This Disturbing Manga Ruined My ChildhoodMay 30, 2021
Without exaggeration, I've tried to make
thisvideo four different times over the last year, but I've always given up before writing a single word into the script. Why does revisiting
mangamake me feel the way anxiety arises? I go from page to page the topics that art covers I don't want to be melodramatic but I honestly think it
childhoodbut let's go back and give a better context what does a 13 year old boy who is curious about girls do when he isn't? tired after his parents put him to bed early, well, look at the
manga, obviously, I knew firsthand, like the two manga I had read, that even in series with few details about the romance, there seemed to be a lot more to absorb there , the only.
The problem was that he was paranoid. What if my parents were monitoring my activity? What if they could see what I do on my computer or phone? What if they had some kind of elusive parental tracking device after all? One of the other benefits of manga that I had seen at the time was the superior art and lacked standards for those highly desired romantic scenes that a boy my age would have wanted to see. I thought I had found a loophole, although in reality the threat probably not. exist in the first place, I decided to get away from my parents' prying eyes by watching manga on my 3ds while being as quiet as possible and either undercover or blocking the light under the door with a blanket, I started reading just a little every night until the point where I got tired and my eyes hurt every night I read a little more manga on my 3ds.
At first it didn't seem that bad either. The first manga I read to the end was that great. wholesome ecchi harem romance ichigo 100 where at the end of the series I remember my biggest problem was that I thought everyone was so nice and I felt bad because some of them couldn't get what they wanted, my second Was this unlike Ichigo, where I was rewarded with cute moments of filming, cute blushing scenes, cute quotes and almost all of these things when they were presented were presented in a way that made me feel uncomfortable? This manga was much more gritty and angular, it felt more oppressive, but like the protagonist it seemed similar to the previous ones I had seen.
I kept supporting him and hoping that the relationship would turn into something healthy, it wasn't tsundoma or sun dome as the kidney called it and for the sake of nostalgia I will do it. calling it in this video I recently learned is actually a Japanese slang word that basically means stop right before and it's a romantic story about denial great acts of service disgusting rewards feeling dirty about yourself at least that's how I felt when I was Reading it as a kid and how I still felt revisiting it now that I've gotten older and experienced a lot more manga, it reminds me more of something like The Flowers of Evil, but honestly, I find Sundome to be the much more
disturbingseries of The Flowers of Evil. mal has a very toxic relationship with extensive artistic displays of eroticism and violence.
To me, it seemed largely over the top, which removed some of the realism that would have made those situations uncomfortable. It seemed more like a disgusting made-up world to me. with disgusting, unlikable characters and a confusing message that I didn't entirely agree with and along with Sundome it didn't feel like it was trying to push anything like it was trying too hard to get on my nerves and since I'm going into a minute I guess that's how it is. partly how it was able to capture and affect me so deeply, although to be fair, I only got about seven volumes of The Flowers of Evil and simply determined that it wasn't for me, so I'm not saying.
That series is bad, but it's not like Sundome is for me because even though the younger me still eagerly clicked on it, you see the way Sun Dome absorbed the younger me into its presentation most of the time, it doesn't seem Instead, the horror manga focuses most of the time on this typical joke-romance mood that reminded me of my happy moments with Ichigo 100, which only became more disorienting with the extremely awkward situations in which the characters get involved and how you consider them. extremely comfortable things actively happening in the background beneath the lighter moments things that grossed me out or made my body physically shudder I didn't find it attractive at all but it gave me a tone like any romance I'd already seen and because From this my imaginative brain started watching other romance shows with this darker view that in the group of friends in a typical romance there could secretly be two characters doing this kind of thing and we just wouldn't know it because they're not the main ones. characters, it also very negatively colored my view of real-life romance, considering he was a young boy with few real experiences, rarely depicting violent or verbal types of abuse, things that stories like this usually love to revel in, but which instead are almost purely psychological. the silent treatment he receives from her when he doesn't do what she says perfectly; the anxiety and overthinking of him trying to fix her or make her happy when she hasn't even given him enough information for him to positively know if she's upset or not. she admits to him that she intentionally tries to say and do things to make him uncomfortable to see her reactions and see the worst things he will do for her while reaffirming the power difference between them, this made me overthink everything girls.
I was told in high school that I wasn't aware of how indirect people could be before this point. I mean, I'm sure I understood sarcasm, but I never knew the depth of implications a conversation could have and therefore, overall, what I'm going to continue. talking about it I think hurt me for the worse for a few years this is perhaps the main positive side I could say I got from this by paying more attention to what people mean and imply rather than what they say, things like sarcasm , sure, but more ways that people play this back and forth social game and how it can be very complicated and some people become very difficult to read.
I feel like I'm really good at reading people at the moment and I'm not sure how much of that contributes to reading the series, I highly doubt it, but it's still a positive side that I like to see, but at the time it made me think too much about everything I heard, all the possibilities, the different ways people use words to imply little things, so it's bittersweet, but I guess it's time to get back to the bitter, so we move on to the Sundome chapters that are They call them necklaces and the motif of a necklace with the chain is constantly repeated to drive home the theme of control and denial; it's definitely supposed to be spicy for some people with more specific tastes but 13 year old me was misinformed they didn't understand any of it instead I was wondering if toxic things like this could really happen to people or maybe even me and that It scared me.
I remember going to school afraid that some cute girl in my class might be secretly interested in this kind of thing, which admittedly is fun to think about now in retrospect, but at the time it was a problem. genuine for a while, after reading the story, I had a hard time getting that thought out of my mind. head even when I didn't want to think about it like I didn't have full control over my thoughts, I was scared to pursue relationships, scared to go beyond just holding hands, the feeling of control, I'm sure some would be excited. making the younger self reading it feel constantly oppressed and engrossed in the world, it felt like there was no escape from its intensity, for example the subplots and characters were also an extremely limited cast that always seemed to barely fit or be uncomfortably close to the main plot, so there weren't really any cut jokes, even when they attempted these lighthearted moments, there was always this deep, sordid undertone which, if said to regress a bit, it would be unfair for me to say that it's actually a bad I honestly don't think I can look at it levelly to make up what I think is, overall, an object.
Look at it, but this guy on any list seems to think it's pretty good, so it's possible that I just have too many things that scare me and remind me of the paranoia of my past
childhood. Re-reading some things, I realized towards the end that yes, the relationship seems to become more equal, although she still has a strong hold on him and ends with a sort of MC growth, although it is still very confusing and explicit to talk from the end, it ends more bittersweet than any romance I've ever seen and it definitely ends without taking too long, it's only eight volumes from start to finish so it's not full of a bunch of nonsense and misunderstandings, I still remember it for years to come in relationships.
I was always worried about the kind of weird things I would have to deal with if I talked to the wrong person. If I choose the wrong partner. i think i would leave if i got into a toxic situation a relationship but if it's that easy then why didn't mc changer leave now that's how the younger me would get anxiety thinking in the series that something or someone could catch me and would change for the worse, I would become disgusting, less confident, I would lose some of my freedom, my self-control, my general standards of morality nowadays, I would say it's because the MC and the girl were quite similar to each other and it says as much near the end of the series and that he was never really caught up, but he had a part of the situation that he enjoyed the whole time, as did a lot of other people who would probably enjoy this series a little more than the younger me who first experienced it. but even with this observation, which I hope is reasonable, thought out, I don't feel it right in my heart, so I could never recommend it to anyone, it feels like one of the dojinshi made to make you feel horrible, but instead of lasting 20 or 40 pages instead of maybe. rarely reaches the 100 or 200 page mark, it's eight full volumes and it's not primarily done with a constant sense of waking up the reader, it stops just before, as the name suggests, just before the gratification begins and the story as with the final cuts.
Moving forward in time just before you can see a concrete, satisfying sense of resolution always leaves you on edge, that anxiety of a song stopping mid-phrase with a painfully extended singular note, making you anxious, like If when the note stops, does it stop abruptly or will another loud noise be played and what may or may not come next was always what scared me? Sorry for the amount of blur in this video, but that's the nature of this content on YouTube if you want a clear, crisp version. of the video, however, please pledge to my patreon as I will post the video here tomorrow.
I reply to almost all of my comments and my last video didn't even make it to some people's subscription feeds, so I'm praying for any engagement in the comments I like. To get my channel back up and running here please help and I will try to respond to everyone in the comments below and also if there is any reason why you want to read this manga which by the way I don't recommend. The manga is officially available in super high quality on Bookwalker. For some reason I don't get paid to promote it, but if you sign up and use my hidden coupon code, I get a reward for it and I love the idea of being able to years later.
To get something positive out of this manga that
ruinedmy adolescence finally thanks to all the recent new patrons and all my Twitch followers, specifically the friendly neighbor Lisbon 2093 daniel frousing vctf jared sumners and my name is klein, I hope you all like the great influx. of highly edited content regularly and I hope to continue like this until next time, so take care, see you.
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