Beard Hunk - SNL

A CAZON WITH A SCULPTED BEARD. TWENTY-FIVE BEAUTIFUL AND ADJACENT LADIES. WHO WILL HE CHOOSE TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND? EVERYTHING HAPPENS TONIGHT ON "BEARD HUNK". HI, I'M NICK, AND THIS SEASON THERE WILL BE A LOT OF DRAMA, A LOT OF EMOTION AND, AS ALWAYS, LOW ASIANS. I CAN NOT WAIT. MMM. I LIKE THIS. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. WELL, MY NAME IS RACHEL. I'M 24 BUT MY FACE IS 36. AND I'M THE WORST GIRL IN ANY ROOM I'M IN. I LIKE THAT. I AM ALSO A BUSINESS OWNER. WHAT TYPE OF BUSINESS? WELL, I'M NOT. SORRY, CAN I STEAL IT FOR A SECOND?

MM, I LIKE THIS. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. WELL, UM, MY NAME IS WHAT. ALSO, OF ALL THE GIRLS HERE, I HAVE THE BEST BOY. AND I'M LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT OF AGE TO VOTE. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 26. WHO IS OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE. OH GOOD. SORRY, CAN I STEAL IT FOR A SECOND? MMM. I LIKE THIS. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. MY NAME IS ALLY AND I WAS BORN IN AN ASHLEY. SORRY, MY NAME IS ASHLEY AND I WAS BORN IN AN ALLEY. I LIKE THAT. ALSO, I HAVE A TWIN SISTER.

AND THIS IS VERY HARD TO TELL YOU, BUT SHE IS SICK. THE WAY I TREAT HER. SORRY, CAN I STEAL IT FOR A SECOND? MM, I LIKE THIS. I'VE BEEN WAITING TO TALK TO YOU ALL NIGHT. BECAUSE IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. WHEN WAS YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? WELL, I GOT MARRIED LAST YEAR. OH, REALLY? YES, TO YOU. OH, RIGHT. I'M SORRY CAN I STEAL IT FOR A SECOND? MM, I LIKE THIS. SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. WELL, I'M A VETERINARY, SO I LOVE ANIMALS. BUT I AM ALSO A VERY SEXUAL PERSON, SO I WOULD LOVE TO JERK YOU WHENEVER YOU WANT.

I LIKE THAT. AND HERE'S ANOTHER LITTLE SECRET ABOUT ME. I HAVE NO GAG REFLEX. THAT'S HOT. YES. BUT I HAVE FOUR VERY SHARP TEETH. CAN I STEAL IT FOR A SEC? NICK, I'M SO LUCKY TO BE HERE. IN FACT, I'M LUCKY TO BE ALIVE. I WAS BORN EIGHT MONTHS EARLIER. I WAS IN AN INCUBATOR FOR FIVE YEARS. DOCTORS SPENT MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO KEEP ME ALIVE. AND I SURVIVED. WOW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? I PROMOTE ICED TEA ON INSTAGRAM. SORRY, CANISTEALHIMFORSEC? NICK, I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. I HAVE A DAUGHTER. SHE IS 3 YEARS OLD AND SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD.

WHERE IS SHE RIGHT NOW? I THINK LIKE THE NEIGHBOR'S OR SOMETHING. SHE IS ALWAYS WITH ME BECAUSE I HAVE A DRAWING. SHE IS A GOOD ARTIST. OH, NO, I DID THIS. SORRY, CANISTEALHIMFORASEC? TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. I'M A JUDGING BITCH. CAN I STEAL IT FOR A SEC? I FEEL SO SAFE RIGHT NOW. TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF. MY FAVORITE ANIMAL IS A FROG. BECAUSE I LOVE WATER. AND MY EYE COLOR IS GREEN. AND I MAKE POUR AND POOP THROUGH THE SAME HOLE. NICK, I'VE BEEN LYING TO YOU AND I NEED TO BE CLEAR. I HAVE FIVE STDs.

THIS IS GOOD. I DON'T MIND. I ALSO DIDN'T BRING A BIKINI. I ONLY BROUGHT ONE OF ONE PIECE. I WILL ACCOMPANY YOU. WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE "BEARD HUNK".