DIVORCE COURT Full Episode: Enot vs. LaFleur

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I am here because I am looking for a commitment from Al. I am 22 years old and I am ready to get married. I've been writing for as long as I can remember and I love it. Al is always obsessed with his novel, he constantly writes about his novel and I feel like I always arrive second. I'm doing something I love to do and that's the only thing that matters to me. I think she could support that and eventually be a good wife in that, if Al doesn't change, I'm ready to end this chapter, I'm ready to get married and I'm ready for more commitment from him,

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already is in session, good morning, ladies. and gentlemen I am here with Haley

enot

and Alfred laflor you two have been together for four years you are living together this case is designated as a dissolution of cohabitation which means you are living together but you would like to separate but I really don't think that is what you are happening here.

Miss Enan is here to convince you to marry her. That's exactly what's happening here. It is not like this? If you listen. I read the documents. I know. What's going on? You guys did a compatibility test, which was very interesting. I appreciated the fact that you're a writer, Mr. Lefl, because usually when guys take my compatibility test, they give me one-word answers and you know, yeah, I just appreciate that. I appreciate it. Miss Enot, I'm going to start with you, why don't you tell me a little about your relationship and why you think it needs a push towards the altar?

So, we've been dating for four and a half years. and you're 22, right, yeah, about 23, yeah, 22, oh, 22, 22, okay, I'm about to turn 23 and we've been to a couple of weddings in the last two years and two years ago we attended a wedding and I was a bridesmaid at it. and Al gave the hint that we were like after the wedding, he was saying, you know, I can't wait for this day to come for us someday, so I was thinking since we moved here two months later, I was like oh , maybe that's going to be in our near future and it hasn't happened after two years and I just feel like you don't want that at all anymore, okay Mr.

Delfor, why don't you respond to that? It's something you see. In your future she would be the woman for you, of course. I've been together four years. I wouldn't still be with her if I didn't intend to marry her as if marriage was very important. For me, but I think there are bigger issues with B than just hey, we should get married and why haven't you asked the question? Okay, explain what you think the problems are for me. What is more important? The most important thing in a relationship is. Both people are happy doing what they do and a lot of happiness comes from a happy relationship and marriage, but that shouldn't be the only thing: being codependent on your spouse, you have to have something that drives you and that you're passionate about. and I think both people should be able to do what they are passionate about and support each other.

It shouldn't just be about getting married, getting married, I definitely have to give you a job because I tried to tell people that. All the time no one wants to listen to me, why don't you tell me what's bothering you? The common goals and directions that you think you haven't set, making you reflect on marriage. Well, look, I absolutely love Haley. until death and we have been dating for four years, like I said, you know, I have never met a woman like her, I never will and I admit that, but the most important thing for me is that she has always been very supportive of me.

Her career as a writer has been incredible. I just sometimes wonder if there's that voice in the back of your head that says if things don't work out, we'll just get a job and have a big house and, you know, a fence. and it's not like that, but that's in my mind who I am and I don't want that like I I want to chase a dream I want I want to write he's worried that if he ends up being an impoverished writer, right? Don't worry, he's fine with being an impoverished writer. I'm being honest. I'm telling you right now.

I will do it until the day I die whether I succeed or not. And he thinks you don't agree. with that and I'm worried that his marriage will die based on it. I don't agree with that at all. I have supported his writings even when we did not live in Los Angeles and now I support them even here. Still, and I've repeatedly shown that I support it, but at this point it's like I feel like you always choose writing over me. I'm always in second place, like we're always late everywhere because you have to write and it's something like that. simple like you know these plans, okay we have plans and then you just abandon them completely because you have to finish this note and it's like I understand that, like you have these ideas, but it's always writing, always writing, like I feel like We're not even a couple anymore so Mr.

FL, would you mind answering that? Yes, I just was. I mean, this is a common thing that comes up and I think in any relationship, but it's like there's a breakdown in communication, it's not. that my writing is more important than her is that since I know what I am passionate about the only thing I spend my time doing in life I am a bartender I serve I spend time and money on us doing things which is incredible we have a great time and then, Any other free time I have is spent writing, that's all. I don't have a great social life.

I'm okay with that because I love writing, so I feel guilty every time I really want to get into the swing of writing. or if I'm trying to be like you, it takes a lot if you don't. Comfort, do you understand the nature of the writing process? It's not like 9 to 5 or you know a lawyer's or a doctor's schedule where you can set them up and finish at a certain time the writers have to be able to oh, sometimes they're on the beat when they're rolling and you can't, you know Hemingway, you know they can oh well who the bell rings for, well and You never get the Tes, you know what I'm saying, had to read the whole meditation 17 before I got to that, so what I'm trying to tell you is you understand that The nature of your profession cannot be limited by time.

Do you understand that yes? I get it, but it's been like four and a half years since you've been writing this book and I feel like I'm giving you enough time, but if you need more time, you need to express it instead of just sitting there. there and be like when we're having a conversation, run up to his computer and start typing things like that is like disrespectful in my sense that he's not paying like when I talk to you, so you're like, oh, how's your mind? ? like in the book right now when you should be talking to me like oh let me tell you how it happens I'm scared like if I propose to you tomorrow and I'm like hey let's get married then you're going to change because now You have this power over me and you're going to change and be like H and then little by little, over time, it'll be like, hey, you know how about we do something realistic?

I'm just questioning the commitment of it, like yeah, you. Love me, but I really don't think there will ever be a commitment on your part. Let me tell you something. I'm not Hemingway, I'm not Myangelo, nothing like that, but I've written a couple of books and I've been talking to my husband, he said something I like, yeah, and I get up, I had a thought and then I go when you have a thought because they don't stay long, especially when you're my age, you have to understand it well. When he's there and you have to move on, yeah, he understands what I had.

Sometimes I had an idea in the middle of the night. I wake up, hey, and I'm not even very good at it, so you know, I mean. okay, but if you don't write it down, it goes away, you don't write it down, it goes away, let me ask you your question, lady, is there something in your environment that fosters the urgency that you feel about the need to commit because you are just? 22 and 22 is very very young I'm not asking him to marry me like tomorrow could be in a couple of years I'm just asking him for a commitment whether it's just a ring or just something you like tell me you'll still be there tomorrow or in a couple weeks, I mean, we come from the Midwest, so I feel like where I grew up, all my friends are getting married right now, like my mom got married young. her brothers got married where are you from I'm from Ohio I'm from Ohio I'm from Ohio I also represent there we go where in Ohio um Canton oh okay I'm I'm I'm Columbus that Cleveland we must I've been running with a different group of people.

I got married at 29 and you know, they always call me kogin of love because I don't believe in young love. I mean, I believe in young love, but young marriage is often a scary thing. The person I was at 22, woohoo, you know what I mean and do you have a game plan besides being with him? What is your future? It seems that heaven forbid. This handsome guy gets hit by a bus. He has left. What is your game plan? I'm in graduate school right now, like I just started counseling and that's like my career is what I love.

I moved here because I was studying criminal justice and I wanted to go straight into that and then I changed it. I wanted to go to elementary school and change it to counseling, so that's like my everything, so you're focused on something, you have something, are you prepared to be the primary breadwinner in this relationship? I feel like that's how it's going to be, yeah, and you're okay with that, I mean, I thought he'd contribute at least something, yeah, I mean, I don't think it's 50/50 the way I see it, if I can. give more, I will like it, no.

I'm just going to be uh, I'm not going to be a bum sitting at home, right? You know what I mean? I'm still working right now and writing and networking and taking classes doing everything I can to write my my my The biggest problem with this is that, and I'm not saying that the sanctity of marriage is a beautiful thing, but why not I understand why that's the only thing that drives her and then, honestly, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, if I propose to you tomorrow and say, hey, let's get married, then you're going to change because now you have this power over me and you're going to change and be like uh and then Little by little, over time, it'll be like: Hey, you know how about we do something realistic?

What did you say? He's changed in that aspect because I think if you had asked him two years ago, that's what it was about, getting married and everything. those things before and after now it's a little different I've never been into it like two years ago you love it now as much as I always have but I've always said like I know I don't understand I'm not questioning that I'm just saying I'm just questioning the commitment of this , like yeah, you love me, but I really don't think there's ever a commitment on your part like I want, let's live together, we have.

How long have you been living together? How long have you been living together? Two years, two years and you think there's a change in that commitment drive in that 2 year Mark. I don't think he just thinks there are things he does. just show me that he has commitment issues and at this point, name some of them, okay, so he's never on time, like we never get anywhere on time, he's never on time for anything, like we don't even could even get up. in the morning like I have to be the one to wake him up like it's his wake up call every day like he doesn't have me like I'm late everywhere like I'm surprised you're here this morning H That's what I'm saying , the cheap shot is necessary and it has to do with his inability to commit, like he can't even commit at a certain moment, for example, and like you know, it's like you can't.

Commit to the time, I get it like not everyone is on time everywhere, but if it's every time, it just gets frustrating over time, like always being late and then it's like, oh, where's Al today? Oh, I don't know what he's supposed to be in. here and he is not a personality Quirk who is not commitment phobic what else has changed give me something else that makes me think that his idea about your commitment has changed and I'm going to give you a moment to think about it because I want it to be good What scared me for you miss is not that I asked you if you could change one thing about your intention, what would it be? you said it would change her mind about not wanting to live a simple married life here's the worry I often have for women Do you think Haley should keep waiting for Al to propose?

Tell us what you think on facebook.com/ Divorce Court Divorce Court will be back shortly if you would like your case to be heard in Divorce Court call us - toll free on 1 1877 31122 22 or log on to our website at divorcecourt.com follow us on Facebook Twitter and Instagram in cordon divorce What changed? That made you think that he now has a commitment phobia. It's like I feel like I'm at this wedding. So, I felt like at that moment he was like, oh, let us know, like he wants to marry you, you know, not like in the next year, but I always had the idea that that's how it would be. be like something that so soon it was justasking the question and like we went on trips where I felt like he was going to do it and then just like nothing happened and I mean we took a trip like 6 months ago and I feel like it's been awkward since that, oh you, you continued. trip and you thought I was going to ask the question during the trip if he was dropping hints or something like before, yeah, we went to a wedding in December and now you're not there, you're not therehanging, right?

I'm not kidding her. I'm not hanging up. I'm not like it's not you, not necessarily on purpose, but are there things you're doing that could be misinterpreted by a wedding-starved woman? Are you about to make that move? Think about it. I'm a passionate person as I am, I'm a hopeless romantic, she knows that about me, but I feel like I've always made it clear that we, I mean, she's 22, that's my big thing. I told him this before and last year. I've been like you love me, I love you, but beyond me, who knows who she'll be like in two or three years, like me.

I changed a lot from 22 to 27 and I know that women generally mature more than men, but I consider myself a fairly mature person for being 27 years old. I think she will continue to change as she matures into the woman that she will become and we all know that, so I don't know, it's early, let me tell you how scary it is. and I would let myself tell you the most terrifying thing I saw in the compatibility test. Well, no, first I'm going to start with the most beautiful thing. Okay, you said in your compatibility test. I know why you love it.

This is what I will give you. He and my fiancé said: an adventurous, unpredictable, fun, loving partnership that will last a lifetime. Guys usually write my love and all my support and that's all they get. So I asked the question: do you think a man should be the head of the family? and my man here said that a society should be a society, this is not 1950. I dove into that, that's what scared me, because you, miss, it's not that I asked you if you could change one thing about your intention, what would I do? Remember what you said, there were a couple of things, yes, you said it would change his mind about not wanting to live a simple married life.

This is the concern I often have for women, they think they have a plan for their life, they find a guy they love and they want to be part of that plan and if their management wants it, their determination is not the same as the yours, you think you can fix it and redirect it later and I think that's what worries me and gives me pause and I might know what's giving Mr. Leaf Flur pause. I think he sees what you really want and I'm not sure he's entirely sure he can give it to you. Do you understand what I'm saying?

I always recommend young women not to do it. You don't move in with a guy, I don't think so, he's very excited to get you, move in together now, you don't see as much commitment, you live your life, you take care of yourself. In the business you grow, you become confident and focused and he's the good one, maybe you know what I'm saying, yeah, you think Al is going to make Haley his wife. Share your opinion on Twitter and Instagram at Divorce Court. Divorce Court will be back soon. everything I say makes sense to you yeah I understand where you're coming from I guess it's like I feel that way too but at this point we live together so I feel like the next step is getting married and I feel like I'm ready for that in my life and if you were my daughter, this is what I would do.

I would drive to your house with a U-Haul, pick up your things and put them in the U-Haul. I paid your first six months rent somewhere else. and allow yourself to live completely on your own and not have it as a focus so much. I think he will accept it. I think he will come and marry you when you are ready, but I don't think so. You are ready and I believe you are becoming who he invested in making you right now. Do you understand what I'm saying. I'm not saying anything negative about you. I don't think he's using her.

No. I think you're abusing her, I don't think you're cheating on her or anything like that, but if you want her to be that mature, grown woman who can really commit to the kind of lifestyle you want and do it happily and because she wants it, she wants it and because she wants it, not because she wants it, she has to grow on her own and she has to be alone and she has to make marrying you less central in her life, a man is not a plan, yes, it is a benefit, but he It's a benefit but it's not a plan I'm sorry I made you cry I feel bad about that but I think I'm giving you good advice and I think you're going to get what you want when it's time for you to understand it but it's not the moment now.

Alright, good luck to you both. This matter is a diary. I like that he's not really prepared for this at all and so really his main focus is on him. book and I understand that as Go for your dreams but like I was also doing the same thing. I was hoping that we would go for our dreams together and not separately, yeah, I don't know. I'm a little speechless and I know just watching her break down and cry like that is not a good feeling for me. She just wanted to be happy and I guess if that's what will finally make her happy, that's what I want.