Battling Weight Gain , Loss & Estrangement - Women Over 60 Speak Up!

There is a lot of cleaning to do Desi, are you going to help me? We have a lot of weeding to do, look at it, are there sprouts on my hydrangeas? Oh, these are my favorite lime hydrangeas, they are so beautiful and look, there are some buds. I have some friends Hi everyone, thank you so much for coming back and seeing me and Deszy today. I hope you had a good week. I had a very, very good week, but I got a letter from one of you lovely ladies, and you were talking about getting up in the morning and looking in the mirror and wondering what I'm going to do today and you just went blank and felt lost. and dissatisfied and before answering you I wanted to do a little research and I found a study where They studied thousands of

women

who were between 60 and 70 years old and some in their 80s and they focused on their happiness, their productivity, the things they struggled with the most and it was so fascinating that it took me 3 days to get through it, but they were focused.

I know about seven different things that these

women

have reported and that they struggle with, some of them have conquered it and some of them haven't and I thought, "Oh, this is probably one of the most interesting videos I've ever had the honor of doing and I can't wait to share it". these things with you and I also want to hear your comments, you know, maybe you hear some of these things and say oh no, that's not me or oh yeah, I can relate to that, I just couldn't put it into words. That's how I felt what many reported was this intense, deep feeling of being disconnected from the world and I know I've felt that many times, I mean, we're a society where we love television, we love movies, we love books and' They're usually not represented in any of those things anymore, those were things we used to relate to and remember when we were in our 30s and 40s.

You know, a movie would come out and the whole movie would be about a woman like me and we could relate to her. and they don't make movies about a 73-year-old woman who falls in love and feels disconnected, it's not just from the media or the world of entertainment but from how we live every day when we walk out the door of our house, you know how we pay for our work. shopping is always different now you know how to put gas in our car you know that we have to learn technology technology that we are not familiar with as we get older you know that there are two types of intelligence and the int intelligence that allows us to learn things is compromised As we As we get older, we can still learn things, it just takes 10 times more concentration and energy than before.

What we have going for us is crystallized intelligence, which means that at 75 we could solve problems we couldn't. I don't figure it out at 40 because every experience we've had is stored away and we draw on that intelligence, okay, that's great, but when you're in a world that's changing so quickly with technology and you're having a little trouble learning. your phone or maybe how to turn on that smart TV when you're sitting at home it's just not the same sometimes when I'm in the supermarket I'm trying to figure out the card machine and I'm kind of stumbling around and I always have this joke that I tell to the cashier, you know, like I was still living in the '80s and I was still ready to write you a check and she would always reply "see what that is." a little joke that helps me cope with the feeling of disconnection and even though it seems like such a small thing, it adds up, it really adds up when you order that new toaster and it's a smart toaster, we don't even want to go there in the second.

What they focused on in the study is that the women felt almost tormented by family members who they felt they had done something wrong as children or as adults, so they felt like they just couldn't forgive their family members and They reported that this made them depressed. It took them the energy that they would be happy and then they would suddenly think about something their brother did to them 30 years before and they would get angry when I was in my 30s and 40s, I would wake up in the morning in a good mood and suddenly I would get bad humor because something would happen that would trigger a memory where I would be angry at my mother's brother for hurting me when I was a child and it would go into a loop and I would get angrier and angrier and more hurt and I feel like it was so unfair and how could it make me that to me, how could he do that to a child and it was ruining my life and I sought therapy for it, I had no other way to deal with it.

I had to go to a therapist and it was a long road, but I got over it and I'm telling you, at 69 it's not a problem. I never think about him, I never think about that particular moment in my childhood, you know. The opposite of Love is not hate. The opposite of Love is indifference and that is exactly what I have. I mean, that person has been dead for, I don't know, 14 years and I'm indifferent. That's right, but forgiveness is something. different I can I can I really look at the camera and talk to you and say that I forgave the person who hurt me when I was a child no, I can't say that because I have never done it and you have always reminded me that forgiveness is not for them forgiveness yes it is for me but I'm not there yet but I'm so indifferent and I never think about it so it doesn't seem like it's a problem for me but maybe it's something I should maybe work on.

I don't know if there are many other things that I need to work on, but you can't ignore that when you have a problem with a family member, the best thing you can do is solve it and maybe seek relief, maybe like I did. and have therapy or maybe just talk to that family member if you are estranged from that family member try it. I know I made a video on Arrangement and it got millions of views and there were a lot of you who are EST weird. a brother a sister a daughter a son and the pain you feel there are no words to describe it so I know that problems with family members can keep us from a rich life that we deserve where is Zoe desie where did Zoe go?

You look so sad without Zoe, oh my god, once I put up my privacy fence you won't see her anymore, maybe I should reconsider. I guess you really don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out the next missing, missing spouse, missing husband. It hurts your life partner and causes tremendous turmoil in someone's life if they don't accept it and she found that as women got older they sometimes saw themselves as single women, well that was very difficult for They reported in the study that they very often saw themselves through the eyes of their husband, they saw themselves through the eyes of that loving partner, and now they saw themselves while looking in the mirror. and sometimes they remembered those loving words: I love you baby, you see yourself. like a million dollars, I can identify with that person who loved me, when you lose your spouse, you don't lose the memories, you don't forget all that love, although my ex-husband passed away 3 years ago and August, but in many ways I feel like we never We divorced, we just separated and I remember when I first moved into my house here, I felt like he was with me every day, all the memories of all the houses we had bought together. and moving in and arranging the furniture together and how much fun we had and we always had a little table where we had coffee together in the morning every day and in the evening we also had a drink together, but it was just a little table for two and it was just ours. special time together and we did it I don't know how many years so when I moved into my little house here I'm looking at my little sunroom and instead of you know putting porch furniture in there like a normal person.

I bought a little table from Beastro without knowing why, but I thought, "Well, that will look great there in the morning. I can get up, have a coffee, read a book, look at my backyard and then I finally realized this winter, oh my goodness." mine, the reason I have that little table there for two, is for Bill, we are losing someone who loved us, who loved us, maybe even more than a father, and he's gone and I don't think of it as something. that we have to overcome we have to put it in its proper place but love will always be there not even death can stop love but we keep going and if for no other reason we keep going because they loved us and would want us to keep going that's how I see it that's it As I have to see it, I'm not alone, he's here now, sometimes I think he's gone but then he comes back in the morning or at noon or at night, a bird that no one wants, but it's mine, my bird, the bird of pain, It doesn't sing, that bird swings on the bow just for me, oh my God, look at that on my porch.

That's a cute little sunroom sofa I finally grabbed. The step and I got some real furniture for the back room, but I think I'll stick with my little beast table for now. This study was one of many that has shown that the older a woman ages, the less she feels she can express her emotions or even allow herself to feel her emotions with a stiff upper lip no don't complain because then you complain then you're not grateful and I've noticed this with some of the older women I know from my neighborhood who do I never want to talk about emotions and they talk a lot about being grateful and I'm grateful for my life and I know you all are very grateful for your life but I swear you could shoot me on the leg and I would say. to my neighbor, oh my god, this hurts and she was like oh yeah, it's okay, you got shot, but be grateful, so we're okay, we have the grateful, we have it, but that doesn't mean we can't express. our emotions, if we're having a bad day, we can say we're having a really bad day, but another thing they found is that the women who did want to talk about the struggles in their lives that didn't have the words , they didn't have the tools to express how they felt to another person because they didn't feel that way when they were 20, 30, 40 or 50, so they never developed language, so they lack knowing a language that would let someone know someone hey I'm in trouble o hey I need some affection today hey I need some love I need someone to understand that I'm worried about my future without my husband or I haven't spoken to my son in six months and I'm worried about our relationship I feel lost I feel that I don't know myself anymore and if you don't know the language that could help you, that could allow someone else to help you or or find a way for yourself then then where are you?

Yes in your silence you are grateful but but sad is sad and if you can, you know maybe you will find a language through poetry maybe writing some songs maybe just writing a short story or whatever Hell, a novel or maybe just starting a little YouTube channel and going on and on about anything you don't know about communication language is a beautiful thing. I know quite a few older women who are going back to college. just think about the possibilities so many possibilities oh how great that my moms are coming back that's great oh I love having my own house when I gave up on my dreams I gave up on myself and without a destination I had no path I just floated and I didn't change until I saw my goals and then I had a map, I had shoes and I had hope.

Many of the women talked about their lack of discipline and said it was gradual, in other words, they retired and didn't have to get up at 7 a.m. to go to work, so they slept in and really enjoyed their time. life, but one thing led to another, so they let some things go and then a few more things they let go until they felt like they had no discipline, they didn't have the self-control that they used to have and it was surprising that in the study I read the same thing as the letter I received. from the subscriber who wrote to me that she got up in the morning and asked herself, well, what am I going to do today and so they felt that somehow there was no discipline that oh yes there is a fair in and it starts today and I have to be there at 9:00, it's going to be wonderful, it's the state fair and it's here in my town and I can't wait to go, but you never go, you just, oh, I have to do this and oh, I have to do that and, oh , there may be people there.

I know, I really don't want to be seen. I've

gain

ed 50 pounds, so we lack discipline as we get older. I don't know, for me I started going on a diet. I started. I hate calling it a diet. It's just a new way of eating that's a lot healthier and I've lost 7 pounds in the last few months, but still. I can't believe my

weight

has gone up so much, like how did that happen? It's like I weighed 120 pounds and then I looked in the mirror and, oh, who is it? How did I let that happen? I really have to do it.

I work on my shape and my

weight

now and I'm not used to that, that's not how I look. I swear I could be 350 pounds and still feel like, oh yeah, I'm skinny, but I had to have discipline. I have the discipline to say that I have to change for one thing, I mean, this can't continue. I have a wedding I have to go to in August. I can't weigh 25 pounds more than I did 5 years ago. I can't do that and I feel good and you know at first those first three weeks of the diet were very difficult.

Well, it's a lifestyle now anyway. I don't want to keep talking about my diet. Discipline. The discipline of going to bed at a certain time and getting up at the same time. At a certain point I wobble with that, I sort of float. I'm not my best father here. I float too much. I don't have the self-discipline that I would like. Haddiscipline when it comes to, you know, not being in debt, making wise decisions, maybe seeing red flags with certain men I dated, and not just getting into a relationship. because I'm alone, I made a good decision, I had some discipline, yes it would be great to have someone's arms around me, but at what cost, I'm fine, so I'm fine with that.

I have discipline, but not in all areas. What they talked about is how much they wanted to change their life because they didn't feel fulfilled whether they were there 65 70 75 80 they felt like something was missing in their life but they didn't know what and I can relate to that. That's a lot, so I keep myself very busy and I have so many wonderful things happening in my life, but it's certainly not perfect. I don't think my life is as rich as it could be and I was reading the other day. we are one decision away from a better life we ​​are one decision away from having what we have always wanted what is my dream my my dream came true that I would like to be here in this city in my little cabin and I am very happy but what is my new dream You always have to be moving forward and I really thought about it you know what my dream is my dream is to have a volume of poetry good poetry daring poetry brave poetry poetry and pros and little short stories and that is difficult it is emotional it is something that moves the boat it is not a quiet trip let's say that but it's a dream It's a dream that means a lot to me it's the dream I had when I was 18 years old it's the dream I had when I was 28 years old I loved music and I loved playing music but literature was everything that's why I named my channel here little poet you are one decision away from changing your life changing how you look changing how you feel changing maybe where I live, I have a lot of fantasies about, you know, being at my uh, my grandson's graduation or with my granddaughter, You know, since she's going to prom, those are wonderful things that I fantasize about, but for me, personally, here I am, I'm alone, I came. into this world alone and I'm going out alone and I realize that a big part of my happiness has to be how much purpose I feel like I have in this world what's the reason I'm getting out of bed every day so I think there's something there's something waiting ever you feel so you're just happy everything's fine you're fine you're fine things are fine you're grateful but there's only one thing one thing you feel like you still have to do and for George you'll do it, don't leave it, Don't leave it, come on Annie, there you go, come on, I hope people don't misinterpret the survey.

I'm not saying that women over 65 are hopeless cases, but what it illustrates is that we women of a certain age face certain struggles that are unique to us, unique to our age, it's not that we're unhappy, it's just that we want more. As women we want everything for ourselves and for others and we will find a way because that is what we do, that is what we have always done as women Hello everyone, thank you so much for hanging out with us today. I loved every second of it and Did You See Zoe Desi's Girlfriend? Is she not she is she pretty?

If you get a chance below, could you really give me your opinion on some of those things that the women in that study said? I found it beyond fascinating, please have a wonderful, happy new week and when you're done with your week come back and see me and sleep, it's okay, it's okay, it's a deal, we'll be here, you probably think this song is about you , you are like this, you are like this. You probably think this song is about you, right?