French Highschooler teaches us to speak REAL French!

Hello, I'm josh. I'm Ollie. Wow! Alors! Oh la La! There are some of us here! He actually

speak

s French! *Vaguely French noises* Why is it open? It arrives in French! Oh my God! Well! We are ready. Oh, that's some strong-smelling cheese! Welcome, Armand! Hold on! Armand here, I mean, confusingly, has talked a lot about Korean Englishes when he was a British high school student, but as far as I know, you're British and French? Both of my parents are French, but I was born here and have always been in the English education system. And now you also have a British passport.

Now I do! But do you feel more English or more French? Oh wow, deeper and deeper. Blood? I feel French, and in terms of family, I feel

real

ly French, but in terms of the person I am, I think I'm a little more English. I have an identity crisis because of that. Wow! I identify with that. Yes, I feel a little bad. Yeah, as soon as you asked that... I thought, great, ask the TCK about their national identity. Tucked in. We've done this because we recently did a French series, right? We went to Paris. And you texted me after we uploaded every episode saying, basically, how dare you?

This is a disaster. And then at some point you said, "I can teach you." Absolutely. And then I was like, okay. Ollie obviously puts in a lot of effort. It's true, I like the effort. Je m'appelle! I like the effort. The first thing I would say is that 45% of the words in English have French or Latin origins. That's around 1066, William the Conqueror and all that. Oh la La! That's another thing I wanted to say, a clarification. Sacred blue! I want... exactly, the two, look, look, look, the two on my list. Oh wait, what? Did you write them down? "Sacred blue.

Oh la la. Never said." “Holy blue. Oh la La. Never said." Yes, I saw the series... No Frenchman says Sacré bleu. I don't think I've heard anyone say it except you, Ollie. No Frenchman says sacré bleu. I don't even know what it means. What does it mean? I don't even know what it means. Sacred blue. Yes. Which means nothing. I would never say that. It would be strange to say that, yes. And also, 'oo-la-la'. Every Englishman thinks the French say "Oo-la-la." We don't say "Oo-la-la", we say "a là là". 'A là là'. 'A là là'.

Or 'oh là là'. 'Oh la La'. Not 'oo-la-la'. 'Oo-la-la' sounds too crazy. What about 'o-la-lor'? No. 'O-la-lor'... It's okay. Hear. I

real

ly need some wine. 'Oh la La'. "Oo-la-la" - that's never said. What does “rien” mean? Never. Nothing. Well. Nothing. This will be a long French lesson. Enchanté…et…santé! Sainte! Enchanted and holy! It's noon somewhere... ...here. Yes, it's noon here! No, we're just before lunch, it's... C'est l'heure de l'apéritif. You'll be in the living room... Okay. For the aperitif. Yes. Then you go to the dining room to enjoy the main course, main course, cheese and dessert.

And then that's done for dinner, and then you go back to the living room... Yes, Le salon... To have your digestive. The Rennie. And actually, digestive would be… Le Peptobismol. Oh dear sir. Well. Alright. Well. So let's teach you some French. Yes. On the table! Try saying these words, are you ready? Well. Yes. This one. “Pamplemousse” What do you think it means? Grapefruit. Yeah! Yes I know. I know that! I feel like he said that in France. I mean, that's a funny word. Pampulmoose. No. “Pamplemousse.” Pampelmoose. What are you doing with your tongue? That's what they say, right?

How would you say it? You say pomp-le-mousse. Oh, pomp-le-mousse. Here we go! Pomp-le-mousse. That's even better! That's even better. Pomp-le-mousse. Pomp-le-mousse. What's wrong with this word? He definitely looks like Voldemort. No. Vack-ay-mon? Are you ready? Three… two… Well, no. I mean, was Josh right? Absolutely not. I feel like I have the least knowledge. Yes Yes. He is good. So I'll answer you and then you can try to correct me. And in the words of Napoleon: “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” I think you mean Na-po-leorn. Napoleon. Damn! You just fooled me again!

Sacred blue! No! Alright. “Vash-e-mon”! Oh! Yes, Vachement. We use "vachement" for "very." “Le vin est vachement bon.” Well. "Is very good." Very good. I understand. Oh, he's as good as a cow. It's tremendously good. What is cowly? What does that mean? - Like a cow. - Nothing, it's just the translation. Well well. Well, this word. Proto. Prut. Prewt. Protota? Process? Proud? Proof? “Prut.” What does that mean, prude? It means fart. Fart? Why is that funny? Because it's funny? It is funny. It is funny. Learning the world for farts in other languages. I have never seen Armand happier than I see him now.

He just made me say fart over and over again. Do you know what it is in Korean? Bangu. Bangu? Yes. Bangú. Korean fart! It is also surprisingly similar to English. Yes. Yes. Faaaaart. Sooooooooo! Wow, I'm so glad I included you, because this is essential stuff. Now you know what to do if you are lost in Paris. Yes, exactly. That? Excuse me, je voudrais une prutte! And a pamplemousse! I need a fart and a grapefruit! It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. - This is the last one. - Buff. Yes friend. This is slang, right? Ah, boof! No, it is not.

Well. You would use it if you really don't care. Let's use the example of wine. How is the wine? Buff. It's not that good, okay. Comme ci, comme ça. Comme ci, comme ça. But we don't actually use comme ci, comme ça in French. I remember saying that many times in French lesson. There were so many English people when I was in French class... It's because in our French oral exam, you can basically answer any question with comme ci, comme ça. Then you get to a point where you think, I have no idea what they're saying, and you say, "Ah, comme ci, comme ça!" And then they say, "Oh!" I got an A in French!

No way. At GGSE. I was predicted a D by Miss Scudie, who didn't like me because I started out with the nickname "The Scud Missile." Wow! If she's watching, do you want to apologize now? This is your opportunity in French. Madame Scudie… Madame Scudie… Je suis… …sincèrement… …désolé. And how do you say “but… you predicted me a D and I got an A”? Arrest! Let's do this, this is going to be a massacre. Yeah, what the hell is that? Open…every…brantesque. Oh! Abracadabrantesque? It means absurd, like exaggerated. Oh! "Abracadabrantesco." Abracadabrantesco. That's an amazing word.

It's a great word. That is awesome. Abracadabrantesque! Yes. Obviously I can do an imitation of French without

speak

ing French. Like, *nonsensical French noises* OK… What's the voice? What is the voice? It's French! It's French. How does English sound? So, the stereotype is posh English. OK. OK. *Elegant English noises* That kind of voice? Yes, exactly. Very good. Very good?! Yes, exactly. Roast meat. It's like you're trying to get a bump out! I'm glad I taught you that word. I'm not happy. Are there any key phrases that you think would really help us get ahead? I can say something like: “Je m'appelle Ollie.

Je voudrais une proutée." Est-ce que vous avez…? So this is the question, right? You go to Paris and now what will often happen is that you will have English people who try to speak French, and they try and make it very long, of course, and shows off his skills, whereas a French person would just say... "Un croissant s'il vous plait." Simple, because we wouldn't go to Greggs and say, "Please, would you serve me a. .."No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please don't do that. That was a key mistake. Wait, okay, if someone visits France for the first time, I think they should go to Paris. ...I'm kind of...

Oh my god, what? He's ripping off the cheese! We don't actually have a knife. Isn't that how you do it? how to cut it. You would never cut the top off. You should always take a little bit and keep it diagonal. Oh wow, sacrilege. You basically don't want the last person to end up with it, right. ? Easy What? Did you just cut it like a pizza? Oh great! Alright, we should probably get this over with, huh? I definitely feel ready to return. I feel like the only thing I learned is pamplemousse and prout. That could probably get you out of a couple of tight spots.

Well, yes, you make them laugh. Congratulations to everyone watching. Now you speak French-, uh...French fluently. Fluent in France! I almost said I speak France fluently! Oh dear sir. Thanks, Armand. No problem. Is there anything you want to say to people who are thinking about going to France? I think we also have to keep in mind that France is much more than just Paris. And actually, the French are nice. Are. OK. Yes, well, you are very kind. - Yeah? - Yes you are. Thank you. Maybe when you get back from university, you can take us on a tour outside of Paris.

I would take you to explore Brittany, which is my home. I'd be up for that! Well, let us know if you want to see that in the comments. Do we check out in French? - Oh yeah! - OK. How do we do that? What do you mean in English? "See you JOLLY soon." "Jolie" is like "pretty." OK. So maybe if we translate it, we could say it means "very soon." OK! Ok, so, "être JOLIE vite?" "A JOLIE invitation." An invitation from JOLIE. An invitation from JOLIE. Okay, but it's not French. I'm sorry to all the French people who are getting very angry.

To conclude our French lesson… Yes. A JOLIE invitation! A JOLIE invitation! A JOLIE invitation! Not French. That was absolute carnage. Sacrilege! Sacrilege. Sacrilege.