Glaub nicht immer, was du fühlst! | Stefanie Stahl #69 | So bin ich eben

Before we start, a little note from us Steffi and I were on tour. The normally disrupted tour of Germany's cities was a lot of fun. Thanks again to you for your positive comments. It was a really great experience. and that's why we did it I thought that now Steffi's new book will be out in October on October 13 who we are, that we went on tour together again for the book, we are pretty sure it will be called a tour, there will be the first dates soon of the tour and information about the tour And of course we have Stefanie Stahl on our Instagram channels and I have Lukas Kaczynski.

We hope to see you there. Audio Hello and welcome to the psychology podcast with the psychologist and the best. Author Stefanie Stahl and master psychologist Lukas Kaczynski Today we talk about pattern recognition. To be more precise, humans are creatures of habit, you could say that throughout our lives we learn behavioral patterns and routines. Behavior patterns are therefore stubborn habits, these patterns are also called behavior chains, a sequence of certain behaviors that is always the same. This always serves us in a positive way, in many fans we sabotage ourselves and do not even realize it with these behavioral patterns.

Today is first about recognizing these behavior patterns, how I do it, how to know if it is not serving me or not serving me and how we can say bye and bye to the behavior patterns and that is not so easy, more about Then, first of all nothing, what is Steffi and the behavior patterns? So how could you describe them? So behavioral patterns are just completely different activities that we practice, we feel like we do it a million times a day, so we set the alarm in the morning. , we went to work, how we manage our work, how we come into contact with other people, so we also have an incredible amount of social rituals, even alone, how we greet each other and say goodbye, that may change or change now. in Corona times And in fact these are also routines and if we didn't have them we would have to constantly make new decisions, so these behavioral patterns of course also mean that we can overcome everyday life and shape our lives much more easily.

Yes, and these practiced patterns of behavior simply leave us. Safety That's why we often find it so difficult to change it and the really interesting thing is that it is simply a matter of learned connections in the brain, so we have a pattern of behavior for years. That's now all linked in the brain and in the brain it doesn't really matter if it's positive or negative content, yeah, so I've gotten into the habit of drinking a cup of tea every morning. That's completely fine, but if I've gotten into the habit of smoking a cigarette every morning, then it's negative content, but it's just as effective.

The brain doesn't really care if it is a good or bad behavior pattern from a rational point of view. the brain just works and that is why we often find it so difficult to get out of bad habits and our brain wants to do it Quotes Our brain wants to do this because our brain always wants to evaluate the situation beforehand, so we actually want to be We can control or evaluate our environment because it gives us a feeling of security. Safety is one of the biggest needs anyway, so if you think about it, what is it really about in many things we do or don't do?

In reality, it is always about the fact that we have a feeling of security, so insecurity creates fear and fear is very disturbing and that is why we have There are also many patterns of behavior to avoid something, so 70 of every 100 decisions we make Every day are chosen by evasion because we want to avoid something and not because we want to get closer to ourselves than we want, for example to avoid feeling a little insecure in a certain situation. We don't know each other very well, so maybe "We've gotten used to a pattern of behavior that we generally prefer to go on vacation to Germany, for example.

I know a lot of people who have trouble moving further away from home. Their home gives them a feeling of security and at least The best thing is that they still do it in Germany during the holidays, but, for example, subsequent trips scare you in some way and this fear is usually not admitted in that way, that would also take me to follow behavioral patterns, but we talk very well about things, for example, that it is much more sustainable and I don't need it, anyway I feel more comfortable in Germany, so there are many arguments that speak in favor of it and therefore the positive, of course, increases argumentatively and the negative, for example, flying or further away.

Traveling by car or anything that pollutes the environment, of course, increases, you can still remember the behavioral patterns of you remember where you said that in the end it was negative and I have to figure it out, so there's something like that when you say something like that. , at some point I became aware that I was doing that and it was extremely negative, so I have with me a small example that I always do in the mornings, for example. The first thing I did was turn off the alarm clock on my cell phone. phone and then briefly show what's happening on WhatsApp, what's happening on Instagram, is there anything I can do?

I used to check emails on my cell phone, at some point I noticed that we were extremely busy, extremely busy day in the state, which only made it possible for me to be so distracted and not really focused on the matter at all, so I stopped doing that and just took emails from my cell phone, for example, Instagram still isn't a thing just not But that's how I was able to break this pattern of behavior. At one time it was a great habit. Can you remember one more thing about yourself that dissolved? Playing skat on cell phone and I always think it was a useless waste of time.

I could do something better but I haven't figured it out yet, but maybe with today's podcast episode we'll stick to the patterns of behavior. The brain doesn't care if they are positive or negative. It gives us a sense of security and control, which means we can better evaluate the outcome of situations and, also very importantly, behavioral patterns as such help the brain save energy because we don't always have to re-evaluate the situation. because otherwise we have to do it every day. evaluate the thousands of decisions we have to make and see what behavior would be appropriate and we want to save energy, our brain is simply designed to use the least amount of energy possible and on days like this when there is not much to do We often notice it clearly , exactly, it's not just about saving energy, but also simply that we are incredibly motivated to get away from deficiencies, which means we have a lot of escape goals and that means we don't actually want to feel unpleasant. or we have bad feelings, so that's it.

Our fourth our fourth basic psychological need is that we want to have the best feelings possible and avoid unpleasant feelings as much as possible and every change in a habit usually creates unpleasant feelings at first, so let's take the classic, they say it can't go on like this anymore. , I'm a stupid TV addict, now you have to go running at least three times a week and in most cases that at first creates a feeling of dissatisfaction because jogging is an effort, yes, and especially if you don't You are in good physical shape at the beginning, frustration also comes when you feel like it.

That means you notice that you're not really in good shape, maybe you have a little bit of physical aches and pains or the weather is bad and what's there to give and that means we actually have to get over our feelings in order to pick up new good habits. . But our brain actually always wants something different. Our brain is almost programmed for the inner bastard, so in reality we also want to be comfortable, yes, that means it goes against our disposition and have a good time and that has a lot to do with dancing, a lot of bad habits, finally we have something to do with addiction again. , behavior through the cell phone or addictions related to substances like cigarettes or whatever and first arises and Pleasure and frustration when you leave something out and that makes it difficult to change these behavior patterns completely, that is, this escape from goals that I simply interpret away from lack at the moment when our brain interprets that we are leaving the couch to go jogging, it would be, paradoxically, so to speak.

Lack of belonging would be jogging because it's uncomfortable and the couch is at least a short-term gain, i.e. we actually prefer to escape from jogging, we actually want to be comfortable rather than being away from the couch, yes, again , about patterns of behavior that may not be so useful to our lives, which may be smoking, which may be a cell phone addiction, disturbing and compulsive. social media addiction porn addiction lack of sleep actually all addictions, but also behaviors where we come into conflict with other people, so we say okay, let's not actually bring anything positive to each other and I find it very exciting, this type of behavior that has become ingrained at some point where we noticed at some point that this is a behavior that is useful in this situation, but it is no longer useful today and I think we can do it.

Let's also focus today, you have an example of this type of behavior. where you say it may have taken root and that no longer works today. For example, many people live contentedly and are quite motivated to please everyone because they want to avoid conflict because they want to avoid rejection and they have developed a very typical pattern of behavior. I'm not telling the truth. I keep my opinion to myself. I see what I have to do to please her, to do her justice and that leads to the relationship being harmonious in the short term but in the medium and long term, if you always fall short, you will resent it especially against the other person, so if you always It's just us trying to please Lukas, so at some point, in my eyes, you're going to have to become the enemy because I just always willingly submit and constantly do or say things frequently.

Make yourself fit into the things you would like it to do. We don't have to worry about America, but a lot of people work like that and that's typical behavior. pattern What affects many people is that they learned early, mainly at their parents' home. They learned somehow if I want to get along with you, I have to adapt somehow and that is simply no longer accessible in adulthood. There are also other ways of behavior, for example in a relationship. One of you somehow breaks down because he said something or because one of you likes things, the other then responds with love and wonders why he stops and then learns through my food-snapping behavior. , I get love and I can also This type of behavior is useful for the person who is in a state of frustration because I have intervened in the markets, then my partner turns to me and prefers to give me a pattern of behavior 1 , yes, exactly, or even out of anger if it happens.

There are people who are relatively dominant and demanding or downright divas. I just have to think about these women, all kinds of women, but there are also men, of course, who Of course, a person has slightly narcissistic traits and reacts quite angrily when things happen, do not work as you would like or react quickly. with annoyance and therefore creates stress in others and is therefore very anxious to keep the spirits up somehow and basically. always behaving in such a way that you were one of them again at the time when I have or I have famous tantrums and I just get angry about things, yeah, and that's just how it is.

I think again it is the reason for high avoidance, we want to avoid causing ourselves any kind of stress, so the question now is how can I recognize such behavior pattern? For my part, I probably notice that at some point you fans always fall into a technical impasse or in the case of angry outbursts. that people avoid me and I am actually socially isolated on a deeper level, for example, if you are the boss and the employees actually always avoid me, then you should think about how I recognize that self-knowledge is nurtured above all, I Think, by observation, meaning you really look at yourself from the outside and what are my typical patterns or my typical behavior and how when other people react to me, I actually always have bad feelings, so where do I always notice that?

I have internal stress in the broadest sense, whether because I am afraid or because I am angry or because I am disappointed or because I am sad. So where do I appear again and again in certain situations? Feelings that overwhelm me and then I look at them from the outside, thatis really and what do I contribute in these situations, what is my own contribution, it is repeated like this over and over again and maybe also receive feedback from the outside and have clarifying conversations or get a description from others of how I behave in a specific situation.

That is, of course, brave. Well, now that I think about it, what do I know? Maybe in some ways I am a difficult person because maybe I am not very socially competent and I am often harsh. I may not be very nice and polite at first, but I am often harsh and very angry with other people for many years and first I have to remember that that is not normal. , that is, not all people are like that, including me first I have to have a minimum distance smith l gets yes yes that is so yes yes I am always fully identified with my own behavior patterns it means that I never walk past me and Look at it from the outside but believe everything I think and feel, then I can never change like that, but now that's how I am, if in general I'm a little difficult, grumpy, easy to get angry, not particularly socially competent, then "It has to take a lot of courage.

No "I know how to ask someone about this. I was actually still myself and it takes courage for the other person to actually respond authentically because they only know one reaction pattern, meaning the person probably will." get angry if I really say how I perceive them and if that's the case. If there is such a hierarchical gap, then it becomes quite difficult for that very reason, especially when it comes to reaction habits, behavioral habits that are now not so externally observable, so let's say now someone is drinking too much and it was, I'm too fat because of it, or someone is now drinking or someone doesn't play sports or whatever, he knows that in most cases yes, in most cases, but if he has such typical reactions because you live in his brain and that's the only brain that's available to you there has to be yes, first of all, realize that maybe she's wrong, yes, definitely, okay again regarding this behavioral pattern recognition.

I think that's not always the case. easy to recognize your own behavior Behavior often results from thought patterns, meaning we first think something and then behave. If we look at people suffering from depression, this is very easy to recognize and the father of cognitive behavioral therapy, Reinbek, a psychiatrist from the United States, has to break with the typical thinking and one thing is a catastrophe. Now I know a lot of people and we all know this, so we've all had catastrophe thoughts, meaning we overestimate the possible outcomes of future events, for example. Then I don't even need to apply somewhere that would be a catastrophe, for example, yes, everyone knows that at some point, they find themselves in some situation.

I know it quite well, especially in the past The sea was so scared and my worst thought was always but at the same time it was with humor so I had fun again and built them. They want to take me off stage crying. Similar image but I always have to laugh. and then things get a little better again, I just accompanied you to the Elbphilharmonie where we were together and it would have been a wonderful image if I had gone on stage like that during the enemy, you would have had to have a conversation like that and I would have left the stage, ok , catastrophe.

After Beck, the symptoms are thinking. This is popularly called black and white thinking or all or nothing thinking. Yes, that would be, for example, now I am getting Very good feedback from them or I have completely failed, so this black and white wall, yes, do you like me now completely on my side or are you my enemy? Yes, the next thing is to generalize. I think everyone knows it. , it can be on a small scale, for example if you say that I had three mistakes in the exam and then I get the same Stamp I can't do anything right or with people who have xenophobia it is also a form of generalization that They have not even had the experience that It is often assigned to a minority or group, which of course is also a catastrophe, especially when it comes to xenophobia etc.

There are an incredible number of generalizations that are strong. All Arabs, they are all like that, but also in a positive and negative way. There is also what I know, the French had a great reputation, all Asians diligently keep an eye on the French, whether today. Not today. "That's right, I grew up as a good lover, so particularly chic. They somehow invented fashion. I think that's not the case anymore, but the generalization exists for better or worse, yes, totally what the following personalization means. You relate it negative". events, that is, something that happens to oneself without considering other possibilities, so a typical example is what I do: my husband is in a bad mood and I automatically think that it is my fault.

This guilt complex They always feel incredibly responsible very quickly and never think about me. I have done something wrong and that is a type of thinking that often comes from childhood because children quickly relate things to themselves and always think that it is my mistake. It's my fault and it's not uncommon for this to carry over into adult life. The child's total thinking, for example when parents argue, is my fault or when dad scolds me. In any case, at least when the child is still small, then with older children of course they can do it or with young people of course they can see it in a more differentiated way but and that is why there are many people who also have this reflex of guilt. , I think it would be your fault if somewhere if you behave strangely or are in a bad mood, another thought pattern that the stock market has broken and I think everyone knows that it is the selective perception that in reality we only see the needle in the haystack under the whole garden and no longer around for example: I am pregnant and suddenly there are only pregnant people around me I want to buy my blue car and suddenly I only see blue cars but also in negative I wake up somehow from a stupid mood in a stupid mood and suddenly they look for grumpy people around me and the whole day turns to shit that is the selective perception that we only perceive a very small part of the environment and we select with it and many times it begins in everyday life without us realizing that we always remember the negative.

Yeah, what do I know? Yes, the man was at a party and what I said after 10 p.m. The music wasn't so good anymore. Yes, the music was very boring and somehow it was not for me at all, so I always have negative things somewhere and I think: It must be today precisely the day we are here in the garden, which is the weather for the party in the garden instead of fighting pathogens, there are a lot of nice people and I am very happy to be able to. I no longer have a girlfriend or a partner who is the same as me.

People are really united, they try hard to order and so on, but we always have this tendency or many of us to select the negative which is the selective perception. Steffi, these examples seem original from your life, have you perhaps thought about or experienced them? I caught myself yesterday doing it again and then immediately got to work. I immediately switched to a wide angle, we selected everything that was positive and then my mood suddenly changed and everything was fine. That's crazy, but for me I caught myself doing it. Yes, that is so important that you think about it and notice it when you are in this mindset, yes, you have to notice it, so we go back to what we said at the beginning, this minimum distance from yourself to be able to even notice it, if you don't notice it then the program just runs So to speak, without you, it was completely automated, fully automated, so that's exactly what I think is the most important thing to keep in mind, hey, what spiral are you in right now and is that the truth or is that the only way to look at this situation, recognize this pattern and then tap and change? "You say, it sounds very easy, but sometimes it's not that easy and to make it a little easier, let's continue with the thought patterns.

Yeah, that's pretty close to selective perception, that's this arbitrary conclusion, yeah. So For example, my boss." He didn't praise me all this time. My job must have been really bad, so you somehow come to the conclusion that yes, or what do I know? Lukas forgot to call me today, even though we had agreed to work with me. It doesn't seem so important Yes, to draw some conclusion without examining alternatives, which Merkel, for example, often does with my clients and psychotherapeutic work consists a lot of perceptual correction, a brother with psychotherapy a lot of perceptual correction, then what counts is mini clarify some situations that you are involved with your friend have experienced and of course constantly interpret that yes and then I hear her eyebrows raise and again I had the distinct feeling that she also thinks that I am just a little chubby compared to her and that she thinks she should lose weight and so on, we are just interpretations and nothing more than arbitrary conclusions and I often say that my work as a psychotherapist says that there can also be alternative explanations and that they simply look together for alternative explanations and those affected are often completely surprised. and then they realize that the thought didn't even occur to them that maybe there could be a completely different explanation because they are already so used to acting this way. thought pattern.

Yes, that's what it has to do with you, that you devalue it, that you've somehow made mistakes, so in the broadest sense, this belief begins: I'm not right, there's something wrong with me and I think there's something wrong. I'm unwell now, by the way, you still have to know completely and that gives you the feeling of control again because if I'm not well, I can control the situation and change something about myself so I can change this. general situation. So if you're wondering what it's for, what it's for to relate to yourself, then you can do exactly that, yeah, what I mean now is this thought of control, so it's my fault that you have a lot of control. wrapped up in that when it's my fault you can change something back with one hand and sometimes that feels better than saying that's the way it is and there's nothing you can do about it.

It's a classic, but I like to look at these thought patterns. of depressed people because many of them have to do with depressed moods or depression, so a central characteristic of the depressive experience is that this feeling is less worth saying than others and that you are a burden on others and also these feelings of guilt, yes and that is what in psychology is called functional thoughts, then you have functional thoughts, that is what we just discussed, these typical thought patterns, they are functional as thoughts and it follows from the corresponding feeling that one feel sad or inferior. are these negative emotions and this can result in one withdrawing from social contact and that is also the functional problematic behavior and therefore in itself, for example, cognitive behavioral therapy also with the thinking of and but also with the emotions and that's always a little complicated because that always means that the attacks are not in a bad mood, and of course you automatically think of the negative ones as if in a good mood, yes, one has an effect on the other and our mood It depends a lot on our thoughts, but sometimes also simply on our hormones or the weather or some external events.

Yes, the question is now okay, we have it. The first basic elements have been laid to recognize these behavioral patterns, it is good to observe your thinking. patterns and look, is this chain that I'm making really correct or are there other options, then this classic thing that we just discussed at the end, this arbitrary conclusion if someone When a waitress comes to the restaurant and what mood she is in, it's my fault and not because she has been out partying before and is having a bad day, so you check it once and of course your behavior changes because your thought patterns are different.

In the end, it always sounds very easy, but these things are very solid Kurt, how do I do that? So how do I do that? How do I let go long term? Well, on the one hand, we have the gang that we are very interested in and we have patterns and we have to say: "think." , it is very important to go back through the stages and change so that you really notice that I am here in the tunnel again. Yes, I'm just focusing on the negatives again if you notice it the moment you encounter trails in the forest again.

Change if Check that, of course, you can draw unilateral negative conclusions. Think again about other possible interpretations or, if in doubt, ask the person what they meant by that, or did they? I guess it was correct. They were not satisfied with my work, so you can ask about behavior patterns. Both with bad habits and with positive ones that you want to establish, such as jogging, this example, it often helps to take the small steps policy, which is also very popular today. In English they say to change Hebbel's opinion. Change small habits, for example, if I have the habit of lying on thesofa every night when I get home and turn on the TV.

Don't worry about this habit, I don't want to say that I will never do that again, I don't do it anymore, I'm just saying, I start half an hour later, yes, or if I stop. running regularly, it's completely crazy to start with Martin. I don't give an extreme example, but just take smaller steps. I say, I'm going to run 14 miles or so, but we'll just walk on our own. The way the Forms constitution is always so that you just change smaller things, change smaller habits to get closer to your big goal. So what's always very important to me is to create a situation where it's harder to reverse them when I'm running.

For example, I would like to do this regularly, look for a running partner that I can meet, which of course is also an option to simply create a situation that I can no longer change so easily. It's a much bigger hurdle to say no to a running partner than it is to say to myself, oh, today is fine. It's not like that, I had a very long day at work, yes, and that brings us to a very, very important topic: excuses and defense mechanisms such as repression and denial. Basically, if we act rationally, everything would be very easy for us.

We have everything very, very easily, but I will remind you again of the beginning of our conversation. We want to avoid bad feelings and from this normal state, yes, it gives us security, yes, it gives us comfort, it also gives us a certain comfort, getting out of it requires effort and in reality we are lazy by nature, people are usually lazy by nature because it saves energy, so first I have to make an effort and for this effort I need good arguments. The best way to do this is through repression. We are all world champions. World champions in repression.

That means you can repress. "It's very easy. It's actually not healthy if I don't move regularly. At first it was enough for the three years at the beginning or you could say that the work situation doesn't really allow it. Now I have to go step by step. " First I have to control my professional situation, so I am always repressing the negative consequences of my usual behavior and looking for excuses or arguments to maintain the previous behavior because the new behavior also causes fear in social situations. So I think that thing is overcoming habits where you either break the habit of an addiction and breaking the habit is always very bad anyway.

Because I also have to add that it is easier to do what you do than not to do something, so if I resolve to go for a run three times a week then it is easier to implement. Not smoking because I can't smoke, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, that is, I am actually constantly exposed to the decision not to do something. That's much, much harder than doing something: omission and also points. That is why it is also important to create values ​​that combat smoking. When we now talk about quitting smoking Example: I want to lead a healthy life, that is an additional goal and not an avoidance goal.

I don't want to quit smoking, I want to live a healthy life and that automatically leads or causes you to quit smoking and I think that's why. So here we are again with classic repression, healthy living. can start the day after tomorrow, it doesn't have to start today of all days, then I can tell myself that there are many other trusts in my life that are totally healthy, so that's it, this principle repress postpone deny postpone applies to everyone all kinds of behavioral changes, that's really exciting, or to say that right now all kinds of behavioral changes are not possible because, for example, in the social area, you might offend too many people with it.

It's also important because now I can become more open and honest. I can't do it everywhere. Step on people's feet. Alcohol is also very important. Social situations. That's what people say. I'll fall if I suddenly stop drinking, so then I'll be the brake on the fun. and so on. Yes, connecting with the group is also a characteristic of many behavioral patterns, a very important ulterior motive for you to stay in the group, to stay connected to my connection, to participate in certain rituals. or maintain patterns of behavior because they have always brought you advantages, for example false modesty or always preferring to plan your life defensively, that is, I always make sure not to get hurt as much as possible, I only keep the Germans flat because that way It's like I've always gone through life pretty well and confidently instead of saying, for example, no, I want to get a promotion here now.

I really want to convince this person about me because I would love him. be associated with him or her, but of course there is always the danger of failure or rejection, so many behavioral patterns are built around our fears of being rejected somewhere or losing social ties, so, depending on the motto, it is better to live disappointed than disillusioned So I notice that it helps with the values ​​that you look for, what values ​​I want to live with or what values ​​I want to represent because they accompany me every day and they accompany me in every decision.

I do if I have the value of community. Then I think carefully about how I approach a social situation. If I value health, then I think about how much exercise I want to do. Does it contribute to my value or not? And if. , then you don't do all that, of course not. Driven to avoid disgust and create pleasure, otherwise I wouldn't be on my cell phone much, so I looked at this Handel phenomenon, why are most people often on their cell phones to avoid such a small unpleasant feeling? In general, addiction is usually accompanied by unhappiness.

To avoid feelings, first of all on turning on, of course, also to create good feelings that make things even more difficult, but a mobile phone mind. many times even if you don't have a specific goal and you say I'm going to answer my cell phone now because I have this and that too you do it because you hate a little bit of boredom or something like that, you have to get over it. 30 seconds of boredom, the elevator arrives, you go to another cell phone and that is the biggest phenomenon. We can no longer endure even five seconds of boredom because we are so used to picking up our cell phone immediately to check something, to touch something and therefore alarm me and also to entertain myself.

I noticed it yesterday at a party I was invited to. People are not used to it anymore, so in the past people struggled. Maybe there was a brief break in the conversation, a short pause and so on. Everyone struggled to find a topic again to continue, yes today she wants to be talking on the cell phone, yes that is really disgusting, I actually think that in conversations we are talking on the cell phone, that is very important. In Spain, when there are a lot of young people, there are people who no longer talk at all but who right now are talking on their cell phone, okay, so Steffi has now recognized in my behavior that I am attacking the situation and maybe I can solve it. change.

How can I do this over and over in the long run? That new positive behavior is a crusher, how do I do it? So, first I want to discover and investigate what my obstacles actually are, so that it is best to make a list of pluses and minuses in writing, so the old behavior also in writing: what are they all? The negative points that bother me and what are the winning points that often help to make a clear decision because basically everything in life is a matter of decision and if we don't decide clearly, yes, I will go ahead with the goal now.

So, it is often because you have internal resistances and you still have to work with these internal ones, which means that first we have to wake up and see what benefit the old behavior brings me, what benefit and what advantage it often helps to incorporate this benefit now. Well, if I find it helpful to lie on the couch because it's very comfortable and I can relax, how can I do that? I use it while jogging, for example, then I can say to myself, for example, whatever you do, I'm not going to finish it in one go.

I jog a little more comfortably, go between a few steps and Relax again, then run a little excitingly, run a little again and then tell myself and the relaxation when I finish jogging will of course be maximum, then in the couch. Going to bed feels really great, so you try it. capture the benefit as much as possible and especially with social behavior where you say it's an old pattern of behavior of mine that protects you from what the benefit of this behavior is and really get into it because what I don't know produces it again and me It drags back into the old pattern, so the moment we make a clear decision, even with this positive and negative knowledge and in which we have recognized the benefits for us, it is now much, much easier.

Most relapses also result from the fact that you don't even start and you don't make clear decisions at all and this unclear decision usually has something to do with the fact that you want to protect yourself from somewhere, that you want to avoid something, so that It's too good The old German behavior also has benefits for you, one thing is another, you need routine and routine after routine, sometimes you have to overcome the lazy one and everyone knows that. That gives you a personal example. I have been playing the piano for many years now and sometimes there are lulls in phases where I don't really feel like it, but the phases where I have a lot to do always mean I enjoy it a lot more and I thought about it recently and went back to have a break like that.

A little bit has to do with the fact that there was a time when I was very busy at work and they always took it out of my routine because I also had to be traveling and so on, but I had a phase of calm and real displeasure and then it went away. something happened to me. An idea occurred to me: imagine that you would approach writing books or other professional activities in the same way you would approach playing the piano. You won't have made any progress on this. For example, the last book I wrote always caused me a lot of resentment, I overcame myself to go back to it because what I did was very demanding and now I am so happy that I wrote this book and that it is much clearer than a little more with your hobbies is very easy to do A little more effort sometimes to overcome it, that's what I have done since then, now I play every day and lo and behold, now the passion to overcome laziness is in someone who does something. regularly and therefore have such a pleasant experience of success, then that is what it brings.

Having fun is very important to be able to establish new things like this because most of the time we fail again and therefore we succeed. Rather, we want to have the feeling that we will not achieve it if you give up immediately, then you will have lost, but better try to bite off the frustration a little, that is very important in life, says sex educator

stefanie

empinada, because you can also exchange the word piano with sex very well thought out not spoken I think it's an example because I think it's a very good example Steffi yours.

It's actually perfect because you can use it for other things and I'm just saying this for fun, but I once heard a sex therapist tell me that desire also comes when you eat a little bit, when you do it first, the hormones start to flow, so I have I have to remember, I don't have all the time while you're with me. because we always go there, for nothing, so that's it. Let's generalize, we call this way of thinking Steffi, that's exactly where we are. We've already broken it all down today. I think we're actually almost at the end, although it's a very good example, maybe also a hint if you want. to understand yourself more deeply.

We are in search of meaning .of two online courses to find the boy on the bus home with numerous videos audio meditation worksheets from Steffi and her mega yesterday for you and everyone is capable of relationships and there is a discount special right now, that is, 20 percent for all podcast listeners within the code is podcast 20 and you can redeem it at sinnsuche de and if we have a bit of other inspiration, volt steffi and I are of course on Instagram , we often also install ives tag, that means you can then ask questions directly, so it's worth following Stefanie Stahl and Lukas are clapping on the skis and if you have anything, feel free to email us at this is how I'm at Random House Punkt.de.

I had a lot of Fun. and now I'm going to reconsider my behavior Steffi, I don't think the signal works. We will no longer go to the psychologist saying that the signal does not work for you, but today you have a suspiciously large number of things to say about yourself. what I say is fine, I hope we have them by then the UN our podcast advice of the week hello, I'm Dr. Annika Geißler from the podcast the diagnosis every two weeks I talk to doctors about mysterious medical cases that have bothered them a lot and that resolved with criminalist instinct.

Do not hesitate to listen to the diagnosis.