Dave Chappelle Describes His First Encounter with Kanye West

You just can't, you don't know what I mean, thanks to the one person who said. For me, a fair punishment, I should just post the link to the shinless list and all of you write your own subtitles. Kyrie Irving's black butt was nowhere near the Holocaust, in fact he's not even sure it existed. I saw a news story yelling about Kanye, she said mental health. There is no excuse for that kind of language. Yes, you kill someone if you are mentally ill. Listen, it's okay. I don't think Kanye is crazy at all. I think he may not be well.

I've been to Hollywood. I don't want them to be mad at me. I'm just telling you that I've been to Hollywood. This is just what I saw. don't like me don't trust me even for me honey it's a lot of juice at most but that didn't mean anything you know what I mean there are a lot of black people in Ferguson Missouri doesn't mean we run the place. I could see if you had some kind of problem, you know what I mean, you could go to Hollywood and your mind could start connecting some kind of lines and maybe you could adopt the illusion that the Jews run show business, not It's crazy to think about it, but it's crazy to say it out loud in a CL like this now that the midterms are over and it's crazy weather.

I have to tell you, uh, I feel that in this midterm all of humanity depends. on him and it's a sinister sign, the most sinister sign of the midterms, I think, would be Hershel Walker, who I don't want to speak ill of because he's black, but I have to admit that he's remarkably stupid even when he's not talking, with his mouth open. . a bit like I'm the kind of person who seems to think before doing a tic-tac-toe move and I'm watching the news now that they're declaring the end of the Trump era, okay, I can see how in New York they might believe that this is the end of your era.

I'm just being honest with you. I live in Ohio among poor whites. Many of you don't understand why Trump was so popular, but I get it. CU. I hear it. Every day he is loved so much and the reason they love him is because people in Ohio have never seen someone like him. He's what I call an honest liar. Well, I'm not kidding now. He is an honest liar. That

first

debate. That

first

debate. I would never do it. "I've seen something like this. I've never seen a white billionaire screaming at the top of his lungs, this whole system is rigged," he said, and on the other side of the stage was the white woman Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama sitting there looking at him like no, no. it's me.

He said now wait a minute brother, that's what he said and the moderator said well, Mr. Trump, yes in fact the system is rigged. As you suggest what his evidence would be, remember what he said brother, he said I know this system is rigged because I use it. he said damn and then he pulled out an Illuminati membership card and cut a line of cocaine and did it right on the podium, no one ever heard anyone say something so true and then Hillary Clinton tried to hit him on taxes, she said this man He doesn't pay his taxes, he got shot back, that makes me smart.

I'm back here where I started because tonight I'm filming my latest Netflix special, that's right, and after this it's time to keep America waiting again. I've done too well, you know? If you're black in showbiz and you do too good it's scary like you have to walk out of the casino while you get something good while still winning if you don't walk away from the table that's how hard Kevin gets, you know . that's my man I'm just saying if he put out a sex tape it's just a matter of time for me but you know why sometimes I think I want to stop doing comedy and you know I don't want to sound like I'm a braggart saying this but The real reason I want to stop is because I'm too good at it.

I'm not even exaggerating. It's not exciting every night before you go on stage. I'll be backstage like I'm sure this is going to turn out well and it always does. I'm very good at writing jokes and this isn't even an exaggeration. I actually write jokes backwards. I'll write a punchline without any particular settings on mine. I just put it on a piece of paper and throw it in my fish tank. I have a fish tank in my house full of random jokes and every once in a while I'll shake the fish tank and dig in there and just pull one out and see if I can make it work and I picked one out for this special.

It is not an easy finish to achieve. Are you ready? Here goes the punchline is so I kicked him. I haven't finished the joke yet. you know what happens at the beginning of the joke at the end of the joke for some reason I'm going to kick someone in it and it's going to be really funny you know what's weird I always remember a time when I wasn't you I know when I was a kid I probably had a few 8 years and at the time we lived in Silver Spring, yes, a common misconception about me in DC, a lot of people think I'm from the hood, that's not true, but I never bothered to correct it. to no one because I wanted the streets to hug me, in fact, I followed it as a ruse, like sometimes I go out with rappers like Nas and them and they start talking about the projects, I was wild in the pajamas, me and I will be like word word, but I don't know, I have no idea that my parents did well enough for me to grow up poor with white people and to be honest, when Nas and them talk about the projects, I used to get jealous. because it sounded funny, everyone in the projects was poor, that's fair, but if you were poor in Silver Spring you felt like it was only happening to you.

I know the pain of that first sleepover at a white friend's house, you come home on Sunday and just look at your parents like you need to up your game. Everything in Timmy's house works. Remember the first time you saw the cold winter and you were at a white friend's house and you saw him in the living room without his coats. he was one of my first white friends like in my life, man he's a good guy too, he moved to Silver Spring from Utah of all places. I guess his family was affiliated with that Mormon church they had there and he and I used to hang out and one The day I was at his house we just hung out and Timmy says Dave, why don't you stay for dinner tonight?

I told him, oh man, I would love to, but I can't, if I don't get home before dark my mother will kill me. That was a lie. My mother had several jobs. I hadn't seen her in like three or 4 days. At one point in my life, it was my experience that white dinner wasn't delicious. I'd rather go home and fry some nonsense or something like that, but then the Old Timmy threw me a curveball I wasn't expecting, he said, oh, it's a shame you can't stay, Dave, 'cause momma made stove stuffing. I said what a stove, hold on, let me make some phone calls.

Very quickly I had seen that commercial so many times that she had dreamed of getting my hands on some of that stove stuff and I finally met someone who actually had a box of stoves in the house. I couldn't miss this opportunity, so I pretended to call my mother and then came back. I said Timmy Timmy, you won't believe this great news. Mom said: I can stay. She said fantastic. She said, Why don't you come with me and we'll help you set the table? and then we can keep the blessing. I had no interest in setting this motherfucker's table or saying these crazy Mormon prayers.

I just wanted that damn stuffing out of my hands first. My plan was simple, wash my hands slowly and when I was done with the table. the blessing will be said and the only thing left to do will be to eat I went to the bathroom I washed my hands very slowly I must have been there for about 10 minutes and suddenly one of his mothers came to the door she was like Hi David, right, I said Yes, ma'am, he said, Timmy tells me you're planning to stay for dinner. I said, I hope that's not a problem ma'am, she said no, no problem, in fact we would love to have it.

It's just that we weren't expecting company and I'm afraid there isn't enough stove stuffing to go around, so I kicked it in the bam, ladies and gentlemen, I told you I'm stupid, I told you what I was going to say and you still don't say it. you saw this coming and that's why I take the big bus oh my gosh but there's a bigger reason why I would stop doing comedy right now and this reason is the real reason that's been leaking and it really is the crowd. No, I'm talking about the crowd on the big stage.

It is too difficult to entertain a country whose ears are so fragile and so sensitive. The whole country becomes an idiot. Everything you say bothers someone. Know. I can remember when it all started. it was when I was doing the Chappelle Show when I was doing the Chappelle Show I used to do the show and then on the weekends I like concerts and so on, so I'm doing a concert and there was a couple in the front row beautiful couple the wife, wife, obviously , she was Asian, you could see it in her face, the husband, this was mysterious to say the least, I couldn't pinpoint where he was from.

The caramel color had very pretty hair, but she could have been from anywhere, Bangladesh, Mexico, I can't guess. With something like this, the only thing I knew for sure about this guy was that his wife was one. I could see that in his face too. No, he was laughing and having a good time and she was scowling at me on a damn comedy show. I couldn't. figure it out and then I realized at some point that she was pregnant and I was smoking on stage. I said, Oh my God, that's probably why she's mad, so I started to put out my cigarette, but then she hit me with one of those fake no's.

The smoker calls, so I continued smoking. I thought to myself that the baby will be fine. Relax and try to break the tension. I just asked. That's all. Said. Wow, hey, where are you guys from, anyway, and I realized she was behind me. He's very condescending she says I'm from California if you ask about my ethnicity I'm CH he was like I was Mexican brother I said well I'm sorry if I offended you by asking but they are a very beautiful couple and Miss, there is no doubt that you are going to give birth the hardest working baby this world has ever seen, that's not a bad joke, he got very upset, got up to leave right away, but he didn't leave just to do one last dig.

As I left, I will never buy one of your Dave Chappelle DVDs again, I told her ma'am, with all due respect, the Chinese don't buy DVDs and the crowd went crazy, we all laughed, we had a good time. I do. I didn't even think about it and then just 3 days later this lady sends a letter to my promoter telling him not to book me for shows anymore because I was racist uh and I'm citing her as being insensitive to the nature of my interracial marriage. I was like she knows that I myself am in an interracial marriage, that's true, in fact my wife is Asian too, surprise, I'll see you at Thanksgiving, but my wife is not Chinese, she's Filipino, that's right , that's right, and our children.

Somehow you're Puerto Rican so there you go but I don't give a damn about interracial in fact you know my mom is half white a lot of people don't know that okay you were too excited but okay a lot people. Don't believe me when I say that, but it's true, you can't tell it by looking at me, but if I grew my hair long, you'd think you were at a Cat Williams concert. My is beautiful, but I'm taking it too far. I don't know why or how everyone got this sensitive, you know who hates me the most, the transgender community, yeah, these, I mean, I didn't realize how bad it was, are really angry about the latest Netflix special, It's hard, man.

I don't know what to do about it because I like them, I've never had a problem, you know, in fact, I think I make fun of everyone and I mean there's a group of people who have to admit that he's kind of a hilarious man, which I'm sorry bro, I've never seen someone in such a hilarious situation without having a sense of humor about how they're born feeling like there's more to it than what they're born with and that's kind of funny, you know? It's funny if it's not happening to you it's like that white black that's on the news all the time Rachel Dozer she's a white woman but then she dressed like one and worked her way to the top of Blackness and I always wanted to meet her.

She just to be able to understand I just wanted to have dinner with her so I could look her in the eyes and call her face is that talking about I identify black who is trans talk lady stop biting stop biting is a big difference between her and a trans the difference between her and a trans is that I don't think I understand transgender people either but I know they mean what they say, they cut off their dick, that's all the proof I need. I've never seen anyone. throw his dick I don't need it I don't understand it but I believe you and I support your decision how far is she willing to go Rachel H what is Rachel willing to do so that we black people can believe that she believes that she is actually one of Us, are you willing to support your house?

Investing in a mixtape that probably won't work. She didn't even change her name. He didn't even change her name. Her name is Rachel. I can't believe that name yeah. you want my support you're going to have to change your name to the blackest one I've ever heard you're going to have to change your name to Draymond Green I don't know a name blacker than the one that is black on paper if you write Draymond Green on Airbnb, it will be closed automatically. People get angry, brother, people get angry because of everything I say. I was putting on a show.

I was in Portland, Oregon, and they checked me into a hotel under the name Charles Edward Cheese. I came back and there. wasyou know, like historically we were this franchise and let's go. give him something about we're going to give him a chance if he gives us a chance I don't know what I said but whatever I said I really wish I hadn't said it wasn't worth it now I'm walking to the barber Buy and all them blacks me They look like it's Dave, what's up with your boy? He's not my guy because I don't care if you're a Republican or Democrat, whether you support him or not, any objective person will.

I have to admit this is a terrible situation, we really have had presidents before that have done bad jobs, but this is worse than a bad job, it's scary to see him holy, it's like seeing a crack pipe and your driver's passenger. from Uber. What's wrong with this guy? He is having lunch. Looked at him.