UNHhhh Ep. 112: Women in 2020

I used to think I wore too much makeup for bowl cuts and now I think I'm the only person who's enough to make you hate me these days when I really feel like you want me to be this flickering, smothered flame in a dank cave. but I'm bringing dad out and also um, now I want everyone to come up to this mug and let me know what you see here tiffany tiffany, have you ever experimented with a grill? Yeah yeah, how about a red metal grill for you, not red gingivitis? Hi, I'm on my hit fifth season of Us Oh Hi, I'm Tiffany Trixie Mattel and my bathroom is bigger than the blue banana Katya and welcome to the show where we talk about whatever we want because it's our show and not yours, season five.

Hi, it's Scarlet Envy here at Rupaul's Drag in New York, telling you it's not too early to get your tickets for the next one. We're in Los Angeles, first, second and third, I'll see you there, kitten, meow, yeah, I remember being like a kid. and to think that

2020

seemed like a year that was like oh, that's flying cars, mom, that's aliens and now that we're here, nothing's really changed, I mean, my iPhone lives a little longer, yeah, that's oh, and We have a worse political situation, yes. The horror of living to see the future is that you realize that all those things come true, but the reality is that they are less bright and more horrible.

And you know what I mean. Your telephone. You can share your location. Yes, now. You're right, x knows where to come, kill you, right, yeah, harassing people is easier, sure, I can go to the hologram, but I still feel just as lonely, I like harassing people. I've been off Facebook for probably two years because, in my opinion, Facebook? dead, sorry mark zuckerberg, saw him on a flight recently, he wasn't attractive in person, he wasn't attractive in the digital world either, you're not right either, I don't like how easily you can stalk people, I miss the old ones times, we had to do it. drives by his you know his house several times a night stakeouts hello because yeah, hello, I'm looking oh, sorry, I'm in the wrong house, yeah, that kind of stuff about the theater, you know. up the tree the binoculars get caught in the vines like oh yeah I want the person where the comedy is and then you fall out of the tree exactly I want to be up there every night of the week so I bring a thermos I bring some new magazines and you just know it's fun.

I'm nervous. Bullies are hungry. Are you a girl with resolutions? Yes, oh, like every year. I have a new resolution. Yes. Are you doing well? I think two years ago. It was listening to my body and then last year it was being warmer with people, do you remember being warmer? I think it worked, but I'm still hi, you know, that was cool, yeah, yeah, I've transformed, yeah, but I'm just trying to like it psychically, spiritually, branch out fashionably, that's my type, oh yeah, I want to try to upload it astrally and then you can work on the physical, yes, yes, yes, like my

2020

tour, which is called adult, which you can see this year in the United States.

I'm really like the opening number. I think we'll do about five costume changes. Yes, I want to go there. I want people like Violet to be like. You know what I thought you were trash, but really. It's not like doing something yeah, okay, you know, I want the fashion queens to sweat, what are you doing in 2020? I think it's just as exhausting as having to deal with everyone's shortcomings on a day-to-day basis, so I wish everyone could get up a little so they don't have to be so tired that you think you're tired. because of other people it's all the kicking that's necessary oh no no no no no sorry I want to gain 15 pounds whatever I don't care about lard aluminum foil yeah you want to gain weight that's the number , so it's very easy.

I want to gain 15 pounds, I'm going to weigh 170. Why, because I feel heavier and thicker, should we start wearing ankle weights? That's a mom thing. They are built with ankle baits. Why do we never do it like never before? do it right because we have new chairs, oh wow, five seasons before someone ran out to buy home goods and got me a new bar stool. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but for a while we had the silver chairs that we should have had rope swings. I want you to play Nancy Sinatra's version of You Only Live Twice while I get lowered into the frame every episode or I know that, um, the theme of beyond the belt or the valley of the dolls beyond the reality of the dogs, you know What I'm talking about, why am I the only person who hasn't been sexually assaulted by an Uber driver?

Do you dare to have it? He was like he's a little tense, my shoulders hurt a little. I'm going to give you a little massage. That never happens to me. Do you know what's wrong with me? Please don't eat my car, sir. Do you remember that? yes, I'm not wearing a wig, I'm eating a chip and she says: are you eating, sir? Please don't eat my car, sir, while she's listening to Christian music, oh yes, I had a Jesus jam in the uber the other day, oh. Jesus, um, which is when Jesus is stuck in traffic.

I've talked in the car before, not with any passengers in it, but I don't understand what it is, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, everywhere, I've got places to go, it's okay, I can't get there. No, with an erection, yes, can you imagine yourself in this little dress? If I had an erection, it would be completely hidden. No, it wouldn't be so bad. Yes. You would even know what I have.

Don't know. I'm not trying to do it. I know some of these drag racing girls are promiscuous and then you go to these cities and they're like, oh my God, so-and-so flirts with me, I'm like you and everyone else, you're lucky, you know, you woke up with both of them. legs yeah seriously urban legend about stealing davis dragon's kidney i've never been the same i can only drink clear liquids oh and it wasn't that good i've never been with her what if you drove kasha crazy David, do you know how expensive it is? davis there is always time for a cocktail let's be honest she is very attractive she is never very honest and she is in very good shape she has big guns in her arms now she is sober so her body is manly yes yes she is probably a great marksman Make a mutual goal for this year.

Do you think it's the same as taking better care of yourself? That's too general, that's too general, I need something like, okay, something like making my bed every morning, that would be something you could do every day and there's no excuse not to do it you know what I mean. I do you make your bed every day yes you do it's funny because I saw you the other day when I was in your apartment and it wasn't made well how dare you? I'm just curious, I don't really know, I'm serious, I just invite you to my house, you come to examine my assignments, I just observe and notice things and then when you lie about them, I mention them in season 5 2020 too. of this program, can you believe it?

We have done five. This will be the fifth season in three years. And I think I just read that this is the most successful web series since the Internet began. Yeah, no one ever congratulates me for being drag. race no matter how much they talk about this I say to save my marriage last night nikki a girl went I thought you deserve to win I don't think you're in this thank you Beth are you going to get dressed alone in your room yes I just moved in alone, you'd be surprised how much time What happened just with the wig at home, okay?

Do you video yourself with blue eyeshadow and some lower lashes? Yeah, on a little top tab too and I put some on. I cut a mug and put on a light blue denim shirt and did a polaroid photo shoot because why not? I've never lived alone and now that I live alone, I never lived alone, mom better feel that fantasy, I'm playing naked. electric guitar in front of windows that don't have curtains uh okay, I really love living in front of a pregnant woman who was naked 24/7. And she was doing all the pregnant things totally naked.

I think it's wonderful, without curtains, Mom. without curtains, it's supposed to improve your skin and nails during that time, it's also supposed to completely ruin your body and your chances of dying from it are outrageously high and you think anals will walk in the park, but I mean, well, that's how it is. if you're doing it in the park people will be so angry because it's the fifth season and this is ours this is this haircut it's my first look yeah it doesn't bode well it's a sinister omen anyway 2020 2020. you