UNHhhh Ep. 142: The Weather

Four-wheel camber with higher rotation. I just looked into her eyes for a long time while I drank and I didn't break it either. She scared me. Look at this. I love that we went from "We can go home" to "spin." this doesn't excite anyone it doesn't excite anyone about you you look like a handle I feel like a tire iron it looks like a Christmas look hello I'm a sensible 74. trixie mattel and me oh katya and welcome to the show where we talk about whatever we want because it's ours program and not yours. You might think the last time there was a 12-car pileup on I-95, but first let's talk about the

weather

, with you in the studio, thank you very much Charlene.

Now, if you look to your left here in Janesville, we have a 100 chance of having skin damage and a 50 chance of having very hard, hard nipples. As hard as the dust is. We have talked about everything we have scoured and searched for in the material world, the metaphysical. world look at the stuff we've actually talked about every five seasons everything so we've been reduced to small talk the

weather

literally what you would say to your neighbor if you saw him I want to be the kind of person who says it's not hot but it's wet I say at least it's dry at least it's dry thank god it's not human it really got cold yeah can you believe this rain oh my god that heat wave is over oh look at me literally watering a plant that has turned to dust in my yard because of the heat wave, well my yard doesn't look like cigarette ashes, it's literally gray and brown tree shaped ashes when she, the water literally just dissolves, baby, it's funny. in Los Angeles that when it rains more than eight hours, the streets flood with half an inch of rain and everyone loses their driver's license, like people call work with you, people call work, seaplane, seaplane, meanwhile, In Boston, we're driving. eight feet of snow lady miles per hour 80 miles per hour that thing is different literally just passing your pot dealer's house on the way to the nissan center 82 no traction at the latest for my shift at the panera crashing through the front window no, nothing and then people here lose their minds in half an inch of weather, half an inch, yeah I moved to LA because of 90 degree weather and above, I'm here for it, as long as other people complain, I love it, I want to be in shorts with a tank top with my nipples out with two threads, yes, I want to be sweating all day, I love it now when there is drag involved, that's another story, I'm over it, but I love it, I must tell you that I love being almost naked.

I love being almost naked. and what I like most is not having to wear socks, I put on a flip flop, a slipper or a slide and I slide out into the world and say hello yes, we are having weather, have you ever experienced a tornado? no, yes, what is it? Not really, I'm not sure, but I'm a big fan of tornadoes, that's not what they do. tornado helen helen hunt kyle is flying through the paston yeah anyone use a winch if a tornado is coming that's your chakra of the moment Khan through the fire bye bye weather right now the audience is deciding if they want to keep seeing us or no, the weather is fine, we will go to Katya with the weather in the countryside thanks Dalene, as you can see the conditions are really starting to warm up here.

It's very cold, it's very hot, we have a lot of weather systems at play here and I'm delighted to bring it back to you in the studio, sorry, there's no wind today, you're just dancing. right, we have the climate, what is your ideal climate? um, I'm only 75 and I'm a sunny girl, although let's say you're 75, but your disposition is not sunny at all, even if you live in Los Angeles, you know you can't like what you don't have, when it's a gray and cloudy day I say hello it rains at night I love it it makes me feel like I sleep like a baby being a kid living in a tin trailer I slept on a top bunk and then it's tin roof trailer so like a few just free metal I love it, you really were a poor oak smoked Pokey and not a fun Hurricane Bob in the 90's, you knocked a tree into our above ground pool, you had a pool, we updated it and uh yeah.

We had um, what's that called? like an in-ground pool pool pool yes ingredients an in-ground pool an in-ground pool we had a diving board no, you didn't, it's your house yes, little rich man we were straight middle class I used to take baths in a lake, you know, It's like scrubbing with Irish springs knowing that the water will make you smell like a dead fish and that's it, some of the lakes we had, if you stayed there, the fish would come up and bite your feet and uh eat the dead skin off your feet, that It was a fun choice, I'll say that when I move to Los Angeles, the weather, the women here are doing porn in my hometown, it's Cheryl, the chubby one with the broken knee and the fluttering eyelid at a garage door with powder face.

Being like this today is going to be very hot Los Angeles these were the women hard nipples shiny lips contouring bangley jewelry extensions heels hard heart literally a white satin chimneys and hard nipples trying to tell me the news you're trying to tell me it's raining ktla trying to turn me on hard nipples white satin move a white satin shirt with nipples like knives two pocket knives now let me ask you this are you only wearing one earring? no, oh, there's one here little guitars, okay, cute, I like that I just try to make like funky jewelry the Swedes with all the Swedes are ready on the farm I need you to talk to me about the weather, the weather or not yeah, I'm going to sit through this no, I was in a play my first play my first play was called whether you like it or not I think I'm gay I just got it I just got I just got a flash forward you know what my future will be if I survive yeah, who is this person like um like um like friend prostitute let me tell you some real teeth those Chinese chili remember Leslie Jordan yeah rest in peace Leslie Jordan what not I'm kidding oh my god I had Leslie Jordan in the video for a moment and you put your dress back on, yeah, and he walked in and he.

I had like three lines and he was like, "You all just told me I have to be here for an hour, oh, so he walks in, he's on American Horror Story, he walks in, it's a room of 100 extra gay guys inside of me and he he comes in a little late and says I'm sorry I'm not supposed to see it but I was on the show for American Horror Story with Lady Gaga like you don't tell anyone now he just yells it in the room do you think that there are a lot of gay weather men blaze keller no one else no, he's the only one, I think his heart is in the weather, people do that no, yeah, uh, there's, there's, yeah, why isn't there just straight gay news?

Well they rob us of you you got anderson you got rachel maddow oh I know but I want gay yeah I want Heidi in the closet yeah yeah whistling through the gap tooth I mean come on amanda lepore the weather girl now what They are hard nipples I am erect why aren't you what I would say watching the news I am a mess why aren't you recording why don't you do it she would be on time she would be dressed to kill or undressed to kill and she wouldn't I will stay I bravely guarantee that she wouldn't force me to tell me how to feel about the weather, yeah you know what I mean, it would be subtext like oh the barometric pressures, she'll be like the anchor and then when I throw her into the field, the weather girl is t.s madison driving yeah totally and she's a terrible girl cs madison on Instagram live in her car with a blunt wig about being like um it's hot yeah it's too hot I love it and then I'll be interviewed on location after like if my house caught on fire yeah Yeah and then at the end of the weather it's kind of like Hello Queen where they let the music play and then they go and the guys come in and say and now let's answer some questions that you guys tweeted at us on World of Wonder. using the hashtag wow help me yes you did hi katya and trixie.

I currently live on the east coast, I hate the weather and I want to go west, but I was told Cali is too expensive, where should I go? The Angels. I think we're talking square footage, um, absolutely cheaper than New York City 100 and also absolutely cheaper than Boston, absolutely cheaper than Seattle, absolutely cheaper than San Francisco and get us a roommate or a little studio in Pasadena when it's October and November. and you see pictures of home and there's snow and you're looking at palm trees, honey, I'm telling you, I'm telling you too, a beautiful night walk in December, yeah, 65 75 degrees and you're just half Ojibwe in Wisconsin, I imagine my ancestors Naked, what were you doing in Wisconsin?

Yeah girl, too cold, too, too, listen urban, if you want to be somewhere where white people haven't made it expensive yet. Yeah, where did they move? Yes. Go somewhere rich white people haven't ruined it. I hear St. Louis is stunning this time of year. If you have any questions, you can tweet us at World of Wonder using the hashtag. Our answers are rarely helpful and we are really talking. about if we're talking about god and what god does he helps those who help themselves yeah period it's the end of season five that was the end of season five and guess what comes after five six , what is six, four, six and you know what. arrives between five and six, a very long break, yes, so prepare your guts, refill the bon bon tray and revisit some old episodes because we'll see you in about three years, yes, and if you want to continue looking, you can see me. on my channel on trixie mattel here on youtube oh yeah see you in season 6 how do we tell this whole episode without talking about how you are actually worn out oh my god worn out girl worn out girl worn out girl wow snowflake Corn, that's all, yes, the weather? corn husk girl the girls weathered your corn husks my name is yeah