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Bob Newhart’s German Impression Is Incredible | Carson Tonight Show

Mar 07, 2024
My first guest is a good friend. I still think he was leaning on the monologue. He says I am really rooting to see how they will be. He has one of the best

show

s on television this year, since the first

show

of his was. A few years ago the series was called New Heart, a clever title devised by people on Monday nights at 9:30. I wish it was I wish it was on I wish it were here on this network but it's not but it is now, would you welcome it? and make him feel welcome, let's meet and greet Bob Newhart, you see, I don't stay out there for the month, no, I'm just mentioning the last thing I said is that I hit him through the curtains, well, I've seen shows where the monologue doesn't It went completely well and I felt a certain test that infiltrated your attitude towards the rest of the night for the monologue, so if the monologue starts, you know everything is going to work out well for me, yeah, look, I thought.
bob newhart s german impression is incredible carson tonight show
I had noticed that, with Tony Quinn on the show, I figured Tony would come out first because he's the biggest star and, okay, thank you at the right time, never a plant, thanks mom, that's the old photo, but then I would be like a buffer between me and the monologue, but then I found out, just before you came out, that I would immediately come out following the monologue model and well, it actually worked very well

tonight

, well, you have a lovely audience, yeah , you're playing that. cheap old trick now you really start here no you can say it uh as you know I guessed I guess you know I guess he hosted the show of course I know what you mean I don't know I don't know when. you're out if you check with the people that are on or anything I watch when you're a guest host and I've seen you go out sometimes, that's right and the eyes are material, well, I went out and I'm not the most popular audience in the world. where, uh, the applause dies down before it reaches the star generator, yeah, but this is a hot audience, oh, they're hot

tonight

.
bob newhart s german impression is incredible carson tonight show

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bob newhart s german impression is incredible carson tonight show...

I'm not doing the favor, no, I understand that I'm not here to cover up anything either. I mean, it's not crass commercialism. That brings me here. I just enjoy talking to you and I know you do too. I prefer to talk at home, but this is the only place where someone can talk to you, so I have nothing to plug into. I have absolutely nothing to plug in. Well, no pictures, nothing coming, no, no, no, we don't do much of that anymore because the show takes all your time, well, it takes a lot of time, yeah, I still ride on the road, I mean.
bob newhart s german impression is incredible carson tonight show
I still do one night stands, you know well, that kind of thing, but there's nothing to cover up, there's really no chance because Johnny Quinn is ready. Tony has a lot. I always assumed you were Irish. People magazine published an article recently saying that you were a quarter German, well, me. m, yes, I am three quarters Irish and one quarter German. I didn't know what having the German name during the war does to me. We called ourselves Alsatians, Alsatians, the Alsatian family, yes, but, of course, I never thought about that and, uh, but I. I'm actually three-quarters Irish, which makes me a very meticulous drunk.
bob newhart s german impression is incredible carson tonight show
See German. I don't know any German comedians because Germans, most Germans don't have a sense of humor, you know, they're not known to us. It's probably basically true, yeah, they're very literal people, right? Someone once said that more funny things are said at a cocktail party in Paris than in the entire year in Germany, but they're very literal, you know? And it is not like that. uh they don't understand Americans because we're not literal, we're like a German would say why would you call this guy curly? He has no hair at all. Someone curly who has no hair.
That's not funny and Tiny at least is. 355. Yeah, Dick Cavett was telling me that he appeared on a German TV show once and it was horrible because he was trying to say something funny and then the guy in Germany was saying and so on and people would just sit there and because it was probably some game of words or something, it meant absolutely nothing, but even when, like the Volkswagen, I had the feeling that when they did it, you know, they say this is one of the best cars, it's a very economical car and you say, well, what are the small holes? in science fiction that's ventilation that's for ventilation you could put a machine gun there it serves two purposes in case just in case you ever played against a you've never played in German yet no, I would have There's no reason to say, ya You see, no, that's true, but the singers you see can go and sing all over the world even if they don't understand it and don't enjoy the music, but I would think that trying to entertain in another country where they really don't.
I know it would be very difficult, yes, I, uh, but England you work, England, right? Yes, but they speak good English. I'm aware of that, but I mean the point you were trying to make was going to a foreign country, uh, where they would. talk I think I think the point we're making no no no oh sorry, England is still a foreign country yes, although they speak English, that's true of course, why now the point is cultural things in English oh oh, I'm sure speech patterns rhythms and so on um are different, right, even if it's a foreign country, are you good?
Before I get to it, I'm assuming someone is a foreigner, sure, have you ever worked in England? No, yes, yes, I'm fine now. my next question is why if they didn't give me this job because I don't know how to ask questions you see why so many guys have fallen by the wayside exactly don't look at them in any kind of sequence uh Incisively deep and penetrating and that's an audition you have for this, so my next logical question would be how did it go there? Very good, but I mean, even if I didn't do very well, I'm not going to say no.
Do that, why would you want to talk about it? That's right, I'll tell you where I didn't do well. Where in Australia did things go very badly for me? Now they speak English. They also say yes. That's another one of what we call the English-speaking country, it's a big island. Britain is a big island too, you know? So I don't think Ireland had anything to do with it, we just picked the wrong time because right now they're rolling something on the ceiling, yeah, upstairs, okay? I just heard a rumble because I remember years ago when you were here we had that earthquake and your building started rumbling and anyway you played Australia, you played Australia, it didn't really do that well, it showed up first of all, it's a flight 22 hours. right, I'm not that crazy and uh we arrived and um I was going to rehearse and I, as is my custom, went to the maitre d' and I said, uh, how many people do we have tonight and he said we have? um 14. 14 only 14 people so I guess maybe Monday is a bad night in Australia so I said how many do we have tomorrow and he said we have tomorrow let me see we have nine and I said well how many for Wednesday . and he said we don't have anything foreign and it was horrible and Jenny when you still went out and I had to do it, I mean Jenny was sore from the flight so she went, it turned out the hotel was in the r r district of Sydney, right where during the Vietnamese war the soldiers would come to this area and again they didn't know when they came back if they would know they would ever be around again, so they tended to be loud I think, and a lot of naked places and things like that, live naked on stage , so Jenny looked in the phone book and went to a massage product and walked in and the girl was giving her a massage and the girl said, Am I being too rough? and Jenny said no, okay, she said, well, you know you're the first woman I've ever done it with, so she walked into one of those massage parlors and her men were laughing on either side of her, just Jimmy , is probably taking a nap, your wife.
She seems to be prone to taking naps, remember I joked about that, that's right, you did, yeah, she probably thought it was just a rest stop or something, yeah, she just made this go so it occurred to me that at some point place, I think, we lost them in England, yes, that. It seemed like and you mentioned Australia, that's right, that's right, I was trying to save you, yeah, that's right, that's what we're here for, uh, we're going to take a break here and we'll come back and I would have put Tony King in there too. in that same People magazine article it said that you remembered almost word for word the worst routine, the worst routine you've ever done, which is unusual because people say we usually remember the best things and we tend to forget, yeah, for some reason , you remember something that just didn't work at all, oh boy, it works quite a bit, I'd say five to one, I mean, for everyone that works, there are five, but four that don't work right now.
I did a routine with a guy who went to uh and It might work now because of Star Wars and all that, yeah, it was so early in your career, no, it was um, yeah, it was early, but I don't really mean just when you started, but within, say, the first 10 years, yes, I would. Say it, okay, what was it? I didn't know this was a questionnaire. I thought, well, no, no, the talk show. Okay, okay, it doesn't really matter how early or how late in my career this happened, he died, he just died, he should.
I haven't interrupted you, I don't know why I do that, but it was a thing about a guy who went to Venus or Mars, you know the first civilian and then he comes back and they interview him about his

impression

s of Venus or Mars and he goes to Mars and They asked him if they are more advanced than us and he said yes, I would have to say they are more advanced and the interviewer says how God bless them uh the interviewer the interviewer says how far are they advanced and he says I would say six weeks when he was They had the double-edged blades up there and uh, when I came back it was like six seven weeks before we had the double-edged blades and uh, that was one that died, but the premise is wonderful.
I think so too, you know, um, but when you said six or seven weeks, the audience sat there waiting, they just stared, it also continued from there, it got worse, they said, well, how would you describe it? the um, the Martians, he said well, I'm a Martian, by the way, they're very small people, so they're very small and they only have one ear and uh, and the guy came up to me with a cocktail and uh uh he asked me. Me, could I lend you five dollars? I lent him five dollars and I ran into them two weeks later at the same cocktail party he avoided me, you know? and I went in to leave my coat on the bed.
I know when he was there and he avoided me, so I'd say Martians are cheap. You know, right now it's all happening again. How long did you pursue that? Did you keep it while I did this? What is the old story? about the photo of who goes to Mars and says women were physically different, remember that joke, no it's not really different, it says they look a lot like women on earth except the bust, the breasts are on the back and the guy says it's real. That's really terrible, well, it's great for dancing, that's the kind of thing.
If I had known that joke, I would have put it here six weeks a month on cheap stuff. What business time, sir? Okay, it's business time, right?

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