Tony Robbins & Marie Forleo: What It Takes To Have an Extraordinary Life

asked a year and a half ago, we

have

been friends for a while, do you suffer? I mean, suffer, it would be like

what

are you talking about? Good? I

have

the most magnificent

life

, you know, I have 18 companies, we do 5 billion in sales and 7 different industries. I have a mission that I love as much as I can. I have 4 beautiful children, I have an amazing wife, I have total freedom. And I would be completely authentic in telling you all that. But I wouldn't use the word suffering as if the achievers don't think they are afraid.

Yeah. And you know, I've shared with you before, like, stress is the winning word for fear. I've never been afraid, I'm just stressed. Well, if I follow your stress, it will lead me to your fear. So

what

I found is that I suffered because I suffered, there are only 2 states you can live in. Two types. Beautiful states of being, happiness would be one, but if you just try to be happy all the time, it's not real. You know, some people smile so much that their faces hurt. It's a beautiful thing, but our nervous system needs variety in our nervous system.

So think of it this way, beautiful statuses could be awe, it could be love, it could be passion, it could be a brave moment, it could be drive, it could be happy. But in those states no one has to tell you what to do and you always treat yourself and others the right way and no one has to tell you because in that state you just do the right thing. those states The other states we can live in are states of suffering. And I have a good friend named Christian and I was in India with him and we're having this discussion.

He says, "You know, you talk about peak states and, you know, lousy states." He says: "I see them as suffering and beautiful states." Then I thought: “Then the suffering would be frustration, anger, overwhelm, stress, worry, loneliness, depression. There are a variety of them." And I… I wasn't depressed, but of course, sometimes I would get pissed off, frustrated or overwhelmed and just, that's part of

life

. Good. This is what I believe today, that is not part of life. That's the idea that if you don't manage it, you can have everyone loving you, you can have the most beautiful family, you can have 20 Academy Awards, you can have all the money you can spend, and still go. be in pain So my invitation to those viewers who are watching this, and to you as a dear friend, is to raise the level of what we call suffering so that you see it for what it is and realize that you can be free of it.

And it's not some ethereal, spiritual Indian thing to do that, it's just that I think life is too short to suffer. And so I realize that my happiness was really cheap. And, you know, let me explain. I would be happy all the time, but then I would leave my happiness as soon as, you know, this little device would go off because when you have 1200 employees on 3 continents, what is the probability that someone is screwing up? right now? It will always be happening. There's always going to be something you can get mad about or there's an opportunity to stress out, get mad, get mad, go, "Ugh." Or worried or worried or... there are different levels, right?

Completely. All forms of suffering. So I thought if I'm willing to give up my happiness for that because I think everything has to be a certain way, I think people have to behave a certain way in order for us to change the world, all this inner pressure that I have to do. everything perfect all the time, help everyone, you know, before you die. Whatever is in the back of my head there. And what I started to realize is that I'm not living when I let this take that away from me. This should be one of the extra tools to maybe log in sometimes, but... and now when those things happen, I just let them slide.

And that... for an achiever, that is the most difficult thought in your mind. Everything is progress. Good? But problems need energy to live. And some things, you just don't give them energy, are much easier to solve. In addition, it is easier to solve something in a beautiful state than in an angry and scared state. Now, some of us get mad and we get on the rampage and, you know, we find the answers, but there's a better way. There is a more elegant way. There is a more... more beautiful way to live. Yes. And I think you embody a good part of this, but I'd be willing to bet that since you're human, you have states of suffering.

Oh man. Of course. What's up? It would be nice if the people who follow you also see that vulnerability in you, and I would love for you to share it. I just wrote about this last week because I... when I was in Sicily. So, you know, again, taking vacations is a new habit for me and when we were there I could really see and write about it a little bit, it was how nervous I get and how irritated I get at Josh for stupid things. that doesn't matter. Exactly right. And... and it was great because it was great because I wasn't just watching your movie...

Yeah. And you know how much I love and appreciate your work and consider myself a lifelong student. I am always looking to learn and grow. And really… it was almost like an out of body experience where I started to see, wow, these are some of the patterns that I have in our intimacy… like, I'll stop the intimacy because I need to control everything, including her state and my state. and how...it was amazing. And it was amazing the healing that he could…that happened just by slowing down and just being willing to look and not needing to be right.

And also getting really… Do you want to be right or do you want to be in love? Yes. Those are your choices. And being really honest and having a level of discussion, you know, for Josh and I where he was like, “Hey, that's how I feel. This is what happens,” but he wasn't giving himself up through this angry, combative state. Yes. Actually, it was a discussion and we had curious moments of how we can better take care of each other. That is beautiful. And then... So deep in the relationship, right? Because as deep and beautiful as your relationship is, there is another level.

Always. Because when you're not suffering, there's nothing standing in your way. Because everyone is a great communicator when things are going well. Yes. But when people get angry, frustrated, afraid, worried, everyone is a shitty communicator. And bad communication creates bad relationships. Yeah. And so, we were having a really fun time on the ride, well, here's another opportunity to peel the onion where we would get caught going into a regular sticking point and reduce it. is a pattern Totally. And we'd hold him back and he... we're both, we're big jokers and we... comedy is, like, just a part of our lives.

That is one of your patterns. That is beautiful. Yeah. And so we got a chance to do that and by the end of the trip we were like, oh my gosh, we felt like we were new humans. That's great. It was... but to your point, it's like they were... I love finding these shapes. I'm excited to find my patterns because I really believe in everything you just shared and there's no reason for us to… I was saying to, I don't know, Louise, I think you were behind you when I was getting dressed. . Or Greg, actually. You were asking, you're like, what did you really find out?

And I was telling him the same thing. There is always this other level. So I know where you're going. I think the most important thing for this is that people pretty much apply it, as I hear you apply it 100% and it doesn't surprise me based on who you are. But I think it's really about measuring it. You know, you can't manage something you don't measure. If you're in business and you don't measure your numbers, you're out of business. You may not mind that, but you have to. Otherwise, you can't run it. It is also true with your personal life, it is also true with your emotional life.

So we… my wife Sage and I are… and my family has come up with this approach in the last year and a half, we call it our 90 second rule. And it's not like you have 90 seconds to fix your shit. Like we're together and you're my friend and you're in pain, I'm not going to do something and make you feel bad or say, "You've got 90 seconds." I'm just saying, "You know, I don't know if you're feeling any stress or some pain right now, but I'm here for you if I can help you." But, you know, there is an option.

Once we know there is a choice. And so, in 90 seconds, since no one is pushing you, what we really realize is everything that was stressing you out and what you thought you were believing in in those moments. Like believing that he had to be like this or that he shouldn't do this or that you should do something different. And every time we owe it to ourselves, every time we judge someone or ourselves, he doesn't do better. So what I did is like... have you ever thought, "I want to kill this son of a bitch"? Of course.

And I know he feels the same. Yes. And then you have not loved until you have had that thought. Good? So when I tell people this, you have that thought, but you didn't kill anyone because you didn't believe the thought. Thoughts… when people think I have these thoughts, you don't. These thoughts have been around for millions of years. The million years you're a jerk, I hate you, or you should do something different, I should do something different. Those thoughts have been spinning in the ether. If I told you 100 years ago that we would have a little device this size and you could push a button and talk to someone on the other side of the earth because it would pick up invisible waves and bring them into this box, you would say you are crazy.

If you said you were going to the moon and came back you were a lunatic. Thoughts are vibrations. They have been around forever. This is not corny nonsense, it is the truth. And when you change the way you use your body in some way, downward, excited, accelerated, it's like changing the channel on television. Turn a channel and what you bring up are invisible ripples from a horror story. Turn to another, it's a comedy. Another is a romance. So when you learn to trigger this and realize that your thoughts are not your thoughts, what makes me laugh is a thought that used to stress me out happens, I'm like, "Oh, look.

Another thought happening. Look at that little thing. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that fascinating? I'm not going to let…I'm not going to believe this. I know it's bullshit. I know it's this that matters, not all that other nonsense. And I'm committed to living in a beautiful state for me and those I love.’ And the more you do it, the more you build muscle and it gets easier and…at first it should have been the 4 day rule, or probably the 4 hour rule to be more exact. Because not only do we have days, but we have some bad half-days, I'm telling you.

Some bad nights sometimes. And now it's like... I wouldn't say it's easy because things appear, but they don't last And that freedom is what most people who are sitting and meditating are looking for because I love meditation. I myself do a little meditation process in the morning, but you meditate, you're in a great state, and then shit happens and the mind

takes

over and the meditation is gone. If you have to go on meditating all the time, you have no life. So meditation is a good set point, but what I've decided is that the benefit of meditation is that I use that energy to cut off anything that makes me or others I care about really unhappy in understanding the truth.

And here is the truth. All of your upsets in that situation, correct me if I'm wrong, were based on the expectations you had for him and yourself. Of course. And the problem with expectations is that they put you in a box, they put the people you love in a box. And we cannot avoid having expectations, it is what the mind does. But you can be free of expectations when you trade your expectations for appreciation. I always tell people, trade your expectations for appreciation and in that moment your whole life changes. So I'm on my way, now I'm lucky to have my own private jet, it was an amazing gift, but most of my life I chartered it or when I traveled abroad it was too expensive right?

So, you know, you're going to fly to Australia, now I have an intercontinental plane and I can do it. But in those I would take the plane. I was going to Qantas Airlines and the stress of getting on Qantas Airlines, the stress, the thing that used to stress me out was like, “Oh my gosh. We have 14 hours and I am disconnected from all the companies and people need to talk to me and all that. Because, you know, commercially in the US you're connected to the internet, but in Australia you're not. So one time I got on the plane a few years ago and they announced, "We have the internet," and it was like God descended on the plane.

People are cheering, people are like high fives, it was the best... "Thank God, we are connected to Instagram for 14 hours." You know, it was the dumbest thing we are as humans today because, you know, we don't feel like we can live without these things. And... and I was like them. I was like, "Oh, this is the best." And in 15 minutes you can predict what happened, right? It didn't work. I didn't start again in 14 hours and people were like: "This is bullshit", and this... and people were angry. 15 minutes before it was a miracle, now it is an expectation.

That is our life today. We live in a world where we wait so long because there is so much available to us that we are missing out on joy. So my goal is very simple. I want to live the happiest human life humanly possible because I know that in that state I am better for everyone.than go and leave a comment now. And while you're there, be sure to sign up for our email list and become an MF expert. You'll get instant access to some amazing audio I created called How To Get What You Want. Plus, you'll get exclusive content and insider updates that I don't share anywhere else.

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