Every Blank Ever: Fast Food Marathon

freedom. Wendy is crazy. Well, so far we've fooled people into thinking that both baked potatoes and chili are quick

food

s that can be eaten in a moving car. What else can we do? oh oh like a whole uncut pomegranate oh now you're thinking tucker um raw corn on the cob perfect double cabin like a bag of scolding a clam chowder oh where are the piglets now baby? We can call it clam, clam, clam, yeah, yeah, ice cream, okay. Oh, it's you again, if

ever

ything is fresh, why would you call it a fresh salad? Is it fresher than hamburgers?

Oh no, no one gave birth to her this morning. That Caesar salad came from a fresh salad egg before I got it? In line, sorry ma'am, do you know what the salads were like? If you can't give me a fresh salad straight from Caesar's womb, then why would you call it fresh? Don't make me make my father sue you. Sorry I'm late, I'm ready to start making the salad, oh thank goodness Tammy, we need you today. Everyone keeps ordering salads. Well, I'm ready to serve here. She is frozen. Water without container. Every driver is in automatically.the splash zone yes yes yes a handful of salmon the salmon that's alive that's why I love you tucker that's why you're employee of the month you're dunion rings you'll be sacrificed to the fat pit fat fat fat fat fat Well , the meat is square.

Can I get a triple Dave and no onion? God, damn, I was about to eat this one, Dave, you signed a contract, you know what, damn tucker, damn

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yone, am I taking a burger from an old person? Oh, absolutely. It's not me, the flesh is square. I just found a finger in my chili and it doesn't even look fresh. What kind of garbage establishment is this van that is your own finger attached to your body? Well, you could also serve people separately. finger covered in chili chili finger jelly finger chili finger oh I like that idea chili finger can I have your finger?

Yes, I think we need your finger as a prototype to test. We'll give you six dollars. Six dollars for your finger. That makes 69 dollars. do you want to see it happen would you like would you like to participate in the birth process yes wendy is very interactive yes we absolutely have her dinner show coming around the counter yes come here come on sorry let me just try again it's broken Hi, I'm Dave from Wendy's, yes, I eat cheese like a mouse, so I named the restaurant after my daughter. Wow, you know, you think about it that way, we don't pay you to think, Dave, we don't. pay you nothing because someone doesn't read what they sign hey, I think you're being very rude to Dave, no, this is, this is what we do, it's like it's fun, it's like it's a thing, right?

I like sex a lot anyway, I wonder if Dave is single, his wife died in '73. Oh, he sings a lot, he's grieving, yeah, he's a widower, he's looking for some time ? You don't want that, it's okay, trust me, there is no money. no prospects, okay, I'm looking to support a man, that's right, yeah, okay, I'll go get him, I'll go get him, but he's a lot, it's a project, hey, I love it, I'm a DIY. Okay, do it yourself. I'm worried starting to sound like your mother we know how it turned out she's a doctor very proud of you she's a dad dad she's a dad that's right lady potato head oh congratulations thank you she's great I'm half dad that's right this is my daughter is half dad wow, a miracle the doctor said there's no way she's going to live my lower half is dad hi, uh, what's your chicken seasoned with?

Oh, it's a blend of 11 different herbs and spices, but it's actually kind of a secret so you can really don't give it away, damn, every KFC in America ordered and we delivered to all of you like how crispy our is. extra crystal ticket, so we bring you something new, the Christmas fried dough bucket, you may be thinking, but colonel, there it is. There is no chicken in this bucket and while that is technically true, don't worry now because we promise that we are committed to brutally killing one chicken for every bucket we sell, it's scrumptious. Hello, can I get the extra famous bowl famous for what is there? so many taco bells from KFC, I know right, it's so random, not really, I mean tacos are the chicken to the burger world, so, and chickens are like the tacos of the animal kingdom, so what is it really just a corporate ploy to save two dying brands and carry them? less overhead, oh tight, can I get a fried chicken taco?

It all comes out the same way anyway, am I right guys? Yes, our feet mmm smell like murdered chicken, some places they only choose the best chickens to serve, but we believe that those chickens deserve to live, that's why we only make our chicken with the worst chickens in the world hey, your finger looks good too because that KFC's mascot is a colonel oh yeah, what war did he fight in the hamburger war? Watch your mouth, he was an American hero, got a purple heart for bravery in the great Kentucky chicken war 1645 changed the message of the Kentucky Fried War single-handedly killed hundreds of Nazis with a single sword, yeah , and nothing but a bulletproof vest on his little butt, that's fine and he saved a whole chicken.

Come on guys, it's time to blow this chicken coop, you're free, but then he cooked and ate all the chickens, oh yeah, as

fast

as possible, wait, how were the Nazis on him in 1645? I used their buckets as a laundry basket, hey what does KFC do? it means capital kidney failure it's actually kisses from the wrong colonel it means killing fictional children you're all wrong it means perverted foot hugs come on guys, let's put away the chicken oh yeah, there you go kid, I feel greasy after that, um, I'd like to double the bet, please, you know what man, this actually isn't that bad, yeah, oh, the finger looks good, you're going to take another bite, not now, why would you lie?

That's how he was going to get the job. They said lie, hurry up alive, I mean, I knew it was salt, it's obviously salt, my iguana died today, yeah, oh wow, cube of fried dough, you look great, that's a scrumptious weapon, mother, their Fingers look good, I think I'm going to go look for Carl's Jr. I will go with you. I'm going to close the door. What am I going to go and lubricate your feet? How many employees do you have? Oh, we're not open. Oh, I don't work well. And here is your oreo blizzard why did you turn it around?

I would flip them all to ensure quality and consistency. Great and here are your fries, here is your burger and here is your elf. Wait, enjoy your

food

. I think this is Sierra Mist. All the dairy queens. Well, and that was it. our bad hardening of the chocolate that we dip all our cones and dilly bars in, just make sure you protect it from what not, from who, just let me dip it in, oh, I told you, randy, now come on, please, just once , let me give it to you. I found out what it's like, oh, that's why they gave me the bat, turn it around, hello, I wanted to ask, uh, how many calories is in your ice cream, ice cream, oh, oh, no, no, legally, we don't have ice cream here, what ? we have less than five percent dairy, so it's classified as a treat, does it taste like ice cream again?

I can't comment on the ice cream, but I can legally say that the treat tastes exactly the same as the treat it contains, treats the trait components legally, okay? legally dq means de-treat quatreat my favorite where are the speakers to treat katrite? invite me to eat and treat katrine please every time I say that cold 180 260 540 720 900 1080 10 20 hey Guys if you go hanging out in the parking lot all day, could you at least come in and buy something? Don't talk to them. The teams are here all day. Believe me, the parking is theirs. They don't want to start anything. oh hey guys don't mind it's new okay please we don't like you enjoy your duels and your kicks and your cougar stuff and oh my god wait what the hell is that storm of snow?

Burgers, blizzards, cheese, fries and pretzels, man, this. The menu is everywhere. Who decides these things? Who dares to question the authority of the dairy queen? Do you think I have time to reflect on what peasants like you think about the menu of my kingdom? Please wait, what is happening right now. I have Burger King. I'm crouching from the white castle of the north longing to break my door and shove in your pernicious box anticipating my demise we're at war boy you get what you get I'll fight on your paddle if you let me dip it in randy you sick pilgrim get out of here my leash let me keep her at the exit the president I kneel before you just let me kneel on that chocolate come on man your filth reeks of horny dairy oh how was your food?

I don't know what I ate legally. You don't eat legally You were a witness Treat What is this place? It's nothing hairy, it's nothing, you don't need to eat it, eat it, drink, treat, retreat, recover to eat it, treat Katrina, treat Katrina, treat Katrina, treat the queen of the tree. a belt breaker oh yeah they only sell them at dq's in texas uh yeah texas has a completely different menu it's crazy please no but can I cut to a scene where we're in texas can I get a beltbreaker? Yes you can. I've got one of those big old barbecue blizzards with all the fixings on the way and can I get a gun?

Yippie Kai. Yeah, oh, I heard you guys do things differently here, Randy, yeah, we heard about you, Randy, and come back, I could really get it wet. In hell, yeah, Randy, do whatever you want, come back here, yeah, his yeehog is eager for some chocolate and anyway, we'll put the bats away and, uh, let's see, that's where we keep the bags, there It is where we keep the fallen. bats and then, um, yeah, coffee, and if anyone asks, shouldn't we just lock the front door, you'd think no, yeah, anyway, um, this is where we keep the things we put the things in. fries and then I have them so my only note.

It would be um, when you hit with the bat, make sure you hit with as much surface area as possible to scare away the randy anyway. Would you like the pieces of cake or the annoying hot dog? I highly recommend the annoying hot dogs, I will get the hot dog. next to chocolate right, that was great, I tuned in, that's amazing, thank you, I'm on your side, I'm not only the queen of dairy but also the queen of pop, oh Lady Gaga, great, first day of training I think we can finish. It's there, um, but yeah, so, uh, I resigned, have fun, Randy, it's been a pleasure, yeah, I've been president, okay, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, that was an assault that's not even real, nor It's not even a real snowstorm.

Why not? Don't you carry a fake snow storm with you? This is rare. I want to play Hacky Set. Yes, let's do it. All the dairy queens. Can I get a whole family of cows? Hell yeah, and throw some pigs in there too. Why didn't you ask before? Can I get one? a whole truckload of hay, you can get two, what's with all those peanuts on the bar floor? I will collect them and give them to you, as if you showed them in my mouth. I would be happy to do it. Can? Just send me to the rodeo and send my mates all this food there, you're sure, damn red, I can't thank you.

Can you bring four additional guns to that order and a side of another gun with some ketchup? Yeah man, thanks. What else do you have? What else do I have? A little depression.