There Are Some Fates Worse Than Death: Mike Drowley at TEDxScottAFB

I'm Lieutenant Colonel Mike Drowley and I'm here today to tell you who I am now in standard Air Force presentations and briefings. I would dazzle them with PowerPoint skills. I would have a good overview to tell you what I'm planning. Speaking of today and for my biography, I would go over what my duties were, the education I had, the awards I won, but instead, today I'm just going to tell you exactly who I am. marine rifleman I'm an Army infantryman I'm a Navy SEAL now

some

of you are probably looking at me right now saying no you're not, in fact you're none of those things, you obviously have a flight suit. wearing

some

sort of scarf your hair looks amazing you sir are a fighter pilot but I'm going to argue that last point with you for a second.

I'm not a fighter pilot, in fact, I'm an attack pilot. I drive the A10 boar. and being an attack pilot means that I represent something that is bigger than myself to me. I am all those people. I have extreme empathy for that infantryman who is being bombarded by artillery, for that Marine rifleman who is standing there alone protecting. a hill for that Navy SEAL who is about to kick down the door of a building where he has no idea what is on the other side. I try to put my shoes in each of those people's shoes, that's what makes me an A10 attack. pilot and it sounds funny to say, but empathy is probably one of the greatest abilities that I have to be able to carry out that mission, so for me there are three worlds, three words that can stop my world in an instant, those words are troops in contact and What troops in contact means is that friendly forces are taking direct, effective fire, that someone else is trying to hurt my friends on the ground, and when I think about troops in contact when I'm in a training scenario trying to prepare for The real fight sounds a little cheesy, but what I think of is the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan on D-Day, when the ship drops friendly forces trying to storm the beachhead, they're taking that constant fire and incessant, that's what I try and think. about those forces are happening on the ground every second and my world counts to be able to protect and help those guys on the ground and then when I hear troops in contact, that mental clock that starts with the opening scene starts ticking in my mind.

It was August 16, 2002 when I heard the words "Troops in contact for the first time in a combat situation" on the radio. He was doing night support for a team that had just captured a high-value target and was heading their way. Coming out of a valley with high value aim We are trying to get to a safe house. The weather wasn't great that night. There was a backup of several thousand feet into an overcast cover. Above the weather, everything was fine, it was like flying. On a blanket of snow there were stars outside, there was a moon, but talking to the team on the ground below the meteorological platform, they anticipated that the clouds were about a thousand feet above the ground.

They were right in the middle of a valley. There was wind. When it was windy, it was dusty, there were very intermittent storms and as I checked in and talked to them about their situation, the feeling I had was that they didn't feel like things were going well, there were indicators out there. that were making them nervous, certain things they were seeing in the city made them believe that others were aware of their presence, so while this was happening, I contacted my controlling agency and said, "I would like to try to run a The weather went down to be below the weather just so I can see this team, so if something happens I can be ready for it, I can be there to support them and while I was doing that coordination, suddenly those words appeared on the radio troops in contact, we are taking direct fire and what was surprising to me is that I could hear the gunshots and explosions in the background while the team member was trying to talk to me and tell me that I was under fire at the time well that was all I needed, then I told him to the control agency that now I'm going to run a weather drop and I'm going to go down there so I can help my friends, so running a weather drop is not the most fun procedure in the world, uh, if you think about it, in At that time, it was 2002, we didn't have real pictures of the country, we didn't have real detailed maps, all I had was a Russian map from when the Russians fought in Afghanistan, it wasn't written in English, uh.

No, there were no numbers I could recognize, but that's what we used to get our bearings. I had a GPS point where I would start. I would hold a very specific heading, reduce power for an allowed period of time and then when that time expired I would hopefully get out of the weather and if I hadn't I would execute a maximum recovery climb and try to get away from any terrain. that was on the other side, so I arrived at my starting point. I told my partner to hold steady and now I started running my weather, lowered the power, tried to hold that exact heading and now I entered cloud cover, it's very turbulent.

I'm bouncing all over the place and as I'm doing this, I'm probably doing one of the fastest instrument cross checks I've ever done instrument instrument instrument out instrument instrument instrument out and while I'm doing that, a little man starts while I'm going through that and it's please let this work please let this work please leave this job and after what seems like an eternity only turns out to be 10 to 12 seconds I bolt out of the north end of the valley under the weather was like a tht about the ground and I ask myself that eternal question why not?

Didn't I listen to my mom when she told me to go work at the local grocery store and the reason came back on the radio when the troops started saying that we are getting more and more fire, we need help now, so I go into a hyi? I turn around, I tell my partner to stay up high, there's no way I can get you into the fight right now, the G's are really crushing you into the seat, the SAG envg in your face as you try to turn around and now I'm . As I try to look back down the valley, what lies before me is probably one of the most astonishing gunfights I have ever seen.

There is an infrared beacon that activates and shows me where the friendly position is and then there is tracer fire. back and forth to the East and from the East towards the Convoy I'm trying to support and then halfway up the mountainside, right at the bottom of the clouds, there is a flash with a corresponding explosion in the stop valve. from some kind of mortar team that is trying to damage my friendly forces there, so now I'm Cru in the valley at 300 knots, which is pretty fast for an A10. I'm trying to get in touch with friends, the team.

One member is having trouble talking to me because he is so immobilized by the fire that he hides behind the truck and can only appear from time to time to try to get line of sight to my jet so I can hear him. So while this is happening, I'm asking a question: are you firing to the east or are you taking fire from the west? Which is it? Where are you shooting? Where are you taking the fire from? And what I get is that we're taking Shot from the East, so I set my gun crosswise on the tree line, get to about 6,000 feet and then hit for 2 seconds, which fires 100 rounds into that tree line and , when I go out, I get a blinding effect from my weapon.

I shoot 30 millimeters, which reduces my nvgs. I almost have to do a back throw, a high throw, to avoid hitting the side walls of the mountain, which puts me back in bad weather and what greets me on the radio is probably the worst. close air support an A10 pilot can hear on the radio at that point that's complete silence a, things are running through your mind at that moment did I just shoot my own friends? radio, you have no idea what's going on in that period of time and finally when I'm back in the weather I get the radio call, probably the best radio call an A10 pilot can get good results, keep it up, so I wrap that plane.

Around I get out of the valley, try to get below the weather again and then it's another hygienic maneuver now to get back down, that way I can support with those friendly forces another firefight at the tree line back into the next weather. and all I keep hearing on the radio is "It keeps coming, it keeps going and it's amazing because the Tracer fire doesn't stop, it doesn't slow down, usually once you show up and do a flyby, contact is broken and you can go home, but this The day the enemy had something going and they knew it was a good thing and now they were trying to do as much damage as possible to those friends of mine that were on the ground I made two more passes at the tree line that broke. fell back and now switched to mortar position as the friendly forces finally started to break contact and are now leaving the valley.

I gathered my partner, we provided support for about 45 more minutes and were finally able to leave and return home once they are out. out of the valley safely and now we're heading back to their safe house when I think about that day and, uh, what I did to help those guys, I get the question every now and then, how could you do that? How could you do climate change with a semi-reliable global positioning system? Semi-reliable Russian map of weather in mountainous terrain to try to help those guys out and the answer is always pretty easy for me.

It is because there are

fates

that are

worse

than

death

and in my world letting something happen to my brothers and sisters on the ground is one of them, it is something that I have sworn I will never let happen, it is what I have built. My entire life, the credibility of my mission, the entire purpose of my existence is to protect those forces on the ground. You fast forward to 2003 and ask who I am. In the first scenario, it said that I am an attack pilot in 2003, on March 23rd. I would respond: "I am a mission commander I am a Strike Eagle pilot I am a Viper pilot I am a hh60 rescue helicopter crew because March 23 was not a very good day for our friendly forces during operation Iraqi Freedom and a mc1300 uh convoy , the MC 130 train that was going to carry out special operations INF Phil was shot quite badly, the convoy that PFC Jessica Lynch was in had received intense fire and PS resulted from that convoy and then there were two ah64 attack helicopters that received shots fired at one just outside of Baghdad, that's the role I found myself in on March 23rd.

I was supporting a special operations mission when I heard the communicator come to monitor that an attack helicopter had been shot down if you want to talk. Something that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up is a team that is screaming at the frequency of emergency clothing that they have been hit they don't know where they are falling and you can't do anything about it. I asked for relief from my special operations mission and they gave it to me so that I could assume the role of Mission Commander and now go and try to conduct a search and rescue mission for these helicopter pilots who had been shot down.

I got an initial set of coordinates from where we thought the radio beacon had initially been fired and that we could stay about 70 miles south of Baghdad, which was our only safe area where we felt like we weren't going to take any kind of enemy fire while we checked in. in the winery. My partner and I must have been doing the same thing at the same time we were scrolling up on our navigation system to see where that location was and as we look up where our system tells us this is where those coordinates are, there is nothing more than threats. up in the air anti-aircraft artillery fire surface to a missile explosion it was like a wall of enemy threats that was to the north I remember going towards me I return to where I am holding the container come back showing me there is your keep the place back to the threats objectives back to where I am back to where the objective is and from a wingman I suddenly hear that where are we going, I'm going yes, it's locked up, it's time to go to work So at this point everyone wants to help, we have F -16 checking in, we have Strike Eagles checking in, we have rescue helicopters that are ready to go and on these rescue helicopters there are rescue teams on par, there are about 14 to 20 military personnel that are on it.

Helicopter ready to go anywhere and do anything I tell them to do to pick up those friendly forces, so my partner and I tried to head north and immediately started taking artillery fire from anti-aircraft planes. Towards us, we haven't gone more than 10 miles north before we start taking all this fire and while we're trying to get there, I'm trying to make contact with the helicopter crew and I'm getting really messed up. and limited communications something is touching the microphone someone is trying to talk I hear someone is hurt, they thinkThey may be about to be captured and I think we have to do this now, we have to get there or else they are going to be captured, that's all and from the ground the helicopters that are hovering and waiting for me to make the call are saying the same thing. , we have to go, we have to get up there now and I'm okay, this is the time, it's urgent, we have to move, let's start going.

I'm going to try to clear a path for you and start moving north and exchanging fire with as many threats as possible. Possibly I can and suddenly there was a third person moment that I have where I am. Sitting there, sailing north, my companion separates in his own threat reaction and I remember seeing a fireball of a threat fly away from his plane and His A10 was just barreling away from him and that's when I thought he was about to kill 40 Americans if I sent everyone up there. I'm going to kill more people than I saved today.

I remember that it is the worst call I have ever had to make in my entire life. I called the helicopter crew again and said abort and that's like cursing. on the radio it's like cursing in church I get what I said abort I'm going to lose more of you than I can save today and it's the worst feeling to go I can't make it happen and I'm I was about to leave two Americans behind and little I later learned in that silent radio chatter that I had initially heard from the moment I said, let's do it, that the crew had been captured, they spent 18 days in captivity before being repatriated as prisoners of war, but the only thing that remained running through my mind was that there are some

fates

that are

worse

than

death

and one of those fates is for me to send 20 Americans to what would be certain death as the commander responsible for the mission and that is my role.

Now, after doing those two operations of lasting freedom and Iraqi freedom, I had the opportunity to go to weapons school as an instructor pilot and I finally had time to reflect on the missions that I had accomplished and as I thought about those missions something hit me in the head. the face and that was an incongruity that he was living inside my life, strange as it may seem. It happened to me one day when I was getting off my plane, a crew chief standing there was friendly. It bothered me that I wasn't fully focused during the day. .

I remember him coming up and saying, You know what, sir? Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm taking night classes. My wife just had a newborn and suddenly it hit me. I thought all I cared about was service, when I turned on that leadership in aircraft service. By which I mean the guy on the ground being bombed. What I care about is that Navy SEAL that's about to kick. Out the door, but in my everyday life, am I talking about the Airman who is about to deploy for the first time? I mean that NCO who's studying for his next exam?

I mean that captain who is getting ready to head out on his first combat mission and that's when I realized that servant leadership is not just an AFC it's not a specialty code it's not just a job it doesn't happen when You start the engines it doesn't end when you get back and put the chocks in it is a second by second, minute by minute service that you owe to each and everyone when you are in a leadership role, so when people ask me who I am, I still believe I'm a tack pilot. I still believe I am a mission.

Commander, but now my answer is quite simple. I say I'm Lt. Col. Mike Drowley and I'm an airman, thank you.