Trevor Noah COMPLETE REMARKS at 2022 White House Correspondents' Dinner (C-SPAN)

In fact, I understand why CBS hired Mick Mulvaney. I already understand it. I know he's more than just the guy who assured everyone that Donald Trump would concede gracefully. No, he can also give you access to other people who assured you that Donald Trump would graciously concede. It's very important, so thank CBS, my corporate cousin. In fact, you can. Find us at Paramount and yes, right between SpongeBob SquarePants and a bunch of movies that even Delta's in-flight entertainment system rejected, but I don't want to dwell on that, I want to dwell on Mick Mulvaney when we have so many other great journalists here tonight. we have anderson cooper in the

house

, man, we have rachel maddow, we have don limon, we have shepherd smith smith and so many other great talents that can no longer be mentioned in florida public schools, see you in the sanctus, what is happening baby, oh man?

There are many big media names in the room tonight. Chuck Todd is here. You will throw yourself here. Yeah, how are you? I would ask for a follow up, but I know you don't know what they are, don't boo him, he's trying, man, these people are bad, chuck, the axios team is in the

house

too, I didn't know that, but axios actually is. greek for political playbook without the birthdays, yeah, and you know, axios got a lot of flack a few years ago for posting a star photo that had fewer black people than cpac, but kudos to axios, they fixed that problem by not posting any more photos of stars. and jonathan swan mom im a fan personal fan you've been crushing it with those interviews congratulations on the award people always ask how jonathan swann gets these politicians to open up to him i'll tell you what the australian accent is like yeah american journalists sound too aggressive What did you do with the money?

An interview with Jonathan Swan is like being interrogated by a koala bear, but Senator McConnell, don't you think it's strange that you and the devil have never been seen in the same place at the same time, don't you think it's strange? Well, I guess when they go to hell they'll find out for themselves. npr is here tonight. One of my favorites. Congratulations for all the work you do. I love little desk gigs. I only wish you. I didn't always have to beg for money, you know, maybe you're spending too much on those handbags, who designs those Gucci houses, why not ask Ivanka what kids do her stuff and how about the New York Times here too, man ?

Can I just say New York Times? I didn't realize how much they like to party. Yes, I've seen some of you sneaking off to the bathroom to do things you're not supposed to do tonight, like a Twitter post. Yes. I see that I love the New York Times. I really love him. You are the best. Some of the most accurate and accurate reporting and news. They never stop writing exactly what the police have given them to say. It's really powerful, like is it just me or does the New York Times keep blaming bail reform on crimes that have nothing to do with bail reform, like it's half expecting to open its newspaper and see a headline? that the Mets get hit over changes to state bail laws and you know it's actually crazy how You guys have been attacked for everything from your investigations into Trump's taxes, you're reporting on the pandemic and yet the The biggest death threats they received were because there were two L's in the world that day, which, by the way, was crazy, let it go.

Those New York Times reporters who managed to get their hands on those Kevin McCarthy tapes, that was incredible, yeah, leave it to them. Unbelievable, you knew how crucial those tapes were and that's why you immediately waited until your book was on sale to tell people about it. Bravo Bravo. and you know what i liked about those tapes is that the only good news is that now we know if nancy pelosi or kevin mccarthy are speaker of the house, that position will still be held by someone who believes trump should have resigned and was responsible for what happened on January 6th, yes that's bipartisanship, I like it, I'm very excited because the kings of cable are here, Fox News in the house, yes, the highest rated news network in the past, 300 years killing it and I know that Fox has done it. a bad reputation I even feel like you get tense now when I talk about them, they really crush it, you know, I think they have a bad reputation because it's a mix, you know, they actually have very good journals, it just depends on when you look at it closely.

Fox News is like a waffle house, yes, it's relatively normal in the afternoon, but as soon as the sun goes down, there's a drunk woman named Janine who threatens to fight every Mexican who walks in. You can't kick me out. I know the real president. How about that Fox primetime programming, eh, Tucker, Carlson, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingram? His coverage of Covert was truly shocking. His vaccine segments took his viewers to the ICU and congratulations, congratulations to Sean Hannity on becoming the longest-serving host in cable news history, by the way. really give it up for him longest serving host dont hate the player yeah fun fact sean hannity and ainsley earhart are actually dating now yeah yeah and i actually think it's cute to see an office romance from Fox. it won't end in a 20 million dollar deal yeah I'm sure wherever Roger Ailes is right now he's looking up and smiling oh Laura Ingram wow what can you say about her that she hasn't already said and the powerful anti-defamation league?

I'm sad Tucker Carson isn't here. He is my favorite. What a talent. Tucker Carson, are you kidding me? That man is a beast. Who else could fill an entire show each night asking questions that Google could easily answer? Do vaccines work? Who really? won the election who is the president right now is something exciting about America, but you know, if you ask people there is so much going on in the world right now, sometimes it can be overwhelming and you just want to ignore it all and it's That's why I love watching CNN By the way, where is Jeff Zucker?

He also couldn't explain what is happening there. Jeff was apparently fired after he tried to keep their relationship a secret from him in the workplace, which is strange because if he really didn't want anyone to know, he could have. I did a show about it on CNN, plus I know it's really sad, CNN is gone but I forgot, you know who I blame, you know who I blame, CNN, I blame John King, that's who, yeah John, your wall magical can predict how every person in the country. He's going to vote in every county, but he couldn't tell you that no one wanted more CNN.

I mean, they spent $300 million on CNN plus $300 million. Can I be CNN? I think Stanley Tucci was playing with you guys, yeah, no. I think that guy knew exactly where Italy was and he would keep looking as long as you paid 300 million. Do you understand how much money it is? I mean, I get it streaming. They say it's the future. You know him as the old man. The saying goes that you have to spend money to make sure Chris Cuomo doesn't get caught up in wrongful termination lawsuits and that's not the only big change happening at CNN, they just brought in Chris Licht, yeah my man From there, Chris, as the new head of news, your first order of business is to hire a guy who knows how to turn off the breaking news banner.

Yeah, what happened to that? They just put it in during the do search and never knew how to get rid of it, the news isn't always breaking, but This is an interesting time for the media world, as with many industries, the pandemic was a major disruption for journalists, but I also think it helped humanize them. The media said we get it, he has bragging rights and we have to face the facts. The media is in a difficult position. You said that, Mr. President, informing the American public is more difficult than ever. He's fighting conspiracy theories that the election was stolen by george soros that jfk jr is still alive that everyone in this room is a secret pedophile and that's just what clarence thomas' wife thinks they're crazy people this is really the golden age of conspiracy theories whether it is the right that believes trump can still win the 2020 election or the left believes that joe biden can still win the 2024 election, thank you mr president, as we sit in this room this night, I really hope everyone remembers what the real purpose of this night is, yes, it's fun, yes, we dress up. nice, yes, people eat, drink, we have fun, but the reason we are here is to honor and celebrate the fourth estate and what you stand for, what you stand for, an extra check and balance that has the power of accountability and it gives a voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have one and and I'm not just talking about CNN or Fox or any of the other major organizations talking about everyone, you know the young journalists that we saw today, you know the intrepid journalists that aren't even in this. room in flint michigan or those bold reports in the des moines register or the unwavering local news anchor in el paso, texas, every one of you, whether you like it or not, is a bastion of democracy and if you ever start to doubt of their responsibilities, if you ever start to doubt how significant it is don't look beyond what is happening in Ukraine look at what is happening there journalists are risking and even losing their lives to show the world what is really happening You realize how incredible it is in America you have the right to seek the truth and tell the truth, even if it makes the people in power uncomfortable, even if it makes your viewers or your readers uncomfortable, you understand how incredible it is.

I was here tonight and I made fun of the president of the United States and I'm going to be fine, I'm going to be fine, do you really understand what a blessing that is? Maybe it's been going on for so long that you can forget. It's a blessing. In fact, ask yourself this question. Honestly, ask yourself this question. Russian journalists who are losing their livelihoods while you were talking about Steve and his freedom for daring to report on what his own government is doing if they had the freedom to write any word to show any story or ask any question if they had basically what Would they be using it the same way you ask yourself that question every day because you have one of the most important roles in the world?

Thank you very much for inviting me. I apreciate it. Please be careful when you leave tonight. We all know. This administration does not handle evacuations well. Good night all. Thank you so much.