Use This To Control Your Brain - Mel RobbinsJul 07, 2021
there are so many people in the world and you may be looking at
thisright now and you have these amazing ideas and what you think is missing is motivation and that's not true because the way our minds are connected and the fact of human beings is that we are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable or scary or difficult, our
brains are designed to protect us from those things because our
brains are trying to keep us alive and to change to build a business to be the best parent to a spouse to do all those things that you know you want to do with
yourjob with your dreams you're going to have to do things that are difficult or uncertain or scary which creates
thisproblem for all of us you're never going to feel like it what do you think is? oh i know exactly why that is because i have studied this a lot because one of the hardest things for me to understand was why is it so hard to do the little things that would make my life better and what i realized is that the way What our minds are designed for is that our minds are designed to prevent you from doing anything that could hurt you at all costs.
The way this all happens is that it all starts with something super subtle that none of us ever grasps and that is with this habit we all have of no one talking we all have a habit of wavering we have an idea you're sitting in a meeting you have this amazing idea and instead of just you You know how to say it you stop and wonder now what none of us realize is that when you hesitate at that moment, that micro moment that is a little hesitation sends a stress signal to your brain, wakes it up and your brain suddenly says oh wait a minute wait why is it hesitating don't hesitate He didn't hesitate when he put on his killer pointy sneakers he didn't hesitate in the really cool sweatpants he didn't hesitate in the NASA t-shirt now he's hesitating to talk something must be up so your brain goes to work protecting you he's got a million different ways to protect yourself one of them is called the focus effect it's a known phenomenon where your brain magnifies risk AND to steer you away from something it perceives as a problem and then you can actually track every problem or complaint in your life back to the silence and hesitation those are decisions what I do and what has changed my life is waking up and realizing that I will never feel like doing the things that are hard because they are difficult or uncertain or scary or not so I have to stop waiting until I feel like it and number two, I'm one decision away from a totally different marriage, a totally different life, a totally different job, a totally different income, a totally different A totally different relationship with my children, I don't like a decision.
I am divorcing you in the marriage example but a decision about you know might be to have a conversation with your spouse and you feel your emotions running high and within a small window those emotions can take over and it can impact how your life is going. marriage or you can learn how to take
controlof that micro-moment and make the decision to act in a way that truly changes your marriage, your life comes down to your decisions and if you change your decisions you will. changing everything in the scheme of life hitting the replay button isn't a big deal but this is the thing with life none of us wake up and say today is the day i destroy my life what we do is like that we check because it feels overwhelming or we withdraw because we are afraid or we withdraw because we start hearing doubts about ourselves and then we make these little decisions all day without realizing it a decision not to get up on time a decision not to eat the right thing a decision to criticizing your children a decision not to speak in a meeting a decision not to look for a job a decision not to deal with your finances a decision not to call your parents like whatever all day long these little decisions they make you are so off track and then you wake up like I didn't and you look at your life and think how the hell I got here and more importantly how do I get back there and you have no idea and then I i was so trapped and i know from your story you felt the same way like you know there was more for you but you couldn't figure out how to bridge that gap how do you find the power that is in you how do you discover it His greatness how does he solve these problems ?
It feels so overwhelming when you can't. I mean I would go to the grocery store and the items would be scanned and I would be sitting there reading my excuse because there was no way my check skin was going. I will clarify that I got into this fight with myself that many of us find ourselves in and that is that you get caught up in what I call the knowledge and action gap. You know what to do, but you just can't seem to bring yourself to do it right, I mean. each of us is a google search away from a list of instructions that if you follow any one of them will change your life, but how do you get out of your head and stop thinking about what you have to do and really you do?
In my case, this was quite easy. get up on time. prepare breakfast for children. the bus starts looking for a job don't drink so much instead of isolating yourself pick up the phone and call a friend go out into the woods and go for a walk run again it's like all these little things I was capable of but I couldn't get out of here I couldn't get out of here and if you are stuck that is the problem the problem is that you are you are in your head you are thinking when you set goals when you have an intention on something you want to change in your life your brain helps you what it does is open a list and then your brain goes to work trying to remind you of the intention that you set and it's really important to develop the ability and I say that word on purpose the ability to know how to listen to that inner wisdom om and that intention going into action and leaning on it quickly so to me my brain says that's it it moves as fast as a rocket mel i wanted to change my life and i think most people who are miserable or really being like dying to be great and dying to have more we want to change we want to live a better life we want to create more for our families we want to be happier the desire is there again it is about how to move from knowledge to action so first things What is important in the story is realizing the answer was in me and my mind was telling me to pay attention anyway the next morning the alarm goes off and I pretended NASA was there.
It's the stupidest story. I literally said 5 4 3 2 1 I counted out loud and then stood up and I will never forget standing there in my room it was dark it was cold it was winter in Boston and for the first time in 3 months I had outgrown my button pressing habit of repetition that I couldn't believe it and I thought: wait a minute, count. saying backwards is the dumbest thing i've ever heard in my life well the next morning i used it again and it worked the next morning i used it again and it worked the next morning i used it again and it worked and then I started to notice something really interesting.
There were moments throughout the day, like that 5 second moment in bed where I knew what I was supposed to do and if I didn't move in 5 seconds, my brain would jump in and talk to me. Outside of that, every human being has a five second window that might be even shorter for you. You have a five second window in which you can move from idea to action before your brain kicks in and sabotages any change in behavior because remember your brain is wired to prevent you from doing things that are uncomfortable, uncertain, or scary, it's your job to learn to move from those ideas that could change everything to act on it when you understand the power of a 5 second decision and understand that you always have the option to go from autopilot to decision maker everything in your life it will change you will be a different negotiator you will be a different salesperson you will be unstoppable in the gym because you will realize how much crap you throw your way your hopes your dreams your potential your confidence your courage it all comes down to the decisions you make we all know what to do none of us know how to make ourselves do it i started looking into why something like this stupid work why does something so dumb create a change so powerful and profound?
Well, here's why the rule is a form of metacognition. Metacognition is a fancy term that means something really simple. that you can use that actually outsmart the tricks your brain plays on you to achieve a higher purpose we all know this you can hold back if you're in a situation that requires it you can jump into a raging river to save your dog or your child you can orient yourself if it's important to you and so the rule of thumb for what you do is that you do something really remarkable when you count down 5 4 3 2 1 what you're actually interrupting what researchers call loops of habits that are encoded as closed-loop patterns in your basal ganglia, which is the part of the brain where your feelings or your emotions, each habit that you have that is nothing more than a behavior that you repeat that you don't even think about it and then when you do 5 4 3 2 1 interrupt what's going on here that's spinning without you thinking about it and it moves and wakes up your prefrontal cortex so when you hit one your habit has been interrupted so you've You have interrupted self-doubt You have interrupted maybe criticizing your children You have interrupted the desire for a drink You have interrupted procrastination You have also counted backwards You have performed an action You are awake and your prefrontal cortex tha It is the part of the brain that you need to be awake when you change your behavior when you learn new things that is something that has been shown to help you learn a new habit the five second rule when you repeat it becomes a starter ritual that drives you to act with confidence that drives you because this is a moment of courage that prompts you to change gears and because you have also done the manual work of awakening the part of the brain that needs to change you have set yourself up for success it does not work if you count because you can keep going and it is not necessary either counting focus if you count down 5 4 3 2 1 again wakes up the prefrontal cortex and tells it to move when you eat Start using it and then read about it, you'll see that it's being used everywhere they use it in the military for the purpose of lining up troops and getting them to start an exercise they use it in elementary schools 5 4 3 2 1 big assemblies to have a huge room full of kids stop talking simple and interesting example yes because it requires you to concentrate it is not a habit it will become a Habit that encourages you to have courage for confidence but at first it interrupts behavior patterns that you go on autopilot helps you assert
controland teaches you how to become the kind of person who goes from thinking about something to actually doing it i believe we all have flaws and that's the beauty of who you are and instead of trying to make yourself perfect in every area, it's so much easier when you accept the things that you're terrible at or that are your weaknesses or those are the things about your wiring look if i were a diabetic i'd take insulin Turns out i'm someone that you're wired for anxiety isn't a big deal so find out how instead of fighting those things you actually cheat on it because the truth is you're never going to feel ready to make these changes.
You will never feel like doing them, but you can always make a choice that is always in your control. Staying with someone who treats you like dirt is a choice. Staying in a job you hate is a choice. The decision to stay in the body you're not proud of is a decision it's going to be easy it's not going to be easy to change comes down to five second decisions and that's why the five second rule is important to let everyone know it's It's your job to push yourself and I don't care if you're the dr.
Martin Luther King Jr. or your Michelangelo or your lin-manuel Miranda who wrote Hamilton you will struggle with insecurity and everyone you admire everyone and the list is the same for every 200 Oprah Winfrey and I want to be like you know Tom and I want to be like you know Branson and i want to be like jay-z and i want everyone to be on bill gates list and you know what those people do, they are not in the habit of doubting, they trust you.
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