"Steven Universe The Movie" Was Hilariously Terrible

So since I made that great video about Steven Universe that still to this day makes grown men go crazy if they regurgitate any point from the

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. Orchard's algorithm is a nice but overall pretty horrendous piece of success in the show or has no legitimate likes to lean on. memes that dive into it, you can safely ignore them because they don't have the slightest idea what they're really talking about oh yeah, your angst sustains me. A common refrain among my audience is asking me to cover the

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and the future. I didn't really bother for a while as nothing was really different, the same core issues that influenced the main show also influenced its two spin-offs and I don't really want to touch the movie in particular because everyone was acting like it was the best musical that there has never been a very common chorus in the comments of the great video was often did you at least like the songs?

No, music is a weird sticking point for a lot of people and for some the only reason to watch the show, which was why I didn't mention the music in the video because it was the most parasocial thing about people and it wasn't very good, but “I recently started working on other projects that take a more comedic approach to criticism,” my mom says. Look for Professor Oaken when you go to check the lawn because naturally the event is the first place anyone would look. He leaves my house, so I guess he was hiding in the closet.

Are you my dad? But I want that juicy XP, so he storms into every cabin and beats up everyone's pets like the completely reasonable person I am. I don't have any problems, but Kurtz broke his hip and therefore can't help it. It's almost as if diving headfirst into a well isn't a smart decision. but that's just my opinion, so I took out Mantine and looked at his moveset. Can you guess what move I decided to use against the Dragon type Pokémon? That's right, it was surfing. Alright. I won anyway. I haven't done any harm. Anyway, the thing is that the rock is. weak to grass, so, I just remembered that Roxanne is a school teacher, this joke tasted

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, hey, Lance, hey, it's off, it's off, it's off, throw this phone away Lois, I joined Chet along to the grass and say they are going to jump. on the grass to avoid Pokémon, something I naturally encourage because I want to see a wild Beaver Lily rip their faces off.

It's like that, oh thank you Bianca. I wasn't sure since it's the only way out of the city. Let's take our first steps together on Route One, one two. I'm so glad we shared this unforgettable experience together, so this game makes that joke its central plot point. Finally, Pokémon will have a serious examination of itself and the implications of its own aging premise. Don't know. I don't like the sound of that cough you just made crazy from the game and I thought you know what, let's slam this shut, shut up some people. This is the Steven Universe movie, the movie begins with this Grand Curtain Call as the singer declares that everyone believes.

In Stephen, this already sets the mood because the entire series has been entirely about the coolest, most specialist kid, which is fine if you like Steven, but as most of you already know, I hate this kid and now you're singing about how he's the most precious little superman in the galaxy and will save us all in Stephen Died for Your Sins. It's interesting because the fact that Steven is supposedly innately compassionate has only been a stated character trait for about two seasons, at this point he was always compassionate, but in a fairly meek and typical way that you just expected from a child, it was around season four when Steven's attitude started to become more and more Flanderized and his compassion became something that the show was actually drilling into people's heads rather than just showing it, but ironically this change occurred at the time when that people started criticizing the way it was written, indirect bismuth, well, oh my god, wait, did that happen?

Look, the all-loving hero isn't new, but Steven is the first time I've seen where the compassion of all-loving heroes is. something everyone has to bring up all the time as I consider the model of the all loving hero to be Sora and even Sora had nuances in that, there's no way anyone from the organization who would like to be next turns out the story is Actually, White Diamond tells him that she welcomes Steven as her newest little colonizer, but then pulls the rug out from under the moon on live TV saying, "No, I'm going to go back to Earth and become a debate.

Pro , the diamonds beg you not to." To go to a scene that I'm sure was filmed straight from Rebecca Sugar's own fantasies. I feel like this is worth pointing out every time a Harem type anime happens, but Rebecca Sugar is a crybaby and when you have all these grown women fawning over this little boy. which just so happens to have the same opinions as Sugar. I can't help but feel like we're looking at someone's private collection. Let us worship you. Ever a redeeming quality of Steven Universe is the fact that they waste everything, and I mean all their money, on very talented singers and make them sing the worst lyrics imaginable, don't do that, I wasn't listening, what the hell sometimes do?

They will waste their money on an expensive singer and ask them to do nothing. Hey, have you ever wondered why animation is like this? I think we just found out why diamonds are all like Stephen. We stop doing fascism. Not really, please pat us on the head just by looking at these monsters. begging for the approval of this little white boy who just became the center of the

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by virtue of his boring white boy, no one shows Rebecca the sugar Andrew and the key, he might actually die of horniness Steven returns to Earth where We see Connie again just before she tells us that she has to leave and not be in the movie, which is a shame because I quite like Connie, she is the best version of a protagonist by virtue of having revolutionary things as goals, a character, Arc, remarkably likable character traits, unlike Steven, who is Just Wait a Minute.

I'll hold the phone. It's just a nude painting that he did with garnet. Why isn't there really? Why does that sugar have 2000 interviews per minute? Why didn't anyone ask about this? Forget sugar talking about Ragtime music, she couldn't emulate what the dirty baked apple is with the naked underage Oedipus cherub painting like one why did you put that there and two what's the reason for the story you use to justify put it in there because I'd love to hear it and then we have another musical number which of all of them is technically the best because it uses the main theme as a light motif and it's about the only case of a light motif in the entire show because all of the characters' themes and most of the music, now that I think about it, is mostly discordant dance club beats.

I mean, most of the instrumentals in this song are just that, but occasionally a melody appears and that makes it award-worthy because it's pretty much Steven Universe's speech in a nutshell, right? I mean, the show discovers something that regular people discovered decades ago and we applaud it for overcoming its disadvantages. Side note: I love how Steven is too lazy to walk a mile and decides to just teleport to the big donut through Lars' head, can you imagine having to be this kid's taxi service? What new hell is it? I feel bad for Lars for the first time.

Steven wants to stay blissful and complacent forever and that's when it's time for the plot. to come in as the Kool-Aid Man, are you Steven Universe? um yeah damn Stephen I told you not to rant about wolf culture on Twitter, you've got us all down, the new gem is this sharp, edgy Sonic the Hedgehog who acts like the one in the horde. champion met nathans for the first time after the war, she took you with her, isn't that just great Lily, you tried so hard to make that work? Yeah, I know I'm proud of myself anyway, Spinel starts ranting and raving about how much he hates her.

Steven and Pink Diamond and then launches into a song about how jealous he is of all the other characters, a song in which everyone simply forgets how to fight while she progressively loses her mind. Garnet makes a half-hearted attempt to hit her and misses. Pearl does nothing. and she moves amethyst just lets her hair get done i think then she swings around the lighthouse oh oh that's a bad shot, you made your animators work overtime writing the story again didn't you? Then Spinel pulls the gun out of her and no, okay, I see where. this goes, she has this old cartoon, I mean, she doesn't do it very well, but well, I mean, it's the crew

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, so she's like an old cartoon, so it'll come out like this big comedy Mallet or like a hand on a Spring is not her and that would be cool, but you know, it would be cool to see it in action.

The generic Scythe anime works too. I guess you know what I'm not even going to blame the movie for that. That was my fault. I expected too much. At this point Stevens finally had enough and pulls out a shield very very late in the draw, but she's pretty powerful, you better have another Mary Sue power to get it out of your ass, she cuts through his shield like a hot knife to through butter and I guess. he can't really be destabilized can he, that's a good job Steven, you had one, then they fight and then he takes her, cuts her in half, but it turns out the spinel can't be bubbled because she did something. to his gym, well it's time to get the hammer, Stephen, no, he just takes it inside and stares at the weak sauce and then Greg Burson and recaps the last five seasons of the show, who has no idea why, nor idea how, I just have no idea what's going on.

Well son, now you know how I feel almost the entire time Pearl is trying to regenerate but she is in an oyster and it looks like Pearl has been factory reset to her original settings and then she mistakenly assumes that Greg is the new owner of her and sings . a song about him I'm in your dining room without service welcome to your new Pearl turns out all the gems have been fooled until the beginning of her character Arc you know, a simpler time when space fascism was just an implication Pearl was a trope of anime and the artist hadn't figured out how to draw a resting facial expression, so spedel comes back and went from being a cross between Jenny Wakeman, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Sylvanas Windrunner to just being Minnie Mouse, if she was a Pokémon, she was factory reset.

Plus, meaning there was no one to tell them what kind of payload the big space penis is firing at Earth. Steven finally realizes that the bismuth lapis lazuli and peridot are still unharmed. He can still help, but they don't know much about it here either. She is my new best friend, Espinela, a pleasure to meet you all. I thought they said she was just trying to kill them. oh bismuth, that was 12 seconds ago. We have to stop living in the past. Bismuth explains that the weapons used to restore the Gems to Going back to how they made them, Homeworld essentially used them to mind control the Gems who began to have silly ideas about free will and sex, thus the entire development of their character was reduced to zero, except for Steven, who was already there.

Steven begins to realize that the powers of him. they reboot, everyone's in trouble and no one knows what to do and then he looks at Ruby and Sapphire and laments that he wishes Garnet was here and to my surprise they actually very faintly play The Melody louder than you in the background , which is approximately the second. The one time they did this in the entire series, I was quite surprised that it was a cool musical thing you did in-universe, you get it, then Steven sings a Linkin Park song and the whole time this is happening, Sapphire is standing there. staring into space as Ruby Goose walks around her queens, they decide the best way to get them to refuse is liberal applications of violence, wow Steven, where was it that when Rudolph nearly crushes Dan's skull, he can't go any further, but then Spinel picks up the nervous pizza cutter and Jack cuts his way through the land the entire time this is happening.

Sapphire is predicting everything. Ruby gushes about how great she is and Sapphire blushes like a gay idiot. This is something Steven Universe always gets right when Ruby and Sapphire are on screen, the story stops because of Quality Sapphic nonsense and Anfield falls on Ruby's head and Sapphire pushes her out of the way, causing them to merge. again in maroon and they fall in love at first sight, unfortunately it's not even halfway done. Through the film still, Steven's hasty solution turns out not to work. Garnet doesn't remember Jack's and it seems like his whole brain is falling out as well as what's going on, but she seems like she's doing a good job watching herself, why are they fighting?

Aren't we your friends? Oh what is itthis? Don't touch that and then Greg appears with his JC Penny looking at Gardevoir and tells Stephen that he is missing amethyst. Vanilla wants to come too, but Steven wants her to stay there, but then she has a little bit. for a moment Gollum, stay here with the others and I'll be right back, she's pretending, I get it, they find her strange painting garage of Amethyst and Vidalia, if you didn't see the first few seasons these two were that strange and romantic. The tension of the show never did anything over time with people's brains, but the first few seasons of Steven Universe were pretty good, but over time, many of the good writers and animators left creative differences with the showrunner, then sang a song and they ran at full speed.

The show's character development value casually forgets the point where they just rebooted Amethyst's entire character and started from scratch. But don't worry, then they rushed back to the space penis and found out it was making the earth wobble. and we get a really funny line: amethyst, stay away from me. I can't stand seeing them all empty and at the bar. Then personally, I'm back, you dive in, you know, Michaela Dice just gives the best dry wit. It turns out that the space penis comes with a poison that will destroy all organic life on Earth. Steven tries to get him out, but it's not the end of the movie yet.

Mary Sue too. Powers won't work, but L is the only one who can take out the space penis, but they don't know how to restore the system to before it was rebooted, except Pearl Pearl, but she is still busy doing orientation. play with Greg, so that's a problem, it turns out that the key to fixing Pearl is that they need to recreate what happened between her and ping Diamond, but with Greg, however, this is a casual reminder, uh, Pearl is gay . I feel like someone who wrote the movie forgot about it at some point, okay, it's the crew's universe, they get a gold star if they can tie their own shoes, but it turns out that trying to recreate this doesn't seem to be working, so which Amethyst makes a drastic move and shapeshifts into Stella Kubler, but still. doesn't work and she keeps looking at Greg, okay, I've been making conversion jokes for a while, but honestly, it's a little creepy that they kept up this part for so long, and I'm officially out of jokes, so please Get it over with, but Steven has an idea.

Pearl's big moment of character development came after Rose committed suicide, so all she has to do is remove Greg from existence by covering his head, I mean merge with him, now that there's concept art . there's a Steven Greg Fusion where he's some kind of dirty rocker dad with a spiked Mohawk which is actually one of the coolest designs in Steven's Fusion, reminds me of my rock star dad now that I think about it, but in the end They didn't choose that, they decided to go with the most boring design they've ever thought of. This thing looks like it was designed by Rob Liefeld with a hairstyle that looks like the '60s are compensating for more than just paranoia about communism and remember how I said please end this joke uh yeah, they don't, what do you want to do?

I put up with that offer for too long with Becky, that wasn't cute or fun, it was just creepy and weird even for your weebie Frau, angle cock riding standards are just in fashion anyway after they finish Pearl's dying bleed Steven on the carpet and Spinel runs off after receiving an explanation that Spinel used to be Diamond's curly pink while Steven insists on running away only to everyone's chagrin. around him because Steven has a martyr complex at this point, there's something in this movie and in the future afterward where Steven's insistence on plunging into danger is shown to be damaging his psyche, but all of that is undermined by the fact that the program is so far glorified. he has done this up to this point, I am not one hundred percent against this.

I'm no stranger to making my writing sound like something I intended to do all along, but given the fact that the show so far has focused entirely on this white guy talking down to women, people of color, and victims of tyrannical oppression, maybe someone else should do this, how about Pearl? Do you know that the other person, the pink diamond, was thoroughly abused and treated like trash? Just a thought, oh yeah, I jumped the gun that used to be Spinelli. a playmate of Pink Diamond until Pink got bored of her and ordered her to stand there and not move a muscle while she ran off to go play with her new slave and Pink Diamond has done something throughout her three identities on this show, but I think this one is the most blatantly sadistic, it leaves so many characters in nihilistic despair.

She had a playmate whom she treated like a dog. She had a slave whom she treated like. I guess it doesn't really matter how you treat a slave, you still have a slave. Having said that, I feel guilty, she started a rebellion and it had no meaning or teeth and it corrupted all of her loyal soldiers and she just up and killed herself for the sake of this child and left all of her friends. . grief-stricken and aimless at the start of the show, Rose is this inspirational figure with regrets who still instills hope in people and now here's another person driven to suicidal nihilistic despair at the mere mention of her name, okay, you know, characters like Amman or getsis, you know. revolutionaries who clearly stand for something, but the writers were too rich or white to even dare challenge the status quo, so they quickly backed off and wrote the most power-hungry liars.

Rose is kind of like that, except it's all backstory and it doesn't even make sense. a bullshit conservative point, it just doesn't make sense, the idea is interesting on paper, discovering your parents' damn despicable legacy. I mean, Steven is basically Ralph Mengele meeting one of the kids he experimented on with his father, but the problem is that he's doing the raw universe. whose entire creative well is filled only with bad anime and racist cartoons, complete with the most amateurish attempt at a musical because Sugar is absolutely committed to not giving that a break, so we get this mix of, oh y'all, good jokes for one second.

The casual kindergarten rhetoric crashes right next to the suicidal desperation of a person who was treated like a disposable object by a real monster and who is coming to terms with the fact that he was never loved and, after all, that heartbreaking confession of All of Spinel's pain has endured the following words coming out of Steven's mouth: I'm shocked, shocked, well, not so much. I have never wanted to grab this franchise by the throat and scream. Discover your tone. Are you a baby show about forgiveness or are you a teen show about abuse and suicidal desperation pick a edgy talentless shy I feel like I'm reading that My Little Pony fanfic where Pinkie Pie guts someone only this time the writer in is actually trying to turn it into a serious dramatic work.

We're trying to have a serious conversation about abandonment issues on a show that one episode before we redeemed the Nazi general with a sick burn. This is the problem with the Steven universe as a whole. There are a lot of solid ideas, really a lot of solid ideas like. They could all work in a vacuum, but they never build on any of them because the showrunner gets distracted with another one before they can finish the first one and when they do, they execute them in the strangest ways possible. You remember the Rebellion for individuality. and freedom over the course of the show The Rebellion becomes increasingly invalidated to the point that it was basically a sick Pink Diamond joke.

Remember how devastating the gems were of this great line that was too far to cross because it was clearly a fate worse than death. Well, it turns out that you can repair broken gems very easily, making all that tension and dramatic weight completely moot and people point this out to me when I call diamonds genocidal, which can actually repair broken gems and they say this as a trap because it was written specifically for Be one of the people who point out that a random Instant Redemption for genocidal tyrants was kind of disgusting, but don't realize that they're admitting that the drama and tension of half the show is being completely and utterly destroyed by Well, take that from people who are just going to laugh at you even more than they already are anyway.

Steven gives Spinel his usual pep talk and Spinel agrees to go back and stop the injector, but Steven refuses. he focuses too much on preserving his perfect moment from before. that day and then Spinel starts to think that maybe Steven was lying to her and you know how much I like this scene. I know I just finished tearing my hair out because of the jagged, scared tone, but Spinel starts freaking out again because Steven being such a selfish idiot is great. Spinel starts to panic and is afraid that they will put her away somewhere and leave her alone again and Steven keeps babbling that that's not what he meant until he trips and drops the Hard Reset Keyblade and then Spinel starts to to think that he's going to reset her all over again because his next plans conveniently ignored Spinel and you know there's an easy fix for that.

Steven could just stop breathing deeply and say you're right. I'm sorry, he should have chosen my words better. We're not going to abandon you, but solving Garnet and me is very important. I'm sure the largely foul-mouthed Stephen isn't technically wrong, but apologizing would still appease Spinel and would actually be a very poignant sign that Stephen has been paying. pay attention to everything Spinel has been saying, but instead he stutters and stands there like an anime character trying to make a decision while Spinel rapidly increases just give him the scythe like that would be an algebra, give him the scythe.

I'm not even complaining here, as expected, this is an unintentional comment on Steven's behavior. Steven's compassion is very weak. He is very selfish. It's less about helping people than it is about affirming his own ego as a good person. This was even the case for Bismuth where Stephen was not. he was really worried about being right and then he was worried about being better than someone, so the show doesn't really reveal his ignorance or behavior but rather supports them, instead even the sequel series focused less on revealing his character , since it was all she has been through because her behavior is not something the showrunners consider a problem even though it is, so Spinel decides to reactivate the injector and destroy the Earth and takes Garnet hostage and becomes bit strange.

Garnet was written as a dimwitted airhead at the time they were merged into this movie and That probably would have been funny in a vacuum, but the show has had a history of treating Garnet with contempt or voyeurism, so I can't take all of it. the villain speech seriously because this frame here is just Becky getting ready to write a garnet. episode in the finale of a day and why Steven splits the scythe in half and that causes Garnet to suddenly regain her memories along with her visor which means she can no longer make a facial expression, they decide they have to stop Spinel , no guys, but Steven puts them on.

He rescues Duty so that his glory is not stolen. Steven can't fight, but he will try to talk to her because if you don't succeed at first, he keeps copying that Naruto Trope until the credits roll and we also learned that Beach City doesn't. Apparently it has no emergency services, Earth just has it as if nothing had happened. Spinel holds him over an abyss and says that now that he knows Stephen personally he wants to kill him even more than he did that morning, which is understandable if you actually know someone like Steven. In a life where you'd want to bash his head in with a pipe wrench, Steven openly wonders why his powers haven't returned even though he's back to square one, but then realizes that his powers grew because he grew up. and learned from all of these.

Horrible experiences that if you've watched the whole show you'll know that statement isn't canon, but I guess there was an interview or something where Sugar said she woke up at some point. He continues, magically regains all of his powers and fights Spinel. while singing a youth pastor song about faith and all his powers that he has regained, one of them being his mother's ability to implant unconscious suggestion in people if you've ever wondered how Stephen can be so successful in convincing the monster from one of His mother's powers are literally mind control and the mind control works as the spinel breaks down in tears the space penis explodes Steven declares that there is no such thing as a happily ever after ending just in time to go through his emo phase starts eating dirt and then has a conversation with Spinel about friendship just as thediamonds land on the planet, honestly, I'm so happy to see the diamonds because after all that mismatched angst, all that fake drama, all those weird lies, no more parallels, just seeing these embarrassing three.

Psychopaths was the kind of levity I needed if they ever got the show back. Every episode should end with a reminder that these three were a decision the show made. The show could use some self-awareness of its mistakes instead of constantly trying to do it. They act like I never made them hell. The white diamond leaves giving the Boomer mon a guilt trip that is hilarious, so Steven gets the idea to pawn Spinel in the diamonds and send her into space never to see her again while the diamonds sing trash about her. Doki Doki Literature Club song about their empty nest syndrome, as the four of them claim to be ghosts and will never get better, basically doing the same thing Pearl did because it wouldn't be Steven Universe if the characters involved learned absolutely nothing next. season Steven becomes a Kaiju because his 12 year old girlfriend refuses to marry him and that was the movie, it wasn't very good okay so to stop the shenanigans the reason I never covered this when it came out It was because I watched it and discovered there was nothing really new to say.

I only agreed to do it now because my perspective on Steven Universe and the creator of it has changed from sanctimony Centris to this is what Tommy Wiseau would do if he was a crybaby and also obsessed with Hamilton, so there it was. warrants talking about the show again, overall it's more of the same, if you still didn't like Steven Universe the movie wasn't going to change, that the movie was the exact same set of tropes done in exactly the same way as the show that Pink Diamond has another secret victim, there is a new villain who wants to commit genocide.

Steven fixes it with a martyr complex and a speech about change. Really good singers sing the lyrics to The Worst. You can imagine something creepy going on with Garnet and the tonal boundaries. Back and forth between comedy and drama like Sonic the Hedgehog trying to justify his existence to an aging fan base. Steven Universe has always carried the stench of the author, a pet project, something made by the Creator rather than the viewers, of whom it constantly bears signs. switching to new ideas instead of indulgently trying to do everything in one run, defining Masterpiece instead of picking a few solid ideas and sticking with them, sugar was accumulating all her inspirations from the anime she watched as a child and then all the other random ideas we had during production and put them all together, even if they didn't really work, we even see in this same movie that good, smart ideas were eventually pushed aside for more self-indulgent anime references.

Now this happens in other media all the time, especially video. games we've all heard of John Ramiro thief polonium 3D Realms hell, we've all heard of Star Citizen but it's not often that happens on an episodic TV show because usually the executives step in to say, "Okay, someone has to stop wasting our money and stuff." It's true that what happened, Sugar was told in 2016 that the show would only have five seasons and for those wondering, 2016 was around the second and third seasons, but not quite because not only were they given a lot more advance than most people get, but they also got a movie and a sequel series on top of that, it's a weird way to cancel a Cartoon Network show.

I confess that of all the shows I've covered, Steven Universe is the most fascinating to talk about because the problems it has are unusual for any show. Stands animated or not usually try to cope by redirecting the blame for any complaints away from the executive producer, tacitly ignoring the fact that allowing Rogue staff members to act horribly without supervision is also an indictment of the showrunner. I guess that's why people still like to talk about the room or why there are 500 videos about the guy who plays the crazy stalker killer game because there's a fascination with turning over a stone and discovering the dark truths behind the Creator, but honestly, I don't think there's any dark truth to Rebecca Sugar.

I think the truth is pretty tame and boring when your main inspiration is utena and you sit down to write a lesbian relationship, guess what it's going to be like and that's it, it's really no deeper than that weeb didn't know what they were doing in others. news the sky is blue and the debate brother is shouting racial slurs goodbye foreigner