Trump Vows to Free January 6 Rioters, Robert Hur Testifies Before Congress | The Tonight Show

-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show." Are you here. You did it. Thanks for watching. Well, guys, it's officially that time of year: Spring Break is here. Right now, all the college kids are like, "Okay, I'm just studying for St. Patrick's Day. That's okay." Yes, spring break can get pretty wild right now. In every bar in Florida there are about 1,000 people dressed like John Cena at the Oscars. This week, Florida is a lot like the Oscars. Everyone is naked like John Cena or 80 years old and confused like Al Pacino. It's very interesting. Well, speaking of confused 80-year-olds, President Biden is still making the news.

Today, special counsel Robert Hur, the man who investigated Biden's handling of classified documents and called him "a well-intentioned man with a bad memory," testified before Congress. Democrats said, "Well, those five days of State of the Union momentum were fun while they lasted. Uh, that went by fast." Meanwhile, ahead of his testimony, the Justice Department released the full transcript of Hur's five-hour interview with Biden. It was quite surprising. Biden's interview lasted five hours. But Hur only asked one question, so it's very interesting. Well. That sounds good. That's right, five hours of Biden speaking or, as his grandchildren call it, a voicemail.

Yes, today, Robert Hur testified about his investigation into Biden's handling of classified documents. Needless to say, things got a little confusing. This is Robert Hur, who described President Biden as a sympathetic, well-intentioned old man with a bad memory. When Biden heard that, he said, "Wow, I can't believe he said that." To which Attorney General Merrick Garland said, "You mean him?" To which Biden said: "Him? I thought you said she." Then Hur said, "Yes, that's me, sir. I'm Hur." To which... To which Biden said, "So who is she?" To which Hur said, "That's special prosecutor Christina Hoffman.

I hired her." Then Biden said, "You hired yourself? That's great, Jack." Then Garland said, "No, sir, I hired Hur." Then Biden said, "So who hired him?" At that moment, Hur said, "Sir. I am Hur. This is she. He hired me. And I hired her." At that point, Biden said, "Come on, man, I'm just an old man with a bad memory." Alright? Come on. Who is crazy? Some more political news: Former President Trump just promised that, if he is re-elected, one of his first acts as president would be to release the January 6 defendants. Stores selling antlers and bear spray said, "We're back, baby!

Oh yeah!" Yeah, if he wants to

free

them all from jail, isn't it cool when your big ideas coincide with the Joker's. Meanwhile, Trump is currently trying to delay his hush money trial against Stormy Daniels until the Supreme Court decides whether he has full immunity. Trump issued a statement. He said: "This case doesn't hold up. I see it completely falling apart." Then Boeing said, "Are you completely falling apart? Join the club, buddy." Then Trump said, "This is all a crazy conspiracy that is distracting the entire world." Then the royal family said: "A crazy conspiracy that is distracting the entire world?

Join the club, friend." Then Trump said, "My lawyers are pathetic idiots who won't get a dime from me." Then Eric and Don Jr. said, "Pathetic idiots who won't get a dime from you? Join the club, buddy." Then Trump said, "I'm sick of all this. Sometimes I just want to go rogue and do my thing." Then Al Pacino at the Oscars said, "Go rogue and do your thing? My eyes see... join the club, buddy." Finally, Trump said, "This process should be brief and uneventful." Then Stormy Daniels said, "Brief and uneventful? Join the club, buddy." Join the club, friend!

Well, guys, listen to this. I read that Trump asked Elon Musk if he wanted to buy Truth Social, and Elon said, "That's really funny. I was going to ask you if you wanted to buy Twitter." That's all. Some business news: Following its success selling gold bars, Costco now sells $680 silver coins. Even crazier, Wells Fargo now sells five-gallon tubs of cheese balls. Well, understand this. Johnsonville recalled more than 35,000 pounds of hot dogs after finding pieces of rubber in the meat. At first, Johnsonville tried to cover it up by saying it was part of their new line of "all-weather sausages." Well, this is crazy.

A 26-year-old had just finished walking across the country, from Washington state to Washington, D.C. He saw what was happening with the planes on the news and said, "You know, I'm just going to walk. It doesn't matter." And finally, a woman in Missouri won the lottery after playing the same numbers for 40 years. So, good news: With earnings, you could almost break even. And we have a great

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Patrick's Day sweatshirts are officially on sale. So if you want to get one before St. Patrick's Day, head to the NBC Studios store in Midtown Manhattan or go online at TheShopAtNBCStudios.com. And the NBC store said today that they will open early on Saturday. So if you want to stop by before you go to the parade, buy a sweatshirt. Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone. What a show we have for you

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. She is an Emmy and Grammy-winning singer and talk show host. She is an NFL legend, two-time Super Bowl champion and an Emmy-winning sportscaster. Kelly Clarkson, Peyton Manning and Mike Tirico are here

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What is happening? What are they going to talk about? Something big... something big is happening. Additionally, he stars in the new movie "Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire," which will be in theaters and IMAX on March 22. Carrie Coon is here tonight. "Golden Age" too. And we got great stand-ups. One of my favorites, Katherine Blanford, is here tonight. Fun show. Guys, I know a lot of people find math boring and, well, that's why we updated the math so that the equations are about things you can relate to. It's time for popular mathematics. Check it out. -♪ Popular Math, Math ♪ -Let's take a look at our first equation here.

If you take Guy Fieri plus Post Malone, he equals Weird Barbie. Do you see what I'm saying? You get the idea. It's mathematics. Here's another one here. Eggos plus syrup plus CFU equals Waffle House. So, you see... It gets a little noisy. If you take Dave Grohl plus "Ghostbusters" minus the ghosts, it equals Dave & Buster. I love that place. Here's another one. Trying mushrooms for the first time plus a tuxedo is equivalent to Cillian Murphy winning an Oscar. If you take Venmo plus your one annoying friend, he equals Zelle. She only gets Venmo. Here's another one: The Republican Party plus a red light, plus a shared Google Doc plus an audiobook equals "Alright...stop!

Collaborate and listen!" Hey, here's another one. Uh, Ken Jennings minus Jennings equals "I'm just Ken." And finally, if you take Lorax plus 10 shots of tequila, he equals Gritty. There you go. That's all the time we have for Popular Mathematics.