This Day in SNL History: Get in the Cage with Nicolas Cage
-And now it's time for
"Get in the
," our flagship segment in which
film star
sits down
and
? -Well, good evening, Nic. You're looking
very well tonight. -Well, that's very kind
of you, Nic. You look great, too. -Guys, I'm going
to jump in here. How is
s. -Well, Seth I can
Cage
," our flagship segment in which
film star Nicolas
Cage
sits down with
a fellow actor to discuss the craft and future projects. So please join me in welcomingNicolas
Cage
and Nicolas
Cage
? -Well, good evening, Nic. You're looking
very well tonight. -Well, that's very kind
of you, Nic. You look great, too. -Guys, I'm going
to jump in here. How is this
possible? I'm looking at two identical NicCage
s. -Well, Seth I canexplain
if you just calm down! -I'm calm. -Okay, as everyone knows,
my dream as an actor is to appear in every film
ever released. However, until now, I've only
been able to muster a measly 90 percent,
bringing shame upon my dojo. -Sure, of course. -But fortunately today,
science has prevailed and I'm proud to announce
that my cloning experiment has finally come to fruition. -I'm sorry.
Cloning experiment? -Well, that's exactly right,
Seth. I am his clone.
-Oh. Well that
does make sense
because you two are identical in every way. -Not in every way, Seth. -While physically
we are exactly the same, there are some slight
differences personality-wise. -Yes, for example,
this
Nic is calm and stealthy, like a ninja warrior. -Where asthis
Nic is an exaggerated screaming psychopath who really just doesn't exist. -That's high praise. -I just, uh, I need to getthis
straight. So only one of you is currently staring in "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance"which opens
action film. Number one...
-All the dialogue is either or whispered
or screamed. -And of course number two... -Everything in the movie
is on fire. -Wow, I have to say
it sounds great. -Hey, you mind your manners,
hair gel. -No, let's -- let's
just calm down, Nic. Let's do our self-esteem
exercises where we pay each
other compliments.
this
coming Friday. -That's right, Seth, and it's not to be missed for it has the two key qualities of a classic NicCage
action film. Number one...
-All the dialogue is either or whispered
or screamed. -And of course number two... -Everything in the movie
is on fire. -Wow, I have to say
it sounds great. -Hey, you mind your manners,
hair gel. -No, let's -- let's
just calm down, Nic. Let's do our self-esteem
exercises where we pay each
other compliments.-Alright, very well.
I'll begin. Nic, I love your charisma. -Nic, I love your lions heart. -Nic, I love your sense
of humor, dry and marbled like quality beefsteak. No A-1 sauce required
for
this
jester for the tangy flavor rises fromwith
in. Also I love your scent -- musky and masculine like that of a Silverback gorilla in a form-fitting leather jacket. -That's high praise. -It's just great how much you guys support each other. -Well, it's easy to support a manwith
the rugged,smokey features of a cunning
cigar-store Indian and eyes that sparkle and pierce
the hearts of women but old and middle-aged alike. And that is the true meaning
of Black
and Nic
,
everyone. -Now it's time for
"Get in the
" where actor
History
month. -I just don't know what you mean by that, Nic. -Yeah. Nevertheless, it's time for us to ride on to our next adventure. -What is that? -We're going to have a three-waywith
the Declaration of Independence. -NicCage
and Nic Cage
,
everyone. -Now it's time for
"Get in the Cage
" where actorNicolas
Cage
sits
down with
fellow thespians to discuss their recent work. Please welcomeNicolas
Cage
and Liam Neeson. -This
is so great. Nic, Liam, thank you so much for coming. -Ah, it's an honor to be herewith
the great NicCage
. -Yeah. That's very kind of you, Liam. Now you're in the upcoming film
"Battleship," a movie in which robot aliens
invade Earth from the ocean. -Yup, that's right. -So I guess my first
question is, how am I not in that movie?! It has boththe classic
elements I look for in a Nic
film. One, it's based on
a children's board game. And two, you don't need to speak
English to enjoy it. -Well, Nic, I'm sorry
you weren't in movie, bud. -Oh, spare me your pity,
neeses pieces. I don't need "Battleship." I'm my developing my own movie. It's called
"Hungry Hungry Hippos." I play a rogue marble
that escapes from hell to exact revenge on the hippos
that killed his daughter. -Wow, that
Cage
film. One, it's based on
a children's board game. And two, you don't need to speak
English to enjoy it. -Well, Nic, I'm sorry
you weren't in movie, bud. -Oh, spare me your pity,
neeses pieces. I don't need "Battleship." I'm my developing my own movie. It's called
"Hungry Hungry Hippos." I play a rogue marble
that escapes from hell to exact revenge on the hippos
that killed his daughter. -Wow, that-- that sounds
really good. -Don't condescend me, tall Bono. You know I envy your work. Earlier
story.
-I'm sorry. Seth, is there a question
I'm supposed to answer? -No, you just kind
of let him talk. -Okay -You've also played
characters named Ra's al Ghul and Qui-Gon Jinn, which of course are the names
of two of my three
this
year you starred in "The Grey," a movie about a man fighting of a pack of ravenous wolveswith
his bare hands, A.K.A., the NicCage
story.
-I'm sorry. Seth, is there a question
I'm supposed to answer? -No, you just kind
of let him talk. -Okay -You've also played
characters named Ra's al Ghul and Qui-Gon Jinn, which of course are the names
of two of my threetesticles. -Uh, I can't believe
I'm going to ask
this
, but what's the third one called? -We call him The Fixer. They say he makes problems go away. -Sure, that makes sense. Yeah. -Look, you're a sweet kid, Leslie Nielsen, but you lack the key qualities of a true movie star, namely, the skin of sun-dried gremlinwith
the oakey tan and chaotic hairline of a Puerto Rican Bettlejuice. And that is why we leave one chair empty at Passover. -I'm sure that's not right. -You justmade my list,
Schindler! -What list is that? -My Christmas card list. I send them out in April
when you least expect it! -Hey. Careful, Nic. I have a very particular
set of skills... -Oh. -...skills I have acquired
over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare
for people like you. -Yes, your famous monologue
from the "Taken" trailer. I have to confess. The first time I saw it I was so filled
with
terror that Ra's al Ghul and Qui-Gon Jinn receded into my stomach. I had tosend in The Fixer
to bring them back home. -That is possibly
the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. -That's high praise. Well, as my "Face/Off" co-star
John Travolta would say, "Which Jewish masseuse
do you have to pork to get a gig in
this
town?" They say you shouldn't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his face. -Nobody says that. No one says that. -Well, I've walked in John Travolta's face. "Face/Off," coming to theaters June27, 1997. -That was --
that was 15 years ago. -I don't have time
to argue
,
everybody. -And now is time for
"Get in the
," our... Our Peabody award-winning
segment in which actor
sits down
with
you! And so now Liam and I will ride on to our next adventure. -Oh, yeah. What's that? -We're gonna kidnap God. -And we're not going to let him go until we get our damn money back. -Liam Neeson and NicCage
,
everybody. -And now is time for
"Get in the Cage
," our... Our Peabody award-winning
segment in which actor Nicolas
cage
sits down
with
fellow thespians to discuss the craft and theirrecent work. Please welcome
and Paul Rudd. -Thanks. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. You know, anyone who knows me
knows I love the craft, so it's really an honor to sit
here and talk shop
. -That's very kind of you,
Paul, but the pleasure
is all mine. Now, you're currently preparing
to film a movie called "Ant-Man" about a brilliant thief who uses
his superpowers to shrink down
and communicate
Nicolas
Cage
and Paul Rudd. -Thanks. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. You know, anyone who knows me
knows I love the craft, so it's really an honor to sit
here and talk shop with
the greatNicolas
Cage
. -That's very kind of you,
Paul, but the pleasure
is all mine. Now, you're currently preparing
to film a movie called "Ant-Man" about a brilliant thief who uses
his superpowers to shrink down
and communicate with
bugs. -Yeah, that's right.Yes. -So I guess my first question
is how am I not in that movie?! It sounds like it has
all the classic elements of a Nic
film. One, hot lunches served daily. And, two, in between meals,
soups were provided. -Well, I'm sure you would have
made a great Ant-Man. -Of course I would. I was born to play a superhero. I have my own natural
super-suit -- a thick, downy layer
of coarse body hair, impermeable to bullets. It's like a barbed-wire,
electric fence wrapped around a deranged
Cage
film. One, hot lunches served daily. And, two, in between meals,
soups were provided. -Well, I'm sure you would have
made a great Ant-Man. -Of course I would. I was born to play a superhero. I have my own natural
super-suit -- a thick, downy layer
of coarse body hair, impermeable to bullets. It's like a barbed-wire,
electric fence wrapped around a derangedwater bison. -I don't know how
to respond to that. -Yeah, I don't think
it really matters. Seth, my old friend! Wow! You look so youthful! So it's true what they say. You found the holy grail, the cup of eternal youth
long sought by my father, Indiana Jones. -Actually, my name is Colin. -Don't correct me, haircut! -So, what have you
been up to, Nic. -Oh! Well, it's been a big year
for me. I hit 50 on January 7. -Oh, is that right? Wow. I can't believe
you're 50 years
old. -No, I mean I did 50 movies
between new years and January 7. -I think that might
be impossible. -Don't condescend me,
Ruddney Dangerfield. I'll suck out your eyeballs
with
a crazy straw. A little trick I picked up in Tunisia while shooting an independent film that will soon be on N.O.D. -N.O.D.? -Never on demand. -Well, I can't wait to see it. -Don't sass me, clueless! I get your appeal. You're an everyman. But so am I, if every man roamed his mansion in a silk Kimono,cursing the Gods
in some lost language until the Santa Monica police show up
and tell him the neighbors would
like to "move forever." -I live next door to you. It's a nightmare. I saw you naked
in your backyard, and I had to take
a three-day shower. -That's high praise. You're a sweet kid,
Ruddyard Kipling, but you lack the key qualities
of a true movie star -- namely, a flowing mane
of hair that resembles a ferret carcass stapled to the
skull of a classroom skeleton. And
that is why we light
the menorah on Labor Day. -That's a Hanukkah thing. -I don't have time
to argue
and Paul Rudd,
everyone!
-Thank you.