Ein Jahr Ukraine-Krieg: Im Osten nichts Neues (mit Oliver Kalkofe) | extra 3 | NDR

Exactly one year ago today everyone said: "Putin will never invade Ukraine in his life. He won't, he's not that crazy." And a year ago tomorrow everyone was like, "Oh, shit. He's so crazy." This terrible war has been going on for a year. A war that changed many things. Toni Hofreiter was a mercurial pacifist a year ago. Today he feels like a Bundeswehr general. Robert Habeck went for a walk in the marshes a year ago. Shortly afterward he became a servant in Qatar. Christian Lindner was the nation's saving grace. He today distributes special assets. Olaf Scholz - here a year ago.

And that's him today. Craziness. Whats Next? The Foreign Minister is not optimistic about the future. 360 degrees, then he would have turned in a circle. You can get confused there. But it's crazy: the president of the United States was on Monday where Putin would have wanted to be a year ago: in kyiv. Biden's visit was quite a coup. He arrived secretly. By plane to Germany, refueling in Ramstein. Then by plane to Poland and by train to kyiv. Why not take the train directly from Germany to kyiv? It was an option, but the CIA could not decode the German tariff system.

For the first time, an American president found himself in a war zone that was not occupied by American troops. A strong signal for Putin: the West is on Ukraine's side. Putin had to react to this. That's why he suspended the last remaining nuclear disarmament treaty. And he delivered his speech to the nation on Tuesday. He was standing in front of a lectern where he looked even smaller than he already was. He stood there with a suitcase full of lies and cursed the evil West. Nothing new, nothing you haven't heard from him several times before. The speech was extremely boring, the jokes were predictable.

Like a tearful speech on Shrove Tuesday. We are not waging a war against the Ukrainian people. *Tush* They started this war, we are just using our power to stop the war. *Tush* We will never be like the kyiv regime and the Western elites with their witch hunt. * Upbeat brass music * For a year people speculated: What does Putin want, what does Putin plan? People who had read up to two books on the subject became experts. I would like to praise my favorite Putin expert: Oliver Kalkofe. Well, how to explain Putin's war? Let's start from the beginning. What kind of man is this who acts as Russia's answer to Chuck Norris?

You already know: when Putin puts his hand in the socket, the electricity is shocked. That was ironic, Rumpelstiltskin! That's pretty compulsive! Without rest, he has to show the world how great he is, with the toughness of a martial artist and the elegance of an ice skater. But of course, he also has a soft side. Look how good he is with animals. Absolutely sweet when you hug the puppies and scratch their pussies. With the German Leopard 1. Visiting NDR, oh! Or like the Russian Nils Holgersson flying with cranes. While he eats with pinball machines. Kissing with the fighting dog Igor, hugging with the lapdog Gerd.

Animals are simply kind and obey. If not, he will also find a solution. To me, these all seem like signs of a personality disorder that even the most inept amateur psychologist could decode. Salmon ascend the Volga to spawn and die. But has anyone in the wild animal kingdom ever dared to ask why the loudest fake machos and gay haters are the ones who reenact "Brokeback Mountain" not just at the carnival? It is a well-known fact that whoever constantly puts on such a clumsy, super-macker show and, as a 70-year-old statesman, appears in public without clothes more often than the RTL2 guys from "Love Island", usually just hides. his inferiority complex.

We know it from the western highway. But it is harder to get thick cars than new military coffins due to sanctions in Russia. There needs to be an eye-catching conference table that is longer than an ICE train car. Because he is supposed to tell us: Less is not possible, otherwise my penis won't fit underneath. However, as everywhere, what is translated means: the longer, the shorter. The question remains: What does a 70-year-old man full of complexes do to be happy when he already has everything? Except for the slightest hint of humanity. Ukraine would be really nice, that's what the pensioner thought.

And since Grandpa doesn't know anything to say except about the war, he starts one himself so that people will listen to it again. You could almost laugh at this embarrassing caricature of narcissism. If only tens of thousands of people didn't have to suffer and die because of this mentally ill megalomaniac. So, Putin, don't make yourself smaller than you already are. Follow greats like Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Darth Vader and conquer space! He builds a Death Star out of testosterone and takes back the moon. The American flag is still there, full of provocation! The main thing is to do it quickly and far, so in the end we will all respect you.

Good flight!