Jeff Ross Takes Bruce Willis to the Cleaners - Roast of Bruce Willis - Uncensored

Happy

roast

ing everyone look at this beautiful crowd tonight we honor the reason the world has a Vin Diesel Bruce is a real man, he told me numerous times not to hold back tonight. It's been great meeting you and your lovely family and I see. I heard your daughter's rumor hello rumor I guess that's the name your mother gives you when she's not one hundred percent sure who your father is. Take a photo of that entire table. It is the beautiful circle of life. Bruce. Your family looks like all the villains you killed. in uncompromising movies what a legend Bruce Willis has been fighting terrorists since before they were Arabs Bruce Willis is pro-gun Pro flag and propecia Bruce Willis you love your country so much that he once said that if the people wanted it, they could even running for president one day I would make fun of you for having political aspirations but the last time I did it actually became president all night people say I look like you but the Shepard symbol looks like Bruce Jenner Willis and Little Lane looks like Bruce.

What are you talking about Willis, Bruce Willis? You, my friend, are totally original, how is it possible to look like a Nazi and a victim of the Holocaust? He looks like Sir Patrick Stewart if he drove a Ferris wheel. How are you a movie star? a janitor in a nursing home you're like Elmer Fudd if instead you look for bad scribes Alaska Lee wabbits this guy Bruce Willis wants an Oscar so much that he's slowly turning into one it's crazy you went from being a Hollywood leading man to Demi Moore looking at you and saying you know what I prefer the dumb type of friend where's my car but Bruce we all wish you luck with your lawsuit against the Blue Man Group.

This is very funny. I mean, Bruce is a star you've been around a few. one of the most iconic scenes in movie history, my favorite scene in Pulp Fiction when you save the guy from getting up your ass, hey Dennis, at that point in the movie, did you say, wait, who's the bad guy again? Of course your most recent movie was a big bomb death wish what a stinker Bruce looked like you did your own stunts and your own editing and lighting direction ooh how about a hand for tonight's host Joseph Gordon -levitt JGL Joseph gordon-levitt the only three words more boring than a gluten-free cookie? thanks for dressing Joseph, you look like a lesbian on the way to prom, yeah Joseph started at the third Rock from the Sun and Dennis Rodman smoked three stone in front of his son, yeah why not leave it for our next Secretary of State , my friend Dennis?

Rodman, you think Kim Janghoon is a good guy and he thinks you're Scottie Pippen. My friend, Lil Rel, is here, very happy for you, friend, very happy. Congratulations on all your success and your new movie, Angry Birds, too good to see that you are not selling. Find out you're playing Jim Crow. It's great to see Cybill Shepherd again and like most shepherds, Sybil hasn't worked much in the last two centuries. Sybil had an affair with Elvis. What a great man, years after her adventure symbol revealed that Elvis attacked you. It's true? Yeah, okay, do you think a hunting dog would have a better sense of smell?

And speaking of moonlighting, Da Moreira had to cancel two shifts at Macaroni Grill to be here. The Dahmer era is what you look like just before you say tomorrow. starting to juice cleanse kevin pollok I love you man but that Christopher Walken impression is so old Ashton Kutcher tried to marry him I love you Kevin sit down you'll be great every time paul giamatti does it Bruce yeah you've accomplished a lot buddy But I think it will always be your blockbuster Armageddon that serves as the best metaphor for your career because in the end you were destroyed by the rock.

Us Jersey boys are bred to have thick skin, so I knew you'd be a great sport tonight and I wish. Your continued success, good health and I can't wait to see your next project die. Six natural causes.