Ranking Every Frozen Trader Joe's Pasta | Bonus Babish

- Trader Joe's: the great equalizer. He kept me alive when I was broke and remains a shining example of how capitalism can work. (Crew laughs) It's true. Here before me is one of each of their

frozen

pasta

entrees, 25 in total. How much did all this cost? $107 after taxes. That's crazy. That's $4 a bag on average, and some of these are 2.29, 2.99. So now I'm going to make and try each of these 25 Frozen Pasta Entrees, rate them from 1 to 10, and hopefully not die in the process. Let us begin. First, linguine with pesto and tomatoes. It feels a little soggy, but let's see what my mouth says about it.

That's good. That's pretty good. It tastes like jarred pesto, which I find a little nostalgic, so I'm not too mad about it. The tomatoes taste very fresh. They are like bright and acidic. They almost taste like they have been sauteed very quickly in the pan. The

pasta

is not soft. It is not overcooked. It has a bit of a tang to it. It's definitely not as good as what you can get at a restaurant. Good enough that even though I have a lot more pasta to eat, I still want to keep eating it. I think that gives it a really solid seven.

I almost want to say eight, but it seems too exciting. (air whistles) Gnocchi gorgonzola. This was my favorite

frozen

pasta from Trader Joe's in my youth. Hmm. Oh man. That's very good. That's very good. The gnocchi is a little chewy, dense, thick and sticky, but I like that. You know what I will say about it is that it is a super note. It needs like an acid or an herb or something. My nostalgia is definitely driving, guiding my hand right now. I don't find anything wrong with it. It's very thick and sticky, but it didn't even bother me. (air whistles) It's an eight.

They really know what they're doing with this one. Okay, mainly because they came at room temperature and I kept eating them, I think I need to adjust my scores a bit. I think I'm a little too excited because I think eight is too good a score for this. Eight is really amazing, exceptional, and this is pretty good. It's just good. I like it a lot. So I think we have to be more realistic. I need to be more of an adult and knock things down a bit. So, I'm going to lower them one point. No more revisionist history after this.

I am calibrated. Now we have reduced guilt mac and cheese and from the portion size it seems like

every

thing has been reduced. Let's see how it tastes. Yes, I mean it tastes like macaroni and cheese with less guilt. I feel less guilty. I also feel less joy. We're talking macaroni and cheese here. By reducing guilt, are you saying that your other mac and cheese is totally to blame? Should I feel guilty about eating them? Am I guilty of eating them? No judgment? No jury? Is that the United States? Yes. Considering it reduces guilt, has less fat and calories, I would give it more, like a five or even a six, but objectively as a food to eat, it's a four.

The macaroni and cheese for dinner doesn't look so good. What's going on here? What's that? What's happening there? But we're supposed to give it a stir. Let's stir it up, see where we end up. Good elasticity. Good stretch factor. Dig that. How that. Enjoying that. It sounds like oral sex, as it should be. It's good. It tastes more natural and more homemade than, say, Stouffer's macaroni and cheese. It has a great stretch factor. As I stir it, it produces elasticity, which I love. A little grainy. The sauce is a little grainy. I don't know. It's just useful.

It's just a macaroni and cheese workhorse (air whistles), which I think gives it a six. A solid six. (air whistles) Macaroni and cheese with French onion. What I would call a serious innovation. Hot. (pan sizzling) Oh. You know when, ugh, you know when, ugh. Like, ugh. Phew. That's hot. The sauce has the most unfortunate appearance and texture, and the pasta is the blandest of the day. It's just overcooked. The flavor is okay and the texture is horrible, so you narrow it down to three. I'm really not a fan. Gluten-free macaroni and cheese. As I stir it, it breaks down.

I mean, it's gluten-free pasta, so, you know, there's no gluten to hold it together. You know, that makes sense. Yes, noodles taste like the sum total of the starches that were used to make them. I've had good gluten-free pasta before, so I'm not going to make excuses like, "Oh, it's okay, it's gluten-free." I have eaten very good gluten-free pastas, so there is no excuse. The way I've been talking about things today, I think this gets a three. (air whistles) I really don't want to eat anymore. I will say one thing about Trader Joe's. They are having fun.

This is the Uncured Pepperoni Pizza Mac and Cheese Bowl. Oh, it's stringing good and plentiful. Everything I taste is pepperoni, even in a non-pepperoni bite. The pepperoni is just the dominant flavor. But you won't hear me complain about that. And then only the sauce is good. It is not grainy. It's good and sticky. I like it. There's even a little bit of heat at the end of the tail. I'm just spreading a little something. Like a little ooh. Very, very easy. Very windy. Just seven minutes in heaven. (air whistles) It's a seven. (air whistles) Mushroom ravioli, which I would be surprised if it didn't have truffle oil in it, because it clearly smells like truffle oil.

Very soft. The pasta is falling apart. It definitely has that chemical truffle oil feel to it. What do you put in the pool? It has like a chlorine taste. The pasta is very soft. The flavor is really one note. I don't want to keep eating it, which I think puts it at a four. Next, the ricotta and spinach ravioli with tomato and basil sauce. Ah OK. What caught my attention immediately was the airplane food. Like, international economics. Oh, there's something so familiar about it that's so strange. The spinach is overwhelming, which I've never done, that's mostly what I try is spinach.

I don't taste basil at all. Tomatoes taste funny. The filling has a strange flavor. It just tastes weird. (air whistles) This is a three. I don't want any more of that inside me. (air whistling) Fettuccine Alfredo – One of my all-time favorite dishes. It looks as advertised. That, mm. This almost tastes like boxed fettuccine alfredo. It has very little cheese flavor. Just bored. This should be easy. This should be something great, but it isn't, so it will get a four. (air hissing) (air hissing) Asparagus risotto, I'll let you in on a little secret: this is not pasta and I don't fully understand why we're doing this.

It's also a sickly green. Split pea green baby vomit, but whatever. Yuck! The aftertaste is disgusting. I don't know what that is. Everything tastes like aspa, this tastes like asparagus. The color is really unpleasant and perhaps the most important thing is that it is not pasta, so (laughs) it will be one. Kendall got two... all they had. - risottos. Every risotto they had. You know, for a pasta episode. (the bag crumples) - Oh. - You know, we have to sharpen these knives. (Kendall and Andrew laugh) (whistles in the air) Oh, okay. (laughs) (whistles in the air) Stuffed gnocchi.

Who would have thought that man would live to see that day? He says to cook it with the sauce of your choice. He would probably he would do that, but we just want to review them exactly as they are. It's very slight. The texture of the gnocchi is much closer to the texture of traditionally good gnocchi, as opposed to gorgonzola gnocchi, which are super dense, chewy, and springy. They are tender without being too soft. They have a little aftertaste. The half-stuffing, while a technological marvel, doesn't do much on its own, and whatever sauce you put it in it will completely overpower.

In terms of flavor and texture, it is allied with the six, but it is so fun that they stuffed gnocchi. (air whistles) Alright, they get a seven. I complained about them a lot for a seven, but yeah, there it is. They are a seven. (air whistles) Penne arrabbiata, which means it should be spicy. Oh. Hmm. That is the best cooked pasta of the day. Super al dente. Exactly how I like it. Would I eat a whole plate of this? Probably. Not bad. It's just boring. I can't give it more than a six. Alright. Alright. What we have here is macaroni and cheese and hatch chili.

The sauce looks like it has a great texture. It is very elastic. It's really sticky. Smells good. I can smell the chillies, so we're off to a pretty good start. And I like salsa, but I never thought I'd say this. It's too Chilean. Actually, the only thing I try are the hatch chiles. It has that spicy canned hatch chile flavor. (sighs) It's not as good as I want it to be. (laughs) You know? Does that count for anything? It has some drawbacks, but for the most part, the texture and flavor are good. I think this deserves a seven.

He's just doing his job and doing it well. Next we have family style meat lasagna. Family style meat lasagna. Meat lasagna? What type? Don't worry about that. Stop asking so many questions. It makes you ugly. Let's try this. Let's see what all the fuss is about. I mean, very few complaints. Oh, there's ricotta. Damn! (air whistles) Ooh, I hate ricotta in lasagna! For a ricotta lasagna, not bad. It's surely crumbly, but it's not dry, which is actually the death knell of ricotta lasagna. I want to be generous and give him a six, but I don't see how he deserves it.

I just don't do it. That's a five. That's a five. I get no pleasure from eating this. I'm just eating it and it's good. (air whistles) Gnocchi cacio e pepe. This looks fantastic (bleep), if I'm honest. Very different gnocchi here. They're bigger, they're not manipulated, and the sauce looks crazy. It's very difficult to make a sauce, a cacio e pepe sauce like this in real life. (laughs) This is still real life, but you know what I mean. That's fabulous. These are simply gnocchi made with great skill. It's tender, but a little savory. I'd take it a little tastier personally, but it's objectively good and the sauce is fantastic.

It is thick, creamy and has a distinctive peppery and Romano flavor. That's it, and that's exactly what it's supposed to be. I may not have thought this was from a restaurant, but I certainly wouldn't have thought it came out of a frozen bag. It is very impressive. This will get you the first eight of the day. Congratulations. They are fiocchetti filled with cheese. Well cooked. Then it's okay. I don't get any of the cheese in the pasta. It's like a cream with a touch of tomato. It's basically pasta with cream, which sounds good, but very boring.

There's nothing wrong. There's nothing like, "Ew, ew, ew!" It's just boring. It's a six. It's better than average, but not by much. (air whistles) Gnocchi alla Romana. These are Roman-style gnocchi, which is a great thing. Nico correctly pointed out that it is not pasta. It's like, is this pasta? Hmm? Very tender. Hmm. OMG, it's so good. (laughs) It's so good. Oh man! It has a really great texture. It's tender, but really delicious. That is, you feel like your teeth sink into it without it bouncing, or being spongy, or anything like that. It just tastes like cream, cheese and nutmeg.

The nutmeg. I'm a crazy bitch! (plate clinking) (teeth clacking) (plate clinking) Nine. It's a nine. (air whistles) It simply exceeded my expectations of what a frozen pasta product could be like. All the flavors were there, the texture is there. The look is not there. That's literally why it doesn't get a 10. If it seemed cool, then we'd be having a different conversation right now. It's a nine. Wow. (air hissing) Frozen carbonara? The sauce looks thick and creamy. It doesn't look like egg at all. It looks white. - Oh no. You got lost? - In

every

direction imaginable.

Bacon tastes disgusting. It's really strange, but not cured. I don't know. It tastes like old pork. It tastes like, you know, if this was in the refrigerator and I was eating the leftovers. I'd be like, "Oh, no. I shouldn't eat that." The sauce is quite tasty. Surprisingly, the spaghetti is not overcooked. Man, I'd be dodging those chunks of pork like bullets. (air whistles) (edgy music) Ugh, I'm inclined to give it a four for the ham. It's the first unappetizing thing we've had today, where it's like, "Ugh." (air whistling) This is simply titled Garlic Pasta. That's his name.

That is your goal. Spaghetti is square in nature. It looks more like a ramen noodle or something. This looks like a repurposed noodle. And although I don't see it in the ingredients list, in the photo there are sesame seeds on Italian pasta. Very interesting. - I think I have an explanation. - Definitely not spaghetti. It's a kind of Asian noodle, right? Nico has informed me that this is an interpretation of a San Francisco fusion dish where the spaghetti is cooked or salt is added, salt to give it a ramen-like bounce, and they nailed it. It is very similar to ramen.

There is nothing about this pasta that is Italian. I'm not offended, I don't care, but why did you do it? You know, the only thing I don't like is that it reminds me of something I would have made on my hot plate in college. I'd say, "You know, soy sauce, garlic, and spaghetti probably work together." This is so strange. I'm having a hard time with this one. - Follow your instinct. - Follow my instinct. My gut said seven, but I don't feel good. So my gut says six. - And thenwhat does it say? - Oh, just (bleep) get out while you're ahead, Andy.

The texture of the pasta is spectacular. The flavor of the sauce is good. That's all about it. It's those two things, so it's amazing, well. Seven. (air whistles) (air whistles) Here we go, friends. We got sweet potato gnocchi in butter and sage sauce. They've really narrowed their sauce game down to one sauce, which is the science of sauces. Hmm. Too soft, but still good. It tastes like butter, cheese, and sage, and then you like the sweet potato gnocchi that has a decent texture. This is good. This belongs to the realm of seven. Surprisingly good. Very different.

Seven. (air whistles) Gnocchi alla sorrentina, or Sorrento gnocchi. Why do we call it Sorrento and they call it Sorrentina? Why are cities called other things in other languages? That makes no sense! Hmm. Hmm. Oh. These are the exact same gnocchi as gorgonzola gnocchi, so I like them, but they are super bouncy and stretchy. I like it. I like it. And it's in tomato and mozzarella sauce, which on paper sounds like "Huh?" but it totally works. Look at it. I'm hoping it's a lighter orange color because of the cheese. Do I like salsa better than gorgonzola sauce?

Yes. That, whatever it is, that's how I feel about it, I mean, it's kind of yes. What did I rate the gorgonzola gnocchi? - Seven. - Seven? I can't give it an eight. I can not do it. It's a seven. It's a seven. Slightly better. I'll say a little better, but that doesn't give you an eight, okay? (air whistles) Rigatoni alla contadina, which means peasant's rigatoni, and they are rigatoni with asparagus and broccoli. I don't know when asparagus and broccoli became peasant things! In cheese sauce? In creamy sauce. I don't know if it's boring or if I just want to die.

Asparagus is the only thing that really has flavor. I like nutmeg, but the sauce literally tastes more or less like milk. The pasta is very well cooked. It's so, so, so boring that it makes me militant. (water splashes) - I'm so sorry. I'm so thirsty! -Kendall is there doing our pissing ADR. (Kendall laughs) (Andrew claps) - What's the number, Andrew? - I don't know (bleep), Brad! I don't know. It is as if he were blind to taste and senses. - Would it help you if we stressed you out by doing a countdown? - Hmm. - Five four three two one. - 10!

It's a five. (air whistles) That's a five. (crew applauds) - Wow. (air whistles) - Spaghetti cacio e pepe. We've already seen that Trader Joe's is able to make an amazing cacio e pepe sauce right out of the bag, so I hope this is no exception. It is notable. In some ways it is better than gnocchi cacio e pepe because it is spicier. As if it had the sensation of heat. There is more pepper in this. And the cheese is even more pronounced. And even though I overcooked it, it's perfectly al dente. If anything, I'd say overcook it, because it's perfect.

It is indistinguishable from a homemade cacio e pepe and is better than gnocchi. More spicy. There is more pepper. It's exactly what I want in cacio e pepe. The sauce is spicy. It's creamy. Really cheese, Pecorino Romano ahead. I love it. I love it. I'm trying to find any difference between this and a cacio e pepe restaurant. Is awesome. It's a 10. (Kendall gasps) (air whistles) It's a 10. It's a perfect cacio e pepe. (air whistles) Here we are, friends. The first three. Spaghetti cacio e pepe, Roman style gnocchi and gnocchi cacio e pepe. Apparently I really like cacio e pepe, and I'm very, very impressed that they were able to make a really, really, really good one right out of a bag!

And also these Roman-style gnocchi were very well seasoned. The nutmeg was beautiful, the cheese was perfect, and the texture was just mwah! And, fittingly, there are eight, nine and for the first time a 10! I've never given it a 10 in my four episodes doing this, and rightfully so, because I couldn't find anything wrong with this. It was perfectly cooked, perfectly seasoned. The sauce was super creamy and sticky. The pepper was spicy and the cheese was spicy. It was perfect, except for the fact that I now see that there were apparently three servings in this thing. Thank you so much for joining us and let me know what you want in the comments.

Just say what you want. Just say anything. (laughs) Just write. Just place your elbows on the keyboard and press Enter and call it a day. Thank you. (proud music)