THIS Is Why the Avoidant Breadcrumbs & What You Can Do Immediately to Stop It

Are you experiencing all kinds of mixed signals in a relationship with an

avoidant

attachment style? Maybe some days actually reverse and appear and other days seem to potentially disappear for days at a time, well, if

this

is something you're going through. and you want to make sense of it and also be able to change or transform some of

this

Dynamic within your relationships. We're going to cover all of this here today in today's video. We will talk in particular about why

avoidant

attachment. breadcrumb style and if you stay until the end, we will do an exercise together to find out exactly

what

you can do to

stop

this pattern and put an end to it once and for all now if you are new to this channel my name is taes, I am very happy that you are here, welcome.

I post videos almost daily mostly about attachment styles, the psychology of the subconscious mind and really how we can heal and transform ourselves to build the best relationship of our lives, so it is a disposable void and The attachment style, if still Unfamiliar, it is essentially one of the four attachment styles that everyone has and is an emotional pattern that is characterized by a person's tendencies to avoid emotional closeness and actually diminish the importance of close relationships as a means of self-protection. In other words, this person who has an avoidant attachment style grows up feeling that too much closeness is not going well and instead becomes conditioned to fear it.

Generally, the roots of this are childhood emotional neglect, where if you grow up in a home where your emotional needs are not met, you are scared to try to really bond in an emotional way as an adult, so how does this relate to the bread crumbs? Well, breadcrumbing, if you weren't already familiar with the definition, is the practice of sporadically showing interest in another person to keep them interested despite a true lack of investment in the relationship. In other words, someone goes through an experience where they show interest in a relationship, but they do so from a place that, first, is intermittent and, second, is often from a place where the person themselves is not. completely involved, so you're trying to maintain this connection or build a connection of some kind without actually showing up to invest in it.

I think that's a really important question to ask ourselves before we go. through some breadcrumb signs and you can actually score yourself on some of these signs and see how they manifest for you, they are also the reasons why you avoid

breadcrumbs

and then of course we will get into the exercise of

what

you can do in the end, navigation is always intentional, the answer is no, sometimes people reject other people because they are unsure of their own feelings and this rings true for the avoidant attachment style, they tend to be individuals that sometimes they come forward and reverse themselves and part of this may be because they think they're interested in Ed and yet they're not willing to be vulnerable and they don't know that difference, they don't realize that I can feel something, I can be attracted, but if you're not going to be vulnerable, it's basically going to hold back the relationship Dynamic, whether you're aware of it or not, so we get into this Dynamic where the navigation may not be intentional, but that doesn't mean it's not be difficult or harmful.

For someone on the receiving end now, some big breadcrumb signs are the number one intermittent reinforcer. What I mean by this is that it will be as if the person is there to reinforce and present to you, but very intermittently and sporadically, so, for example. you can see that the person actually talks to you all week one week and then disappears for three or four days in a row and then reappears for a few days and then disappears again and there is a very sporadic inconsistent dynamic although, interestingly, there is a lot of research on the burial and reinforcement showing that it actually has an addictive quality where we can get into a position where we crave something because it comes sporadically and it's actually part of what players become addicted to: the intermittent reinforcement of not rewarding Other signs of crumbs include things like showing interest when you seem to pull away or when you take a step back or even threaten to leave the relationship in some way, you also initiate small forms of connection without actually going through all the steps. until the end so maybe he makes plans but never actually shows up or he makes plans and then shows up from time to time and we will also see other signs of intermittent reinforcement which include things like communication, being present but without much investment, so things As you know, you may text back and forth, but never jump on the phone or have a deep conversation and we'll also see two other big signs: inconsistency and general superficial conversation, without really going into the depths or without being really able to engage or connect with anything in a very vulnerable way now there are particular reasons why disposable override is actually the number one navigation route.

They are terrified of being vulnerable. You know, on a deep level, they may not feel all this fear, but on a deep level. Much of your personality and all of your coping mechanisms are built around not having to feel. A lot of the way they really structure their lives revolves around avoiding feeling too much or feeling too deeply, and of course when we're attached to someone, vulnerability is inevitable and we can get into a position where it can be very scary. if vulnerability has been something really negative in a person's history or in the past number two avoiding attachment Styles don't really know how to co-regulate what co-regulation is is each of us in a relationship, being able to adjust our Behavior to help another person and it doesn't have to be done in a codependent way where we just make our Behavior to calm other people down, but it is the ability to really take care of ourselves and ourselves. consider ourselves, but also be willing, aware and available to modify our behaviors to support other people.

A really obvious example of this could be that maybe you're working but maybe you see a loved one of yours crying or clearly sad, you can pause what you're doing. you're doing and go and serve them and talk to them, give them a hug or some words of encouragement and what you're doing is changing your behavior so you can calm someone else down. The proper co-regulation that both parties are doing. This between them, but because dismissive avoidance is afraid of being vulnerable and dependent on other people, they actually block themselves from receiving co-regulation and end the cycle of it, often leaving them feeling like they're supposed to. must be presented. to other people or for other people, but that people cannot present themselves to them and it is not that people do not try or are not able to do it, it is often that they are actually blocking themselves from receiving because they It's too scary. trusting other people, so they keep people at arm's length all the time and block that real co-regulation and their ability to trust or want to be reassured through others.

Now reason number three is that we will often see that an overridden attachment style sees that it is protective to stay behind, it is this subconscious mechanism that I don't want to get too close and be disappointed in the future, so I will keep people at a distance. to be able to do it. Maintaining a sense of protection in the relationship with myself and reason number four that I think is important to recognize is that there is a chance that this person is just not that interested and in that particular case, if someone is not that interested, you will see the difference. between an avoidant attachment style versus a disengaged person and an avoidant attachment style, this is their personality, they tend to carry these characteristics and traits, um, and these patterns in all relationships, including friendships, family relationships, and so Of course, their history of romantic relationships, whereas if someone is not that interested, it will be particular to the relationship in this case specifically and you are not likely to see that in other cases.

Now, what do you do if you're actually in this scenario and on the receiving end because of course this? It can be a very uncomfortable situation to be in the number one spot, we set a deadline, sometimes people make

breadcrumbs

because they are also not sure if you are interested, it may not be that they are evasive but if you can't tell the difference , then you set a deadline and do what you can within that time period to communicate your needs and if the person doesn't show up you have a clear answer on what to do next, which is to take a big step back and move away from the dynamic, but Instead, if you see someone show up and make the effort, then we can get out of the navigation cycle through healthy communication.

Then what do we do? First, we set a deadline. How much time do you really want to spend trying to see? If this can work generally, I recommend a few weeks, maybe one week, two weeks, three weeks, depending on the length of the previous connection. If you've been talking to this person for a few months, you know that you may be on edge and simply need an answer. If you've been talking to someone for a while and you're just building a connection and maybe they're moving at a slower pace than you, then you can give that deadline a little more time to do your research and research who they are. and what do they expect, and I don't mean research and research by harassing them online, I mean, having direct conversations, this brings me to step two, which would be what you want to be able to do.

It is actually asking for your needs to be met and you would do this by moving a little bit outside of the comfort zone or the norm, essentially asking for a slightly larger investment than what the person has currently been putting in in a really obvious example. This could be if you were in a position where you communicate via text every few days, you can tell this person that I'm a big texter. I love texting and I really value consistency in texting and would love for us to do it more often. and so by asking for a bigger investment in a way that's a little out of the comfort zone, you're just expressing interest in a healthy and balanced way, but you're also making sure you're putting pressure on someone to take just one. step forward to show up and invest now, if you see the needle moving, you would continue this process until you reach the right conclusion point, or this is moving towards a completely healthy Dynamic where there is a real reciprocity of the actions here or you are communicating and you basically see no increase in investment and in that particular case you would take a big step back and realize that this is not worth it and in that case if you want a little exercise to get out of this more quick, In fact, I can write down all the costs of staying with someone in this situation if they are going to continue behaving and showing themselves as they are, for example, if they are going to continually complain, how does it make you feel? affects your future love life, how does it affect your other relationships? your ability to focus or concentrate on your goals or your dreams or show up for work and you would write down all the costs and then all the benefits of leaving. break free and this can be a useful exercise to simply reorient our emotional perspective away from this individual who may not be presenting themselves in a way that we are worthy or deserving and in a way that may actually be morphing into an unfair dynamic in which there are a total lack of reciprocity.

If you want to go deeper into this, you can check out or how to recover from a breakup. Completely free, limited-time course that can help you get started even if you're not. a real breakup is just this type of situation, but you're having a hard time letting go, it digs into the subconscious mechanisms of why this tends to happen and gives you some really powerful practical steps on what to do. I'm also on the platform below three days a week, if you have questions for me you can join there for free for a limited time, you can ask me questions weekly or join any of our daily support groups with Leed with uh facilitators and trained counselor coaches.

Who can show up and support you too? So we have a lot of support there. If you have any additional questions, that's all for today. I hope you enjoyed this video. I hope this gives you an idea. Subscribe. channel if you are enjoying this and this platform, thank you very much for watching and I hope to see you in the next one for