Colbert Finally Bans Kanye West From The Late Show | Biden's Corvette Hits 118 MPH

Welcome one and all to The Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert. There are many important stories, many important stories to talk about tonight, but first I have a big announcement to make after much thought and soul searching. Hello Stephen Colbert and ban Kanye. West from Ed Sullivan Theater Line in the Sand, in fact, as host of The Late Show, my jurisdiction extends to the northern half of Times Square and I forbid Kanye from coming north of Bubba Gump Shrimp, okay, I have to stay out. Times Square has been scaring the Elmos and they've seen a lot already and I just want to take a moment here and point out that the next part is the brave part.

I'm also putting an end to all our high profile. collaborations including, but not limited to, our collection of spreads strabisi jalisi and I have decided not to release our album Duets, yes, and Fenn sings Fiddler on the Roof. I know, I know, I know this has been too long and it's coming. I have no excuses for why I didn't do this sooner, except maybe because he's never been on the

show

, had no plans to be on the

show

, we've never asked him to be on the show and I'm not sure he knows I have a program. but I had to do it now because I was afraid he would show up at any moment because that's what he did yesterday the shoe company Sketcher said it had to escort Kanye West out of its offices after an unannounced visit in five years the idea of Kanye's visit has gone from awesome to sir, he should quit Skechers, try Payless, try Payless Shoes, it gets worse, unlike Adidas, Kanye never had any deal with Skechers, apparently Kanye is so desperate he just drives around looking for shoes near me on Google Maps.

At this point, he's going to have to lower his gaze and be the celebrity spokesperson for the slippers that come with the robe, you know, their catchphrase, throw us in the trash, talking about the sketchy CEO of Tesla and his cousin saying, hey, oh , take a photo in the space thongs, Elon. Musk announced this week that he is going to buy Twitter and that the deal will be final tomorrow, just before the acquisition, he should change Twitter bio to Boss Jerk, not bad, not that bad, not that bad. He would have chosen to be an idiot.

For Brains Musk also posted this tweet entering Twitter headquarters. Let that sink in along with a video of him entering the building holding a sink. Get it, I wanted to visualize a play on words. Let me try. uh, Elon, you are clearly deranged, you have a screw loose. You've got a screw loose, you're crazy, you're crazy, and frankly it's hard to watch since you're a Russian prop preparation tool, uh, look, okay, thanks for that, that part almost killed our stage manager, Mark, who's there, it's okay, man, it's okay. looking forward to Twitter uh in its early days bad CEO our stocks are in the bathroom oh uh what do we have oh, we have uh is this an update this is an update on Georgia Republican Senate candidate Herschel Walker, seen here warning that he can There being a giant Herschel Walker on the loose yesterday, a second woman came forward claiming that Walker not only paid for her to get an abortion, but took her to the clinic she went to there so many times that I assumed at this point she has your own parking spot.

You know, Walker fired. story as a lie, but his pile of scandals might be getting too big even for Fox News because Brett Baer turned down. I talked to several voters today, some of them, uh, these allegations affected them, to be honest, they said they just were. I'm not sure and they didn't know if another shoe was going to drop another shoe was going to drop how many feet does Herschel Walker have? Is he a centipede? That would explain why he was such a good runner now that the midterm elections are approaching. President Joseph Robinette Biden is doing everything he can to take his party to the top now he's reaching out to the average six-cylinder Joe playing up his car guy persona in the hopes that his Gearhead reputation will appeal to the Republican base, yes, with the fate of our nation at stake, Democrats.

They have a plan The Republicans last night Biden went to Jay Leno's garage, hosted by Jay Leno and his garage buddy, where he and Jay went for a ride in a '78 Ford pickup truck that had been converted to all-electric if he got into this and drove. and I didn't know it was electric, would you know right away? Does He feel different to you? It feels different in three ways: one is quiet, very quiet, yes, it is very quiet, maybe they want to add some sound, actually, because you already know what it sounds like. dangerous, a completely silent 44 year old truck driven by a grandpa who hasn't been behind the wheel in two years, okay, honk or something.

Lena knew very well how rare it is to drive for Biden, now this is the only time you can drive, yes. It's God's truth, I know it and I miss it. I know that every once in a while I take the Corvette out of the garage and run up and down the driveway. I mean, I can understand that he loves his Corvette, but I'm not sure. That is the most reassuring image. I know some skeptics are worried that Biden isn't totally on board with this, but they'd change their minds if they could see him pacing the White House driveway for hours muttering "I miss this," then things they went crazy when for some reason, Biden ran against Colin Powell's son, Michael Powell, do you have money ready to go, ready to go, ready, may the best Corvette win?

I still got it, I still got it, baby, if he had been faster he would have gone back to 1955 and made out with Marty McFly's mom, which I'm pretty sure he did in 1955. If you like that footage, you can too watch Morton Biden's next movie, Fast and Furious. old to drive, so a flash of golden grease, it's running

late

, don't use it, I'll turn green slipping, thank you, speaking of old, uh, we need to find a tidbit from His Holiness Pope Francis seen here greeting customers at Walmart, potchef made the news yesterday when he urged priests and nuns to remove pornography from their phones priests nuns porn phones Pope, oh God, and here I thought the most exciting thing that ever happened to the Vatican was Jude Law, now obviously sick, dad doesn't like the men and women of the church watching the dirty videos.

He warned against pornography saying the devil comes in from there, but based on what I know about pornography, the devil can come in from many different places. We have a great show for you tonight. I guess it's Terry Washington, but when we get back, some kids and I will talk. Creepy Halloween movies still exist. Thank you.