The Worst Dating Show Contestant On TV (The Bachelorette)Feb 27, 2020
hi im jarvis j. a youtuber from san francisco california and honestly i just hope i find love oh man this is a youtube video yeah i should get this accent off a lot better its so much better looks like someone i was trying to buy dwayne johnson on wish today we are going to talk about
bachelorettewhich is a marriage game
showwhere you are a true love that cannot be now. I spoke earlier about The Bachelor, which is the exact same
showwith the gender swapped, but just in case. you missed that all you really need to know is that thirty handpicked copies of the exact same person are vying for the love of someone they've known for nine weeks last time our star was Colton, a 26 year old unemployed virgin and ended up with him getting rejected for his final selection and running away yeah thats really what happened he just jumped over the fence anyway the bachelor and the
bachelorettehave this symbiotic relationship where someone who doesnt earn a bachelor becomes the Bachelorette. and vice versa and as such this season our star is one of the two girls from Alabama named Hannah for the exploding season specifically Hannah beat but because the other hand still exists in the Bachelor Cinematic Universe it is expected that the let's call Hannah Hannah B the all the time the bachelor just finished last week and it was goofy I thought last season was goofy but this season was goofy this is the definition of a psychopath who is the complete opposite of me , so that's what we're going to talk about today because that's all I can think of, you would think that a show about marriage would have
contestants worthy of marriage, right, that's reasonable to think that no, with very few exceptions, the guys on the show are that bad and also very goofy like you have Hannah, who is this very genuine and joyous person who had her heart broken last season by Colton, who randomly introduced her to his family very t early on the show and then he cut her out and i don't know i'm there so now i Hannah shot love and they surround her with the
worstguys in the world Hannah this package is complete without you.
The Bachelor is apparently known for its scary intro. I don't break character for much longer than necessary and he's lazy and this season is no exception because the creep started before the show did. Few dudes like to tease the new season, the first of which introduced himself by rapping. I just wanted to say that when they said it was you, it was a pleasant surprise. Now stand here. Look you directly in the eyes. I mean everyone aboard Hot Mess Express. This is Cam and he's the first sex guide hunk I want to talk about today. In Kim's official bio for the show, he is identified as the life of the party.
Is this kind of life because I would like to avoid those parties? He also says that he can freestyle rap about anything. I mean, maybe he can freestyle rap, but he should take my hand and let's go for a walk. This is the one time and Aggies is going to say it's time to roll and for some strange reason Hannah really likes him so when it comes time to formally introduce him on the show he raps again. I have to keep the new lock and get out of the limo. Demo is a guys cam and I'm back on the mic.
I'm trying to live like I'm living the exaggeration or understanding way. Kim's pun is enough to propel him to the finale of the show. Just kidding, they remove it quickly, but oh well. not all guys are bad there's Mike Navy's vet who is funny and good and by far the best person on the show isn't he also the most obvious choice to become the next bachelor because of course he's not win the program how is it? a good person, then have Tyler see a 26-year-old contractor from Jupiter Florida, who takes care of his sick father and is also chiseled in stone.
I'm pretty sure Tyler came out of the season more popular than the Bachelorette itself to cast another goofball. There's John Paul Jones, a human Pokémon who is only capable. to say his own name my name is John Paul Jones my friends call me John Paul Jones so you can call me John Paul Jones what a lovely mean person back to serious candidates we have Peter a sentimental pilot who He also fucks well, but we. I'll talk about him later, unfortunately I don't have time to introduce you to all the candidates because there are 30 of them, but luckily for me, neither did Bachelorette because most of these guys never get screen time, they regularly cut a guy, but you've never seen before in your life only to find out they're going to delete it this week Hannah gentlemen it's the last rose tonight when you're ready john paul james who is this guy like he's been there the whole time just ki dding that's not a
contestanton Absolutely that's the youtuber Danny Gonzalez he's not single he's married but you get what I mean though he just blends in well you can go now thanks Danny even the favorite and eventual winner of the show who we have hasn't spoken to yet barely has screen time because this random guy oh sorry the villain dominates the whole season did i say spoiler alert but spoiler alert?
These episodes last about two hours. this guy taking up all the airtime you asked about is a seven foot hero Adonis whose good looks and wit put him so far ahead of the competition you wonder why they didn't end the show after episode 1 or he's a villainous mastermind who uses superior intellect and cunning to maneuver his way into Hannah's heart and a good heart, nor is he a five nine bible study leader with an anger management problem in high Napoleon energy, he also seems a bitmoji he looks like a bitmoji I don't know who said this at first but I think I read it on Twitter but it's true oh and his name is Luke P because of course he's Luke P from what I can tell , has no redeeming qualities other than the fact that it's religious and I guess Hanna likes that because she manages to make it to the fuller ending, even though being super manipulative and horrible told you nothing with her first yes yes never I would lie to you, I lied to you bold he's not even like a good villain everyone loves to hate like plankton or squidward look I don't know many villains but this guy is just a manipulative pushy boy but he uses the fact that he and Hannah are religious to protect you from any criticism.
I give some examples of why Luke P is dumb and mean, I hope so, because that's what I'm going to do, stick around for that to happen right now. Number one, he looks like a bitmoji. some reason to play rugby obviously f I forgot a lot of details but Luke Peters randomly punches this cute little golden doodle of a person. He's the kind of person you might like. God forbid me. right here in the background also they were definitely added like a hit sound effect from an action movie and then Luke P tries to make it sound like he was defending himself from Luke s oh by the way they are both called Lucas from the way you think . that you feel like you're the cause of us not being the happiest right now, actually, I'm not the cause or obviously his defense doesn't work with any of the guys because this widower means no harm and to me he really I would.
I thought he was defending me because he pulls you defending yourself against Lopez except somehow it works with Hannah and she sides with him and takes out the other guy number three when Hannah finally takes out the bitmoji man he decides not to respect her wishes when she says yes, no, and just walks back to the set. I didn't get a rose, but Hannah says that she still wants her to be here. How is that allowed? The producers wanted some drama. someone's lap it's very strange what's here this is a bunch of nonsense look at that yeah i don't know what the hell this is he gets irritated so easily everyone starts trolling him it's great she asked me what was going on lately you're a bezel I'm a weasel weasel or a snake is the best way to become a snake yeah yeah really psycho Luke the snake man I think I've been honest with Hanna and you're not going to mess it up, okay? number five Luke is finally eliminated during the fantasy suites which is supposed to be when all the couples how should I say 'inc-chicka-wow-wow' and Luke in the infinite wisdom of him tells Hanna that he doesn't should she sleep with any of the other guys?
I just want to make sure that it's not going to be you k now sexually intimate with you know the other relationships here because it's not what a good Christian girl would do if you told me you're having sex or had sex with one or more of these guys I would want go home and then Hanna says wait what and Lucas says yeah remember how I'm super controlling and use my religion as a weapon. I'm doing that right now that's what I'm doing and then Hanna says oh wait I'm not realizing right now that I don't really like that and she tries to take it down I don't want you to be my husband wait please and then Luke B is as he remembers how it is that I don't leave when you tell me - because I don't respect you or your limits, besides, I'm five nine and every time I instigate something with one of the other guys, they stand up to reveal what overcome that I am physically.
I'm also a bad rep for short kings everywhere yeah that's me and then hanna is good me and peter are going to windmill twice and then and i'm not kidding the bar i was in blew up in cheers and by the way after this happened if they had a live show where people were wearing windmill merch that's weird but hey Luke P was finally beaten just kidding he came back again and I thought afterwards to send me in the van that there's no way I'd want to be with her anymore uh yeah what a weird thought to have after the last thing she said to me and she's sadly wrong if anyone else has serial killer vibes like he ain't this is not like a movie villain sadly wrong she doesn't realize i still love her no she knows she doesn't know she doesn't know yet but i'm on my way and i'm coming someone call the police if you imagine. you like to open you pick up your phone you have a text from this guy it's like you're not expecting it but i'm coming that's like a threat that's bullying this shouldn't be like a drama i want to show him how serious i am about this and then He just happens to have an engagement.
It sounds like the producers didn't give it to him for the shot. I'm going to need you to look directly into the camera as if you were filming this yourself even though we have a camera crew here and why not? You don't just give us your dentist's craziest eyes, yeah, that's perfect, oh, and take this ring. the show keeps playing with it like it's not as serious as they got him a van that gave him a ring they took him here they told him when filming he didn't like it he just didn't go in without me I'm just going to do a little supercut of him holding his ground because I don't even want to make fun of it because it's so annoying, go Hannah, I'll stay here all day until you know it's not me.
I need clarity right now I won't leave until I at least have some closure you will leave because I already sent you home The work of our relationships is through communication, well you and listen. I am on the positive side. I guess Hannah will have another moment like she completely shuts him down. So the guys who are all you know, bigger, taller than him finally step in and he seems so confused as to what the problem is: put your hands on yeah what you gonna do Hanna yeah what you want , what do you mean, what do you want, she has been eliminated twice, this is so stupid, it's all up to you, no. not honestly because she's dated like a million times and the other night it was clear that there's something unsettling to me about the fact that we keep subjecting Hanna to all these guys who just put her in these ridiculous and emotionally manipulative ways. situations so it could be the most dramatic season yet or whatever, like Hanna posted on Instagram stories of her that when she got overwhelmed, she'd just stare at a wall and like the image was pretty funny. d I'm glad she can take it lightly but this is really dark and then the show finally realizes that everyone hated that guy and is also complicit in tolerating toxic behavior from her all season long.
Q&A with Chris Harrison the nine thousand year old Time Lord who hosts the show if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing nothing where the guy can't even answer simple yes or no questions is that the kind of woman I want is someone you can put on the shelf in a glass cabinet and hold down when you need it the last thing i want and the last thing i will do is control a woman even though a man is supposed to lead and the woman in the relationship oh there he's there and then they bring out the rest of the guys to destroy Luke one by one Luke, we didn't have any immediate drama you and me, but I for one am thankful for you because you're making me look like a fucking saint and it's very cathartic, but no we should have come to this place as Luke asks him hey why did you lie toHanna on me and you effectively ended my time on the show, well why did you do that? he just shuts down completely because the answer is that he's a horrible person.
I feel like Luke hasn't learned anything at all. I think you're a curmudgeonly narcissistic misogynist. Mike dusted off the office thesaurus before he left. The
worstpart of this is that Hannah. she walks out and feels like she has to apologize for Luke P like it's her fault. I just want to say single. Sorry, you hate to watch it, so with Luke beaten, only our final three remain. Peter, the pilot, Tyler sees. the perfect thing about Jed, the musician in quotes, slash Megamind is that body shame. I feel like I can say that because I have five heads too so before we jump into the jed saga they take out peter it's so sad that he did.
Hanna on a plane took her to her hometown and introduced her to her family, each member of which cried independently which is adorable, they share a meal which starts of course with yelling in German and at the end Peter was too good at sex, so he gets eliminated and is then forced to do an interview. with Android 16 who tried very hard to convince us that he understands human emotions I see the tears in your eyes I see I look around this studio The audience cries and cries and your mom and dad Your brother cries and I can see the emotion on your face and then they also brought his family in presumably to see if they could make them cry and Chris Harrison slowly but surely developing self-awareness, dare I say it's the most dramatic season in paradise, that's right, I told you. nothing goes from implying that they shouldn't talk about sex in front of Peter's mother.
Peter's mom is there to say that her dad should be proud of how good a son is at sex in about five seconds. Peter's father breastfeeds her. it's swollen it's the old fashioned kind of show this is anyway now it's up to tyler to see who needs i remember you it's literally perfect and on jet so let's get into jet we have to believe jet is a musician because he's literally one of the only things who speaks throughout the season. I am a musician and composer. He's singing songs at every opportunity and then, and they're also bad.
I want to enter. Why did they put us through this? There's definitely a double standard to how much this guy is promoting himself because very early on in the show, right after Luke Peabody blasted man's best friend bless his little heart, Luke Pete told Hannah that Luke was just in the program for his tequila business as if he were always talking about his brand and his liquor. company and I never heard him talk about you which is true because he never talked about it and it doesn't exist either which isn't even a business yet but they cut it because that's unacceptable whereas Jed who is literally singing and playing the guitar every waking moment has a meeting with Hannah where you're usually supposed to share something very personal like opening up or whatever about some difficulty The bachelor is very formulaic this is a difficult conversation I'm sorry in the The disturbing story that Jed chooses telling is how she initially got on the show, wait for it for her music career, this is like a great platform, but then boy, did she fall in love.
He was open to the idea because I love, love, love, love. mind you and now he's just here for love he's not here anymore for his music career no no way just love and Hannah is great thanks for being honest all season everyone on every corner tells Hannah that Jed is only here for his music career, including his family. I mean, it's a dream way to date, yeah, and I know Jed's just another guy, but he's not. You feel like Jed would be at a point in his life where he'd be ready for it he wouldn't know how before just because he's a musician yeah you don't care about a diploma mmm-hmm to be a musician well that's not true . that worries you at all like he can't fully focus on his music making music makes him so happy and he honestly likes that he falls in love with you i'm like and i'm not sure it's a good thing this doesn't give a shit and then Hanna's family knows Jen and they hate it too, oh how do you feel about me and Jen together?
He has qualities, and for some reason, all Hanna wants to talk about is how they're going to make money like he's not. he's going to use his millions of instagram followers to sell subscription vitamins, but even so the man of the house still has his obligations to someone, he should tell these people about influencer marketing. Through these conversations with Hanna's family, we learn that Jed's claim to fame is to be expected. a dog food jingl You know at this point, my biggest achievement is that I signed a contract with a dog food company. Don't worry about my ability to care for your daughter. up to something edible i mentioned his spotify which has a whopping 30k subscribers which caught my eye when danny gonzales who was a contestant on The Bachelorette tweeted about this he only has three songs and hasn't released anything since The came out Bachelor.
Shouldn't he be trying to take advantage of this, not like he's his manager or something? But it seems like a missed opportunity. Somehow none of this deters Hannah and she makes it to the bottom two where Hannah turns down Tyler, who is perfect in Jed. who walks onstage with guitar in hand proposes with a song and it's the most embarrassing thing in the world after all you've been through and you still win i'm engaged you're engaged ring we're engaged together Wow we're messing up ied Alexa, what? What do you think about this? It can only be described as embarrassing, huh?
What's that? It is an ending that no one expected less than anything. from someone claiming to be Jed's girlfriend where she details how she got on the show for her music career, despite their very serious relationship he upstaged her to be on the show and the show suddenly switches to a Shane documentary Dawson where we now is like airing dirty laundry on this couple in public and now it's suddenly clear that this guy only cares about himself. He didn't have a girlfriend, although it didn't feel like a relationship to me. they weren't
dating, but then he goes on to say that they took several trips together he had met her family her parents had gotten her a trip to the Bahamas for her birthday and I told her I loved her we only went out a couple of times but she threw me a party birthday surprise his parents bought us a trip to the bahamas together it's a perfectly normal thing what else oh i also told him i love her but i'm not that proud of it he's so bad acting one you don't like the crown camera let's be realistic too, so what do you mean this whole show is about crying on camera?
Do you think crying on camera will make you look worse? these ridiculous things that have happened since the show ended like jed has been bragging to his friends that he won the show instead of saying i don't know saying you're engaged to the love of your life i got engaged to someone i love who is a better way of saying it also some random models showed up in his hotel room and he parted ways with him yeah we didn't even know who they were well uther man pool did so how to be on things when he went to the shows easy didn't he broke up with her it's hard for me i ended up in my heart not much i know so they broke up and then they have to do what The Bachelor does and have a live show where they bring out Jed and the best part it's how awkward the lack of applause is when he leaves, ladies and gentlemen, Jed so it sucks, but then they bring Tyler out and allude to a possible revival of their romance.
You just asked Tyler out one day and I don't think anyone told Chris Harrison that the show ended because he keeps trying to embedding himself? in their personal lives, so just so we're clear we're going to try, not Chris Harrison, they're going to try to piss. I think I speak for everyone when we can send this to you for the show to end. tyler and hannah finally get together um probably not because tyler likes to date gigi hadid now or something the reason he wanted to talk about this show is he likes to pretend it's like helping these good old fashioned people find the love but in practice it's just another reality show in fact it's probably more dishonest because at least Real Housewives knows what it is and isn't trying to present it as something more polished. the ways people don't get married on the marriage game show I think the show is fun to watch mostly because of the community around the show and the content around the show rather than liking the show itself.
I also think they like it. to get better because they like to act like they're in on the joke but if you look at Luke Peace's toxic behavior for an entire season it just seems pretty lacking in self-awareness to me like they definitely spent a lot of time towards the end going back on the initial decisions they made and trying to like Luke's piss and Jed for being horrible people but maybe they just don't have them in the first place next time that's an idea so where ? we do g From here I for one will catch up on Bachelor in Paradise now that I'm done with this video and patiently wait for Mike to be announced as the next Bachelor, also his last name is Johnson but unrelated.
Thanks. Thanks to everyone who did the poll I posted a while back, but specifically thanks to Leilani V for the MT whoo song. I have no idea if I'm saying that, if you want me to kill your name. your name follow me on instagram and message me about it and tell me what to kill and follow me because if you don't follow me i just wanna thank you oh and another update is i've been traveling a lot and kind of stressed about things i'm moving very soon so i'm I'll take a break for a few weeks after this video and then I'll be back with the same or lower quality as before, see ya
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