oh well i guess that'll work yeah let's pray to god for a new chef all right just bow your head and um i'm gonna do the praying cause i know you'll mess it up okay um i know i do this again it's been a while uh dear jesus yo can you like send me a good shot because i'm starving she'll be green and he won't cook anything i'm hungry too jesus please there's another chef can he like make spaghetti and like pizza or something please and cheeseburgers and play with my toys craig what are you doing here oh i i heard you praying to god but that will take quite a while he's kind of backlogged right now i thought maybe i could help out oh yeah could you send us a new chef yeah no hang on i'm getting a phone call here hey jesus my man no no i said no look the hell is filled with too many sinners right now no there's too much paperwork i can't handle anymore well oh bring up 911 again that's very mature well no look it is not my fault that they're stupid okay look it's it's your problem anyway geez that guy oh well oh well what are you gonna do mister can you send us a new chef please because we're so hungry yeah chef pee pee love throwing us it he he just wanted to get a new job he said we weren't treating him well send him to hell yeah i don't know if i can do that without him being dead you know oh well i'm really hungry mister please do you know how to like fix a sandwich at least yeah can you cook something i can cook two things you can cook two things what can you cook devil's food cake and deviled eggs you get it because i'm the devil in this deviled eggs and devilish food cake i'm not in the mood for either of them no i don't i don't like deviled eggs oh can you make something without devil fool um what the hell like whatever let's go whatever let's see what we can do all right craig i'm gonna need you to fix something for my son to eat first you know so if he gets sick or dies or anything i know not to trust you okay so i'm gonna be sitting over here judy make sure you stay alive okay dad now what would you like to eat little boy hmm what do i want to eat well i really really am hungry but it's your first day so i'm gonna go easy on you i want a bowl of cereal okay that sounds easy on that yeah it's easy i have the bowl yeah and i and i have the cereal yeah me and my dad tried to do it we made a mess and uh and here's the milk the milk perfect we will pour the milk first why are you pouring the milk first you're not supposed to do that because it is evil that is why yeah it really is evil okay would you like to see a trick a trick yeah i love tricks you know how jesus can turn water in the wine he can turn water in one yeah well i can turn milk into camel's blood yes well like it's not that appetizing but you couldn't do that right no yes i bet that other chef couldn't do it either no you don't really want to eat camel's blood well let's pour the cereal first okay no i don't i don't think i'm hungry anymore no not my cereal root it's tasty right it looks very good no um i'm not hungry anymore oh well hey what's going on over here um well craig made me um some captain crunch with camel's blood oh it looks what with cow's blood yeah yeah camel's blood well why don't you eat it don't be ungrateful go and chow down it's gone it's it's good really it's not that poisonous yeah i'm pretty sure it won't hurt you i'm a chef pee pee um can i be excused dad for the rest of the night oh what for i'm not hungry i have a stomachache you're such a punk oh whatever just leave okay so what are you gonna cook for me devil i make a mean grilled cheese sandwich ooh grilled cheese i haven't had grilled cheese in a while um yeah i want to grill cheese yeah maybe a grilled cheese it's just so good to be free but i hate not having a job done right there i'm good what is it officer i don't have any drugs on me i swear well you're brown so that calls for suspicion okay wait wait what we're going to have to stop in frisco no no no you don't have to do anything like that what do you do stay right there man oh what is this what is this that's controlling me right now uh-huh likely story okay so what's under your shirt it's it's nothing i promise all right well you're free to go you cleared the first king um well mr officer i have a question for you what's up well see i was wondering do you have any openings at the police station oh yeah yeah yeah i just lost my job and i really need a job right now yeah well that's fine that's fine my partner just died he got shot well he didn't die he's still a uh a firefighter oh okay yeah you can follow me down to the station and uh we'll submit an application oh that'll be awesome where is this station no this way follow me okay well it looks like we have everything we need to make a mean grilled cheese sandwich oh i hope so because i am starving i hope it tastes good too well first we will use the bread okay and then next we will hang on then we will take the cheese oh it looks good right there and then the final piece of brain yay oh yes you actually know how to cook on let me get the spatula all right press it down so it can stick i love my cheese it's all melty like well it's well it's taking quite a while oh it's gonna take a minute the devil does not wait for anything take that grilled cheese sandwich you will cook when i command you to but it's burn well yes but it is cooked yes no i can't eat this though it's like all black and stuff but that's why it is delicious no not at all man i i'm gonna have to do something else oh man all right what's your name son um it's chef peep i mean pp pb yes anyway this is our training course the police academy okay filled with intense obstacles and stuff that'll turn you into a man really yeah see over here you got your monkey bars you got your swing set your slide and uh and your rock wall okay oh okay so when are we going to start let me start right now come on let's go all right all right pee pee all right what you're gonna do is you're gonna run up this rock wall you're gonna go across the slide and you're gonna go across the monkey bars and you're gonna come over here and give me a smack on the buttocks it's all in 30 seconds what oh man oh man oh man oh man upper body strength is my weakness come on baby police officers are not and guys you have eight seconds you can help me out oh i'm so tired i'm done pp get up what you're at 28 seconds right now i'm good i'm not gonna make it away believe in yourself pee pee get your ass down the slide right now oh run run how much more you got the monkey bar son move come on pee pee move move mood and god come on pee pee hit the monkey ball okay hold on i think i'm doing it oh i'm doing did i pass no it's all right but but cops don't have to be certified to do monkey bars or anything else i'll pass you anyway come on you gotta go get taste now i'm good what all right pee pee it's time to get a taste okay wait wait i don't want to get tased that's painful two by eight is part of being police officer do you not want to be a police officer yes i do but hold on do they get paid a lot oh no really oh well let me think about it first okay hey creepy you're all right oh mommy mommy did you ever get teased this is painful oh actually no it didn't all right next time come on so what is left of this torturous job that i have to do well you got to get pepper sprayed peepee what papa's red why do i have to get a pepper sprayed and taste well you got to know what you're up against whenever you're inflicting this on the criminals and also they may sometimes steal your taser your pepper spray and they may use it on you so you got to know what it feels like that's stupid this is police training we shouldn't have to go through this all police officers have to do it okay so wholesale i'm spraying this in your eyeball what was that for well i'm an officer now oh tommy i'm so hungry maybe i could eat some candy junior dad no go away it's my candy no no i'm gonna need to get some of that candy cause i can't deal with the devil's food anymore it's disgusting i know i'm not eating camel's blood dad yeah that's too intense i think we have to fire him son fire him yeah um have you ever fired anybody before dad no this will be the first time i never really had to i just had chef pee pee fix everything for me and i just yelled at him but that was it yeah well um i guess we should go fire them but we gotta let them down easy like you know really nice yeah you're gonna have to be there with me i don't know if i can do it by myself okay all right come on you're snicker bar boy behold these peppers are hot as hell well they're pretty mild really they're only bell peppers greg hello oh hi how are you yeah yeah how are you doing craig i i am fine how are you i'm pretty good relaxing yeah yeah what good what what what food are you making well i am making your camel blood stone oh my god damn um craig you really don't need to even fix any more food it's okay we're prettyfull
and we don't yeah i'm really full i don't i don't need any more of your your suck ass cooking shut up i might be nice i don't need any more of your um i don't need any more of your delicious food look what we're trying to say is your food sucks ass dude we just don't really want to eat it anymore it's kind of hurting my stomach and it's too spicy yeah it's way too spicy and bloody mostly bloody you're breaking up with me no it's nothing like that but look it's it's not you it's me okay my stomach is just too sensitive for your food and i i don't know i guess we are breaking up yeah but i'm losing my job why does god hate me oh oh that that actually makes sense um well good goodbye i guess bye craig don't don't take it personal oh dad that that broke my heart dad you don't want to have to be rough well well i mean he is the devil he needs to understand that that it just sucks yeah you're right well who's gonna be our chef now dad not really sure we gotta find somebody because i'm i'm still hungry i'm starving dad i'm like anorexic who are we gonna find um oh let's just go call random people all right let's go all right pp this is the first time that you're being a police officer on that duty so what am i supposed to do then all right we just sit here and we wait for a suspicious driver to drive by then we go pull them over because oh well we're probably going to be waiting forever yeah maybe it's slow on the night trip wait wait whoa let's go get him oh man you hey catch up to him i'm driving look at this guy's swerving and everything oh my oh man this guy needs to slow down oh he's definitely going to visit bubbles tonight you don't have to make the sound oh he's stopping he's stopping all right here we go now the key is you got to approach the car slowly so watch me and you can do the next one okay okay all right let's go all right baby stay in the car i'll let you get the next one okay all right sir roll down your window sir roll down the window right now yo what's up uh i'm gonna need to see your license and registration please i don't have it how how how do you not have that look look this is my friend's car he just let me steal it i mean borrow it that that is no reason to not have a driver's license sir look it's been a hard day okay i just got laid off from my job and i'm just trying to make it to the house but still no reason to not have license um what's uh you've been drinking tonight man i only have four shots that's it i smell alcohol coming from the car sir it's just tequila all right um i see a green substance on the dash there what's that sir oh oh that oh man that's my bird dog you know that weed at first i thought you were going to say it was your uh your oregano pizza anyway i'm gonna need you to step out of the car please sir please stop all the car everything checks out clear here but uh we need to patch you down oh god come on come on get out with no pat down i'm not going to jail that's just how it is okay i'm still need to step out of the car please come on you know what come on p.o.p hold it down no no no no no i love you stop right there please right chef pee pee i'm gonna need you to come in here and uh give me a gun i can plant on this fella pee pee where are you at oh i'm coming i'm coming oh my god why are we shooting him well you see pp i'm gonna need your gun because uh we got a plane on him he beat me up from the second i started talking to him he punched me in the face and knocked all my teeth out see wow he started running got me up against the phantom guy and uh he just started beating me and beating me and beat me sounds too crazy so the only the only solution i had was to shoot him so i need you're gonna need a planet on it well here there it is all right okay all right here we go can we please just leave cause this is a weird this is very weird yeah um what we can do is we'll go back to the car and you can get the next one all right all right all right come on oh my god uh dad there's someone at the door oh it must be the new shelf open the door or the new chef yeah who'd you call um i don't know it was the electrician guy hey did somebody this this place looks kind of familiar anyway did you guys call an electrician yeah yeah yeah yeah um yeah we call the electrician oh your power seems kind of okay to me yeah it's okay but we need you to fix some food that's not what we called you for yeah we need you to cook for us cook us dinner yeah and you're still paying me yeah yeah of course uh it's not really what i do but if you're paying me sure yeah see what i can do yay all right come on nah all right so this this is definitely familiar to me make us food mister yeah yeah we need you to make us something good what uh what do you want um what do i want to eat dad i don't know tell them something guys i'm i'm still getting paid by the hour here so uh you know like the time oh okay um hmm uh hurry up and choose i don't have that much money i'm trying to think um i want a pizza a pizza yeah i want the biggest pizza a pizza yeah i want the biggest pizza i love pizza why do you want a pizza yeah well because i mean he he sounds like a mexican so he must be good at making pizza yeah that's that's good logic yeah yeah it i can do that all right um um so um uh where's the pizza i i i think there's one in the freezer mister let's go get it then all right hey the freezer is over here see uh the pizza is somewhere inside there yep that's it right there what's uh pizza party thing okay get it yeah get it all right i'm gonna need you to make that while i go and watch charlie and friends okay because i'm missing some scenes okay all right bye dad i'm gonna stay with the the weird mexican guy all right you do you make sure you fix it right oh boy oh boy this looks like a delicious pepperoni pizza mister yeah oh by the way uh what's your name uh my name uh don't worry about it not bored oh okay no name um anyway this pepperoni pizza looks so good how are we gonna cook it well uh hmm we could uh put in the microwave that makes sense the microwave yeah sure we can do that all right let's put in the microwave oh what is that noise oh my ears wait what's wrong what's this problem i i don't know what it is what are you oh hi i'm toad oh what is it holding what are you you're not a toad you're a mushroom this doesn't make sense what is this they didn't want this is my best friend toad i didn't know it was mushroom how did your ears stand his voice what what ears yeah look at my ears just get him out of here he's hurting my ears but but that's my best friend i can't tell him to leave well what what what do you need why are you here where are you oh i was just coming to see what you guys were doing making a pizza it looks like you were having fun not really not now we were but not now or toad um he said his ears are hurting so um does he he he needs like earmuffs or something yeah he needs ear muffs that could work here sure okay i'm gonna get him earmuffs will you do that so how was your day it was pretty good but when i was three my voice was even higher than this shut up all right um i couldn't find any ear mush but i found a sock oh fine i guess that'll work for right now let me let me go put this on okay uh he's gonna put the sock on toad so um until then uh let's put this pizza in the microwave you didn't give him any shoes to match i know i don't think his shoes would fit his big fat head let's put this in the microwave okay okay what are you doing uh you said put it in the microwave not like this you gotta take it out of the box first oh my god oh it is not oh this this is not helping at all oh what why'd you take this off cause it doesn't work it still hurts my ears ow told you you should have got the shoe too oh look just let's take this out of the box and get to making the pizza all right okay all right now that's how it's supposed to look before you put in the microwave oh god please don't talk anymore oh i'm sorry so yeah so it doesn't have a box anymore yeah exactly so yeah because boxes wouldn't taste that good right no they would not so let's let's put it in the microwave here all right and uh um i'm gonna sit in here with it no no no get at it two years now what are you supposed to do it's not why can't i sit in there with it talk anymore that's dangerous okay oh excuse me i'm all right so how many minutes do we put it in there for now let's take a look oh there's pre buttons that already say what foods there are yes yes there are okay so let's take a look we got a popcorn pizza potato then a plate frozen oh okay frozen vegetable yeah right yeah i picked the vegetables yeah pizzas are vegetables so yeah because it's tomatoes on it and stuff so do frozen vegetables okay all right there we go oh sorry rookie mistake frozen vegetables chef pee pee would sing when he was doing stuff he would say bake bake bag um why isn't it done yet yeah i don't know my my son used to make these kind of things all the time before he uh you know got murdered oh well i'mma check on it um it's not it doesn't even look like it was cooked mister look look at it yeah it's there it's not working out too good so how are we gonna cook it you're the chef now so you make it good uh let's try uh boiling it right that'll work boiling it get some boiling water in there sure i guess we could try boiling it let's do it all right uh hey mister what's happening inside this pot yeah the water's boiling in there um what's boiling mean it's it's like really hot and it's bubbly and stuff so don't burn yourself don't touch it's stupid yeah the red looked cool uh anyway uh so can i take the top off oh yeah sure we'll put it in whoa it's like a magician yeah not really stand back and okay you blasted go out that is hot you told us it was hot yeah put the top on i don't want you to burn yourself again so how long do we let it boil for mister uh like an hour an hour yeah sure that it'd be it'd be pretty cooked by then yeah oh oh you want to play a game with us why we wait for the hour uh do i get paid yep yeah sure yeah whatever all right come on come on all right everybody i already know what game i want to play oh what i want to play rocking rider legend okay so i'm going first somebody time you see how long i last okay i don't have a watch all right baby how you doing you're about to get the ride of your life all right let's do this what are you doing did you do that you like it when i ride you home huh i'm gonna pull your hair oh this is making me feel good oh oh god oh man i need a smoke all right your turn it was kind of uncomfortable to watch let's see how long you can last on the horse okay come on go good horse ah hey am i doing it right uh yeah put more on your hips more in your hips go get going mister i think the fire alarm's going on uh i'm a firefighter in my spare time so fire fire why is the alarm going off i i don't know i don't see any smoke uh well the pizza is done oh well wow that's so much smoke yeah whoa that looks pretty done to me oh well um let's get it out of this thing okay get it out he looks so good all right oh it's kind of slippery yet oh oh boy oh i don't know if this is going to work out but it looks so good come on grab it grab it you have to you might just need to eat it with a spoon it looks kind of like stew or gumbo oh no this is this is not going to work it kind of looks good this is bad news no it's fine you can uh you know put your face in there this is not good news toad why not um my dad's gonna be the phone my food better be ready oh dad it's not chef pee pee anymore you can't yell well i'm so used to it i'm i'm sorry i know um anyway uh is the food ready yeah uh sure yeah all right dad but the pizza's ready let me look at it wait wait it doesn't look like ordinary pizza that looks like lasagna yeah it looks just like lasagna right uh yeah lasagna yeah yeah yeah that's what it is i'm gonna test it out all right get a big kind of uh hold on i barely even got any oh that looks good oh wait that doesn't look good it's like hanging out of the cuffs yeah you know that looks really fun you know what you're fired i can't eat this this is disgusting yeah it looks kind of gross mister oh i still get paid well i know well he does i guess so but i'm not eating none of this you're just gonna have to leave you're never cooking for us again okay whatever it's like i'm getting paid all right uh well what are we gonna do now dad we still have no chef and we have a big mess to clean up i don't know i'm gonna fix me a snack all right pp so the last one didn't work out too well okay so what are we going to do now we're going to sit right here and we're going to wait for another car and you can get this one okay okay but i what oh my god go go go go go go go go oh lord this guy needs to stop oh my god oh my god he's going too fast he's going to do it too fast oh my lord he's spitting oh man good all right let's see if we'll pull over up here make sure you get behind them so you won't you won't lose them all right here we go finally all right pp this one's all you okay go get hello sir hello well do you know how fast you were going sir um i i bet there was going it's fresh there's a devil i guess it was pretty fast can i see your license and registration oh wait i don't have any you see because i'm the devil i'm so recognizable like well i don't know you sir so you're gonna have to show me your license i'm like i don't think i can do that why can't you show me your license it's i i don't have it with me look sir you're gonna have to get a ticket then no no try giving a ticket to smoke yo where did you go yo show yourself damn it good man he ran away i don't know where he went all right let's take a look in his car see what we can find okay oh it looks like there's a coffee right there he must have been drinking and driving well do you uh the first charge but we can't find them so we we have nothing to pin on them did you check the trunk all right no i thought i got you god of course you're in the trunk uh he had me you're coming with us no come on now i can't go to prison what are we doing here good man well rookie we're sitting here waiting for crime to happen okay wait that doesn't make any sense i want to arrest a bad guy you know beat him down or something shut up brookie we got a call coming in seven-year-old dylan coleman uh ran away from home his mom what's an amber alert well the amber alert is usually when a kid gets kidnapped okay in this case the little boy named uh patrick coleman has ran away from home because his mommy wouldn't let him watch spongebob really spongebob yeah so we gotta go and try to find him well spongebob's not that serious i could see if it was family guy you all right where would he be hmm i don't know maybe check around that corner i hate mommy not know me why spongebob i know spongebob and patrick i like patrick too where is that little brat i don't know i'm getting tired of this oh there he is over there in the corner let's stop here and check him out we're arresting somebody today let's go no crappy cubs go away youtube cop you made daddy go away and your mommy started drinking all right patrick come on we're we're going to take you back to your mom i don't want you to go back to mommy patrick we're the good guys okay you got to come with us no i don't want you go back come on patrick you know we got to take you back come on patrick you haven't made dude you're caucasian no come on come on come on come on just come with us hey hey hey i'm not getting into that i don't know what to do i don't want to hit this little kid oh god oh my god oh my god oh my god dude i killed this little kid calm down stop crying what you did good bp what do you mean well i was i was getting beat up okay so uh you saved my life now we gotta call it in as a hit and run we gotta uh to tell his mom to come pick up his body in the middle of the road okay what that doesn't make any sense we hit this little kid i killed this kid and we're police officers we got a hit and run here and uh description of the vehicle is a black and white police car yeah with sirens on it okay oh my god what this is wrong with you good man please let's leave let's leave now please hey you get the medal of honor pp oh oh god dad oh look i'm dying son of me too i'm so hungry shut up junior you're making my stomach hurt even more but i'm hungry dad oh me too we need a new shell you know what what i have an idea why didn't i think about this earlier what's your idea oh we need to hire an illegal immigrant okay hola my name is carlos i'm an illegal immigrant and i make food whoa he's perfect junior i know dad he's awesome i know he's like better than chef pee pee on any given day i know and he looks cooler and he said he's really cheap and he makes food i know it's like the best of both worlds why doesn't everyone hire these people junior don't be silly everybody does hire these people we live in america oh really cool okay well i want food mister make me food yeah yeah i want something too um something simple maybe like a hamburger well i want a cheeseburger with cheese on it you're so complicated junior but uh i i cannot make a cheeseburger what why not why can't you make a cheeseburger you have two hands i i just cannot i can only make uh mexican food but see mexican food what what what is mexican food like like a tacos a burrito rice and beans and and uh enchiladas oh okay well yes well i want a taco yeah give me a taco too you know i'm in the mood of that yes they're two tacos one for me and one for my dad yeah all right coming right up and tying up hurry up oh this is gonna be so awesome okay hot plate whoa what else what you already made see whoa wow whoa that was just that just amazed me you're better than chef pee pee i'm gonna keep you chef pee pee never goes that fast dad he's amazing all right now get out of here cause i'm keeping both ways but dad i'm hungry but i don't care so get out of here now stop go thomas my dad won't feed me sure i'm gonna call the cops hold on it's ringing hello police lady yeah i'm um i'm like six years old and my dad won't feed me he's not feeding me anything and and he hits me sometimes junior you're on the phone are you calling the police yeah i'm calling the police they said you're a bad bad man i'm gonna beat your ass up get out the phone how dare you ever call the police out of you and they better not come here oh my god i hate you what do you mean man up i killed a seven-year-old he was bleeding by him he ran away from home all you want to do is watch spongebob that that's a felony son this is boring skills that ran him over with the car all he was doing was slapping you you couldn't handle that what is that domestic disturbance why i know this address like the back of my hand i go there all the time oh really let's go then maybe it'll get in my mind off this this seven year old can't believe you i'm gonna beat you till you back out brutally beating this child no now officer goodman hold on i have this one okay baby oh no no no i'm officer pp and bowser you take this yeah he deserves it with you in the kitchen please oh yeah yeah yeah sure what's up dad are you okay yes officer goodman pee pee what the hell are you doing wait what do you mean what was that in there well i was teasing the subject he was the bad guy right we are police officers we conduct ourselves in very professional manners that in there that that was child play how was that child's life he was meeting his child he he was but we do not taste it we use our words no stop that's bad okay but what happened when the little boy you made me run over a child today but we have to use words when bowser is beating his son that is different sir this is what you do black people and children the law does not stand in the way when it comes to fathers beating their child using their fifth amendment they can beat their child that's stupid here's our word okay baby what your behavior was unacceptable and for that you're fired i'm fired i just got this job what the hell all right give me your bag what badge are you talking about you you gave me dawn on your chest right there rip it off i'm not about to rip it off all you did was give me the shirt in this freaking hat whatever peepee just just get out you're fired i can handle this by myself you know what i don't even need this job anymore i hate my life anyway oh man i need a job i need a job i can't believe i got fired uh stupid goodman oh i got a search in this newspaper oh wait you can't you gotta be joking uh a plumber of course i'll take the job oh wait okay i'll go to this location oh donkey i love reading my book while taking a crap oh let's find out oh what is your poo telling you oh donkey number three also known as butt pace oh and this is a pretty accurate drawing oh that looks like me on a daily basis donkey oh don't get me down that's what my rectum inside out i know it did oh i feel it oh damn it oh that was a dinosaur crap for sure all right i gotta wipe i gotta wait give me a bubble man oh well i i guess since there's no toilet paper it it will crust it it has to crust it it will be crusting crust crust crust pizza crust night that is pablo picasso's finest painting ever look at that his texture was was pristine pristine crap all right pablo picasso pristine crap no nothing nothing not nothing at all no okay do it again donkey you clocked the toilet what shrek what are you talking about look what you did okay i did not do that it's your crab shrek it's disgusting i would not do such a thing donkey that that looks just like whatever it is it's clogged the toilet will not flush and you'll need to fix it you're a plumber i'm not fixing that shrek that's disgusting and that that's so much crap that that is your crap and i am not cleaning that up off my honor donkey i did not do it you you know what i'm gonna call another plumber because i'm not touching that i am a plumber but i am not certified to i'm not going to degrade myself well if you're not certified then you're certified to use a straw monkey so i'm not no i'm not doing that again you know i'm just going to call a plumbing service okay you need to fix it you are a polar okay so how does this plumber thing work again are you kidding me no i'm serious i've never done this before this is my first time um all right kid you just uh you stick the plunger in the toilet there and you just wiggle it around and then uh until poop comes out and then we just get a couple hundred bucks each oh that that's it's that simple yeah it's pretty much that simple wow hey can i ask you something yeah yeah sure what's up uh why are you wearing a hard hat um i thought this might be a hard job so i should have a hard hat yeah no you don't need it i i i feel like i've explained this before no you don't you don't really need a hard hat it's you're just you're just plunging toilets well it's really easy you never know when poop might fly on your head but like that's gonna happen oh well that's not gonna do it then oh man i hope that's the plumber are you the plumber oh you mean us with the plungers no no of course not what oh you didn't have to be rude about it good one but anyway why'd y'all bring two plumbers i'll uh oh this here this is my apprentice uh pp your peepers or something hey mario chef peepee yeah yeah hold on i am plumber pp now what yeah don't get too cocky you've been on the job four minutes i'm pretty sure i'm pretty good at this job what what what happened to your dog with bowser bowser oh i'm not working for him anymore he's nothing but a mean old turtle that's what he is well i i wouldn't work for him either but anyway um there's a toilet in there there's so much clogged with poop i don't even know what to do about it it is so clogged i don't even think both of y'all can unclog it oh oh don't worry about us we can unclog anything we have two plungers yeah all right well then come on in okay guys um here's the toilet that's clogged it is so gross all right let me see i can take oh what's the big deal oh man oh my god what did that happen what kind of creator would let this happen oh that is bad this toilet is just destroyed i'm not cleaning this up this is this is two girls for me oh no better questions you better it's your job what are you forming now no i can't do this gross is poop in there yeah well that's most of what we do is pope oh man um can't you just do it this one time you know make me take lessons or something like that oh okay try to get out of it um oh yeah i think we're gonna need a bigger plunger uh go get big bertha what go get big ben huh uh the bigger the bigger plunger in the back of the truck if you could just go get that oh oh you could have just said that do you mean this bad boy yeah that is big bertha so how do i use the big bertha well you were you just put the plunger in there and then you just you just go at it you just just put your whole force into it everything you got ah i guess so so give it a shot kid i hope it doesn't stink god oh oh oh it's not working yeah uh don't give me let me let me try yeah yeah you help help oh oh oh god stop stop this this this is not gonna work so so i think we need to do just one more big big big push or pull um all right all right kid let's go on three okay okay are you ready yeah i'm ready one two three oh man oh ow oh what happened oh no what oh oh no that's not good what what's what happened um all i'm gonna say is it's a good thing you wore a helmet oh my head my head feels heavy yeah you i don't know how to say this but you got to get a turd that's on your head what the hell oh my god what the hell is this it's poop yeah i don't blame you what's wrong chef pee pee i got poop on my shirt did you not see that big turd well i did thank you for unclogging my toilet you're welcome but it wasn't fun at all i hate being a plumber it sucks oh well you're just gonna stand there naked i forgot i had no clothes on let me put on a new shirt okay stupid doodle shirt well um so you don't want to be a plumber what are you going to do now for a job i'm not sure i'm like out of a job now i don't want to cook for bowser anymore that wasn't fun julia just bothers me oh well um i have a friend that owns a company and he could he could possibly get you a job what do you wait hold on a company hold on i'm almost destroyed all right so yeah yeah my friend mr goodman he he owns a goodman enterprises and he can get you a job i mean you know you mean if you're if you're smart enough and if you're if you're good at doing certain things so yeah no doubt mario i am very smart just just give me a chance where is this place at um well i'll i'll give you the address i'll call him and let him know that you're on your way so just go over there and i promise you he might give you a job oh dude i really need this job i hope he can alright it's like goodman enterprises all right i'll give him a call okay so just head over there okay put in a good word for me mario i will bag and crimp bottom um excuse me sir uh is this the place where i get my job interview oh yeah and uh and you are oh i'm vp oh yes pp yes um so uh you're here for the job interview for the uh for the debt collector salesman oh yes yes sir look i'm here for any job that's available to be honest okay yeah absolutely um and if you are uh if you're looking for a job what why are you dressed in such a crappy outfit like like a dirty chef uniform that says chef pee pee on it um i have a legitimate reason um look my last job i was a plumber right so i was you know trying to unclog the toilet and then this i got fecal matter on my shirt hmm fecal matter yes i know it sounds weird but i i'm being honest anyway that's besides the point it's besides the point anyway so uh what what prior job experience do you have um past job experiences uh look i don't really have any past job experiences besides being a chef um from for many many years as you can see from this ugly attire and uh i was a cop for a day but i i got fired because i tased someone okay and i was a plumber i told you about that one but the fecal matter problem you you know yeah fecal matter yeah but besides that i don't have any more experience so do do you have balls pp do you want to succeed here at goodman enterprises i'm i'm pretty sure i do but yes of course i want to succeed i want it's bad okay do you have balls pp i'm talking i'm talking big balls we don't want little tic tac balls here at goodman enterprises you have to have watermelon balls freaking watermelon balls to work here uh let me see your balls pp what let me see your balls i don't think this is appropriate to compare phoebe i swear you need to show me your balls if you want to work here oh my god um goodman enterprises does not accept failures okay if i show you my my balls am i guaranteed to get the job depends on how big your bulls are pee pee i mean i mean i never compared to another guy like i'm not comparing them to another guy i'm comparing them to tic tacs or watermelons i want to know what do your balls look like pp you want to really see my ball i want to see your balls pee pee you wouldn't really see my ball pp i want we were talking metaphorically here i was i was totally kidding god but but you're telling me anything well because the last couple people when i asked to say their balls they just walked down because i believe you but you got balls pp that's exactly what we need here goodman interpreters good that's nice to know god damn it pp you're you're hard good really yeah well i could've done it from the start but um what do i have to do on the job pp your job title is debt collector and salesman okay okay or you think you can handle it um yes i i can alright these people they did not pay their bills so they owe us money okay if they owe me money they owe you money you're here to collect that money yes i understand i hate a thief god damn it peepee words right out of my mouth yes they are yeah they're thieves they're crooks horrible people disgrace to humanity yeah you got that right yeah so what you're going to be doing you're going to be calling these people pp i'm going to be calling these people and getting that money from them okay no problem you are going to call them and you're going to say you owe us money you are those exact words this is you this is your script pp repeat after me are you done okay hello hello my name is pee pee okay my name is pee pee okay no nothing good i say okay you know i'm good good no okay all right my name is pp i'm good my name is peepee you did not pay your bill you did not pay your bills so help me god so help me god you are um you are very good people and then after you get that money from them you sell sell sell because i don't see how this is going to work get the out of my office oh you're fired what i'm just kidding you're hired get out oh i'm confused i'm just gonna go uh i think this is my office hey baby what are you doing um nothing much i'm just getting prepared i'm good all right well this is your phone right here you're gonna be using that to call the customers to get my money back okay wait so this is my office right yes it is i was lost for a minute all right and that computer you're gonna use that to look up the clients and you're going to be using that to deposit the money that you get from them directly into my buying account you call it oh okay all right across the hall here we have a screwball how you doing screwball good yeah the screwball hi screwball don't distract him okay he's employee of the year last year whoa that's that's nice you will never be like him okay he's top priority oh you're not distracted do not speak to him unless he speaks to you okay good to work pp make me some money all right i'll do my best oh what's the password gummy didn't even give it to me god hey new kid um yes it says screwball prickly pineapples what what are you talking about the password it's prickly pineapples oh thanks uh screwball um yes i got something for you hold on you uh you want some meth why would i want meth yeah it's good for you no i'm good okay i don't need any meth why because i'm a sober person why because i don't need drugs hold on i got a call coming in weirdo hello no no never theresa no you cannot no no more extensions pay your goddamn bill sorry about that theresa thinks she owns a damn place oh that's kind of harsh hold on i gotta i gotta piss okay oh damn yeah nah i just pissed um i i have to go to check something i'm getting it kid oh my god that's so gross ah now it's starting to get to work oh my first customer looks like margaret oh wow she is in the hole i hope she's a good person and doesn't give me too much too much talk it's ringing oh hello oh hello is this margaret oh yes it is who is this um hi i am pp calling from goodman enterprises oh hold on hold on what'd you say your name was oh um it's peepee oh baby hi what are you calling about here well i was calling from goodman enterprises to let you know that uh i hate to say this but you owe us 500 500 yes ma'am 500 oh wow what what are you gonna do if i don't pay well i really need you to pay it because well if you don't pay it we're gonna disconnect your services and we don't need that happening ma'am yeah yeah oh yeah do you think there's anything we can uh you know work out you know what are you wearing dear oh yeah you sound like a big hunky man all right what are you wearing i don't think it's necessary to know what i'm wearing no it's very necessary i think we can work something out here oh no how about we just work out a payment that'll be nice oh yeah i can pay you let me take my dentures out oh come on oh god my damsel's out oh wait yeah big boy i'll come down right now let's just wait okay maybe i can do better on the next customer okay second customer hopefully this person isn't that was weird as margaret was um bitterman carlito whoa he owes 750 man i thought margaret was in the hole jeez come on pick up pick up all lies beat him in carlito's residence what can i do for you today um hello bitterman um wait is this bitterman see he's beating me i'm hi bitterman i am pp calling from goodman enterprises and i hate to tell you this but you owe a 750 and if you don't pay it you're oh oh this is not beating me what what do you mean you just told me you were man what are you talking about vietnamese used to live here senor i this is no longer really me i'm confused can you like get me betterment then oh let me check and see if he's here baby i'm not coming no he's not here i just heard you say that come on you can't fool me sir i'm not fooling you all right okay bye why would you damn it why would he hang up in my face i didn't make any money oh come on i gotta make some cash man this job is stressful i really need to get some water oh man i need some water breaks are good kid what oh what oh my god i gotta get to my desk baby come here damn yes good man all right pp you know what this is um my guess would be a copy machine you didn't right pp and you wanna know what i need from you um what do you need five thousand printed copies of your ass on my desk by two o'clock i don't understand what claw why would you need my pictures of my ass pp you'll get where i got asking questions you do it get it done i'm good too oh my god i don't understand why goodman need photocopies of my butt it's so weird all right next customer um tyrone hopefully this can go very smooth now how much do you owe tyrone 900. what's with these people in their payments all right um hello this tyrone uh yeah what's up um hi tyrone my name is pb and i'm calling from goodman enterprises just to let you know that you own 900 and if you don't pay us oh for real yes for real oh damn yeah um i was wondering can we establish a date on when you can pay or make your payment uh how much i owe again you owe 900 i just told you this so sir oh oh yeah um i don't know if i got it what do you mean you don't know if you have the money you should have the money sir can you just give me a date maybe tomorrow today if you haven't i mean like i know you can do it uh i really can't uh oh who who are you calling for again i'm calling for tyrone we just established this like two minutes ago oh man you know what he sleep what do you mean he's sleep i've been talking to him for like two minutes already i'm sick of this conversation can you just tell me when you're gonna make the payment uh nah can you just wake up tyrone then uh all right hold on wake up tyrone please nah he ain't getting up hit the stem job why does my life suck so much hey kid ah you ready for that meth yeah get my office right now what no good man good luck with that kid um excuse me good man did you call me in here sit down pee pee um okay you don't me up pee pee um how did i do that good man pee pee do you uh do you know what a corporation is um not really but i'm learning okay well picture this a corporation is like a beautiful caterpillar okay all the caterpillar's legs are functioning and moving in the same direction they're always moving forward okay and you pp are a busted leg how am i a mustang lag you have prevented this company from moving forward i am a beautiful monarch butterfly just flapping through the woods okay this is what i'm doing these are my wings and what does that have to do with me because you have prevented this beautiful caterpillar of a business did not become a monarch butterfly i'm so confused right now goodman peepee get the out get the me too but all we have left is a stupid yogurt that's the last piece of food well i want it i want it too well i want it more no i want to weigh more how about the oldest gets it well that's not fair because you're always oldish oh i didn't even notice that means i get it right no no i think the youngest should get it because i'm not as fat as you and you can eat your fat what that makes no sense junior i'm not even that fat i'm pretty slim well we got to find out who gets you i mean yeah we need to find a way to figure out who deserves this the most well we can flip a coin no that's boring are we in football no no oh how about whoever survives getting hit by a car you know gets the goger so okay the last person that is alive get to eat the coker okay yeah we can do that right all right who goes first uh you oh well yeah i guess yeah that's cool let's do it okay dad i'm ready hey i don't think this is a good idea shut up junior i can't even hear you this goku is delicious you did good bowser you did good i hate my life i hate my life i hate it oh i'm sleeping on a bench i'm broke and i have no money i have no job either oh man i just wish they had another job wait look loitering toy oh good man what do you want well i actually have something for you oh what do you have wait a police officer uniform oh no no no pp don't get ahead of yourself oh god no we wouldn't want that from you wait wait so why are you teasing me with one well i actually found you another job what what yeah it's at this uh this pizza restaurant called freddy fazbears oh that's cool well um what do i have to do there well you're going to be the the night watch security guard you're going to report at midnight and uh you just kind of patrol the area make sure everything's going well as planned and uh they actually had quite a few other security guards before you but they all went missing so yeah they asked me if you would join so i said uh oh about a hundred dollars a week uh hundred dollars a week that sucks but it's better than bowser's pay and i'm kind of out of a job anyway so i'll take it yep all right we'll just report at the uh at the peace and join by uh by midnight and you're gonna be working there five nights a week okay five nights a week five nights at freddy's all right i'll be there weekend's off freddy fazbear's pizza huh what am i doing with my life oh actual pizza oh i am hungry oh it's cold gosh they could have at least warmed it up or something what wait what uh that's weird as hell um what am i supposed to do here like nobody left any directions or anything i guess i'm supposed to wing it or something wait what is that excuse me what i used to work there i'm a little drunk i'm just trying to give you a couple of tubs look you're going to work there to 6 a.m and you gotta check the surveillance to make sure everything is okay it gets a little weird there but you know oh i'm getting pulled over i got drugs in the car wow that was helpful oh well um so i have to sit and watch a stupid computer screen for sit until 6 a.m in the morning like uh who would really come and rob this place like who would even try to break in or anything like that that's so ridiculous oh i guess i gotta flip another screen or something okay i see hats on the table so this looks like the party room um this looks like a doorway on this camera oh this hallway is a little scary they need to turn the light on or something oh these these are the animatronics they're even worse why would they have these here oh that's another doorway oh oh this is the bathroom okay so i know if i need to take a pee where is that another doorway oh camera disabled oh i gotta check this room later these stupid cameras there's nothing exciting going on it's so boring and the piece is still cold god i can't even eat anything oh a flashlight well i guess i can't go and explore around this place i haven't even went and seen this place yet let me go see what's out here yeah this place looks weird as hell oh but i'ma go in and explore it anyway i'm bored man what the hell is wrong with these things why would you even want that at a birthday party look at the eyes on these bastards they're bug eye they're like mosquitoes or something god that's weird give me that hippie i wonder what's in this room oh god it's locked wait isn't this the kitchen or something why is it locked oh god now i gotta find a different room hmm this must be the party room oh pizza oh my god i am starving this better not be cold ah god damn it what's with these people a cold ass pizza i don't know how they do it why would you eat cold pizza oh there better be a microwave somewhere around here cause i'm starving and i'm not my latest piece to go to waste come on pizza i will find you a home all right stupid kitchen i need to use your microwave and i know you have it so open up go ahead open up fine you forced me to use myself damn it dammit okay finally i knew they couldn't fool me i knew they had a microwave now i get to eat my bread what's going on oh my god oh my god oh my god let's eat i mean i am kind of hungry but that's gross as hell oh my god who does he eat a person this is murder oh my god oh my god oh my god should i call the police oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god i think you're just winning some murder it's crazy as hell oh my god oh my god just breathe baby breathe peepee what are you gonna do what are you gonna do oh my god oh phone phone just call police 911 oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh i know i'll check the surveillance camera okay nothing in there nothing in there nothing in the hallway nothing in there waist something's supposed to be in there where's my animatronics come on come on don't play with me no no i'm not going crazy i'm not going crazy i'm not seeing things because i know those animatronics are still there they have to be still there oh i'll just go and check the room then they're all gone they're all gone they're all gone oh my god oh my god i gotta check the cameras come on okay where are they where are they oh not in there not in there not in there not in there wait hold up go back go back go back wait what are you doing what the hell are you doing you stupid bad that's up oh my god oh my god oh my god okay if i just stay in the security room nothing will go wrong right oh my god just go wait what's that running noise oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god please don't die bp you're too beautiful no no why me oh my god oh please don't die bp don't die okay i just gotta make it through the night just one night one night and i'm quitting this stupid ass job it's stupid and stupid maybe they're going i don't hear anything yeah they have to be going please tell them get out back oh my god what the hell is happening what the hell was that what the hell was that oh my god oh my god oh my god i need to find something to defend myself with because i can't sit here and run i can't run no more i can't run i'm a man i need to fight back the i can't be beaten by these little stupid fluffy animal trumpet things no more what can i use what can i use no this piece is still cold oh a pen wait you're next chica wait i dated a chick named chica in high school oh she had a big butt i should give her a call oh my god i need to check the surveillance oh where's that chica thing okay not in there oh you stupid bear you think you're big and bad but you can't stop me why are you following me oh you weirdo okay not in there you it was you wasn't it you have to be chica oh my god i'm gonna defeat you i promise you you're not gonna get the last laugh okay i know you're out there chica that's why i got a stapler you don't want to get your fingers stuck in this bag buddy yeah i promise you're gonna bleed all right now how about we just discuss this like a regular people and just see what's the real issue about oh my god just get this and choke on it you brought that dog on it what the hell is wrong with these people oh my god i'm going to die i told you chica i would get the last laugh oh man that was close i was so close wait what the hell what's going on what the hell is going on why is it so dark oh my god oh my god what's going on oh my god i gotta find something i gotta find something he's coming i got my flashlight oh thank you baby jesus oh but i know he's coming what is that sound what is that oh my god i'm so scared i'm so scared oh my god oh my god oh my god where the hell did he go oh where did he go oh please please don't hurt me don't cut my arms off i paid my taxes please i'm a good man i promise never hurt anybody please wait what are you looking at oh whoa that's pizza did you guys make that pizza for me if it's hot it's hot please tell me you made that pizza for me wait wait wait so you you were trying to kill me earlier right wait so you just wanted me to have the pizza wow that's that's kind of weird but kind of thoughtful too in in a not murder kind of way if you don't understand what i mean but uh can we eat it together oh well can i get a hug for you guys for bringing me pizza oh thank you guys i was starving oh now i can finally get a slice pretty fast bears pieces burns down ah i thought i finally found the job that i like jeez i guess god doesn't want me to be happy well let me see if there's some comics in here or something wait wait wait what a grim reaper needed oh my god it's a job i need to go and apply for this well so many bills for hell the heating bill is outrageous you see because this is hail and there's it's hot here it's fire uh hey i'm looking for the devil welcome pp welcome to hail it's uh quite hot here as you may have noticed yeah this is hot but i'm trying to apply for the job to be the grim reaper ah yes scream reaper great yes very good the last one did not turn out too well uh may i ask what happened to the last grim reaper yeah well the the last one we had was christopher walken yes it took him forever to talk and no one could understand what he was saying oh by the way you want to hear my christopher walken impression uh yeah i guess yeah you want to be the grim reaper i see i i don't know it's just the fun thing i do with bounties i'm a fun boss well okay um so can i be the grim reaper now well if you think you have what it takes to be the grim reaper go try this on okay i'll try it on oh and if you find some blood on it that's perfectly natural does this even fit me no no no you look perfect just like the original graham reaper well okay so who's the first person i'm supposed to kill ah yes your first victim i have a file here somewhere hang on oh yes it is a some old guy oh okay um it says harold is the first person i killed oh okay all right i'll do my best okay have fun oh and don't forget your site on the way out calculated all right grandpa it's time for you to take your medicine no this calculator doesn't work grandpa that's a remote not a calculator anyway grandpa is time for you to take your medicine what it's time for you to take your medicine no i don't want to take me on that poison it's not poison it helps you with your alzheimer's no it makes me crazy in my brain no it stops you from being crazy just take your medicine no take your medicine take your medicine never take your medicine grandpa oh my god what can i do to make you think that's important you want pudding okay so if i put medicine in pudding will you take it what if i put the medicine in your pudding will you take it no maybe we'll just have to wait and see uh okay i'll go put it in the pudding okay oh i got some black ghost go get the hose what the i'm not a ghost a little i am death i am the grim reaper what i'm the grim reaper i'm here to take your life your soul i'm not ready for the clan meeting i don't even have my robes what are you talking about harold look can you just go ahead and croak i don't have all day for this what i need you to die oh no i don't think so let's do black gold all you black people are saying racist old man look look you better give me your soul right now okay all right grandpa come back with your buddy murphy all right there was a black ghost in here a black ghost grandpa oh black ghost he tried to take my soul right about my chest oh there's no such thing as ghost grandpa i've seen it i know what i've seen there's a black ghost hand over the couch over there grandpa look i put your medicine inside the pudding just eat it no no i've seen black ghosts and i'm not gonna eat no mess until you take care of the ghosts go awesome now there is no ghost grandpa oh probably i've seen a ghost i saw my own two eyes my eyes ain't broke grandpa are you okay i think we should take you to the hospital i'm just fine i i'd be bad if there were no ghosts in my house oh grandpa we got to take you to the hospital no i don't want to go now i'm worried about your health come on come on come on we're going to the hospital dammit oh i almost had him how am i going to explain this to the devil uh hey craig i have a problem yeah what pippy what do you want um you see uh harold right the guy that i was supposed to kill um he kind of got afraid when i got crept up on him and and he just freaked out now he's headed to a hospital damn it peepee it was a simple job he was about to croak look look i know i know i understand just i'll do better on the next victim okay just give me the next guy no it's okay it's okay let me look at your next victim it is a cat with feline leukemia and they muffins wait muffins a cat oh look look i won't disappoint you sir okay go but do not mess this one up peepee muffin i am the grim reaper and i am here to take you to hell no no no seriously muffins i am the grim reaper and um it's your time to die so like can we like hurry this up i have more people to take to hell come on muffins like how can we speed this up because like you're being very selfish right now come on can you like maybe choke on your own like spit or something i got an idea um follow me muffins okay muffin stay right here right here all right see you in here oh yes yes oh my god i gotta call the devil for this because this is ridiculous you're supposed to be dead let me get craig i'm here pippi what do you need i'm trying to kill the stupid cat but he's not dying oh okay what about them yes well you see they have nine lives so this will be a bit trickier than normal nine lies are you serious wait wait i just he just got hit by a gfc truck that has to count for six no no just the one oh my god this this grim reaper thing is not working out for you is it no it's not working out i tried to kill the old man earlier and then i try to kill a stupid cat and it's not working well maybe we should try you on a desk job this job you have those yes come with me again what happened we were supposed to just follow me whatever okay okay so this is the desk job so what do i do well you sit right here at this test okay and then whenever this phone rings you answer it now that that will be people giving their complaints about him wait people complain about hell well of course they do it as hell the number one complaint is usually that it is hot and the number one request is for ice water which they cannot have obviously because it is hail it's then not really anything okay well this also is the phone that gives you the news for the day national tragedies and whatnot all the bad things that go on there's there's a lot of shootings so get ready for that like i'll i'll be honest i stopped filing those they did too many they just piled up like i just don't show that anymore so you know just enter the phone and file the paperwork as needed okay i can do that good luck oh man first time at the desk job oh i'm gonna start on these bills first oh man somebody's calling already um hello look look hitler you cannot get any ice water so stop calling god all right now first damn somebody's calling that fast this is hell uh school shooting already all right now documented oh man oh god they don't give me a break here yes hello this is hell another school shooting all right i'll document it many schools don't have any security god damn look hello this is hell yes oh another school shooting okay okay i'll document it you have to scream at me lady god let me guess this is a school shooting i i'm not reporting it okay i'm tired of this whole thing oh i'm so fiddled with this job so many school shootings i thought the document everything go through these bills i haven't even touched yet oh and it's hot in here damn it's crack yes baby i'm so fed up with this job it's hot i have to document so much paperwork and so many school shootings i can't even count them i quit oh now i have to go back to my old secretary oh that job in hell sucked i just hope i never go there again is this your card yeah dude this is my new car i just got royalties from a new song yeah wait wait how could you afford all this by rapping yeah i get rich off my music huh you want to try rapping it's easy dude i don't know how good i'll be at rapping but i'll give it a try oh jeez what am i supposed to do right here again you see this microphone right here you supposed to spit bars in it chef pee pee i mean bars okay okay this microphone these bars it comes out of your mouth all right you're going to spit it you're going to wrap it okay i think i can do that um all right uh hmm i cook i clean you know what i mean right right dog no dude that was garbage you gotta rub about your feelings put some emotion to it dude rappers rap about their feelings the things that they went through okay um okay i think i got it this time okay i think i'm feeling it um so i just dive into okay every single day i gotta clean up the kitchen box of screaming at me saying scrub all of the dishes and julian's a gremlin he's the monster i live with that's the reason why i quit cause i just reached my limit the struggle is real i need a new job i worked as a plumber and i once was a cop i shot a black guy and i planted a gun by his leg i quit the plumber job cause i got poop on my head worked at the cause and nobody got on my nerves they were so rude that's not what i deserved and the security guard had a piece of place the monsters came alive when you stayed too late had to quit bowser he treats me like a slave always make me watch his breath but i barely get paid but i hate these other jobs i don't know what to do do your life so toad you don't have a clue man i ain't my life man i ain't my life man i ain't my life i kinda wish that i was white men are in my life man i ain't my life man in my life i kinda wish that i was white man i hate my life man i hate my life man in my life i wish that everything was right man i hate my life men are in my life man i ain't my life i wish that everything was right dude that was so cool wait really it was dude yes yes it's gonna be a hit you're just gonna have to wait a few days you know we're gonna post it on itunes and see how it goes well i don't know if i have two days but i guess i can wait um just just make sure you post it for me okay toad oh okay dude i'll do it now
