I'm a doctor & I take meds for my mental health | Jake Goodman | TEDxUofIChicago

My name is Dr. Jake, I am a resident

doctor

who treats

mental

illnesses and I

take

medication for my

mental

health

and by the way, I am proud of it with sweaty and shaking palms. I posted this on social media a few months ago. The post was accompanied by a selfie of me wearing a medical gown with a pill in my mouth and an explanation of why I posted it, so why the hell would I post that? To begin to answer that question, let's go back 20 years, you see, to when I was growing up. I always knew I was going to be a

doctor

like most kids, although I also wanted to be a professional soccer player, hockey, American football, as well as an astronaut, paleontologist and Power Ranger, but those will be my side jobs because my job major.

My job was going to be a doctor. I don't come from a family of doctors, in fact I only knew two doctors growing up, my pediatrician and my best friend's dad who was an OBGYN, but the doctors I knew and the doctors I saw. On TV and in the movies, in my mind they were superheroes, doctors saved lives, doctors were there for people at their lowest points, at their lowest point, and I wanted to be there for my patients in that way, growing up, I never saw a doctor talk openly about their mental

health

. I've never been especially open about taking medication for his mental health, not in movies, not on TV, not in person.

I never believed that by working long hours in stressful environments, doctors built a protective armor that protected them from any weakness or mental health problems, my superheroes. I didn't experience mental health problems the doctors just didn't get me down and I was going to be a doctor when I grew up and went to university I started to see how difficult it was going to be to follow my dream to become a doctor full of obstacles that are set up to eliminate the masses so that only a select few can make it from organic chemistry to the mcat exam and the hundreds, maybe thousands, of tests you have to

take

between college and medical school, it can be exhausting. competitive and exhausting but I protected my dream at all costs, even at the cost of my own mental health.

I remember during my junior year while studying for the mcat in the library, my phone rang, I ignored it, it rang again, I ignored it. The third time I answered, my housemate was on the other line, he said I have bad news. The man Shawn ended his life. Sean was my friend in college. He was in my fraternity and I had no idea he was wrestling. This was the first time I experienced the repercussions of mental illness and the stigma that prevents people from seeking help and that prevents me and others from recognizing someone who was struggling.

I caught it. I dealt with this loss the only way I knew how. I kept working. I continued studying. I did not do it. I grieved as the months progressed and the stress of mcat increased. I started experiencing insomnia, taking hours to fall asleep, and extremely high stress levels, but I kept it to myself and I continue to work because doctors don't get depressed and doctors don't have anxiety and I was going to be a doctor about a year later and things weren't looking so good for me, my mcat score wasn't great despite putting in hundreds, maybe thousands of hours of studying, I was receiving rejection letter after rejection letter from medical schools and I felt like my dream of becoming at doctor was fading at that time I started experiencing more difficulty sleeping as well as chest pain and shallow breathing I made an appointment with the doctor, I had a physical exam, I had blood tests, everything came back to normal , I felt relieved, but the symptoms continued.

I went back to the doctor. He told me something I will never forget. What you are experiencing is probably anxiety. He said your medical examination was normal. Your symptoms. The stress you are under. I think you're experiencing anxiety anxiety, there was no way I couldn't have anxiety, doctors don't have anxiety and I was going to be a doctor for the next year or two. I continued my efforts to get into medical school even though the universe was telling me to. Not me, I graduated college with a pile of medical school rejection letters and a dream that started to seem like a long shot, yet I protected that dream.

I had to apply to a doctor. I had to apply to medical school again and that's expensive. I started. working odd jobs to make some money worked in a restaurant worked in a bar drove uber to break records waiting tables and driving uber were some of the most valuable experiences of my entire life as they gave me essential interpersonal skills that are necessary to become As a doctor during this period, I studied for the mcat for the second time and learned from all the mistakes I made the first time. I worked smarter and not harder. I eventually moved home with my parents and I'm so grateful they let me do that.

I worked. as an ophthalmology technician and got some healthcare experience months later I got the call that changed my life

jake

you've been accepted into medical school you're going to be a doctor I did it I was going to be a doctor I just had to do it Fast forward four more years and approx. 10,000 hours of studying to learn everything about the human body, while preparing for multiple nine-hour exams to determine my specialty and invest 350,000 of money I didn't have to fund that dream. pie there were times in medical school when I felt like I had everything under control but there were times when things felt chaotic and dark during my third year I found my passion for psychiatry although I did not seek professional help for my own mental health.

I found myself in a clinic helping others with their mental health and I loved it. I worked at a methadone clinic. I witnessed people overcome tremendous obstacles to find sobriety. When I talked to these patients about their lives. When I heard their stories. I connected with them. field I fulfilled my childhood dream psychiatrists help people at their lowest point, strengthen people and save lives. I also began mentoring pre-

meds

offering them advice, knowledge, and all the lessons I learned along my journey. I decided to launch a social media page called destination med school where I put all these ideas on Instagram and tick to help people across the country as the account grew, so did my mission.

I began creating content with the goal of demystifying medicine and mental health for the masses, creating videos advocating for mental health. health in one year I had a following of over 1 million followers, it became a movement, however I made sure that every post where I talked about mental health had a disclaimer saying that this post does not reflect my own personal mental health, however, I will always use it. my platform to fight stigma and give a voice to those who are struggling. There were times when I was struggling too. I just didn't tell anyone because doctors don't struggle with mental health and I was going to be a doctor a few years ago.

Years later, in July 2021, I set foot in an academic hospital in the city of my dreams, Miami, finally became a resident doctor and lived happily ever after. The ending is how I thought it would be, but in reality things got pretty dark the first year of residency is often called the internship year it is the most grueling year in medical training there were many hours we experienced trauma I began to feel isolated in one moment I noticed that I was experiencing anhedonia, which is the inability to feel pleasure in things that you normally like to do you no longer feel any pleasure it is a symptom of depression I stopped laughing I stopped smiling and when I looked back at this moment I realized that I was just going through the motions I wasn't really living I'm a doctor who treats mental illnesses and I didn't even realize I was experiencing one.

It took a conversation with a friend over lunch during a meal to finally wake me up. She shared five words that changed my life. Jake said. I think you're depressed, but. doctors don't reach out to any doctor gets depressed and I'm a doctor, it was time to get help I decided to go to therapy I felt great talking things out I decided to see a psychiatrist I started taking medication every day Things improved by one percent. Sure there were bad days, no doubt, but I started to smile more. I noticed the colors of the world again.

I can only explain the feeling of recovering from a depression like this. Imagine that you are living in a black and white world. but one day they give you glasses with lenses that allow you to see everything in color, it takes time to start noticing things but day by day you start to see the colors of the leaves in the sky and you start to see the world more. Clearly clearer and brighter within a few months I started to feel like myself again. Deciding to seek help was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life and when I started to get better I thought I would post my experience with depression and seek treatment to help others know that they are not alone, so let's get back to the sweaty palms and tremors that I mentioned at the beginning of the talk, why was I so hesitant to post this photo and this message?

Well, there is a big stigma. associated with doctors seeking mental health treatment, especially when it comes to medication, basically I think there are three main barriers that prevent doctors in training from seeking help, number one, the fear that our peers or our employers will see us in a different way. different, they see us as weak or they see us as damaged number two there is a culture that starts long before medical school where doctors are supposed to be able to perform at the highest level in the most stressful situations with strength and composure superhuman number three this is big there is fear that we will not be able to receive a medical license in states that require doctors to disclose if they have ever received treatment for a mental illness.

We fear for professional social, cultural and legal reasons, so why did I post it? Believe me, it would have been much easier. with much less drama to take a conservative approach when posting about mental health from a distance, I never had a lead role in this movie, but I didn't go that route. I shared my story to be the doctor I needed to see when I was young dreaming of what my life would be like as a doctor I'm not a superhero I'm a doctor I'm a human being and I've struggled with mental health issues and that's okay, believe it or not, there are Many aspiring medical students and future doctors who now look up to me as my younger self once considered the doctors I came into contact with.

I wanted to show them the reality of what it takes to become a doctor and that the stress experienced along the way can take a The Value of Your Mental Health I wanted to show them what a real doctor is like. Courage is not the absence of fear in a stressful situation, but doing what you believe in, even when you are afraid of the repercussions of the criticism that awaits you. It's taking the hard way when the easy way would be much easier. Real superheroes know when to ask for help and are not afraid of stigma or discrimination.

I hope I've shown you that you don't have to be some kind of waterproof machine. to pain, doubt or weakness to become a doctor I did it for them I did it for me and I did it to move the culture in a healthier and more compassionate direction the rest of my post read the stigma is rampant in the opening of the medical field Educating yourself about your mental health as a medical professional, especially as a doctor who treats mental illness, may be taboo as a doctor training to be a psychiatrist. Most in the field would have advised me not to make this publication, many would see it as a risk to my career. but I didn't join this field to maintain the status quo.

I am part of a generation of doctors, nurses and health professionals who are not afraid to be vulnerable and talk about mental health. I am humbled and truly humbled that many consider me a leader. in this generation, so here I am leading by example. My name is Dr. Jake. I am a resident doctor who treats mental illnesses, I go to therapy and take medication for my mental health and by the way, I am proud of it, thank you.