The Best of Leslie Knope | Parks and Recreation | Comedy Bites

so Wyatt hello hello Leslie, it's good to see you, you're really burning up. Can I get some money for the taxi I took here? Please make sure how much. I'm not sure. I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphs on it. I know the exchange rate, so should we do this? Oh boy, wait, be careful what the floor and wall just changed. Okay, walk very carefully. You know, I find it a little insulting that you don't trust me to handle this. I do not trust. You're okay, this Harvest Festival is my project, my career is on the line and I just need to make sure I've done everything I can to make it work.

Okay, it's show time. Good night all. I'm Leslie Monster and this is Nightline. I think I should take you to the hospital if I was wearing a tiara when I came in here because if you find it you have Lady Penny Face get it back and mail it in so Tammy Tammy Ronnie what's going on welcome to the Battle Royale right here. Right now Operation Falcon is in its final stages. It's time to resolve this. An old-fashioned prairie drink. God, what's in that jar? It smells like jet fuel. It's the Swanson family's mash liquor, made with the finest corn ever grown on American soil.

It is for legal use only. It's removing the varnish from the speedboats if you neigh all yours and if I win I'll bring it back to the farm forever what wasn't the deal port I'm thirsty pour me one too and then let me in here I'll join you and if I win Ron stays here with us Leslie no, don't drink we use it to burn off the warts from the Mules' poison oh, I made a mistake, I made a mistake Edna, this diluted baby formula not even close, not even close Marvin clones Glenn Close Leslie you don't have to do this go to bed Jimmy Wow I can't feel my face my face is numb yeah mom you're going back to the farm and you hmm you're going back to hell Okay anyway I got what I came for .

I found your underground safe. I stole half of your gold which is decoy gold. You think I would leave my gold in a locked safe underground where anyone could find it. You don't know me at all. Yes. Did I know you the moment you were born? I intend to be there the moment you die. Your family is strange. I hate being here. This place is evil. I think these are the only two movies that say Sweetums on the label. Yeah well let's take both with my friend, something interesting here, just stick them under my shirt, I'll just walk out, they have sensors, just check them out, it's free, hey Marcy Leslie, aren't they finally teaching you to read at the park people?

Oh, I guess not, tamam fee, you're pretty. Cocky for someone whose work is outdated due to the internet hmm, it looks like you have a $40 late fee on a book called The Mysteries of the Female Orgasm. No, no, yes, you have it. I just want to check one last time that you're okay. about this date with Mark, oh my gosh, I'm so fine with that and seriously, it's fine as long as you and I are fine, you know, my code hos before Bros, the uterus is before, Teresa got it, ovaries before ovaries hmm, middle of the ship, food, coffee, look.

I know you're saying you're okay with it but I've been in this position before and I had a friend who dated an ex and I told him I was okay but I actually wasn't, it was a little weird but the thing This Mark He's not my ex. You know we slept together six years ago. Anyway, I'm either over it or I'm just kidding. Hey Leslie, what are you doing here? Why are you sleeping? I just thought you might want to do it. talk more about all the crazy things that are happening. Yes, I really do. Thanks, yeah, I'll just say I'm a little tired, okay, so I might have parked in your front yard.

Oh, you did it. I did hmm Leslie and I had an amazing Chat, it was great of her to come here even though she was incredibly exhausted anyway after we talked she fell asleep on my couch and has been asleep for 22 hours. It's amazing how much she slept in one moment. I thought she was awake. : hey hey but then she went back to sleep I've been monitoring her vital signs she's totally fine I love her so much but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face even though I haven't worked with you professionally as a private citizen I've personally sponsored each and every one of your establishments.

I've never seen you buy a salad it's a salad it's because I don't hate myself Tanya I'm sorry I know I should go after your vote but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other unpleasant things and I think I have a lot of support in the community for that look, We will be here for ten hours, we could talk about our problems and solve them or we can just sit here. Do nothing I choose, sit here, come on Ron, why don't we shoot him? Ron, sit here. I bet I can make you talk.

I'll take that bet at any price for any amount of money for any period of time stretching from now to infinity, talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, okay, one word and it's over. I think wood is stupid, just like everyone else. Ron loves plastic. Last chance. Ron. You want to talk. Huh, huh? Jackpot, what is this? Ron, this is a mix. made for the 2007 summer barbecue in the

parks

. I asked everyone in the

parks

department to pick a song that you picked, man, by Willie Nelson. A fact that I remember because my mind is a steel trap of friendship nuggets, but I am NOT going to touch your choice.

I'm going to interpret Jerry's choice, that's what, and I'm going to sing and maintain eye contact the entire time. Harry Truman was the boy America, Red China, all the countries, other people, they are all funny, Joe Montaigne, emic, Ellen, I have to buy a new toaster. This is amazing, you are so stupid jumping up and down. Oh, Pete Marra, you won't hear it again or want to talk. No, okay, okay, this is the situation. Your parents went on vacation for a week. They left the keys to the new Porsche. Okay, mine. Well, of course not. I'll try it out a little and maybe show it to the couple of friends.

I'll just walk around the neighborhood. You shouldn't, yes, of course, you should pay attention. Here is the crux of the plot. It was all the way to the corner at the end of my block when I saw this beautiful girl walking and I grabbed my car phone to act like she was talking. The sunroof was open, the music was loud, and that girl's hand was constantly moving up. I thought I had opened three buttons on a shirt so far. I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car. I can not believe it. I made a mistake.

My parents are the same no matter the time or place. So to all of you kids across the country. There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand something I know, so what's wrong? Someone's on fire and the Rams in the park need you to come down immediately, oh my God, they're all in and to the cab, Tom to the trunk, Jerry's on the roof, okay, you first, mouse, but you