Tony Robbins & Marie Forleo: What It Takes To Have an Extraordinary Life

We

have

been friends for a while, do you suffer? I mean, suffer, I'd say

what

are you talking about? Good? I

have

the most magnificent

life

, you know, I have 18 companies, we do 5 billion in sales and 7 different industries. I have a mission that I love as much as I can. I have 4 beautiful children, I have an amazing wife, I have total freedom. And I would be totally authentic in telling you all that. But I wouldn't use the word suffering in the same way that achievers don't believe they are afraid. Yes. And you know, I've shared it with you before: stress is the winning word for fear.

I've never been afraid, I'm just stressed. Well, if I follow your stress it will lead me to your fear. So

what

I foundIf I suffered because I suffered, there are only 2 states you can live in. Two types. Beautiful states of being, happiness would be one of them, but if you just try to be happy all the time, it's not real. You know, some people smile so much their face hurts. It's a beautiful thing, but our nervous system needs variety. So think about it this way: beautiful states can be awe, they can be love, they can be passion, they can be a moment of courage, they can be momentum, they can be joy.

But in those states no one has to tell you what to do and you always treat yourself and others the right way and no one has to tell you because in that state you just do the right thing. Those states. The other states in which we can live are states of suffering. And I have a good friend named Christian and I was in India with him and we're having this discussion. He says, "You know, they talk about peak states and, you know, lousy states." He says: "I see them as states of beauty and suffering." Then I thought: “Then suffering would be frustration, anger, overwhelm, stress, worry, loneliness, depression. “There are a variety of them.” And I...

I wasn't depressed, but of course, sometimes I would get angry or frustrated or overwhelmed and just, that's part of

life

. Good. This is what I believe today: that is not part of life. That's the mentality that if you don't make it, you can have everyone loving you, you can have the most beautiful family, you can have 20 Academy Awards, you can have all the money you can spend, and still keep going. be in pain. So my invitation to the viewers who are watching this, and to you as a dear friend, is to raise the bar of what we call suffering so that you see it for what it is and realize that you can be free of it.

And it's not some ethereal, spiritual Indian thing to do that, I just think life is too short to suffer. And then I realize that my happiness was really cheap. And you know, let me explain. I'd be happy all the time, but then I'd give up my happiness as soon as, you know, this little device went off, because when you have 1,200 employees on 3 continents, what are the chances that someone is screwing up? right now? It will always be happening. There will always be something you can get angry about or there is an opportunity to get stressed, angry, angry or say, "Ugh." Or worried or concerned or… there are different levels, right?

Completely. All forms of suffering. So I thought, "If I'm willing to give up my happiness for that, because I think everything has to be a certain way, I think people have to behave a certain way so that we can change the world, all this internal pressure that I have." . I have to make everything perfect all the time, help everyone, you know, before I die. Whatever is in the back of my head. And what I started to realize is that I'm not living when I let this take that away from me. This should be one of the extra tools to maybe connect sometimes, but... and now when those things happen, I just let it go.

And that... for an achiever, that is the most difficult thought in your mind. It's all a great advance. Good? But problems need energy to live. And some things you just don't give energy to, they are much easier to solve. In addition, it is easier to solve something in a beautiful state than in an angry and scared state. Now, some of us get angry and speed up and, you know, find the answers, but there's a better way. There is a more elegant way. There is a more... more beautiful way to live. Yes. And I think you embody a good part of this, but I would be willing to bet that since you are human, you have states of suffering.

Oh man. Of course. What's up? It would be nice if the people who follow you saw that vulnerability in you too and I would love for you to share it. I wrote about this last week because I… when I was in Sicily. So, you know, taking vacations is a new habit for me and when we were there I really got to see and wrote a little bit about this, how upset I get and how irritated I get with Josh over stupid things. It does not matter. Exactly correct. And... and it was great because it was great because I wasn't just watching your movie...

Yeah. And you know how much I love and appreciate your work and I consider myself a lifelong student. I am always looking to learn and grow. And really... it was almost like an out-of-body experience where I started to see, wow, these are some of the patterns that I have and that I get in our intimacy... like, I'll stop the intimacy because I need to control. everything, including his condition and mine, and how... it was so amazing. And it was amazing the healing that could...that happened just by slowing down and just being willing to look and not needing to be right.

And also really getting... Do you want to be right or do you want to be in love? Yes. Those are your choices. And being really honest and having a level of discussion, you know, for Josh and I, it was like, “Hey, this is how I feel. This is what happens,” but it wasn’t conveyed through this angry, combative state. Yes. It was actually a discussion and we had curious moments about how we can take better care of each other. That is beautiful. And then… So deep in the relationship, right? Because no matter how deep and beautiful your relationship is, there is another level.

Always. Because when you are not suffering, there is nothing that stands in your way. Because everyone is a great communicator when things are going well. Yes. But when people get angry, frustrated, scared, worried, then everyone is a shitty communicator. And bad communication creates bad relationships. Yes. And then we were having a really fun time on the trip saying, well, here's another opportunity to peel the onion where we would surprise ourselves by entering a common friction point and reduce it. It's a pattern. Completely. And we slowed him down and he... we're both big jokers and we... comedy is just a part of our lives.

That's one of your patterns. That is beautiful. Yes. And then we had the opportunity to do that and at the end of the trip we thought, oh my God, we felt like we were new humans. That's great. It was... but, from what you say, it's like they were... I love finding these shapes. I get excited about finding my patterns because I really believe in everything you just shared and there's no reason for us... I was saying it to, I don't know, Louise, I think it was you behind me when I was dressing. . Or Greg, actually. You were asking, what did you really discover?

And I told him the same thing. There is always this other level. Then I know where you're going. I think the most important thing for this is that people apply it practically, since I hear you apply it 100% and it doesn't surprise me depending on who you are. But I think it all comes down to measuring it. You know, you can't manage something you don't measure. If you are in business and you don't measure your numbers, you will be out of business. You may not care about that, but you have to do it. Otherwise you won't be able to run it.

It's also true with your personal life, it's also true with your emotional life. So we…my wife Sage and I, we…and my family have come up with this approach over the last year and a half, we call it our 90 second rule. And it's not 90 seconds you have to fix your things. Like if we're together and you're my friend and you're hurting, I'm not going to do something that hurts you or says, "You have 90 seconds." I'm just saying, "You know, I don't know if you're feeling any stress or pain right now, but I'm here to help you if I can help you." But you know, there is an option.

Once we know there is a choice. And so, in 90 seconds, since no one pressures you, what we really realize is all the things that were stressing you out and that you thought you believed in those moments. Like believing that he had to be like this or that he shouldn't do this or that you should do something different. And when we have to criticize ourselves, when we judge someone or ourselves, that doesn't make things better. So what I've done is like... have you ever thought, “I want to kill this son of a bitch”? Of course. And I know he feels the same.

Yes. And then you have not loved until you have had that thought. Good? So when I tell people this, you have that thought, but you didn't kill anyone because you didn't believe that thought. Thoughts... when people think I have these thoughts, you don't. These thoughts have existed for millions of years. The millions of years you're an asshole, I hate you, or you should do something different, I should do something different. Those thoughts have been floating around in the ether. If I had told you 100 years ago that we were going to have a little device this size and that you could press a button and talk to someone on the other side of the earth because it would capture invisible waves and bring them into this box, you would say you were crazy.

If you said you were going to the moon and back you were a lunatic. Thoughts are vibrations. They have existed forever. This isn't some corny nonsense, it's the truth. And when you change the way you use your body in any way, down, turned on, going, it's like changing the channel on the television. Turn a channel and what you get are invisible waves of a horror story. Turn another, it's a comedy. Another is a romance. So when you learn how to trigger this and you realize that your thoughts are not your thoughts, what I've found funny is a thought that used to stress me out and I'm like, “Oh, look.

Another passing thought. Look at that little thing. It is not interesting? Isn't it fascinating? I'm not going to let... I'm not going to believe this. I know it's nonsense. I know this is what matters, not all that other nonsense. And I commit to living in a beautiful state for myself and those I love.” And the more you do it, you build muscle and it gets easier and… at first it should have been the 4 day rule, or the 4 hour rule to be more precise, probably. Because not only do we have days, but we have some bad half-days, I assure you.

Some bad nights sometimes. And now it's like... I wouldn't say it's easy because things appear, but they don't last. And that freedom is what most people who sit and meditate are looking for because I love meditation. I myself do a little meditation process in the mornings, but you meditate, you're in a great state, and then shit happens and the mind

takes

over and the meditation disappears. If you have to keep meditating all the time, you have no life. So meditation is a good reference point, but what I've decided is that the benefit of meditation is that I use that energy to cut off anything that makes me or other people I care about really unhappy in understanding the truth.

And here is the truth. All of your upsets in that situation, correct me if I'm wrong, were based on the expectations you had for him and yourself. Of course. And the problem with expectations is that they pigeonhole you, they box the people you love. And we can't help but have expectations, it's what the mind does. But you can free yourself from expectations when you change your expectations for appreciation. I always tell people to change their expectations for appreciation and in that moment your whole life will change. So I'm on my way, now I'm lucky enough to have my own private jet, it was an amazing gift but most of my life I rented it or when I traveled abroad it was too expensive right?

So, you know, you'll fly to Australia, now I have an intercontinental plane and I can do that. But in those I would take the plane. I was traveling on Qantas Airlines and the stress of traveling on Qantas Airlines, the stress, the thing that used to stress me out was like, “Oh my God. We have 14 hours and I'm disconnected from all the companies and people need to talk to me and all that.” Because, you know, commercially in the US you're connected to the internet, but in Australia you're not. I once got on the plane a few years ago and they announced, "We have the Internet," and it was like God came down on the plane.

People are applauding, people are high-fiving, it was the most… “Thank God we're on Instagram for 14 hours.” You know, it was the dumbest thing we are as humans today because, you know, we don't feel like we can live without these things. And… and I was like them. I thought, "Oh, this is the best." And in 15 minutes you can predict what happened, right? It didn't work. It didn't start again for 14 hours and people were like, "This is bullshit," and this... and people were angry. 15 minutes before it was a miracle, now it is an expectation. This is our lives today.

We live in a world where we wait so long because we have so many things available that we are missing out on the joy. So my goal is really simple. I want to live the happiest human life possible because I know that in that state I am better for all the human beings I care for.email and become an MF expert. You'll get instant access to an amazing audio I created called How to Get Anything You Want. Plus, you'll get exclusive content and insider updates that I don't share anywhere else. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have.

Thank you so much for watching and we'll see you next time on MarieTV. The important things. Great, does my hand look good? Tony likes my shoes. We are ready to go. From tip to toe.